Why do you do things that send you into meltdown?

[disconnected]

Following forums and autistic info I am continually confused by how many of us set ourselves up for failure.

If you know certain things send you over the edge why do you do them?

I know for myself I can’t work around many people in fake environments (office,retail etc)
I go to eat if I do at off peak hours, shop early or late etc? Im 41 and know what I can tolerate . Is it an age thing? If you know something will cause overload or meltdown, why can’t you adjust to another method? Just wondering ?

 

[BraidedPony]

I was wondering the same thing. I thought humans are hardwired to avoid pain and discomfort. When someone gets themselves into the same/similar painfuland predictable situations over and over...what is going on?
What I’ve been thinking:
1.Lower than average ability to understand cause and effect.
2.Perseverence.
3.Unknown mental illness.
4.Inability for me to understand person’s situation clearly.

 

[Bolletje]

I do things that can send me into meltdown because I don't want to hide inside my house for the rest of my life. I also crave being challenged and learning new things, which means I have to risk a meltdown every now and then. My last job was one big walking meltdown risk, but also the most interesting and rewarding job I have ever worked.
I love going to concerts and dance events, but sometimes they send me into meltdown. I just risk it and make sure I can go home whenever I want to.
Going to birthday parties or pubs can trigger a meltdown, but if it doesn't I usually have a great night socializing with people.
All of these situations actually recharge my batteries if they go well. If they don't, they're draining and meltdown-inducing.

 

[Fino]

1. Required for work, school, or other unavoidable obligation
2. Desire to be normal so pretend to be normal (I only did that when I was younger)
3. Underestimate situation by being overly optimistic
4. Having no problems for so long and thinking the problem has lessened or gone away
5. Desire to please someone important to us
6. Absentmindedness
7. Lack of foresight
8. Forgetting something important, such as medication or food

That's all I got right now!

 

[OkRad]

I no longer risk it in any way. I stay away from everything which could voluntarily send me into meltdown, knowing FULL WELL there are enough things around out of my control to send me into meltdowns daily.

I live near a mine with constant trucks, hundreds of trucks , vibration, fumes, and explosions every day. There is no way in heck I will risk adding on top of the hell of trying to exist but doing things like not eating the right foods, testing the waters with new groups or friends, or playing around with any margins to see if I can push a limit.

Nope. Fate has set the limits to my existence and they are the narrowest they have ever been.

In a way, it helps me to stay on the narrow path and while I am in hell, to be sure, it is also in many ways much more comforting than when I played the fool and pretended I could make friends, be liked, be in a group and be respected, and be a person like everyone else.

So I guess my chains suit me as an Aspie well, though I hate them.

 

[the_tortoise]

If you know certain things send you over the edge why do you do them?

I do them when I have no other choice, or when the benefits massively outweigh
the cost (usually this means long-term benefits).

Sometimes there is no method to avoid overload and/or meltdowns....there are limits to how much control I have in many, many situations.

Otherwise I don't do them.

 

[Fino]

I do them when I have no other choice, or when the benefits massively outweigh
the cost (usually this means long-term benefits).

Such as college! Finishing college was excruciating for me!

 

[Pats]

Mostly out of necessity. The first floor I worked on at the hospital was a nightmare with a nightmare of a boss that I wonder how she ever graduated. She absolutely drove me up a wall. It was the busiest floor in the hospital and we got every kind of patient, patients that other floors would refuse to take, including psyche. I had meltdowns almost daily, mostly exhibited in telling people to leave me alone (but too busy to stop). When I moved to another floor and would occasionally run into my old boss she would ask me if I still yelled and had tantrums. I told her I no longer felt the need (hint). But where I moved to had a door to the outside that we could go in and out with our badge and I'd step outside when I needed to.

 

[disconnected]

Ya, I get it. I mean the lesser avoidable things like stores , restaurants etc. suppose I should have been more specific.

I’m really susceptible to meltdowns from driving, but it’s unavoidable for me for example.

But the easy ones are avoiding malls at peak hours, driving in rush hour etc.

Thanks for the responses everyone.

 

[BraidedPony]

I think I know what you mean. Doing something that always causes a meltdown when there are other options.
It confuses me too.

 

[Autistamatic]

I do my best to avoid meltdown situations in my personal life, but I have to work to keep a roof over my head and food in my belly. Work is the biggest source of stress (and meltdowns) for me these days.
I go grocery shopping early mornings when it's quiet, if we eat out it's early lunch and most non-grocery shopping is bought online. I like to stay in my comfort zone which is home

 

[LunaAurum]

Having a child took away many coping/avoidant mechanisms I had built up my whole life (without even knowing that's what I was doing). Obviously the typical lack of sleep and crazy weird schedules babies can cause was hard, but the hardest for me to cope with still is the forced social aspects.

Parenting means dealing with way more people in general (and people butting in your business like crazy, including perfect strangers): Doctors, other parents, the child's friends, family wanting to be involved in your kids' life, school... School stuff is a complete nightmare to me. I hated school and was so glad to have been finally free once I was done with it. I totally didn't think about the fact that I would have to relive it vicariously through my kid. Things like parent-teacher meetings make me physically sick with anxiety. I sincerely cannot wait until she is done so I can file it again under NEVERMORE. Nonetheless she is my responsibility and I want her to get the support she needs so that's why I bite the bullet as much as possible.

 

[Fitzo]

Good question!

Right now I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out what to do Christmas day. Usually my brother and his wife and child come which keeps my narcissist mother's behavior under control. But they're not coming this year.

