Why I can't land a lover.

[NoKipAr on the run]

First of all,

I obsess and ask questions, mainly questions merely meant to start a conversation like "what are you watching on Netflix/Youtube ectectect" Or "what's your favorite x?" "Do you like X Y or Z?" stuff like that. I often times flood people with questions, and every time I want to start anything, relationship wise, I always get so clingy and I am always getting the same advice: "Start as a friend first". People mustve never had heard of Friendzoning. but then there's the fact that I have a hard time convincing people I'm Bisexual. They naysay and naysay and naysay about my sexuality and preference. and I can't prove it to anyone. though I am amply open about it.


and another thing, I watch a ton of Porn, like Anime Hentai, which would drive away any girl, I just come up to girls I don't even know and really HOW CAN I GET A GIRL IF I DON'T GET TO KNOW HER!? there's this Psychosis in my mind telling me I'm a virgin and that I'll never get a woman. hell! I'll date a Pansexual girl if I have to! I mean, I've been a romantic since I was 5 or something! Kindergarten!


If I get one more person who likes my post on the dating thread where everyone on the thread share their preferences and what not, likes and dislikes, our favorite Whatevs, I am telling them, "Okay, whoever you are, I do not care, You are officially on Trial Status, Meet me IRL when Covid Ends, and then we'll talk."

you got that?

either way, I don't care if I have to put up with anymore of this, My life is spiraling and everything is crap for me right now, okay? Im going back to school and I don't know when, I don't have a job and I'm almost broke from Responsible spending and I still know nothing about how to make my imagination come to life on paper! I love drawing, but I never ...................ugh. nevermind.


But wait there's more! if you meet me IRL and you catfish me....I'm calling the police.


AND WHY CAN'T I GET THE EDARD COMICS TAKEN IN BY ANYONE!?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Lessee. Question bombing somebody, afraid of being friendzoned, clingy? Are you bothering to listen to those you meet? How does a desperate, clingy person come across who cannot articulate current and future potential as well as interests? Why would a woman see you as relationship material? Have you developed as a person with qualities, interests, and activities that make you somebody to have a LT relationship with?

I think your lust is interfering with your concentration on being an enjoyable, personable, and confident man. Damn! I was a virgin until 28 and know how hard it was to change my outlook, but for my sanity that is what I needed to do.

 

[NoKipAr on the run]

you're right! I can't just look at the ground and let everyone think I have some sort of spineless little nothing!

And as for the interests, welll...I'm an animator! right now I'm drawing a picture of a character meant to be the villain of something I've always wanted to do: A PARODY OF ANIME NAKED GUN AIR PLANE AND AUSTIN POWERS AND MEL BROOKS STYLE!


the possibilities are endless!

then again, you're right. I do sound like a bit of a joke. I am an extrovert, but not one wants to ever dance with the fool who....


(keep in mind Spongebob is Technically Autistic, considering he has a narrow interest in Fast Food Preparation. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten a worker to live in that damn pineapple with him. DYIYIYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! then again, I HAVE TO stop looking at Spongebob memes. :x)

 

[paloftoon]

Maybe you should use an app and specify that you want hookup or fwb. If you don't know about condoms and prep, please look into that first. Ask your doctor and your therapist if you use one.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

i already know why i can`t land one of my own:my severely awkward appearance to women upon eye contact & they`re hated by me for it,all of them,along with anything lovey-dovey,that pertains to them or couples i see,no matter how cute they are,to the extreme ,i would rather be intimate with giant stuffed animals (bears,tigers),because they are the closest thing to a girlfriend that an aspie like me will ever get.

 

[ForestGumpett]

A man by the name of Andy Stanley said something very useful; Be the person you would want to marry.

Now go back and read what all you wrote. Hope this helps you understand. I’d never consider a relationship with a fellow that said he’s holding out for a certain job and he draws but can’t right now....bunch of negative stuff - who would want to deal? Seriously, I’m not being mean just totally honest, you won’t even apparently go get a job? Why? I’d date a man that worked flipping burgers before I’d date one that says he’s waiting for the perfect job or school “some day”. Your profile says your 27, it’s past time. This is called tough love, if you really want a relationship then you need to clean your mind out of all that junk your putting into it (esp about women) and get a job - any job, make yourself desirable!

Your welcome.

 

[Kalinychta]

And as for the interests, welll...I'm an animator! right now I'm drawing a picture of a character meant to be the villain of something I've always wanted to do: A PARODY OF ANIME NAKED GUN AIR PLANE AND AUSTIN POWERS AND MEL BROOKS STYLE!


the possibilities are endless!

then again, you're right. I do sound like a bit of a joke. I am an extrovert, but not one wants to ever dance with the fool who....


