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Why do I bother?

Isadoorian

Isadoorian

Welcomer of Newcomers
V.I.P Member
Why do I bother trying to make friends with people online? They at times seem to like me, but then I feel like a drag to them after a while

It does bring me joy for a while that they like me and talk to me some, but then I just get depressed/sad, whatever you wanna call it

I think I'm destined to be a bitter person when I'm older, hating the world and dying alone...
 
Isadoorian said:
Why do I bother trying to make friends with people online? They at times seem to like me, but then I feel like a drag to them after a while

It does bring me joy for a while that they like me and talk to me some, but then I just get depressed/sad, whatever you wanna call it

I think I'm destined to be a bitter person when I'm older, hating the world and dying alone...
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It's hard for me to have friends I only know online. I have a couple but because we don't actually know each other we sometimes forget. It's best to know people you can actually see at least once in awhile. Of course that is really difficult to find. Online just doesn't have enough reality to it somehow.
As for being bitter and hating the world that sounds like my goal. When I'm older I hope to be a cranky old man screaming at the kids to get off my lawn. I'm not a man, nor do I plan on being one but that isn't going to get in my way.
 
Isadoorian said:
Why do I bother trying to make friends with people online? They at times seem to like me, but then I feel like a drag to them after a while

It does bring me joy for a while that they like me and talk to me some, but then I just get depressed/sad, whatever you wanna call it

I think I'm destined to be a bitter person when I'm older, hating the world and dying alone...
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Hey what's up? What's making you feel sad?
 
Appleslime said:
OK, now that I read it properly I get it. What makes you feel that you are a drag,?
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Well, for starters I never really participate in most conversations or know what to talk about, and my topics of interest are rather narrow, so trying to relate to other people is hard, and I generally talk in line breaks of sorts as well which turns many people off, but if I do it in a large paragraph, I know it won't make any difference at all
 
Isadoorian said:
Well, for starters I never really participate in most conversations or know what to talk about, and my topics of interest are rather narrow, so trying to relate to other people is hard, and I generally talk in line breaks of sorts as well which turns many people off, but if I do it in a large paragraph, I know it won't make any difference at all
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The chat facility is nice but it's difficult to have a real meaningful Conversation when there are lots of people online at the same time. I wouldn't take it personally.
 
If you ask me, schools do a terrible job of preparing people for being an adult (in general) but especially in the social aspects. Friendship between adults is a lot more distant. There are people I consider friends that I talk to maybe once every couple months, if that, but I know they have my back if I need it, just like I've got theirs.

I find it more helpful to think of friends as "connects" rather than "buddies" or "pals". That's just not what adult friendship typically looks like, at least not in my experience.

Actually, since the advent of social media, the definition of "friendship" has meant to keep a harem of 25-30 disposable friends (average), and just kind go through them in a meat-grinder sort of fashion. But that's a whole other story, the short version of which is that those aren't really "friends", they're more like "people you have a use for right now"; it's really psychopathic. That's society I guess.
 
Isadoorian said:
Well, for starters I never really participate in most conversations or know what to talk about, and my topics of interest are rather narrow, so trying to relate to other people is hard, and I generally talk in line breaks of sorts as well which turns many people off, but if I do it in a large paragraph, I know it won't make any difference at all
Click to expand...
Online chatting is nearly impossible from my perspective. My online friends are email pals and as I said that gets to be a problem, too. So, what are these narrow interest? I think that's kinda a common problem on this forum. It's not you being a drag, it's just the nature of being online and trying to talk to people. Sometimes people just disappear and you think they are bored with you but actually the timer went off on the oven, they went to check, and then they forgot they were even online. All sorts of things like that.
 
Gritches said:
If you ask me, schools do a terrible job of preparing people for being an adult (in general) but especially in the social aspects. Friendship between adults is a lot more distant. There are people I consider friends that I talk to maybe once every couple months, if that, but I know they have my back if I need it, just like I've got theirs.

I find it more helpful to think of friends as "connects" rather than "buddies" or "pals". That's just not what adult friendship typically looks like, at least not in my experience.

Actually, since the advent of social media, the definition of "friendship" has meant to keep a harem of 25-30 disposable friends (average), and just kind go through them in a meat-grinder sort of fashion. But that's a whole other story, the short version of which is that those aren't really "friends", they're more like "people you have a use for right now"; it's really psychopathic. That's society I guess.
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Please tell me that adults do have some friendships with people they speak to daily (besides family/partner). I already feel too distanced to some friends, and we're not even adults yet
 
kay said:
Online chatting is nearly impossible from my perspective. My online friends are email pals and as I said that gets to be a problem, too. So, what are these narrow interest? I think that's kinda a common problem on this forum. It's not you being a drag, it's just the nature of being online and trying to talk to people. Sometimes people just disappear and you think they are bored with you but actually the timer went off on the oven, they went to check, and then they forgot they were even online. All sorts of things like that.
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Yeah; I guess

Another thing that irks the ever loving hell out of me, are people who work so much they have no time for much social interactions outside of work; or people who don't use stuff a whole lot (like Kik or whatever)

"Oh sorry, I barely use this" ...then why bother saying we can use this platform for communication?

