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Wondering if I really have aspergers, I'd appreciate your opinions a lot!

Ethignation

New Member
Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place, because I don't know if this is an introduction at all... Here I go:

Hi. First of all, I would like to say that this is the first thread I've ever written here and also that English is not my first language, so this will probably have a lot of mistakes and awkward sentences but I'd really appreciate it if someone responded.

I'm writing this because I'm a 15 y/o female who thinks she may have aspergers, and since I can't get a professional diagnosis (or at least not yet, for personal reasons) I would like to know someone else's opinion about this. Sometimes I get worried I'm just weird and imaging things because I want to be different from others and I'm just an edgy teenager.

I'll write some of my "symptoms", based on things I've read on different forums (I'm sorry this is a mess and really long):
- I don't have an official diagnose for this but I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety. Things as simple as teachers asking me to close the door have led me to anxiety attacks (and it was very embarrassing)

- I have POTs and a lot of intestinal problems (and poor health overall)

- I have very strong opinions and I can't express them when I'm with my friends because I'm pretty sure they'd just abandon me. My mother is probably the only person I can be completely honest to, and she usually understands me, which is impressive because very few people seem to "get what I mean", specially when talking about my feelings.

- I hate people touching me, specially lightly, with passion. Whenever they do that, I instinctively hit or scratch them and always end up hurting them (I've done this since I was a baby). They think it's on purpose, but I really can't control it.

- I hate people walking behind me. I always stop to let them pass by me and they usually get annoyed or call me weird.

- As for my interests, they're pretty normal for my age (I'm interested in some things like kpop (mainly), astrology, social issues and psychology) but I'm "more intense" with them than anyone I've known. There's this one singer I like a lot, and I've been kind of obsessed with him since December, 2016. I get literally upset if something stops me from downloading pictures of him, I feel the need to download every.single.picture as if I was collecting them or something, and I don't know why.

- I'm also very sensitive with food and eat the same things for months without getting tired (apart from having terrible emetophobia!)
- Some people call me clumsy because I'm always dropping things and tripping - but I never fall.
- I have really good hearing but it's always been very hard for me to understand people when talking if there's noise interfering (not necessarily loud) or they have a weird way of talking, like some old people do.

- I have synaesthesia and can experience ASMR.
- I'm VERY sensitive to smells and I usually get sick by them, even when they're nice and soft.

- I get constantly and easily annoyed with people because I seem to notice every little fault or contradiction in their opinions and ways of acting. This is making me struggle a lot with my friends, even the "closest" ones.

- Adults love to say I'm too mature for my age, and a lot of them also think I'm rude af because I either avoid them or answer awkwardly when conversing.
- When I was 4 I got my tonsils removed and I basically got out of the operation room (or whatever you call it) screaming, complaining about how the doctors had lied to me saying there were clowns waiting for me down there, and the doctor was very shocked about it. He said I was the only kid he had seen doing that and that it wasn't normal because my throat should hurt like crazy.

- When I was little I didn't talk to anyone but my friends or parents, not even my family (selective mutism)
- When I was little I had a best friend and I loved playing with him in the park and those things that most kids do, but I also loved spinning and sometimes I would spend 2 hours straight just spinning in my living room's floor.
- I've had imaginary friends and relationships, but they've been with actual people/characters. I also have a lot of scenarios in my head, always. I daydream a lot, and it's always either hard for me to stay focused or being too focused on something.

- I've been very good at drawing ever since I was little and everyone says I've always had too much knowledge for my age (as if in knowing a lot of things I shouldn't know and "adult" things when no one had told them to me), and I started speaking very soon and very clearly, according to my mother. Apparently I asked her if people were dumb because of the way they spoke to me (the way most people speak like to little kids).
- I'm probably the most logical-thinking person I've known in my whole life.

- I've had a lot of problems because of people misunderstanding me. They usually get mad at me and I have a hard time figuring out why, and when I do so and try to explain it to them they won't listen. There was this time when I was like 8 when my mother got so mad at me she had various anxiety attacks in a row but I didn't understand why and I didn't even react. I'm not a very empathetic person but at the same time I have a lot of empathy towards some people, it really depends on the person and the situation. (I basically can't open up to people anymore because I know they won't get me even if the seem to and they'd just end up saying things about me that are not true, and lies are probably one of the things I hate the most)

- I don't feel like a girl because I don't feel like I have a gender at all, or like gender itself is anything more than a social construct.
- I'm not very facially expressive and people tend to think I'm angry.

- I've spent at least 2 hours a day, practically every day since September, reading about aspergers, if that means anything. I can spend hours reading about things I like and I feel kind of weird after.
- Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 131 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 86 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Despite all of that I'm actually a pretty "normal" (you get what I mean... hopefully) and funny person with good/average grades that spends most of the time on stan twitter.

I'll stop here because this is getting too long. If you did read everything, thank you. Really.
 
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welcome.png
 
Let's just say this is an excellent place to explore the possibilities that you might be on the spectrum of autism. Welcome to AC.
 
Hi & Welcome
Quite a few of those things sound Aspie-ish. Your statement about logical thinking is something I have heard Aspies say before and I think is related to fixed thinking. We will of course shy away from saying yea or nay, but I think you are investigating a definate possibilty. Interacting with other Aspies is usually helpful in making your own determination. Quite a few here are only self diagnosed.
 
Welcome to the forum.
I read your entire post and I see a lot of Aspie traits and traits I had at your age.
There are posts on many of the things you spoke of here on AC.
Glad to see you join. There is a lot of good information here.
 

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