1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured Why did I feel like one of my teachers was mean to me?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Turbocks, Mar 3, 2020.

  1. Turbocks

    Turbocks Active Member

    Messages:
    20
    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2019
    Karma:
    +27
    I am an 18 year old teenager boy with aspergers and for the longest time I had issues taking showers in high school especially with other students mainly because I hate nudity and I don't want to be seen naked.

    Eventually the teachers started becoming suspicious so they sent this teacher that was probably in his mid 40s to make sure that I did shower.

    When I did not shower he eventually started shouting at me and at one point I even briefly saw him naked which scared me badly.

    And from that point whenever he was there whenever I heard his voice especially when he started shouting mainly when I was on the toilet playing pinball games on my mobile for too long I was really scared of him so I just ran away fearing he was gonna follow me.

    The worst part was that I was stuttering as I spoke and my heart was beating extremely fast because of fear and that he never took my fear seriously and his only reaction was to say "stop joking around"

    A while ago I did the same which was running away in fear to my classroom and he did what I feared that he was gonna do because he followed me to my classroom and afterwards he took me to the principal who also happens to be one of my teachers.

    That was when what felt like hell started because already in the classroom I was crying my eyes out in fear and yelling and I did the same at the meeting with the principal.

    The worst part is that the guy would just refute everything I said about my fears of him again saying "stop joking around" which felt even more insulting because the female principal did nothing at all in terms of criticing him and his words.

    They did talk about solutions to my problems but only once the guy left the room did I ever agree on a solution.

    I stopped listening to him when all he did was critise me and rant about how I was causing problems for the other students by using the toilet for too long and not showering.

    Is it normal for things to play out like this where the teachers have seemingly have no regards for the distress of students?

    I also forgot to mention I go at a high school for people with a diagnosis like aspergers and that I am also easily scared by sudden loud noises and people that I find threatening especially some older more intimidating people.

    To end it on a happy note I did agree on a solution and it has worked since then but I still hate his guts for what he said and how he acted and his stubborn refusal to accept that he did anything wrong instead preferring to refute it back at me.

    Was he being rude and insensitive or was I wrong?
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 4
  2. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

    Messages:
    1,196
    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2018
    Karma:
    +2,028
    What a horrible teacher! And I totally understand your aversion to seeing people naked. I don't get why locker room showers have no discretion or privacy when we live in such a "modest" society.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 2
  3. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,732
    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2018
    Karma:
    +9,784
    Sounds like your teacher had major problems and his repeatedly telling you to stop joking around was only his way of claiming innocence to what he knew he was doing wrong.
    I totally agree with you about the showers - I never showered in gym. Matter of fact, I stopped bringing my gym uniform so I wouldn't have to change in front of others. (I think those who feel the same way need respect and adjustments made). In high school when I was told I was going to have to start dressing into gym clothes and showering, I stopped going and hid out somewhere. I flat wasn't going to.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  4. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    5,431
    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2015
    Karma:
    +12,471
    No, I don't believe you weren't wrong. I would raise these concerns with your parents, so they can address the problems with the school administration. Not all teachers and staff at these schools are sufficiently trained or for lack of a better term 'Cut out' for this type of instruction. They need to be monitored and corrected at times just as students are.
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
  5. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,732
    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2018
    Karma:
    +9,784
    Except for your double negative, I totally agree. :) And this teacher bears watching.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  6. Mary Terry

    Mary Terry Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,145
    Joined:
    May 19, 2016
    Karma:
    +1,920
    Your teacher was rude and insensitive. Especially for a school for autistic students. If you're still in high school, please try to remember that it is just a means to something higher and better. You'll have to tolerate a lot of garbage but please persevere to get your high school diploma. A diploma is very, very important for the rest of your life.

