Why do I constantly dwell on the negative? There is always a flip side to everything

[Sherlock77]

Like... The infamous "cold snap" discussion, this week between Christmas and New Year's, I would suggest that the majority of people have the week off, so they could hide in the house, spend some time outside sparingly (it is cold), generally relax...

I'll be working in a cold industrial shop from Tuesday through to Saturday, no chance to relax... And New Year's Eve looks to be dreadful and bitterly cold, how to even enjoy it?

Then probably all of January (I work in recycling) we'll be working tons of overtime just to catch up, I'll hardly have time to even live my own life, barely even pick up my camera, barely enough time to enjoy myself... I don't see much positive in any of that...

Yet... I've been reading lately about how to be thankful about my life, about even the small things, doesn't have to be big things, yet I tend to often/always dwell on the glass being half empty... Yet the glass is also half full, just depends on how I look at it...

Tomorrow morning? It's still snowing outside, about -25, brrrr, just getting to work will be a pain in the butt, and I hope my car starts in the morning, the block heater is plugged in, and the shop will be very cold for an 8 hour shift... On the positive, thinking hard, a New Year's banquet at church in the evening, should be a good feed, good company, my girlfriend will be joining me for the banquet which will be good company...

The next morning? Work at 8 AM, supposed to be more snow again, still very cold, but must force myself to find more positive things to dwell on, and yes I do live in the land of winter so I should expect days like this...

And I'm officially rambling now, headed to bed now because I know I need to... Good night!

 

[Suzanne]

You sound like my husband and he is a neurotypical!

In winter, he complains it is too cold and I say: but what do you expect, when it is winter and that really winds him up. Recently, though I said the exact same thing to a more positive person and the response was: you know, you have a good point there!

If it is cold in summer, to my mind, it would be natural to say: it is really cold.

I am a very negative person ABOUT MYSELF and find that when I try to be positive, it all falls flat, but for secular things, I do strive to see the positive.

My husband's work van is in dire need of attention. He is not a mechanic and so it is a struggle. The van won't start in cold weather and so, he dilligently goes out there to warm the engine with a blow torch, until we have enough finances available for him to sort it out. An annoying thing, but the positive is that, he is not running to a garage and paying stupid money and is learning a little bit about his vehicle.

I believe that even if one has the tendency to think negative about a situation; that they can cultivate a more positive outlook.

I barely venture out of doors and aware that having no natural light, I would be deficient in vitamine D, which one needs for good bones. But I found out that tuna fish and salmon have a lot of vitamine D in and I eat those a lot.

Because my world is so, how can I put it? I not sure of the word right now, but I rarely have outside interactions, but this means I can concentrate more on what is worthy ( for me) and that is spiritual things.

My husband is a negative man, but to give him credit, currently he is working for a company, as well as his other work and one of his duties is to sweep an entire court yard; it is TEDIOUS work and so, he strives to take the positive from it.

I do not go for: well at least you have work. Because, in fact, work can kill a person, if they are constantly miserable.

I rather work a low paid job, if when I wake up in the mornings, I wake with a bounce, because I am looking forward to work.

 

[Progster]

You are aware of your negative emotions and the need to balance them with some more positive ones, and that is half the battle. Think about a time in the future when things will be better - think about summer coming

 

[Gracey]

I believe a lot of people do so you're not alone in that.

It's easy to generalise and focus on negatives.
Perhaps you're already discovering if you focus purely on the negative our perception stays on that track and we will look for more negatives just to confirm our state of mind and mood.

I can't answer why you personally "constantly dwell on the negative" but from what you wrote you're already starting to recognise it's effects and are starting to pay attention to other details, such as the function you will attend with your partner.

If you zoom in a little closer and look for other positives, the smaller details...
...
You made a great choice of vehicle that will reliably carry you to work at minus 25.

Working conditions on an eight hour shift will be unpleasant but you'll make a great choice on layers of clothing and the correct foods to eat during the day to sustain you and protect against any adverse effects in those temperatures.

You're generating an income whilst doing the above.

Take your camera with you on your journey to and from work? May catch some unplanned and unexpected shots on your journey?

Start zooming in and discovering the much smaller and surprisingly pleasant details.

 

[Sherlock77]

I believe a lot of people do so you're not alone in that.

It's easy to generalise and focus on negatives.
Perhaps you're already discovering if you focus purely on the negative our perception stays on that track and we will look for more negatives just to confirm our state of mind and mood.

I can't answer why you personally "constantly dwell on the negative" but from what you wrote you're already starting to recognise it's effects and are starting to pay attention to other details, such as the function you will attend with your partner.

If you zoom in a little closer and look for other positives, the smaller details...
...
You made a great choice of vehicle that will reliably carry you to work at minus 25.

Working conditions on an eight hour shift will be unpleasant but you'll make a great choice on layers of clothing and the correct foods to eat during the day to sustain you and protect against any adverse effects in those temperatures.

You're generating an income whilst doing the above.

