Wrapped up in the middle of a staring crowd

[Jamila]

When I feel overstimulated, I feel like a bat trying to enjoy something but then, I feel that my feelings are just getting worse and worse until I just bundle into my wings and start to cry but keep my crying private.

People are near me, they are looking at me, people are staring into a part of me, the back of my neck and my long beautiful, blonde, braided hair, idk why but about 90% of the time, I realized I wasn't getting staired at.

If the people who overstimulated me are next to me, I just feel like they are starting at me or they feel like laughing

When someone comes up to me and approaches me, I just feel like I can't speak but don't want to look at them in the eyes either

I don't want to get a hug, I don't want anyone looking at me, I-I .. Just can't deal with it

I just want all the sarcasm to stop

 

[Au Naturel]

They aren't stimulating you and nobody is staring. You are stimulating yourself. I would see a therapist about this.

 

[Kalinychta]

Are you describing a meltdown, Jamila?

 

[Luca]

I have PTSD. I sometimes think people are staring at me or laughing at me because at one point in my life that was actually true.
I agree with Kalinychta though. It sounds like a meltdown, maybe?

 

[Jamila]

They aren't stimulating you and nobody is staring. You are stimulating yourself. I would see a therapist about this.

Oh, what would this be ?

 

[Jamila]

Are you describing a meltdown, Jamila?

I think, I can't tell what it really was but I kinda can, sometimes its hard for me to tell accurately 100% on how I'm feeling

 

[Jamila]

I have PTSD. I sometimes think people are staring at me or laughing at me because at one point in my life that was actually true.
I agree with Kalinychta though. It sounds like a meltdown, maybe?

I have been traumatized too but I don't know if I have PTSD or not but something happened .. I am trying to heal it now by whenever I see someone with their mother or some daughterhood-motherhood moment, I say in my head " It has NOTHING to do with me " and it actually helps. I am still traumatized but it helps me cope with her not being here with me present.

Maybe, that actually sounded like it could explain it, maybe I was having a meltdown but I just don't know it

 

[Luca]

I have been traumatized too but I don't know if I have PTSD or not but something happened .. I am trying to heal it now by whenever I see someone with their mother or some daughterhood-motherhood moment, I say in my head " It has NOTHING to do with me " and it actually helps. I am still traumatized but it helps me cope with her not being here with me present.

Maybe, that actually sounded like it could explain it, maybe I was having a meltdown but I just don't know it

Have you brought this up to a therapist or a doctor? We can’t diagnose you on this site but we can recommend resources that might help.
I have specific triggers with my trauma issues too. It can help to remind yourself that it doesn’t have to do with you or that it isn’t currently happening. But sometimes it helps to talk to someone about what the trigger is and why it comes up.

Here are some resources for people struggling with trauma issues

Best PTSD Resources You Can Find Online

Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to, Jamila?

 

[Aspychata]

This can be the answer to go for some therapy. They will ask you to breakdown the over stimulation into parts. Is it when you are outside, near a certain number of people, when you don't have sleep, when you see someone who triggers you and you think of your mom? If you know your triggers for feeling over stimulated , the therapist can work with you. Maybe a small journal to keep track of this as it comes up.

But you are trying to resolve this. That's great. Working on this will improve your quality of life. PTSD is a tough issue. I am still working thru this, but l break down all the events around me and anticipate and handle much more stimulation, even idiotic events. Lol

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

My social anxiety made me feel constantly judged. Then I realized that I was too self absorbed and was just not that important. That perspective helped me a lot.

 

[Aspychata]

My social anxiety made me feel constantly judged. Then I realized that I was too self absorbed and was just not that important. That perspective helped me a lot.

This is a huge indicator of being spectrum pods, despite having excellent analytical skills , we have Mr Bean social skills. Just watching the Pink Panther last nite, totally identifying with Inspector Cousteau. I defintely attach less importance to what others think. Today l hung a hanging plant outside my home in my jammie bottoms. But they sorta pass for pants. We need to shrug off who what where. We need to concentrate on our necessities of life.

 

[Au Naturel]

Oh, what would this be ?

PTSD happens when your amygdala has associated something with a traumatic event in the past. (That's the "reptile" corner of your brain where the most basic emotions and instincts lie. Hate, fear, lust, and others.) If you burn your finger on a hot stove and you are instinctively cautious about hot things from then on, that's the amygdala doing what it is supposed to.

The thing you associate the trauma with might be itself harmless yet the trauma might have been terrible. Reliving the trauma leads to all the physical and psychological symptoms. It is on the same level as a conditioned reflex. Like maybe a bell rings and something really bad that happened in the past that happened to have a ringing bell somewhere in it is remembered. A bell doesn't have any inherent reaction attached beyond maybe "Hmmm. What was that?" You're not reacting to the bell, you are reacting to memories that have become attached to the bell.

Therapy does not consist of eliminating bells from your life. There are two main approaches. One is to reassign bell ringing with something nice. One way they do that for soldiers with combat PTSD is by having them play video games that gradually become more realistic. By the time you get up to first person shooters, the PTSD response is pretty much extinct. I'm not sure that would work for you.

The other thing to be done is to help the patient to accept the memory and take away the extreme emotional baggage from it. You want to get to a point where you can remember the whole thing perfectly and say, "Yup. That happened. A terrible terrible thing. But it is in the past and I am no longer in the past.

I have my own trauma and I have taken both approaches. They work if you can let them.

In your case, simply knowing that someone is in the back of you kicks in that memory. You can overcome this by getting used to good things happening when someone stands behind you. You can overcome this by accepting what happened in the past and putting it behind you.