(keep in mind Spongebob is Technically Autistic, considering he has a narrow interest in Fast Food Preparation. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten a worker to live in that damn pineapple with him. DYIYIYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! then again, I HAVE TO stop looking at Spongebob memes. :x)

You also sound very immature. Try expanding your interests to include ones more appropriate for a 27-year-old man rather than a 14-year-old boy.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

you're right! I can't just look at the ground and let everyone think I have some sort of spineless little nothing!

And as for the interests, welll...I'm an animator! right now I'm drawing a picture of a character meant to be the villain of something I've always wanted to do: A PARODY OF ANIME NAKED GUN AIR PLANE AND AUSTIN POWERS AND MEL BROOKS STYLE!


the possibilities are endless!

then again, you're right. I do sound like a bit of a joke. I am an extrovert, but not one wants to ever dance with the fool who....


(keep in mind Spongebob is Technically Autistic, considering he has a narrow interest in Fast Food Preparation. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten a worker to live in that damn pineapple with him. DYIYIYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! then again, I HAVE TO stop looking at Spongebob memes. :x)

NEVER, EVER, think that you are a joke and a fool!!! We all have our imperfections and many here have struggled both with self acceptance and advocating for ourselves. I, for one think that animation is fascinating, all styles, and I am sure there will be some woman entranced with that interest and skill. (For me I have been enjoying a little of anime as the emotions are conveyed so broadly and I enjoy seeing such communication I can understand since I am blind to that in real life.)

I really think you need to self help and rewrite your inner dialogue. It took me 2 1/2 years before I was able to connect and date. And, never discount being friends first. With my spouse we had experiences that intensified our friendship to the point that intimacy felt like a natural progression.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Maybe you should use an app and specify that you want hookup or fwb. If you don't know about condoms and prep, please look into that first. Ask your doctor and your therapist if you use one.

Were NoKipAr employed, had some funds and vacation time, I'd recommend him getting to Bangkok and Soi Cowboy to work out his lust and recognize sex as a normal part of life.

 

[NoKipAr on the run]

uh, okay....

I am very interested in animation, I would like to someday animate in big studios, for example Me and my friends are working on a Puppet show; think Secret of NIMH on Steroids.


as for the idea of being desirable, what helps? holding a door? being more complement giving? maybe... laying my coat on a puddle? or is that too chauvinistic?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am probably the last person to ask about what it takes to be desirable. For me, things really worked out when:

• I was well on my way to developing a solid career.
• I had a wide ranging interest in the world and was open to new experiences.
• I enjoyed outdoor recreation, became skilled in some activities, and was good at sharing those skills.
• I studied body language and learned how to listen (very hard for me).
• I expressed delight in connecting with people and was able to enjoy their company.
  
• When connecting, I was supportive, but not a doormat.
• I learned to know when people were accepting of me. This also helped me be supportive in relationships.
  
• I had a sense of humor about the vicissitudes of life (though my spouse had to teach me to embrace imperfection).

I was never good at social convention, and mistakes were made, but I stopped bemoaning my fate and started putting myself out there in activity groups to practice socializing.

 

[Au Naturel]

I am baffled as to why anyone would "naysay" your bisexuality. Maybe they think you're just posturing?

OTOH, if you are in an environment hostile to gay relationships, this is probably something you shouldn't be broadcasting. Many straight women will not consider a bi lover. Double the competition for them and much more likely for you to have/catch a disease.

If you are a virgin, how do you know you are bi? All your post is about getting a girl to like you. If you are indeed bi, you would pursue guys as well. Gay and bi guys are easier to hook up with because gay relationships rarely have the same amount of baggage a straight relationship does. Fantasy doesn't count. People fantasize all the time about stuff they wouldn't really do if confronted by the opportunity.

I have had more lovers than some and fewer than others. Most didn't require active pursuit at all. I can honestly say that many times we just looked at each other, smiled, and knew. Or there was just a brief interchange where we both struck a pleasurable nerve. The attraction was mutual and past that point, it was just a dance. You've both already decided how you'd like this to go and it is mostly a matter of relaxing, lowering your guards, and confirming this is what you want.

You can always blow it by inserting your foot in your mouth and chewing. So it is often best to say little and just listen. You can be friendly and laconic at the same time. It substitutes mystery for awkwardness.

 

[Au Naturel]

uh, okay....

I am very interested in animation, I would like to someday animate in big studios, for example Me and my friends are working on a Puppet show; think Secret of NIMH on Steroids.


as for the idea of being desirable, what helps? holding a door? being more complement giving? maybe... laying my coat on a puddle? or is that too chauvinistic?

What makes a guy desirable?

