Work on retail they said..you'll develop skills they said..

[OnyxM]

YAYAYYYY social infested jobs, people focussed fast paced work environments!!!!!! Best medicine for all of us folks with autism or autism+ADD or both or even with those with social anxiety..go to them they said, work there and you'll acquire skills and learn to manage your anxiety and your fears and your problem with attention and your brain, blah blah blah blah..
Nah...I've tried such jobs so many times..in fact by the time I graduated till now, these jobs are most of what I've worked on because where I live economy isn;t good and the options are extremely limited so naturally I've forced myself to try retail jobs more than I'd ever wanted to. Did I actually gain any skills? I won't be unfair, I did manage to talk to people a bit more comfortably but I wouldn't say this is entirely due to those jobs, but they did help a bit that's certain.

But did I manage my anxiety? No.
Did I learn how to focus more???? No. It's not like these jobs can 'take the ADHD off' of you or teach you suddenly how to work your brain. I can PRETEND to 'focus' more while ON the job for the simply reason that during work, I basically function like a numb robot programmed with specific commands just to get by and finish my work hours. But that's all.
Did I manage to seem less scatterbrained, dumb or awkward? NO.

Most of what I got from these jobs was my new 'skill' at job hopping on an almost regular basis because I can't stand them for more than a few months maximum.

I don't know if there are people out there autistics with adhd too who succeed in these things but I definitely don't belong in the 'successful' category. In fact I keep feeling that my life is being wasted and slipping right off my fingers and I'm still the same person as I was years ago, with the same challenges and the feeling of being utterly useless.

Sorry for the rant..

 

[Amy Stone]

I don't know your situation, but have you considered remote work?

 

[watersprite]

It’s a good rant.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Get your typing and 10-key speed up, and look for data entry jobs.

 

[Wolfsage]

Add fast food jobs to that list.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

YAYAYYYY social infested jobs, people focussed fast paced work environments!!!!!! Best medicine for all of us folks with autism or autism+ADD or both or even with those with social anxiety..go to them they said, work there and you'll acquire skills and learn to manage your anxiety and your fears and your problem with attention and your brain, blah blah blah blah..
Nah...I've tried such jobs so many times..in fact by the time I graduated till now, these jobs are most of what I've worked on because where I live economy isn;t good and the options are extremely limited so naturally I've forced myself to try retail jobs more than I'd ever wanted to. Did I actually gain any skills? I won't be unfair, I did manage to talk to people a bit more comfortably but I wouldn't say this is entirely due to those jobs, but they did help a bit that's certain.

But did I manage my anxiety? No.
Did I learn how to focus more???? No. It's not like these jobs can 'take the ADHD off' of you or teach you suddenly how to work your brain. I can PRETEND to 'focus' more while ON the job for the simply reason that during work, I basically function like a numb robot programmed with specific commands just to get by and finish my work hours. But that's all.
Did I manage to seem less scatterbrained, dumb or awkward? NO.

Most of what I got from these jobs was my new 'skill' at job hopping on an almost regular basis because I can't stand them for more than a few months maximum.

I don't know if there are people out there autistics with adhd too who succeed in these things but I definitely don't belong in the 'successful' category. In fact I keep feeling that my life is being wasted and slipping right off my fingers and I'm still the same person as I was years ago, with the same challenges and the feeling of being utterly useless.

Sorry for the rant..

It's a fine rant, well done. Maybe broaden the horizons a bit. If you can stand it, these skills don't matter that's not why you want to work. The reason to work is to prove that you can. An easy job proves that you show up sober, get along well with others, try and do well for the outfit you work for

See that's all so you can get a better job later on, like stepping stones across a brook

 

[Fino]

Sounds like you were given a boatload of crappy advice, you followed it, and then you felt crappy.

You are unique. Find the ways and things that work for you.

 

[Aspychata]

My girlfriend had ADHD, she really had a hard time with jobs too. I believe she also had autism because communication was tough for her. I really tried to be a friend because people don't really believe you when you are on the spectrum. She took Ritalin but she could still have a hard time focusing on the task at hand.

 

[Progster]

No. It's not like these jobs can 'take the ADHD off' of you or teach you suddenly how to work your brain.

Yeah, that's like saying that you can somehow be cured of these conditions, where you can't, because it's a cognitive issue, different brain wiring. Just doesn't work. You can't be made to do something your brain just won't do. The best you can do it work on coping strategies or even better, avoid that kind of job entirely.

I have similar problems.

 

[OnyxM]

Yeah, that's like saying that you can somehow be cured of these conditions, where you can't, because it's a cognitive issue, different brain wiring. Just doesn't work. You can't be made to do something your brain just won't do. The best you can do it work on coping strategies or even better, avoid that kind of job entirely.

