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Who am I?

Amber123

Active Member
I think with this condition, we often need for people to tell us what to do, what to say, and how to feel. That's why when we come up against something new or challenging it is always overwhelming and confusing, regardless of how normal this event or situation or choice is to other people.

It could be as simple as choosing how to spend your spare time, or what to wear, or your career path next, follow your passion - I don't know if I know how to feel passion for something and when I look at the things people say I have an interest in, I wonder if I'm truly interested in it. I also wonder if I'm just a warped mirror of other people's ideas and what they've told me to say and who to be and what choices.

Now that I've isolated myself from most people who've influenced me previously, I've begun to question why I speak a certain way or why I chose that path or idea and everything has begun to crumble because it all comes back to the fact that someone told me to do it, say it, be like this. I don't know who I am or what my personality is, or who I'm meant to be.

There are some things I like, but I don't know if I like them or if someone told me to like them and it's just stuck because I've done it my whole life.

How do I figure out who I am?
 
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You already got a long way, recognized so many important things. I am just rolling along with that, I don't think there is any fast way.
 
'Finding myself' was something that concerned me a lot when I was younger, not so much more. I don't feel the need to have a certain identity, and I don't really worry about who I am or where I fit in... I don't need to be any specific thing, I don't need to have an identity - I'm just me, I am my own person. I certainly won't accept other people telling me what or who I should be, and how I should feel.
 
I've known several Aspies that would fit that description of seemingly always needing me or someone to
tell them what to do, asking should I do this or that.
I don't know what the ratio on that would be. Is it an ASD thing or not?

Myself, I agree with @Progster I'm just me, I don't need an identity, and I resent other people telling me what to do or how to feel. Been that way all my life, from a child up.
If I do listen to what someone tells me to do, the majority of the time I end up wishing I hadn't and
kick myself in the behind later for doing it.

Perhaps a co-morbid personality type may influence the ASD in one direction or the other.
I was never abused growing up so I don't know how that influences.
All I know is I do things my way. (most of the time.)
 
Why have you done this to me??? Now I'll spend the rest of the day dwelling on these thoughts. LOL
Actually I don't know who I am either. I think most of what I do - even when I'm alone - are things I'm supposed to do and feel guilty if I step outside that realm. I feel like I live inside a box that controls what I do. The more stressed, the smaller the box and the less movement I'm able to have. But most the time, inside my box, I do and act like I'm 'supposed' to. The real me remains inside and has always been hidden and I can't do the things that my insides want to do. If I want to scream it's impossible. If I want to step outside and relax, can't do it. If I want to tell someone off, I'm silent. If people could read my thoughts they would not like me - I probably wouldn't like myself. :) So I am who I think I need to be.
 
you are different,I think what is happening is you are maturing and you are noticing it it happened to me after my mother died.
part of the explanation is the label developmental disorder, but that is just neurotypicals reacting to something different. I've learnt I have interests since my mother died.
 
It sounds like you're going through an identity crisis, which is very common for Aspies, especially female Aspies because of their (your?) mimicking abilities. Just throwing that out there for some recommended googling.

That aside, I see it like this: other people teach us how to human properly, and it seems to be a drive of theirs to teach us how to properly be people (in their eyes). This behavior is useful when we're young and say, don't know how to hold a spoon properly. It's less useful when you're older and people's attempts to teach you might conflict with whatever sense of identity you either do or feel you should possess.

For example, the next person to tell me I should go to "computer school" is getting punched in the throat. I use computers. I don't like computers. But how would anyone know that about me? STEM careers tend to be lucrative with good job prospects; that's what they want for me. But that steps on the part of my identity that doesn't give a damn about computers. It may make me question whether I ought to like computers. Maybe something's wrong with me because I don't like computers. This results in confusion about who I really am. Get it?

The aforementioned "teaching" behavior is a sign of care and concern (it typically comes from older people, am I right?) and is less of a detailed instruction on what you should do and more of a general push in one direction. It's big picture first, details second. That's how NT's think; it's called top-down thinking.

In contrast, Aspies usually need the details first before they can see the big picture. Details first, big picture second; that's called bottom-up thinking, and it's responsible for all those "why don't you get it? It's simple!" kind of thrashings in school, assuming you got that. We don't get it because our thought process is the complete opposite of our "peers".

Let me tie that all together for another example: using the above "computer school" example, the person suggesting I should go to computer school is assuming that I think just like they do; that I'd take the idea of "computer school" (the big picture) and then work out the details of how to achieve that.

In reality, I'd be better off starting with the details - maybe taking one or two classes in an area I'm not sure if I'm interested in or not - and then the details simply become the big picture. The big picture becomes apparent. What that leads to is a richer understanding of the subject at hand - and identity crises when an Aspie tries to tackle a large problem thinking how they've been taught to think; thinking like an NT, which just isn't part of our neurology.

That got long, but I hope it has some value.
 
