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Why are people so quick to make assumptions about us

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Aliza, Sep 28, 2018.

  1. Aliza

    Aliza Active Member

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    *sorry for any typos*
    So I've only been diagnosed with aspergers for a short time now so I havent had a lot of treatment yet and my social skills still need a lot of improvement.



    I'm terribly socially awkward, and don't know how to behave in social settings. My heart beats out of my chest, I sweat, shake, and stutter which ends up making me even more nervous.



    I dont know what to do with my hands, so I just stim by fidgeting with something or bite my nails.

    Since I don't like looking people in their face or them in general, I don't know what to look at or focus my attention on whenever I am in a group of people.

    Usually I would look at my phone or objects around the room, but then it started being pointed out..."Youre always on your phone" and "What are you staring at?" Which then made me feel like I'm in the wrong, even though I know I'm not. Like, I can never win.



    If I am attending an event in which there is going to be alot of social interaction, like a wedding, I stress over it days prior to it taking place. My family think its all an act and that I behave this way to get out of things. Thats not what the hell it is and I am so incredibly sick of people concluding such things about me when I have a bigger heart than a majority of people.



    Not only does conversation make me nervous, but I'm completely uninterested in what others are saying, UNLESS a topic of my interest is relevant to the convo. Other than that, I don't care what they talking about. Sometimes I want to be fake and put on a different persona, so I can blend in to the neurotypical crowd and not have to face their BS.



    I will also avoid people in public as well. I will look down as I walk past others or just turn around and walk the opposite direction, especially men. Having autism, and being phsycially attractive, is not a good combination (I believe I am above average when it comes to looks and I am told it quite often) men practically eyeball me and watch every move I make, stare at my body as if I'm some kind of object. This is scary for EVERY woman, but throw autism into the mix and it is even worse...



    I actually had one incident happen few months ago where I had a falling out with my mom and she kicked me out of her house. I went and stayed with my now ex boyfriend (he's actually an ex because of the situation I'm about to describe) well his parents ended up kicking me out 2 weeks later because they thought I was "weird" and "up to no good" because I "barely spoke" with them and behaved in a way that "unsettled" them. Why? They told my ex "it is the quiet ones you have to watch out for" and he didnt defend me at all, basically just agreed that I was rude for not interacting with them. I don't know how...



    No one has any idea how hurtful it is and how insulting it is, to make such terrible and disgusting assumptions about someone when you don't even know half of what their struggles are. I always at least try to take into consideration what someone else may be going through before I judge or make any conclusions about them.


    Sorry neurotypicals but you guys are the ones who are rude.
     
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  2. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    Stereotypes which is rather unfortunate. To me you should never judge a book by its cover. The local Autism society had something on about seeing the able and not the label when dealing with people with Autism. That is so true.
     
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  3. pamelaperejil

    pamelaperejil Non-player character

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    People are quick to make assumptions, period. Saves them the trouble of actually thinking.
     
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  4. SunnyDay16

    SunnyDay16 Well-Known Member

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    Lack of critical thinking skills, media stereotypes, ignorance, misconceptions...all of these contribute to the assumption-making. We all are judgemental creatures, some more than others, but we also have the ability to at least try to look beyond first impressions and educate ourselves.
     
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  5. pamelaperejil

    pamelaperejil Non-player character

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    Also, I think, because making even a completely unfounded assumption is seen as different than "lying". So you can pretty much go around saying whatever you like and then escape responsibility by saying "well, I thought it was true".

    It's a way for people to attack someone or "spin" a story without appearing guilty of dishonesty.
     
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  6. Theta.G

    Theta.G Well-Known Member

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    I think it's because NT's assume we are also NT. In doing so the behaviors or mannerisms raise red flags and they rationalize it the best they can. Schizo. Bipolar. Mentally ill. Dangerous. School shooter.

    Now, if they knew you were autistic and they actually understood it or believed you then the odd behavior would become accepted in their mind and fit under that one umbrella. Then they would know you aren't any of the wild assumptions they made before listed above.

    Not exactly a good ice breaker though right?
    Hey i'm so and so, 20 something and autistic!
    Sup with you? :)

    A new problem would start then. Like a while back when there was a school shooter and the news said it he was autistic. They retracted this of course. It wasn't true. but because this was the first thing trait mentioned and pushed by the media it's what everyone remembered. And so it's what quite a few people think.
     
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  7. OrdinaryCitizen

    OrdinaryCitizen Well-Known Member

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    It happened to me as well, due to my conditions people wrongly assume i were a being a jerk towards them and it had pretty harsh consequences for me, no body knows whats inside and what are my reasons for acting certain way, but keep making assumptions and by far people are too silly to think past simplest conclusion that comes in their mind.


    Perhaps your ex parents thought "your are arrogant girl who thinks she is above them so she don't find it necessary pay any attention to them", and its their house so it they got mad and kicked you out, they could not say what they really felt because it shows their weakness so they come up with that excuse.


    On other hand i been with girls who are very self centered they only care about their looks and their interests never talk about anything they would not find interesting. They also cut me off very cold in middle of conversation showing they don't care what i say, pretty bad feeling like being with someone but left out of their life, like you don't exist or don't matter.
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2018
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  8. Oleg Steptoe

    Oleg Steptoe Member

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    After a certain number of years of those kind of reactions, I've developed a type of hypervigilance toward ignorant people and I've learned that they have a very bad reaction to that. I've only recently become aware of this: the hypervigilance and how and why they react like that. I doubt that they have the capacity for such awareness and default to 'dangerous.'
    Plus, I've always appreciated that anything ignorant people can't understand, they demonize - sometimes literally.
     
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  9. Mr Allen

    Mr Allen Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Ever since I was diagnosed Aspie, I've had to deal with small minded people online who think everyone who isn't in perfect mental health is obviously retarded.

    Bunch of morons.

    Contrary to popular opinion I might never win Mastermind, but I am NOT retarded.
     
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  10. George Newman

    George Newman Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    My heart goes out to you, Aliza. Many of us here at the forum have experienced what you are experiencing in one form or another or in varying degrees. I would also bet that at least seven out of ten neurotypicals have experienced these same circumstances or something very similar. Hear my heart as I share this with true honesty and care. You are special and unique but your circumstances are not special or unique. The world isn’t going to change to accommodate us in most of all the awkward instances we face. It’s self awareness and situational awareness that we need to manage. We can manage ourselves. Those around us even family are going to be what they very well please. This is a safe place to let some steam off. I know this is hard but try to love those who are special to you thru their ignorance. You take the high road. Be the patient educator. I hope this helps and I dosen’t come across as too high minded. I wish you the best.
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2018
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