    About the public showers and nudity - I spent years in girls' locker rooms. I was an athlete in high school and studied ballet and dance for years. I never liked having to undress/dress in front of others, but then, they didn't like it, either, but we all swallowed our pride and prudishness and did what was required. I think I just became accustomed to quickly showering and dressing as discretely as possible. These days, I rarely have occasion to strip down naked in front of others, but if I do, I just freakin' do it. Example - I have full body screenings at my dermatologist's office twice a year for skin cancer. I hate it, am always freezing cold, sitting buck naked on an exam table with the equivalent of a large paper towel to cover me up. If they have a problem with how I look, then that is their problem, not mine. :rolleyes:

    Watch the TV show "Naked and Afraid" - it will desensitize you to nudity real fast, LOL.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  7. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,204
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2018
    Karma:
    +3,065
    Teacher was mean. He probably believed he was doing the right thing, but in that, he was wrong and he was mean.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  8. Anonymous

    Anonymous Equestrian Aspie

    Messages:
    36
    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2017
    Karma:
    +37
    also in high school, 17 here. in my experience too many teachers get away with this kind of behavior. you were not in the wrong. however, they may have reprimanded this teacher privately. two years ago they assigned me to a teacher that didn't believe in accommodations, which are mandatory for teachers to follow, to teach her that kids with accommodations still deserve and can function in college level classes. we had no idea until a meeting with the principle when my parents thought they were seriously considering pulling me from all college level courses like she suggested. She had been disciplined several times over her behavior, but even after they got me out of her class she was still head of her department.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

    Messages:
    2,717
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +4,877
    HS is another great place for ??? Who??? Bullies, bully students, bully teacher, bully cafeteria or maintenance dweebs. There is always one or more of these, because they know younger adults are vulnerable, period.The two most preyed on groups in society; younger people, senior citizens.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  10. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,585
    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2013
    Karma:
    +1,198
    I guess my only question is that did you clearly express your need to not be around other nude people for showering? And would you have showered if so? Maybe instead of not showering, you can at least wash your hair and your armpits and wash yourself by the sink without getting naked rather than being all smelly, because that is a problem too.

    There are so many kids that it's hard to allow one person to shower alone. It's a bad setup- no doubt. Your request should also be in writing and if your parent/guardian supports you in this, that should get results. If not, you could then consider writing to your local paper and/or talking to the police about your concerns.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,286
    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2018
    Karma:
    +2,089
    I had a teacher who called me retarded at 1 time so I can see your point here. It's to bad to see this. Hope to see things work out for you.
     
  12. Stardust Parade

    Stardust Parade Active Member

    Messages:
    103
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2018
    Karma:
    +148
    Why is he naked in front of students?
     
  13. Turbocks

    Turbocks Active Member

    Messages:
    20
    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2019
    Karma:
    +27
    I think he was trying to make me follow him into the shower which now that I think about it is actually somewhat disturbing because of the age difference.

    As for the solution I bought myself a pair of bath shoes and brought some towels and I waited until I was completely alone.
     
  14. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,585
    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2013
    Karma:
    +1,198
    Considering the context and the role of a teacher, I'd say this is acceptable. The teacher obviously did not get naked for the purpose of anything sexual. It was one way to demonstrate to the student indirectly that it is okay to get naked. If he can do it, so can the student.

    A teacher is expected to know and maybe even try to be creative on how they support their students. Even though this may be unconventional, not being okay with showering in front of other students and not wanting to wash oneself could be considered unconventional too. Social unconventional actions can be responded with other socially unconventional responses.

    Also, we don't have enough information about the school you attend. Is it a urban school environment where you don't feel safe and feel that some students would physically injure you when you're showering? Is it a suburban school in a nice district where it might be rich kids who you're afraid will do something to you outside this facility if you show your parts? These factors are important for determining what can help you best possibly.
     
  15. Turbocks

    Turbocks Active Member

    Messages:
    20
    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2019
    Karma:
    +27
    As far as I know it's a private school in the city.

    As for the enviroment and the teachers there most have been quite friendly and some of them really do seem to love their job and the students.