My mother wants me to come to her for lunch but I know if it's just the two of us it's 99.9% sure to end badly. But she's 94 and this could be her last Christmas. I'm almost having a meltdown just thinking about it!

 

[Thinx]

Good question!

Right now I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out what to do Christmas day. Usually my brother and his wife and child come which keeps my narcissist mother's behavior under control. But they're not coming this year.

My mother wants me to come to her for lunch but I know if it's just the two of us it's 99.9% sure to end badly. But she's 94 and this could be her last Christmas. I'm almost having a meltdown just thinking about it!

My mother is near same age, I don't do Xmas with her as it's such a minefield but visit at other times.She has plenty of friends.

99.9% is too high to allow you to do this, surely? It's not a risk, it's a certainty! Unless you have someone who will go with you? Or unless you can give up any thoughts of your own needs for the time required, and variously praise, listen to, and prioritise your mother? I find this possible if I know the time I can leave, and as you say, bearing in mind they are frailer and so on.

Next year you could make plans to be elsewhere before your brother can!

Re meltdown, yes I nowadays mostly avoid situations that will cause these, though the unexpected can trip me up, then I tend to try to escape asap, and without having been rude... best strategy.

 

[SusanLR]

I do them when I have no other choice, or when the benefits massively outweigh
the cost (usually this means long-term benefits).

Sometimes there is no method to avoid overload and/or meltdowns....there are limits to how much control I have in many, many situations.

Otherwise I don't do them.

Same reason here, tortoise.
If I can avoid putting myself in a situation for a meltdown, I don't.
But, most times I have no other choice due to living arrangements that I rely upon at the time.

What's that? Where do you want me to drive you to now? Disney World, ya say? Here we go again!

 

[Progster]

I have always been conflicted internally. One side of me says: I am bored, bored, bored, I want more, I want something new! Another side of me can't handle too much change or new sensory stimulation, and I may want the change, but then find I can't handle it.

Experiences are never entirely good or entirely unpleasant: if I go to a restaurant, I love to order food and have it come and then eat it, rather than have to cook and make food at home, and initially I might like the idea. But I then have a lot of problems with the environmnent, I can't join in group conversations and get restless and bored, hate background noise or people might upset me for one reason or another and push me closer to a meltdown, and by the end of the evening I'm feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled, restless and at the end of my tether. It's a kind of push-pull, I both want to and don't want to at the same time. I think I might have ADHD - always wanting more, new, getting bored easily, restless, but then encountering problems caused by my Asperger's.

 

[Mr Allen]

I've been busting a gut for the last few years applying for every job going that's suitable for me, part time of course due to my benefit situation.

It's been stressing me out because all I get is rejection after rejection and some don't even have the courtesy to let you know either way.

 

[Annanda]

If you know something will cause overload or meltdown, why can’t you adjust to another method? Just wondering ?

I thought about this one, too.
May be, there are differences.
I guess I'm born into an autistic family. No-one knows or believes he or she is autistic except me, but according to my research there were autistic family members over generations. So I think, my parents and their parents already avoided over-stimulating environments and so for me it comes naturally to do so either. I ran into melt-downs as a little child, but there were not many. When I can be only with myself, they would hardly occur.
Recently I met a friend with whom I studied long time ago. She invited me to spend some days in her house with her friends and family. It was last Christmas. After three days trying to cope with her pace of live and all the strange people I started crying and couldn't stop for hours.
I did not even recognize, that this was a melt-down. I just forgot what it felt like, because I hadn't one for decades. Now I remember.
If you were/are the only autistic family-member in your generation, you may not have a tradition of avoiding over-stimulation and you have to start learning by doing, forgetting about it and then learning by doing again. Beyond that, if you may not have a label for it, if you can't name it, it would be hard to deal with it.

 

[Fino]

I have always been conflicted internally. One side of me says: I am bored, bored, bored, I want more, I want something new! Another side of me can't handle too much change or new sensory stimulation, and I may want the change, but then find I can't handle it.

Experiences are never entirely good or entirely unpleasant: if I go to a restaurant, I love to order food and have it come and then eat it, rather than have to cook and make food at home, and initially I might like the idea. But I then have a lot of problems with the environmnent, I can't join in group conversations and get restless and bored, hate background noise or people might upset me for one reason or another and push me closer to a meltdown, and by the end of the evening I'm feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled, restless and at the end of my tether. It's a kind of push-pull, I both want to and don't want to at the same time. I think I might have ADHD - always wanting more, new, getting bored easily, restless, but then encountering problems caused by my Asperger's.

I have this identical problem and do have ADHD, if that's any help to you!

 

[LunaAurum]

I have always been conflicted internally. One side of me says: I am bored, bored, bored, I want more, I want something new! Another side of me can't handle too much change or new sensory stimulation, and I may want the change, but then find I can't handle it.

Oh god 200% THIS.

It also applies to just trying to be reasonably 'successful' in life or reaching a lifestyle you'd want for yourself. It's agonizing to look at yourself and think is this really it because on one hand you have fantastic potential and skills but such a bloody hard time applying them since it takes a gutting amount of effort.

It frustrates me to no end whenever people tell me to take it easy and slow down whenever they do catch a glimpse at how taxing it gets on me. I do know they mean well (and I wouldn't say that to them) but they really don't understand that 'taking it easy' for me means achieving absolutely nothing ever (even really small things). I want a life but the price is that it's probably never going to be a relaxed, comfy life; to some level there is always a battle. The only real choices I feel I have is which battles to pick. But at the very least knowing this is good.