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Why don't I want to spend time with colleagues outside of work?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by savi83, Feb 18, 2018.

  1. savi83

    savi83 Well-Known Member

    Dec 3, 2015
    Hi everybody,

    I've been in my new job for over a year now and get on well with my colleagues. They've invited me to join in social activities outside of work, but I don't feel a need to meet or speak to them outside of work, is that normal?
  2. StephF

    StephF Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Jun 9, 2014
    I'm guessing that your work colleagues are NT's ? It seems that their invitation to meet outside the work environment is part of NT bonding.

    Your wish to avoid these social rituals are understandable from the Aspie point of view but it may make it difficult for you to interact with them at work.

    Its the classic double bind situation when Aspies & NT's meet. You will have to make your own choices here.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 2
  3. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Nov 23, 2014
    It's normal for Aspies to feel this way, but in the NT world, work colleagues are usually expected to meet outside of work hours to bond - I think that this is encouraged, because it encourages a team spirit and unity, etc. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to go, it's up to you, but you could make a compromise - go to one or two of the events they arrange, but not all of them, perhaps. Most people have other obligations outside of work, and I don't think that you would be expected to attend all of them, anyway.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

    Jul 17, 2016
    If any of the activities remotely interest you?
  5. Beguiling Orbit

    Beguiling Orbit Neurotribe Champion V.I.P Member

    Aug 23, 2017
    I pass up those after-hours gatherings, but sometimes will invite to lunch the ones who have invited me to those things. That way I give them that NT social validation that they apparently need without disrupting my after-hours time.
  6. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

    Feb 8, 2018
    Do what makes you feel comfortable. I prefer to go home when I get off work as well but I do enjoy socializing from time to time.
  7. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Aug 28, 2013
    That can be tricky, often depending on whether or not your coworkers routinely play a part in your work.

    Where you may have to consider such socialization alone the same lines of office politics. Where in some cases it may involve something you cannot ignore unless you're willing to deal with the potential consequences.

    Then again if they have utterly no part in how you do your job, no harm no foul if you decide to decline such an offer. Though future encounters of such people may be a bit "frostier" than before. You never know with people. Equally possible is that such social occasions just might lack any discussion or relation to work...which may turn out to be a more pleasant than anticipated. As I said, you never know.