Take your camera with you on your journey to and from work? May catch some unplanned and unexpected shots on your journey?

Start zooming in and discovering the much smaller and surprisingly pleasant details.

Yup...

Glass half empty - I barely got in any camera time over the Christmas weekend, 1.5 hours, few photos, cold, yes I probably define my life too much by my photography

Glass half full - It was cold but I bundled up, got in a good one hour photowalk on Christmas Eve, got some good photos, maybe not as much as I would liked, but no matter, I've always gone for a photowalk on Christmas Day, but too darn cold this year! Hid inside until emerging from the house for a Christmas dinner with friends/family at a local truck stop, good time, good company

I realize that I need to focus more on human relationship, something I have often forsaken for my photography, need to simply find more balance... Anyway, heading off to work shortly, 6 AM in the morning, hopefully the car starts, basically offline all day when I go to work...

 

[Ambi]

I think part of the reason I focus on the negative has been because nobody else, when growing up, and often through adulthood, would acknowledge the negative impacts, feelings, reactions I experienced - so I began doing that for myself. There are other reasons, but this is just one I was thinking of while reading your post....plus, I hate the cold.

 

[Sid Delicious]

Buy a new glass - one that fills up faster!

 

[Sherlock77]

Made it to work okay at least! One step at a time

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Buy a smaller glass.

Personal fulfillment. Job done - your glass is full.

Xmas advice special sherlock discount : Free.

 

[Shonda]

Like... The infamous "cold snap" discussion, this week between Christmas and New Year's, I would suggest that the majority of people have the week off, so they could hide in the house, spend some time outside sparingly (it is cold), generally relax...

I'll be working in a cold industrial shop from Tuesday through to Saturday, no chance to relax... And New Year's Eve looks to be dreadful and bitterly cold, how to even enjoy it?

Then probably all of January (I work in recycling) we'll be working tons of overtime just to catch up, I'll hardly have time to even live my own life, barely even pick up my camera, barely enough time to enjoy myself... I don't see much positive in any of that...

Yet... I've been reading lately about how to be thankful about my life, about even the small things, doesn't have to be big things, yet I tend to often/always dwell on the glass being half empty... Yet the glass is also half full, just depends on how I look at it...

Tomorrow morning? It's still snowing outside, about -25, brrrr, just getting to work will be a pain in the butt, and I hope my car starts in the morning, the block heater is plugged in, and the shop will be very cold for an 8 hour shift... On the positive, thinking hard, a New Year's banquet at church in the evening, should be a good feed, good company, my girlfriend will be joining me for the banquet which will be good company...

The next morning? Work at 8 AM, supposed to be more snow again, still very cold, but must force myself to find more positive things to dwell on, and yes I do live in the land of winter so I should expect days like this...

And I'm officially rambling now, headed to bed now because I know I need to... Good night!

You recognize your thought processes and that is more than half the battle. Some people are completely unaware of the fact that they are dwelling on the negative. Either way, if you're in a funk, just remember that life sometimes happens in waves, and things will pick up soon.

 

[Benjamin Dover]

The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says the glass is half empty, and the engineer might suggest that the glass may have been made twice as big as necessary.

I tend to focus on the negative quite a bit. My therapist recently told me something that seemed to help a little bit, so I'll share that.

He referenced the 9/11 attacks, since everyone is aware of those and people have strong feelings about what happened that day.

He said...

You can consider these events and focus on the horrible people who did what they did, as well as those who align with them. From this, you could conclude that the world is full of horrible people, and it would be best to stay indoors in order to avoid them.

If you think this, then you are 100% correct and justified.

But you can also consider these events and focus on the good people who brought their communities together, as well as the rescuers, and others who helped out during peoples' times of need. From this, you could conclude that the world is full of good people, and it would be best to go out and hope to encounter some of these people.

If you think this, then you are 100% correct and justified.

His point was that if BOTH points of view are correct, then why not choose the positive one?

A little bit.

 

[Ambi]

Also, I recently thought that maybe the problem is that I really see that the glass is both half empty and half full. That is very accurate - I do not just focus on the half empty. But then I can feel torn or stretched thin, certainly not energized by it - so maybe it's as bad as focusing on it being half empty? I think to be more positive I might have to make a choice to stop being aware of the half empty part and *only* focus on the half full. Not managing successfully so far

 

[Judge]

For myself, I've found one way to mitigate negative thoughts is to view life from a shorter span of time rather than look at the big picture constantly. While it doesn't always work, it often helps.

To live one day at a time and not to crowd my mind with the possibility of so many things going wrong. Otherwise I've found it's too easy for me to instantly dwell upon one too many "worst case scenarios".

 

[OkRad]

I do, too.

Part of it is that some of us have difficulty in pushing down the fact that we are mortal and going to die. It can be today, tomorrow, it can be slow or fast and those things are embedded in our consciousness.

I went through a phase of postivity. It made me depressed. I read a study where, if it is FAKE, a positive attitude can depress a person.