    As for the students themselves it's more that they can be very noisy and they tend to talk about unpleasant things like masturbation.
     
  16. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,585
    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2013
    Karma:
    +1,198
    Since it's a private school, that generally means a student's family has to pay for it. So, it's probably a safe environment generally speaking since one has to pay for it unless there's something like drugs and the education staff isn't handling these situations well, or if peers are being bullying outside of the school and it's not noticed.

    Talking about masturbation privately, that sounds like a typical teenage thing. It doesn't make everyone feel comfortable, but some people like that feeling and some people like talking about it. . .
     
  17. zurb

    zurb Eschewer of Obfuscation

    Messages:
    4,083
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2014
    Karma:
    +2,547
    Is this one of those old style everyone showers together football thugs type showers? They should be banned. If that’s the situation, I understand. Why can’t one have a shower in a cubicle like a civilized culture?
    As for standing up for one’s rights – I certainly don’t know how to do it. Everyone else seems to be able to get what they want, but I never know what to say, and noone ever listens. Always seems my opinion is invalid for some reason.
     
  18. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    33,435
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +23,972
    @zurb

    I like your description of the shower.
    That's the kind we had in girl's gym class.
    It was a big surprise to me when I was 12.
    Not fun.

    The teacher had older girls assigned to check
    off names, to make sure everybody took a
    shower.

    Nothing horrid happened, but after a lifetime
    of being taught to keep my clothes on, getting
    naked in a batch of other people was difficult.
     
  19. Turbocks

    Turbocks Active Member

    Messages:
    20
    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2019
    Karma:
    +27
    This isn't even the first incident with that guy because three years ago during my first year of high school I was suffering from depression and I was actually suicidal with several failed attempts to hang myself in the bathroom.

    The one incident that caused me to hate him for a while was when I was in class and I refused to work because I was depressed so the guy who sort of looks like keemstar took me to the corridor and tried to talk to me but not once did he try to talk about how I was actually feeling and to be honest I don't remember most of what he said but I remember crying in the corridor with teachers walking by as if nothing was happening.

    He and I walked back to the classroom where to him it appeared as if I had calmed down and that I was ready to start working and because of that he praised me which caused me to snap because it felt like an insult to me and I started punching my laptop and my table in pure rage with even more tears running down my red face which caused him to send me out of the classroom which caused me to become even more depressed and resentful to him.

    Me and my father eventually had a meeting with that guy because I wanted him to apologise but instead the asshat refused to take any responsibility for what he has done and he blamed me entirely refusing to do a apology of any sort because in his eyes I was to blame because of "not working" which is just a horrible excuse to not care about the psychological wellbeing of the students.

    During that meeting he even took things that I said because I was angry and sad as something that I would say even while not angry as if to make me look like the bad guy and that he was the good guy.

    I did get over the first incident eventually , but two times? this is why I have started to wonder if he is some sort of sociopath/psychopath because normally he tries to appear as happy and helpful as any normal person but as soon as the right moment is there when he knows he can get away with things like this he shows his true colors.

    He has never been violent towards people but at one time during school I did see him arguing with a female teacher about something that I cannot remember but it makes me wonder if he acts like this towards other teachers too and not just other students.

    I only have one more year in high school left and it makes me happy because I know I will not have to see him ever again.
     
  20. ASD_Geek

    ASD_Geek Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    373
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2014
    Karma:
    +423
    Sorry that you’re going through this. It’s unfortunate that some people with authority or power tend to abuse it or abuse others with it. When I was in high school we had to take showers as well, however they would let us shower with a towel around our waist if we felt uncomfortable. Maybe that could be an option for you.

    I went out for the wrestling team in high school but then quickly dropped it after a week because the coach had to weigh us in every day. That consisted of us walking up to him with a towel on and then dropping it so we were fully naked, followed by stepping on the scale in front of him. To say it was uncomfortable is an understatement.