Working full time

[Rainbaby]

hi all,
I have been thinking recently about how difficult it has been to work m-f 8-5 type jobs in my experience. My first job was in retail, which meant different hours than most people, and generally fewer than 40 hours a week. Then I graduated college, and did what was expected of me, which was to get a full time job.

I began feeling trapped, and quit after three months. Got another job and the trapped feeling popped up again. I asked to be transferred to a lower stress department, which was technically a demotion, and had a lot of questions from confused coworkers. Got laid off, got another m-f job, three months later, I quit. After that, I did temp work for about 4 years, and I was pretty happy.

Then, my favorite to job wanted to hire me. The hours were Monday, Wednesday, Friday and I was the happiest I had been in a long time. About a year later, they asked me to go every day, and I said yes. I actually really like the job, so I lasted about two years. Then one day I broke. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I asked my manager how realistic it would be for me to take Wednesdays off, and she actually said ok. This frees me up to go out in public, shop, and do things without feeling overwhelmed.

I’ve never formally been diagnosed with Asperger’s, so there’s always this little voice telling me I’m just lazy. But i see so many similarities in my work pattern and my friend who has been diagnosed.

Anyway, I know that was a novel, but wanted to see if anyone could relate.

 

[Fino]

I've worked about ten jobs because I can't stand them quickly. The longest I've lasted is also two years, and I've done that twice! Most were less than six months and almost all were less than a year. Life becomes endless and pointless when it's lived like that, in my opinion.

 

[Rainbaby]

I've worked about ten jobs because I can't stand them quickly. The longest I've lasted is also two years, and I've done that twice! Most were less than six months and almost all were less than a year. Life becomes endless and pointless when it's lived like that, in my opinion.

I kind of came to the realization that I was literally only trying to do the 8-5 dance because it’s what was expected of me as a college graduate. When I was working roughly 30 hours a week in temp work, I was my happiest. I just felt like I shouldn’t be happy. I should always be looking for something “better”. Feeling trapped is a common anxiety of mine. And the thought, even subconsciously, that it’s this job, every day, forever. It makes me flee one way or another every time.

 

[Fino]

I've found that one of the benefits of being ostracized or singled out from an early age, generally speaking, is that being forced away from general society also frees us from it, if we let it, if we resist the urge to instead look after it with envy and bitterness.

 

[Progster]

My jobs have never been 8 hours a day type jobs, mostly 5 or 6 hours a day plus some extra work at home, but I think I would struggle long term with such a job. 8 hours seems such a long time to be in one place, at one desk, every day. I spend a lot of time at my desk at home too, but at least I have no boss, no co-workers, nobody watching me. I can take breaks when I want, and can mostly organise my timetable as I wish. I like this freedom, helps a lot.

 

[Suzanne]

I have had a few full time jobs in my life and yes, that is how it felt: trapped. I so wanted and still do, to be like most who say: that is just the way life is. But, the very notion of going to work and well socialising, causes such severe anxiety, that I am useless.

My therapist said that due to what is going on with me, that no employer would want to employ me, even under the umbrella of disabled and to be honest, that is a relief to me; not because I do not want to work, but because of the panic and disorination I would get.

Also, my husband would expect me to do my duties at home and I cannot do both.

 

[Monachopia]

I had two jobs in my life and went to university 3 times. I found that both jobs - I couldn't last more than a year. One was a part-time retail job with a lot of travel. It was boring - I got very antsy and just couldn't stand the simplicity.

The second job was also retail - but 42 hours a week in a very busy toy/trinkets shop to the point that there was no time to relax at any point. The weekend was split into Wednesday and Saturday as off days, which meant I was permanently exhausted and couldn't do anything I wanted to do in hobbies/interests. I didn't know I had ASD then, but I realised that I was bored again. It felt pointless and never ending. Social anxiety was on and off - partly I was learning how to talk, but also realising how I'll never be able to talk like the rest of the people there no matter how hard I tried. By the end I got so stressed that I started smoking again after 6 years of being a non-smoker.

I guess to counteract the fact that I can't stand to be in one job for longer than a year I've gone to University 3 times successfully and studied for another diploma that I didn't finish. University - while hard work, at least it's variable and the schedule isn't as rigid as work hours. Of course the downside is, I don't get paid to study.

 

[Creep]

My longest lasting full-time job was doing data entry a few years ago. Now I am biding my time until a part-time position opens where I volunteer. My plan is to grab the lowest rung on the ladder & hold on tight.

 

[Rainbaby]

I feel like so many NT people do not understand why some of us do things like prefer to work part time, or work in a lower level position. They think we're lazy, and that we'll get bored. The thing is, I never do. As long as I have a good playlist, I can do things like data entry for hours on end and actually enjoy myself. I'm really trying to get over feeling guilty for needing things like a day off in the middle of the week. It makes me feel lesser. But I'm trying to make peace with the fact that my brain doesn't work the way most people in the office does.

 

[clg114]

I feel like so many NT people do not understand why some of us do things like prefer to work part time, or work in a lower level position. They think we're lazy, and that we'll get bored. The thing is, I never do. As long as I have a good playlist, I can do things like data entry for hours on end and actually enjoy myself. I'm really trying to get over feeling guilty for needing things like a day off in the middle of the week. It makes me feel lesser. But I'm trying to make peace with the fact that my brain doesn't work the way most people in the office does.

This is exactly why I very rarely tell anyone about my Asperger's. They will not understand and it is bizarre what some of them will think.

I think that it is very important to work at something that you enjoy or at least can tolerate until you can find a better job. I believe that what you are doing is just that. No need to feel guilty about that.

You are right about your brain not working like most other people. Think about it like this, we process information differently. In some ways, not as well as others. In other ways, a lot better than others.

 

[tducey]

I've worked in the past and have liked it. Great to get out of the house and be with people. At work though I like sticking to myself in my own office and working at my own pace.

 

[Mary R]

Can relate.

When I worked full time in the past I was exhausted all the time and spent weekends sleeping or doing chores. I had no energy left to do the things I enjoy. I usually ended up burning out and having to stop working completely for awhile.

Working part-time is easier. The frustrating thing though is that people seem to judge me for not working more hours and seem to think I'm just lazy. I find it difficult to explain to people why full-time work is too much for me.

 

[Bolletje]

I’ve found that working full-time works well for me. I’m happier and healthier when I have my days scheduled out and full of purpose.
Working part-time doesn’t work as well for me because I often don’t know what to do with my free time, or (even less productive) I start drinking excessively on my days off and need my work days to recover.

 

[Baeraad]

Yeah... I work 80%, about six and a half hours per day, and honestly, even that feels like too much. But less than that and I'd have to start squeezing every penny until it bled, which is stressful in its own way.

I work the occasional regular 8-hour day, but after that I'm effectively dead, and stay that way for several days after. I don't think it'd be sustainable in the long run.

 

[Kirsty]

I’ve found that working full-time works well for me. I’m happier and healthier when I have my days scheduled out and full of purpose.
Working part-time doesn’t work as well for me because I often don’t know what to do with my free time, or (even less productive)

Same. What I do miss while still working part time is having someone around to love and be there for me on my days off. Working full time was my old way of coping with loneliness; now I know I need someone, but I’ve been hurt since letting someone in so I’m on my own again.