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Why the post-anxiety?????

Pats

Pats

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I hate that more than anxiety of dreading going somewhere or doing something. That anxiety after doing something. I've been dealing with it all day today and last night. I got 3 of my grandkids and brought them home for a sleepover. They always have a good time and summer is almost over and we won't be able to do the sleepovers. They ate good this visit for a change. They brushed their teeth. They loved the new tree swing my son put up. My grandson did get a scraped knee, which I treated - but that one little drop of blood got my grandson panicked. lol So I played nurse and made it better.

I did get a little frustrated taking them home - they got loud in the car. Then they started arguing in the car. Then they decided they were hungry - and as anxious as I was to get them home and come back home myself, we stopped at...…..get this...….McDonalds. lol My granddaughter spilled her milkshake on her foot, shoe and the floor of my car and I kept having to go back and forth from door to door to fix something for them. But I would still have the post anxiety even if I didn't get frustrated at the end.

Don't get me wrong - I really enjoy my grandkids and I love seeing things passed along from me, to my kids, to their kids. When I picked them up they had a clue game waiting for me - had written clues to lead me to the next then the next until I found the moose pictures they drew for me. I love it!!!

But that post anxiety that something probably was off or I missed something or something has had me in a terrible state today, almost doubled over with mental pain. How do we stop that from happening??
 
At first, I thought this was going to be about anxiety over making threads here! :eek:

But now I see it's about me! :rolleyes:

I second a demand for an answer to this. :mad:
 
Pats said:
Why the post anxiety?????
Click to expand...
I can only guess.
  1. In the beginning of your engagement, you had positive expectations.
  2. In the middle, you were actively enjoying each other's company.
  3. Having it come to an end was a bit of a downer for you (& for them). Their expressed agitation (even if they didn't know why they were agitated) made for a messy sense of closure.
When you watch a movie, the story is nicely tied up before the credits roll. This is seldom true in real life (even in just the closure of chapters or vignettes).
 
Maybe you didn't get to calm down yet after that crazy ups and downs encounter.

I have psych post anxiety that took me a week. I didn't even manage to cuddle my s/o calmly the first few sessions, I felt my life and mind were violated and open to the view of someone else. ; ^ ; It worried me it wouldn't go away but gladly it did with time.
 
Thoughts may just start running around freely when you're alone and can process your emotions/things better. Maybe the events kept your mind distracted then.
 
Do you spent any time on focused breathing in those busy moments @Pats?

it isn't about switching off any anxiety completely,

it's about not internalising a high level of anxiety only to feel it's physical effects after the event.

you adore your grandchildren and get a lot out of spending time with them. nobody could question that :)

while you're with them you may need to keep 'resetting' to keep anxiety at manageable level throughout,
- trying to prevent the internalised 'fall out' afterwards.

I use 15 - 30 seconds of focused breathing to reset or lower my anxiety level.
Little and often, intermittently throughout a certain event.

Doesn't stop anxiety dead in its tracks.
Just keeps it from gaining momentum and giving me symptoms of feeling like I have a cold/flu or joint pain after a particularly stressful event.
(the cost of internalising that anxiety)
 
I get exhausted and have post-event anxiety after spending substantial time with my grandkids, too. And I'm NT. We're older, we have lower energy reserves, and probably less patience with small children than we did when we were raising our own kids. I think it just comes with the territory of being a grandparent.

After the grandkids (finally) leave, I usually climb in the bed with a nice glass of wine and zone out on Netflix so I can decompress from the stress. We love them but they do wear us out.
 
Something else I noticed is that I can't sleep when I have an overnight - whether it's one of my kids or one of my grandkids. I know they will be asleep and safe but I still can't sleep.
@Gracey - yes, feel like I'm coming down with a cold. Always do after a stressful event. :) I never connected the two until I came to this forum and seen others do the same.
@Mary Terry I'm actually more patient with my grandkids and less likely to lose my composure than I was with my kids. But I think part of that is I know they'll be going home and THEN I can have my house back. :)
Even when things go perfectly I still have the post anxiety. That nagging feeling that I should have done something else or whatever. I just don't understand why it has to be so gut-wrenching. Well, a little more under control today and I will clean what remains of these three 'tornados'. And, hopefully, I'm not actually getting sick. :) This is
And @Rexi thanks for the articles. I'll read them now.

This is par for the course, I guess. Doesn't that mean it happens every time and should be expected? But that's why I don't do it that often.
 
Pats said:
But that post anxiety that something probably was off or I missed something or something has had me in a terrible state today, almost doubled over with mental pain. How do we stop that from happening??
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Maybe we don't. Because perhaps for some- maybe many of us, we have a fundamental issue with change of any kind outside our most usual routines. More so than perhaps what we're willing to admit to.

Maybe something akin to nervously anticipating the visit of a loved one. And then when they have left, you feel a little alienated in having to readjust to a routine, which should be easy to adapt to, but isn't. Something I've been going through since my brother went home last week. And it makes no sense, right?