Uh... I literally read a book about it. From what I can tell, nothing has changed over the last 50 years.

https://www.amazon.com/Sensuous-Man-M/dp/B005DUPFPC

 

[Kalinychta]

as for the idea of being desirable, what helps?

It helps to not be a grown man who is addicted to porn, puts on puppet shows, and knows all about Spongebob. Most women I know are very tired of men who behave like children. Maturity, stability, intelligence: these are very desirable,—and increasingly rare,—traits in men.

as for the idea of being desirable, what helps? holding a door? being more complement giving? maybe... laying my coat on a puddle? or is that too chauvinistic?

Is this really what you think, or are you just being facetious? If the former, you’ve got a lot of work to do to understand women better. If the latter, it rather suggests that you’re not serious about this topic, and you may as well go back to drawing cartoons and watching porn and just get used to not having a romantic relationship. Which is totally fine. It’s your life. Just don’t expect women to queue up at your door.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

So let's see

Great hygiene. Even better oral hygiene. An income that's legitimate is helpful. It makes you seem more adult. Integrity. Responsibility. Reliability. Those three are all kinda the same thing, it speaks to character. Are you who you seem to be? Are you ashamed of you? Are you going to show up on time, and be prepared to do what you said you would?

Statements of intent rather than idle fancy. "I've always wanted to go back to school someday" is a loser statement. It speaks to a wish forever unfulfilled, with an uncertain timeline. Saying something like that is just whining.

So no whining. I know the character of spongebob but I'm not really sure what it is. Cartoon?
Here is a winner statement
" I love to draw and do art, it's an important part of me, its who I am. My hope is to enjoy a career using my talent, but for now I'm focusing on getting a degree."

"I really liked the artistic style of several popular cartoons as a child, that was what got me interested in art"

Hentai? Really? Cartoon monster sex stuff right? The reason that particular type of obscene material is so offensive to women generally is because it is basically both pedarastic and pedophilic. That sort of thing turns people off. Say this instead and you will see it:

"I like watching cartoons about schoolgirls in sailor suits with really big eyes having coitus with enormous exaggerated monsters"

Porn is really unwholesome in many ways. Firstly it objectifies women. Traditional feminists believe that porn itself is a crime to sell because showing it is a form of assault(it humiliates the actors) and also that porn promotes child rape and adult sexual assault.

Porn addiction is a process of conditioning, whereby the user quickly has both arousal and completion tied to third person imagery. Using it conditions you to be one aroused only as a spectator, and the continued use causes the addict to seek more and more outre and bizzare imagery as fuel for fantasy. Kinky is fun, creepy is not.

People do not fool around as depicted in film, it's totally different. The memories of actual coitus may involve some imagery, but also are more complex; smells, textures, conversations, etc. Porn is gross. It suggests a flawed character. Using it to achieve orgasm is a form of conditioning. Eventually it makes a man auto sexual, and potentially impotent with a partner.

Let's see. The op. You need to demonstrate value. You need to listen all the time and remember what she says. Dont speak Ill of people in general, ESPN don't suggest any sort of violence, it's never funny. Avoid any self depreciating humor at all.

What are you going to do for fun with someone? Dining? Bus riding? Museums? What do you like to do for fun, that you could share with someone? Who are you? What do you do? Whom do you look up to? Can you tell a story?

I wish you all the best!

 

[Aspychata]

Sponge Bob
Cool. How about hanging out in the comic coms or aimne conventions?

You probably would find like views.

 

[Aspychata]

Sponge Bob
Cool. How about hanging out in the comic coms or aimne conventions?

You probably would find like views.

 

[KOZMOZIS @realchrisharold]

You: sound schizophrenic

 

[Au Naturel]

Sponge Bob
Cool. How about hanging out in the comic coms or aimne conventions?

You probably would find like views.

Good point. Comic Con, anime, and science fiction conventions are great places to meet young women and some older ones too. Maybe even guy friends too.

I wouldn't talk up a hentai collection to a girl you just met but if you can speak intelligently about Cowboy Bebop or Evangelion, that's good. Probably the best anime for women are Mushishi or Natsume's Book of Friends or To Your Eternity. At least that is the impression I get from the anime blog-o-sphere. The protagonists of these are all quiet and gentle with an underlying strength that doesn't get in your face. The anime you prefer is used as an indicator of the kind of person you are.

 

[Rainbowcat]

I don't have a lot to add , i read all the comments and i agree to most. I can share my own experience. I had met a guy who was 25 and told me his favourite character is Sponge Bob, i thought it does not sound bad , cause i liked Sponge Bob when i was a kid too. But then as we started dating his maturity was like the maturity of a high school boy. I was 20 at that time. We just did not match.