Why do complete strangers come right up to me...

[GrownupGirl]

And start talking to me as if they've always known me, usually in a very loud voice, nearly always small talking about the weather? I don't say anything back to them because either due to my lack of social ability or because they freak me out, or both. And then they think I'm rude. First there was that elderly woman at the restaurant last week, and today as I walked home from shopping some person starts talking top me about the unusually warm weather as they go by me, and then yell out that I should at least say "yeah". So I said "Yeah!" like a complete idiot, to make shut them up and because they think I'm a rude person for not talking back.

Why do people keep doing this? Why am I such a magnet for strangers who creep me out, invade my space, and overload my senses? When I was young people who acted like that to me were usually bullies and not trying to befriend me at all. What is it about me that makes me so "approachable"? Is it because I'm usually by myself when I go out? Was the Mickey Mouse t-shirt I was wearing make them think I was "friendly"? How can I get people like that to just mind their own business?

 

[SunnyDay16]

And start talking to me as if they've always known me, usually in a very loud voice, nearly always small talking about the weather? I don't say anything back to them because either due to my lack of social ability or because they freak me out, or both. And then they think I'm rude. First there was that elderly woman at the restaurant last week, and today as I walked home from shopping some person starts talking top me about the unusually warm weather as they go by me, and then yell out that I should at least say "yeah". So I said "Yeah!" like a complete idiot, to make shut them up and because they think I'm a rude person for not talking back.

Why do people keep doing this? Why am I such a magnet for strangers who creep me out, invade my space, and overload my senses? When I was young people who acted like that to me were usually bullies and not trying to befriend me at all. What is it about me that makes me so "approachable"? Is it because I'm usually by myself when I go out? Was the Mickey Mouse t-shirt I was wearing make them think I was "friendly"? How can I get people like that to just mind their own business?

Sometimes our childlike nature and sense of innocence can attract motherly sort of people or people looking for company. I've had strangers (always women only a few years older than me) ask me if I am okay or if I need something. They like to talk to me in a nurturing tone of voice.

 

[the_tortoise]

It probably means you look friendly/approachable. I get approached by all kinds of people and they talk to me about all kinds of things. I don't usually mind it, though.

Could be anything about you but facial expression, posture/movement, and how you dress are the ones that come to mind.

All I can think to suggest is try scowling a lot when you are around people. (Edit: I actually do this when I don't want people to approach me -- I put on a scowly, angry face -- seems to work.)

 

[onlything]

I know what you mean. Somehow I always end up that one person talked to when people just feel like talking, asked for help or directions, or for filling a survey, or begged for money. Apparently, I have a friendly face.

 

[Onna]

I used to feel just like this when I was younger. I hated it!
I’ve grown to accept it, and learnt to be polite. But only because I realised that the strangers who tried to small talk were just in a happy mood, it’s like they feel compelled to talk to a fellow human and feel a friendly connection. It makes them feel better.
However the person who told you that you should at least say ‘yeah’ was a bit pushy!... that would’ve annoyed me.

 

[tducey]

Happens to me too, usually by people asking for directions. I just try to help them out the best I can.

 

[BraidedPony]

I’m always ignored to the point I feel like I’m invisible. I’m the one that might say hi or nod to someone. But if they are quiet I assume they are in deep thought or deaf and it doesn’t bother me.
What I don’t like is when people approach me to make stupid comments about my service dog, like...Has it ever occurred to you that some people are allergic to dogs? Duh.

 

[OkRad]

Sometimes it's easy to forget that almost everyone is on drugs.

Maybe they just got an adjustment of an anti-depressant. Maybe their Dr just cut them off opiates. Maybe they are switching to a new medication for seizures and it's making them feel wacky.

It's so easy to forget that at any given time, the world is in an altered state.

 

[Sherlock77]

Some people are just friendly, and quite willing to talk to total strangers, not counting panhandlers... Just yesterday in one our urban neighbourhoods, one fellow was wandering around, sitting on a bench, quite chatty, I saw him talking to lots of other people as well... I am a guy admittedly, but I didn't think he was creepy

I actually think some people are quite lonely, not just Aspies. I have done stranger portraits in my photography for many years. I have been amazed how much people tell me sometimes in a conversation with someone they have never met before. As the person on the other side of the camera, I would rarely share much personal information the way they do. I think that perhaps few people in their lives ever listen to their stories.

And I don't mind, I've heard lots of amazing stories from complete strangers. I used to be part of the now dormant Humans of Calgary team.

 

[Mattymatt]

I wish I would get approached by people. I'm not a smiler by nature and I'm kind of dour. Some people have said I'm not approachable but I'm actually a really friendly, caring person. I'm just a big guy but a teddy bear - I guess I come off as intimidating and certainly not intentionally.