I have similar problems.

Yea I've tried these jobs many times and honestly I know it's bad 'image' to quit jobs and job hop here and there but at least I did my duty on actually trying them and trying to do them. Maybe other people don't get it and I don't know what to do anymore about it. My brain is so fuzzed up and my psychology is total cr@p, I feel that if I have to go through such things again I will lose it. Avoiding such jobs is the best option because coping strategies without meds are very difficult to find at least for me. My biggest coping strategy during such jobs is to get home during off hours and sleep it off or stare at a screen for 2 hours. I don't even have the energy to develop any interest or even 'do' something to cope.

 

[SDRSpark]

Ugh.

I took a couple of retail jobs because they were the only jobs I could get. (This was before I learned that I was autistic, and I thought my meltdowns were panic attacks because I had never encountered the idea of sensory overload/overwhelm.) I had meltdowns daily, I lived my life in a constant state of barely contained boiling rage, occasionally spilling over into the physical realm. To this day I don't know how I didn't either get seriously injured or dragged off in handcuffs. My meltdowns are violent and self-harming. (And I still haven't been diagnosed. Sigh.)

After that, I'd say "I can't work retail" and my grandad would say "well you never know what you can do until you need to do it to survive" and all I could think was that retail (the fast paced corporate type anyhow) takes me to a place where survival isn't high on my list of priorities...

 

[OnyxM]

Ugh.

I took a couple of retail jobs because they were the only jobs I could get. (This was before I learned that I was autistic, and I thought my meltdowns were panic attacks because I had never encountered the idea of sensory overload/overwhelm.) I had meltdowns daily, I lived my life in a constant state of barely contained boiling rage, occasionally spilling over into the physical realm. To this day I don't know how I didn't either get seriously injured or dragged off in handcuffs. My meltdowns are violent and self-harming. (And I still haven't been diagnosed. Sigh.)

After that, I'd say "I can't work retail" and my grandad would say "well you never know what you can do until you need to do it to survive" and all I could think was that retail (the fast paced corporate type anyhow) takes me to a place where survival isn't high on my list of priorities...

Ik what you mean..and honestly those 'inspirational' quotes are driving me insane. I absolutely loathe them. As if I need anything more to feel useless and degraded. Oh here, take this quote about goals and accomplishment and life blah blah blah. Like seriously these f@cking quotes are getting on my nerves. And people who aren't exactly like me can never possibly get how difficult it is to cope with something that is the entirely opposite of your abilities-limited as they are already. It's like you're telling a dolphin to become a shark just to 'survive' when the dolphin doesn't even know how a shark functions because they are entirely DIFFERENT. But ofc regular people don't get such struggles because even when they do have 'difficulties' all they need to do is read up some well thought poetic quote and they instantly get 'pumped up' and ready to go. They don't have to have panic attacks, daily silent and secret crying fits, suicidal thoughts/ideations or the urge to go dig up some hole and die of starvation just at the thought of being a failure that is just a burden to their family. Not to mention that I have absolutely nobody to talk to in my environment because nobody would understand it and most of them would think it's either an exaggeration or an excuse. I've stopped opening my mouth to 'talk' to people years ago. I'm just so freaking sick and tired of this situation. I like life and I'm not suicidal or anything like that, in fact I'm faithful and my faith has definitely helped me a lot in this, but when my system gets overwhelmed and so stressed, the desperation hits sky heighs and my mind is losing sense real quickly.

 

[Au Naturel]

Retail work is the pits. I could not sell cool water in the desert. My last job went to heck when they started treating tech support as just another opportunity to sell.

For someone solidly on the spectrum, going to work in retail to pick up skills is like telling a short person to play basketball to get taller. It doesn't work. At most, you'll develop even better masking skills. Maybe that's what they meant.

 

[ForestGumpett]

I could sell manure to a cow farmer lol. I’m lonesome, so I’d make friends with everyone and people will buy anything from you if they like you. Honestly I’m so gullible I didn’t get it if you didn’t like me, cause....well, why not right?! Yeah, gullible as heck but people saw this as charming and it worked for me. If you find your nitch then it may be something you really like selling. If it’s something you love then your just telling them the truth and telling them about what you love.

When I got put into computers is when I bit the dust, or anything with math. Art/sales is where I excelled. Each of us have our own strengths - cool!