There is also a third option of learning not to care if someone did stand behind you and laugh. (Another approach that has helped me.) That's a philosophy - not really a therapy - and most people don't do philosophy. In any case, you probably don't want to tackle this alone so a mental health professional specializing in PTSD should be your first stop.

There's also Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) which seems to have come into vogue very recently. I have no direct knowledge of them. The Veterans Administration accepts it.

Here's a really good book you should read about PTSD and how some people overcame it:

Surviving Survival: The Art and Science of Resilience by Laurence Gonzales

 

[Fino]

Adorable toaster!

 

[Crossbreed]

...people are staring into a part of me, the back of my neck and my long beautiful, blonde, braided hair,...

If your braid is flattering, I would think, "Nice hair,*" but I wouldn't have any ill thoughts toward you.

Your thread title reminded me of,...

Stuck In The Middle With You, Stealers Wheel (1972)

*Some of my "ladies" wear braids.

 

[Jamila]

Have you brought this up to a therapist or a doctor? We can’t diagnose you on this site but we can recommend resources that might help.
I have specific triggers with my trauma issues too. It can help to remind yourself that it doesn’t have to do with you or that it isn’t currently happening. But sometimes it helps to talk to someone about what the trigger is and why it comes up.

Here are some resources for people struggling with trauma issues

Best PTSD Resources You Can Find Online

Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to, Jamila?

Yes, my dad offered to talk to me and no, I do not have a therapist yet, finding a therapist where I'm at is so hard

Thank you so much ! I am so glad you are offering help to me, not everyone is bold to do that <3

 

[Jamila]

This can be the answer to go for some therapy. They will ask you to breakdown the over stimulation into parts. Is it when you are outside, near a certain number of people, when you don't have sleep, when you see someone who triggers you and you think of your mom? If you know your triggers for feeling over stimulated , the therapist can work with you. Maybe a small journal to keep track of this as it comes up.

But you are trying to resolve this. That's great. Working on this will improve your quality of life. PTSD is a tough issue. I am still working thru this, but l break down all the events around me and anticipate and handle much more stimulation, even idiotic events. Lol

It can happen anytime, even out of the blue.
Its scary but true

I have a notebook to write down in but not for journaling

I don't have PTSD but I am traumatized but I have worked on parts of my trauma with other ppl and some or a teacher(s) before back in High School

 

[Jamila]

My social anxiety made me feel constantly judged. Then I realized that I was too self absorbed and was just not that important. That perspective helped me a lot.

I see, I am trying to help an area of my trauma by trying not to have hyperviligance alot

I think that is a good job that you are taking care of yourself, amazing bravery

 

[Jamila]

PTSD happens when your amygdala has associated something with a traumatic event in the past. (That's the "reptile" corner of your brain where the most basic emotions and instincts lie. Hate, fear, lust, and others.) If you burn your finger on a hot stove and you are instinctively cautious about hot things from then on, that's the amygdala doing what it is supposed to.

The thing you associate the trauma with might be itself harmless yet the trauma might have been terrible. Reliving the trauma leads to all the physical and psychological symptoms. It is on the same level as a conditioned reflex. Like maybe a bell rings and something really bad that happened in the past that happened to have a ringing bell somewhere in it is remembered. A bell doesn't have any inherent reaction attached beyond maybe "Hmmm. What was that?" You're not reacting to the bell, you are reacting to memories that have become attached to the bell.

Therapy does not consist of eliminating bells from your life. There are two main approaches. One is to reassign bell ringing with something nice. One way they do that for soldiers with combat PTSD is by having them play video games that gradually become more realistic. By the time you get up to first person shooters, the PTSD response is pretty much extinct. I'm not sure that would work for you.

The other thing to be done is to help the patient to accept the memory and take away the extreme emotional baggage from it. You want to get to a point where you can remember the whole thing perfectly and say, "Yup. That happened. A terrible terrible thing. But it is in the past and I am no longer in the past.

I have my own trauma and I have taken both approaches. They work if you can let them.

In your case, simply knowing that someone is in the back of you kicks in that memory. You can overcome this by getting used to good things happening when someone stands behind you. You can overcome this by accepting what happened in the past and putting it behind you.

There is also a third option of learning not to care if someone did stand behind you and laugh. (Another approach that has helped me.) That's a philosophy - not really a therapy - and most people don't do philosophy. In any case, you probably don't want to tackle this alone so a mental health professional specializing in PTSD should be your first stop.

There's also Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) which seems to have come into vogue very recently. I have no direct knowledge of them. The Veterans Administration accepts it.

Here's a really good book you should read about PTSD and how some people overcame it:

Surviving Survival: The Art and Science of Resilience by Laurence Gonzales

Wow, that is alot of help, you are amazing

I am doing some of those methods but I never thought about the training with the bell thing

Even the thing with the video games but that is so amazing, you are very kind ,

 

[Jamila]

Adorable toaster!

Thank u !

I got this from Google Images but I'm very obsessed with the movie " The Brave Little Toaster "

 

[Jamila]

If your braid is flattering, I would think, "Nice hair,*" but I wouldn't have any ill thoughts toward you.

Your thread title reminded me of,...

Stuck In The Middle With You, Stealers Wheel (1972)

*Some of my "ladies" wear braids.

Yea, I French braid my own hair alot

It is very good and it goes with my face shape and style alot

My style is mixed with some subcultures from Japan and European ones too, even got ones from some styles from Russia a year ago

I wear 1 braid and my hair is blonde