 

[Adora]

I have gotten a few people like that come up to me,I have had people sit next to me while waiting for a bus or train and literally tell me their whole life story,also there is a sushi bar where I live and sometimes the owners elderly mother is there and she seems to like talking to me even though I am quiet,on the flip side I have also have had some very scary incidents where I have been sexually harassed and even had a guy follow me and my brother almost to our home which caused major anxiety for me.

 

[Progster]

When I was younger, this used to happen to me quite a bit, simply because I was a young female on my own, and their mothering instinct was kicking in, I suppose. Unfortunately that also sometimes attracted the wrong sort of attention from males. Now, it rarely happens - if a stranger tries to talk to me, it's might be to ask for directions, but it is usually not to be friendly, but to tell me not to stim, to tell me to move along, to tell me not to do this or not do that, to boss me around, which I resent, because I'm usually not doing anything that really can bother other people and I have to tolerate much more from other people than they have to from me, without complaining. I keep myself to myself and I wish people would do the same!

 

[SusanLR]

I seldom have this happen.
Sometimes in a confined setting like a waiting area, someone may start small talk like about the weather
or of all things one of the most common conversation starters come from women about how they
really like the colour of my hair.
I say Thank You. Then they start asking what do I use to get that colour.
No, it isn't natural. It is a kind of ombre reddish toned. Very shiney in the sun.
They usually start fussing over how their hair is dull or frizzy.
I tell them it is done with Henna paste. I do it myself.
Then they want to know what that is and where they can buy it, etc.

It's nice to be complimented, but, sometimes it gets to be a little much.
And it makes me think if it is so attention getting, I wonder what the negative thoughts are
of those who don't say anything? The ones that probably think it's too wild.

Averting looking people in the eyes though usually avoids too much attention or wanting to strike up
a conversation.
One of my worst aversions is when the usual "How are you doing today, Susan?" that always comes up
at places I go and I answer, " It's really hot out there today!"

 

[owlet]

My mum and sister experience this more than me, but I've had quite a few people try to start conversations with me and I'm not sure why. It often takes me a moment to realise they're speaking to me because it doesn't cross my mind a random stranger would want to talk to another random stranger unless they really needed something. It was very shocking when I went to Liverpool for a trip and people would just talk to you like they knew you - I think it's a good thing really, because it's friendly and welcoming, but it unsettled me a lot at the time as I wasn't prepared at all. On the other hand, in London I really needed directions and had to almost throw myself in front of someone to get them to listen. That was depressing.

 

[Graphin]

To me it seems like people usually prefer to talk with me as a last resort, even strangers, except drunk people.

 

[clg114]

I wish I would get approached by people. I'm not a smiler by nature and I'm kind of dour. Some people have said I'm not approachable but I'm actually a really friendly, caring person. I'm just a big guy but a teddy bear - I guess I come off as intimidating and certainly not intentionally.

I do not get approached by many people ether and for the same reason. I am a very large person and kind of crazy looking, at least that is what my sons tell me. The difference is that I do not want to be approached by people. I get more than my share of interaction with people. It seems that I have a disorder called "Friendly Neighborhood Mechanic Syndrome". That is enough interaction for me.

 

[Judge]

Smile, don't look intimidating and wear clothing with cute graphics. Sure...if you want complete strangers approaching you.

Reminds me of one of my coworkers. A very attractive girl who would incessantly get approached by men. So she simply changed her outward demeanor to keep such people at bay. And it worked.

Sometimes it can pay to "channel your inner Taxi Driver, Travis Bickle".

 

[Ginseng]

Sometimes our childlike nature and sense of innocence can attract motherly sort of people

I have had women literally turn and hold me. I wasn't frightened by this but I was definitely baffled. But I must admit, I was hurting deeply inside. It was just rare for anyone to actually see me. Talking never occurred though. When they got through holding me they would leave. I didn't hold them back because I didn't know what to do.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I have had women literally turn and hold me. I wasn't frightened by this but I was definitely baffled. But I must admit, I was hurting deeply inside. It was just rare for anyone to actually see me. Talking never occurred though. When they got through holding me they would leave. I didn't hold them back because I didn't know what to do.

I would be pretty baffled too. I get they were probably trying to be nurturing, but still that's inappropriate to do without asking first. Were these people you knew? Or strangers?

 

[SunnyDay16]

When I was younger, this used to happen to me quite a bit, simply because I was a young female on my own, and their mothering instinct was kicking in, I suppose. Unfortunately that also sometimes attracted the wrong sort of attention from males. Now, it rarely happens - if a stranger tries to talk to me, it's might be to ask for directions, but it is usually not to be friendly, but to tell me not to stim, to tell me to move along, to tell me not to do this or not do that, to boss me around, which I resent, because I'm usually not doing anything that really can bother other people and I have to tolerate much more from other people than they have to from me, without complaining. I keep myself to myself and I wish people would do the same!

Tell those people to eff off.