Mostly Video Games, and Card/Tabletop games; I've never been into Sports or TV a whole lot (aside from The Flash and West World)
 
Isadoorian said:
Why do I bother trying to make friends with people online? They at times seem to like me, but then I feel like a drag to them after a while
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Because you have hope that a person will come along who you get on with. I've had and have acquaintances online, friends online, same as in real life. People I went to classes with, out with, worked with, cycling acquaintances, short term friends, and long term ones.

Online you are usually not aware of what's going on in peoples lives really. Unless they tell you, everyone has a life outside their online one of some sort. And friendships whether online or offline do take time.
 
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I don't even use chat facility. Too overhelming to talk to many people in real time at once. More than three and I'm gone.
 
RetiredDinner said:
Please tell me that adults do have some friendships with people they speak to daily (besides family/partner). I already feel too distanced to some friends, and we're not even adults yet
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I'm told that it's typical of adults (actual adults, not kidults) to have 1-3 of such friends. So there's hope.

I actually have heard that friends you usually make and keep for life are the friends you make in college. It's typical not to really bother with school friends after you're done with high school and you inevitably go your separate ways. Of course, all my research on the topic is based on the NT model of friendship; we might have separate rules, who knows.
 
Fora & social media is just the modern iteration of pen pals anyway (without the previous snail-mail delay). Being somewhat home-bound, I appreciate it for what it is. (Fora, that is. I don't do Facebook.)
 
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I remember a post on the subject of what IS a friend?
This is a question I can't really answer for myself in any
accuracy.
As an adult, it has been true, there aren't people I speak with on a daily basis beyond whom I live with.
They are the only person/s I am connected to that I am
close enough with to see and speak with daily.
I may not even get along that well with them, but, they
are a part of my daily life.

There are many I call aquaintences.
People I know and interact with on a regular basis and
find them "friendly." Easier to be with and talk with
than just someone I don't really know or the rest of humans in general.
But, I don't call them friends.

Then there have been "boyfriends."
This comes with a romantic or sexual attraction mixed in with being friendly.

I enjoy on-line connections.
Real persons, but, they aren't physically in my life.
It's actually easier to speak openly with them IMO.
If they are judgemental or stop connecting it doesn't hurt as much when I lose them.
Some I feel an inner connection more strongly with
than others.

But, how to define friend?
Someone you enjoy hanging with?
Talking with?
How far do you think a friend would go to help you?
Vice versa.
Not like a close family member might.
How close is the bond with a friend?
Forever, for a certain length of time in your life,
or do they all just eventually drift away?
How much BS will they take and still like you?
Will they turn their back when you're down?
How long will they stand by you if you fall on hard times,
illnesses, etc.?
It is a difficult definition for me. Always has been.
 
I find online communication 100% easier but I do agree with something another person here mentioned which was basically that conversations here are kinda happening one minute but then everyones moves on the next. Is neither a good or bad thing just simply it is what it is.

What are your particular interests if you don't mind me asking?
 
Homebrand said:
I find online communication 100% easier but I do agree with something another person here mentioned which was basically that conversations here are kinda happening one minute but then everyones moves on the next. Is neither a good or bad thing just simply it is what it is.

What are your particular interests if you don't mind me asking?
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Reading, Cooking, Baking, Video and Tabletop/Card Games, Computery stuff... not a whole lot really
 
Is autism, itself, an interest of yours?

It is for so many of us. We end up comparing notes about each of our own experiences.

For my interest in 1:6 scale action dolls, I visit fora where that is the emphasis. They aren't autism-specific, but I am guessing that many of our kind are there, too. ;)
 
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Online friends or contacts always follow a set pattern; they talk to you a bit and then drift away and stop writing. You can never know what a person is really like, it isn't real somehow and your communication is always secondary to whetever else they've got going in their 'real' life.

Somtimes it's possible to meet a person, and then you might become closer to that person and a friendship might develop, but it's always risky, because you don't really know what the person is really like until you meet them. It is so easy for people to hide their true selves and put on mask online.
 
First off be confident and possitive and not beat yourself up, ladies hate that, if you feel your ugly first love yourself then work on style and make yourself look good, feel good as well and youll land a lady, also research cancer signs compatable with yours aka Zodiac. I am Libra so its easier for me, I love love and love to please.
 
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