 

[Au Naturel]

Ik what you mean..and honestly those 'inspirational' quotes are driving me insane. I absolutely loathe them. As if I need anything more to feel useless and degraded. Oh here, take this quote about goals and accomplishment and life blah blah blah. Like seriously these f@cking quotes are getting on my nerves. And people who aren't exactly like me can never possibly get how difficult it is to cope with something that is the entirely opposite of your abilities-limited as they are already. It's like you're telling a dolphin to become a shark just to 'survive' when the dolphin doesn't even know how a shark functions because they are entirely DIFFERENT. But ofc regular people don't get such struggles because even when they do have 'difficulties' all they need to do is read up some well thought poetic quote and they instantly get 'pumped up' and ready to go. They don't have to have panic attacks, daily silent and secret crying fits, suicidal thoughts/ideations or the urge to go dig up some hole and die of starvation just at the thought of being a failure that is just a burden to their family. Not to mention that I have absolutely nobody to talk to in my environment because nobody would understand it and most of them would think it's either an exaggeration or an excuse. I've stopped opening my mouth to 'talk' to people years ago. I'm just so freaking sick and tired of this situation. I like life and I'm not suicidal or anything like that, in fact I'm faithful and my faith has definitely helped me a lot in this, but when my system gets overwhelmed and so stressed, the desperation hits sky heighs and my mind is losing sense real quickly.

The term for them is inspiration porn. There is a whole industry built around the "Power of Positive Thinking" theme. People pay large sums of money to go to motivational speeches and seminars. Businesses like to buy posters and put them up in the workplace.

Some people get all psyched up over them. It must be really cool to think that the whole world spins around your attitude. I guess it can become an addiction/obsession/something.

Most of the time I look at them and think, "Buddy, you have NOT walked in my shoes."

 

[ForestGumpett]

Realized I didn’t offer anything helpful in my post and wish too.

A good job I think that could possibly lead somewhere you like would be to get a job on the low end of the totem pole at a hospital. I worked out of the kitchen and then feeding patients. You don’t have to talk a lot and you will get a lot of smiles!

I mentioned low end not to insult, but if you specialize then you cannot get to see the whole hospital but just a small part - I loved the low end of the totem pole to work, not as stressful either!

Your helping, so it’s rewarding in the first place. You don’t need a degree to wash dishes, deliver food, prepare food, go back and get silverware/butter (whatever is needed).

It’s not like waiting tables, your pay is not due to your being a sugar plumb - folks in hospitals do appreciate anything you do for them because as of the past 20 yrs. staff is cut way back in most hospitals.

*This also gave ME AN OPPORTUNITY! I got to see who did what where and learn where my interest was. Also got to see some amazing things - everyone except the dead in the hospital eats so I got to go from the ER to the Surgery room.


Regarding sales....IMHO, Aspies are too HONEST to do sales unless your selling something you get excited about. Only thing that worked for me was to make it a game. If a person was a jerk, then I’d try to sell them as much as I could so we’d have their money. It was a family business so I got tossed into it - wasn’t a choice but I learned.

 

[Stuart1975]

YAYAYYYY social infested jobs, people focussed fast paced work environments!!!!!! Best medicine for all of us folks with autism or autism+ADD or both or even with those with social anxiety..go to them they said, work there and you'll acquire skills and learn to manage your anxiety and your fears and your problem with attention and your brain, blah blah blah blah..
Nah...I've tried such jobs so many times..in fact by the time I graduated till now, these jobs are most of what I've worked on because where I live economy isn;t good and the options are extremely limited so naturally I've forced myself to try retail jobs more than I'd ever wanted to. Did I actually gain any skills? I won't be unfair, I did manage to talk to people a bit more comfortably but I wouldn't say this is entirely due to those jobs, but they did help a bit that's certain.

But did I manage my anxiety? No.
Did I learn how to focus more???? No. It's not like these jobs can 'take the ADHD off' of you or teach you suddenly how to work your brain. I can PRETEND to 'focus' more while ON the job for the simply reason that during work, I basically function like a numb robot programmed with specific commands just to get by and finish my work hours. But that's all.
Did I manage to seem less scatterbrained, dumb or awkward? NO.

Most of what I got from these jobs was my new 'skill' at job hopping on an almost regular basis because I can't stand them for more than a few months maximum.

I don't know if there are people out there autistics with adhd too who succeed in these things but I definitely don't belong in the 'successful' category. In fact I keep feeling that my life is being wasted and slipping right off my fingers and I'm still the same person as I was years ago, with the same challenges and the feeling of being utterly useless.

Sorry for the rant..

I’ve said on here before and don’t mean to repeat myself but Lorry/Truck driving is good for me, 90% on your own, reasonable money too.

 

[unperson]

I'm old but I've never worked in retail. Employers seemed to know I didn't have the necessaries (my face recognition is poor), so when I could get work, it was mostly backroom stuff, filing, office etc.