Post anxiety that is really about change- even the most simple changes in our lives. Not to mention that for so many of us that anxiety seems to stick to us like glue. Even when it shouldn't. :oops:
 
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Judge said:
Maybe we don't. Because perhaps for some- maybe many of us, we have a fundamental issue with change of any kind outside our most usual routines. More so than perhaps what we're willing to admit to.

Maybe something akin to nervously anticipating the visit of a loved one. And then when they have left, you feel a little alienated in having to readjust to a routine, which should be easy to adapt to, but isn't. Something I've been going through since my brother went home last week.

Post anxiety that is really about change- even the most simple changes in our lives. Not to mention that for so many of us that anxiety seems to stick to us like glue. Even when it shouldn't. :oops:
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You know, I believe you just hit on something there. Perhaps it IS the change in routine that is what's off? The reason I can't sleep - because ,y routine does not include someone sleeping on my fold out couch. The letting visitor control what's on tv and it's not my usual. There are times I COULD but I don't get on the computer and work my jigsaw puzzle - just because I give all my attention to whoever is here. Even when my daughter in law comes downstairs, I turn away from the computer and mute the tv and focus on her. So maybe those nagging should have's or why's are caused from the lack of routine and that in itself feels wrong. And maybe instead of feeling like I didn't do something right for the grandkids, it's more that it was not my routine and everything was wrong.
Thanks @Judge I really think you have something there.

Also why it's so important that we recuperate at home over the next few days.
 
Pats, I think Judge has a really valid point. You are always polite and accommodating, so that means you have to become Gumby to navigate the events. You care, so you worry. That's very normal, but not always healthy. The burden becomes stress and you have the habit of dropping everything to attend to the immediate needs of others around you, no matter how intrusive.

I was always accommodating to anyone who needed my help. One day, I said "no" because it was going to ruin the one day I had to rest before a long 2-week work stretch. I felt very guilty by refusing to help, but I had to recognize that my needs were much more important than the fiasco created by someone who did something very stupid due to laziness and negligence. Not the same situation as yours, but I hope you see the point.

Your own needs are important, especially if these activities cause you so much distress. Sometimes, the answer is to just let it go. When you let things go, the mess is just bigger. The alternative approach is to make personal time. If you can't relax during personal time, it isn't really personal time. You still worry. This requires a tougher management strategy.

Gracey said:
while you're with them you may need to keep 'resetting' to keep anxiety at manageable level throughout,
- trying to prevent the internalised 'fall out' afterwards.
Click to expand...

I like this idea because it can force you to jump off the merry-go-round and let the whirlwind of chaos settle. This "resetting" fix is temporary, but very effective in keeping you from being swallowed by the undertow. Only you know how much you need and when you need it. I am practicing Mindfulness and I like it a lot. Sometimes I am very keyed up, so the zen moments take longer than usual. Just stop, ignore, and recapture yourself. You are in charge of you again. It can be very productive in managing your stress. You can't erase it completely, but it can be significantly reduced. And, it's free. Keeping stress at a low level is its own objective. These visits should be joyful.
 
This was a latte of great ideas, lol. Another small thought, when l know l have something stressful coming up, like working with a obnoxious person or going some place far by car, l anticipate my reaction of anxiety, concentrate on it, and see what l can do to lower the stress quota. This may mean exercise, more protein, caffeine, leaving earlier, deep breathing, promising myself a reward after stressful occurrence.
 
Aspychata said:
This was a latte of great ideas, lol. Another small thought, when l know l have something stressful coming up, like working with a obnoxious person or going some place far by car, l anticipate my reaction of anxiety, concentrate on it, and see what l can do to lower the stress quota. This may mean exercise, more protein, caffeine, leaving earlier, deep breathing, promising myself a reward after stressful occurrence.
Click to expand...
I like the reward idea. :)
 
Well, Gumby and Pokey were flexible so I'm thinking that? Although I've always felt more like Mr Bill.
th
 
Pats said:
Well, Gumby and Pokey were flexible so I'm thinking that? Although I've always felt more like Mr Bill.
Click to expand...

I'm reminded of the term "nimblosity". The act of being flexible and open to trying new ideas and processes. The ability to go with the flow. Being agile and nimble, much like the character "Gumby".

However this doesn't change my reality that all that necessary rebounding and "nimblosity" remains inherently difficult no matter how we may rationalize how dynamic life and interacting with others remains on a daily basis. That for some of us, while we may consciously attempt to adjust to so many of life's changes, it doesn't change the reality that we experience a "form of whiplash" in the process.

Leaving some of us with an "allergy" of sorts to change itself. No matter how adaptive, agile or nimble we are, or attempt to be. Something that I would have likely never acknowledged prior to coming to terms with being on the spectrum of autism.

Urban Dictionary: Nimblosity
 
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