I think with this condition, we often need for people to tell us what to do, what to say, and how to feel. That's why when we come up against something new or challenging it is always overwhelming and confusing, regardless of how normal this event or situation or choice is to other people.

It could be as simple as choosing how to spend your spare time, or what to wear, or your career path next, follow your passion - I don't know if I know how to feel passion for something and when I look at the things people say I have an interest in, I wonder if I'm truly interested in it. I also wonder if I'm just a warped mirror of other people's ideas and what they've told me to say and who to be and what choices.

Now that I've isolated myself from most people who've influenced me previously, I've begun to question why I speak a certain way or why I chose that path or idea and everything has begun to crumble because it all comes back to the fact that someone told me to do it, say it, be like this. I don't know who I am or what my personality is, or who I'm meant to be.

There are some things I like, but I don't know if I like them or if someone told me to like them and it's just stuck because I've done it my whole life.

How do I figure out who I am?

I could have written the exact same thing , I feel you bro !
 
Short answer: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

Medium Answer: As a life long collector I run into something similar to this. I found I collect things impulsively or just because it was on sale, someone else had a nice group, etc. I now use the test of time and interest. If I didn't pull it out and use it in the last year out it goes (resold). I got rid of 90% that way but the 10% remaining was stuff I trully liked. And once in a while I made a mistake and had to reaquire something. I use this as an analogy of you maybe finding a method of testing the own things in your life.
 
How do I figure out who I am?
I have similar question how do i figure what i really want, my old goal in life got aborted, no idea how to set goals for myself i have little interest in what everyone else dedicate their life to.

But its true if you have no goal of your own others will make a goal for you, so i need to hurry up and find my own.
 
I have struggled with this concept myself..

I like the idea of not needing an identity, it isn’t something I’ve ever considered, but labels are. I sought labels when I was younger, I felt a huge need to label what made me different, but that was in a time of crisis. I don’t want to say “identity crisis”, more of a “label crisis”, as I’ve never associated the two!

As for being affected by other people’s opinions.. this happens to me a lot and I hate it. I have desperately been trying to stop myself from being affected so heavily, but really, what other people think affects me so much. It could cause me to stop listening to a certain artist, stop liking a certain movie or even change my mind on what I want to do, career-wise. Even a throwaway comment would be enough for me. I need to stop this!

Maybe, at this point, I’m myself and you’re yourself. Maybe we are this way because of other people, but to change in the light of this realisation would, indirectly, be changing because of other people too, so it’s a bit of a vicious circle situation! But also, I guess you have to take into account that whole nature vs nurture thing; the people in our lives are meant to affect us to a certain extent. But yes, I don’t think we should allow them to affect us TOO much if we can help it.

Sorry, I’m rambling now! This just really got me thinking.
 
Now that I've isolated myself from most people who've influenced me previously, I've begun to question why I speak a certain way or why I chose that path or idea and everything has begun to crumble because it all comes back to the fact that someone told me to do it, say it, be like this. I don't know who I am or what my personality is, or who I'm meant to be.

There are some things I like, but I don't know if I like them or if someone told me to like them and it's just stuck because I've done it my whole life.

You make me remember that I choose to study law because of someone in particular, even if what you say is true, I think I have an idea that can help you.

Do you get interested in anything other people present you? Did you mimic everybody you came across?

To some degree we are influenced this is true and this is not that big of a deal, but you dont get influenced by everything, we are influenced by thing we are attracted to, for good or bad reasons, this is up to you to figure out wether its for a good or bad reason that you like something.

With that being said I dont know who am I neither, I like the quote that says we are what we do , and atm I do nothing kek.
 
Human is biological organism that is all, rest is just experiences gathered throughout childhood and early life, personality is a myth, nothing more than a sum of all the experiences and knoweledge together.

I think good formula to understand what to do and who you is- All that is good for any living organism is good for human as well since we are nothing more than thinking biological organism.
Societal things like normality, moral or ethics, are totally artificially made concepts that come from religious or philosophical grounds and can be ignored.
As long as you not doing anything illegal and it brings you joy it should be good.

Even if you pinpoint everything other people put in you it will not make it go away, changing your habits and thinking is tough.
 
It can be a confusing place to find ourselves.

Floundering over who we think we are and who we actually are.

We do receive input from others and have some ideas of our own due to the roles we take on.
Sibling, partner, spouse, colleague, acquaintance, parent, relative and so on.
These go toward making up our identity.
When we withdraw or stop interacting with others in the above roles we can lose those ideas of ourself.

Are we still a colleague if we don’t work?

Like others, I feel a little lost at the moment.
Unsure of which direction I’m supposed to be headed in and what it is exactly I’m supposed to be doing with the rest of my life.

With no one dependent on me now, the world is my oyster.
That is both exciting and terrifying :)
 
Sorry I accidentally hit post reply. What I was going to say was it doesn't matter what others think. You are you
 

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