I think one of the big things to know about retail is retail mark-up. I never knew about that till later in life. I wish I'd known earlier.

 

[Magna]

@OnyxM, I feel your pain. Autistic and ADHD here as well. Nearly every job I've had in my life has been retail of some kind or sales of some kind. I shouldn't be thinking about retirement for another fifteen years or so as far as when most people retire, but from a job/work perspective I feel like I'm 100 years old and still working.

I also agree with you that working customer service jobs in direct contact with people does improve communication skills, but for me only to the degree of learning social communication as a type of procedure; a skill that I was able to acquire but only be passably good at. The point being that even after decades of customer service work it didn't make social communication easy nor did I pass over some hurdle to where I now enjoy it. It was uncomfortable and unpleasant the first day I had a job, ten years later, twenty years later, etc.

Ironically I'm also very unsuited for retail/sales because I'm not a "people person", I'm not energized by "the sale" and I'm bad at reading people. Years ago I waited tables in restaurants for a period of time and even though I thought I was being friendly, etc I always received far fewer tips than my coworkers. One of my coworkers said I seemed patronizing to my customers even though I wasn't intending to in the least.

My only saving grace at this point in my work career is being able to now work from home permanently. That brings its own type of challenge due to my ADHD (ie distractions and diversions) and still being in a field that I don't like, but all social anxiety is gone. Working at home has allowed me to work in a peaceful setting unlike work which requires contact with people.

I hope you're able to end up doing something you like.

 

[The Lorax]

If you already have trouble figuring out people due to autism throwing you in a situation where you are forced to engage and over stimulated doesn't help, it only frustrates. I see this all the time in the poker card room from players that are less skilled to players like me who are highly skilled. I used to be like them. So the same applies here. Since you already suffer from over stimulation due to autism I believe your best bet is to understand who you are and learn in a safe environment.

So about you. About the age of 28 I realized I don't give a crap about what others thought of me. If you don't like me you can kiss my butt. I'm a good, kind, intelligent person and I don't have time for jackasses, narcissists, self serving, selfish, jerks. People how are like me will naturally gravitate to me and be my friend. I give a little, they give back, I give more, they give more. That is the friend I want. Which brings me to the point that people who love you do so because of you. You can do something goofy, foolish, or silly and be embarrasses by it. But your friends will only laugh with you and not at you or at your expense. So once you remove this insecurity of caring about what other people think you have taken the first step. If you are good and kind you can always find people with similar interests at worst online.

Second part is education. Pick up some books on body language. I recommend Lie Spotting by Pamela Moyer. Watch Charisma on Command on Youtube. Train yourself to understand how NTs work. NTs are highly social beings that have nuances about behavior that seemingly make no sense even to themselves. But it is commonly practiced among them and accepted. Understanding how this functions through education will allow you to navigate this correctly.

Now some of you have a better ability to learn it than others. That's just normal for people on the spectrum. But both of these help.

I am a very self-aware NT. I studied body language and people interactions as a hobby. Psychology is absolutely fascinating to me. And my work requires that I am careful how I say things. I was never the most charismatic person in the world but I learned how to be charming, manipulate my child to do things, make someone feel better, identify a con-man, realize who is my friend and who isn't.

But if you don't know or understand how these interactions happen you will get frustrated and overwhelm yourself just like those bad poker players do at the card room. For me everything at the poker table is pretty much automatic and I am always comfortable. Now in dealing with people it is the same. I read their reactions and body language to gauge where the conversation is going.

If anything the Charisma on Command will give you visual examples along with the person talking about what is going on so you can the information in various forms. First step is to love yourself though and not care what strangers think about you. Just be a kind person.

One caveat though. If you are always negative, unkind, selfish, insulting, cruel you will not make friends and you are the problem. You need to change. I doubt anyone here is most of that list and at worst just negative due to other disabilities like anxiety or depression. If you have chemical depression get medication.

But one thing I tell many people that are upset at their situation is to step away from it and look all around you. If you like middle class in a first world country you have it better than most of the people on the planet and the estimated 70,000,000,000 people that came before you. You won the lottery of life living at a time where you have clean water, food, safety, shelter, and medicine available. Go back 200 years and people didn't have most of these things. This isn't even mentioning the luxuries like the internet you are using to read this, TV, the car, electricity, and hot water. Change your perspective and step back to realize the rest of the world has it much worse than you do.

My spouse and child both have autism, ADD, and anxiety/depression. So I have a lot of experience with how all of you feel. I also study to better understand my family.

So love yourself, don't care what others thing, educate yourself on behavior, change your perspective about the world.