So now I just shut my mouth. I don't mind negative people anymore than postive people because I don't like to be around anyone. So it does not matter if htey are negative pr positive.

Most positive people I know are so because htey have a lot of money, degrees, families, etc. Most negative people are so because they struggle so much.

If I see a person who is disabled and poor ad livinng in a shelter AND POSITIVE, I tihnk how weird that is, like 1984 , like Winston Smith. He learned to Luuuuv Big Brother.

If I see someone who has it all and grumbling, I think , what an idiot.

I say that knowing full well people have a right to be and think and feel whatver the h*** htey want, so I know I have no right other than to say, " I AM DONE"

My own sufferings have caused me to be unable to tolerate people anyone. AND, let me be clear I am not a sociaopath. I was the one who briught in the homeless and went to visit the eldery in the old folks' home, even as a kid. I worked and volunteered with DOwn Syndrome kids and adults, so I know all about the kindness gene.........

But, man, I 've had it.

In the end, I don't like to be aorund people.

 

[Sherlock77]

For myself, I've found one way to mitigate negative thoughts is to view life from a shorter span of time rather than look at the big picture constantly. While it doesn't always work, it often helps.

To live one day at a time and not to crowd my mind with the possibility of so many things going wrong. Otherwise I've found it's too easy for me to instantly dwell upon one too many "worst case scenarios".

Guilty as charged... I'm always thinking way ahead of myself... I don't know how to stop it... I had a friend who lived that way... One day at a time... I admired her for that but could never understand how she could do it...

 

[Benjamin Dover]

I build worst-case scenarios in my head all the time, and it's something that I need to stop doing.

Most recently, my fiance/girlfriend got me some part-time work doing some menial holiday tasks for her office. She said it would be a great way to be visible in front of clients and her co-workers, which could turn into someone offering me a job. Plus, it pays a bit more than sitting at home all day. I was excited about it, and I accepted it.

But then, my brain started doing the worst-case scenarios.

What if I screw up? What if I make a mistake? If I make a mistake, then it will reflect poorly on her. This will have an impact on how her boss and co-workers view her, because she was the one who referred me. So what is at stake here? If I screw up, then it reflects poorly on her. This puts her on a path to losing her job. A lost job means no money coming in. This leads to us losing our apartment and being forced into the streets, where we will end up stuck and starve to death. But I can't end up homeless, so I'll have to kill myself if the threat of homelessness is looming too closely.​

Basically, if I make a mistake, then it will cost me my life.

I try really, really hard to think about today, and to be in the moment. But we're geared to constantly worry about the future. What's your future look like? Do you have your retirement planned out? What have you saved?

I get asked about retirement a lot, now that I'm older. All I can say is NO, retirement is NOT in my future. I have never owned a home, I've never had a significant amount of savings, I've never owned a new car, and I'll never retire. Then they get on my case about it.

How am I supposed to focus on NOW, when everyone wants to talk about the future?

No, I don't think about retirement. In the future, I'll be dead. All paths lead to this. What's for lunch?

 

[the_tortoise]

Sometimes it is a gift to be always thinking ahead -- as when your situation sucks now, but could be better in future.

Take it from someone who is terrible at thinking ahead and naturally inclined to think only about this moment and maybe the one immediately after it (I know that's way shorter than "today" but even just thinking about today and not tomorrow has gotten me into massive difficulties.....and I don't mean I can't or never do think about the future, just that it's quite hard for me) -- it's not always a good thing, in many ways it's terrible and difficult.

Balance in all things, I suppose.....

 

[Benjamin Dover]

I admire those who can take it all "one day at a time." I struggle to take things five minutes at a time, because a full day is just too much.

 

[LucyPurrs]

If you are always thinking about worst case scenarios and worrying about them you are actually distorting reality. How often have your worst case scenarios actually happened? For most people it is very rare or not at all. This doesn't mean it can't, just that the likelihood of a worst case scenario is much smaller than something more middle of the road. If you write down each worst case scenario you worry about on a card and put it in a box then review them at the end of say a month and see how may have actually happened. That will give you a changed perspective on this. BTW, same is true for fairytale outcomes- most of reality happens in between the two.

 

[Sherlock77]

Meantime, the "comedy" of my life continues, smack dab in the middle of a major cold snap... Today they announced a shift for New Year's Day, which is always a day off for us, supposed to be a day off for us... Between Christmas Day and January 5th, I will have had one day off, and that one day off will be a brutally cold New Year's Eve, about -28, *shivers* I'm feeling drained right now, from this cold weather, from work... And I probably won't have even touched my camera between Dec. 24th and Jan. 5th...

Trying to find something positive in all of this, hard to, it is supposed to start warming up on New Year's Day, when I'm working, when I was supposed to be/planning to be out exploring and relaxing, instead I'll hardly notice... *sigh* Trying to find some to be positive about, thankful about, can't stand the grinning co-workers who are just shrugging all of this off

I will plan an epic photo day of some sort on the 6th, if I have the time, because I will have to get caught up on so many things from over working...