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Whining about my family again.

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by KagamineLen, Jun 15, 2021.

  1. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    My cousin, my abusive aunt’s son who happens to be a good person, reached out to me recently. We hung out yesterday, played video games, watched movies and talked. He expressed concern about his mother’s extreme dependence upon alcohol and amphetamines and about how his sister and his father was enabling her in her addictions. I did not want to bring up my experiences with his mother into the conversation, as he already has enough on his plate as it is.

    But this is a woman who my entire family is enabling, outside of myself and her son. Yeah, we all know she is very unhappy and she had such a hard life being adopted by a mother who loved her unconditionally and who wanted a friend instead of a daughter. I know she feels abandoned by her birth mother so she took it out on any child who was seemingly accepted by his or her birth mother. Boo hoo hoo. According to most of my family, her never ending river of sorrow absolves her of all of her sins. That is BS.

    I am a close friend of my cousin, who is hiding his contact with me from his mother since she would most certainly disapprove of it. Not sure what else to add to this post.
     
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  2. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    My own mother and stepfather used to be big on the whole alcohol thing. Way too much of it. It was... problematic, to put it mildly.

    Eventually, I "dealt with" the problem. By which I mean "screamed at them about it where all the neighbors could hear". That ended it. And they became their old selves.

    My point is, sometimes, what truly helps is direct intervention. Addiction is a terrible thing... it can take someone and utterly control them, ruling their life with an iron fist. Most cannot break out of it on their own. And it transforms them into monsters. Alcoholism is bad enough, but full-on drug addictions... that person will become a twisted, nightmarish version of their former selves. Only a strong intervening force can reverse this. The worse the addiction, the heavier the intervening force needs to strike.

    This person you're talking about... she sounds like she needs that sort of intervention. The "you dont get a bloody choice now go to a rehab center" sort. Particularly if people are enabling her.

    Well, that's just my thoughts on it anyway.
     
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  3. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I asked my 'parents' to put me up for adoption, they refused, even had a childless couple nearby offer to take me but no...

    adoption woulda been better for me.

    Orphans are weird, my 'mother' and her sister were dumped in an orphanage and spent their whole early lives there, probably horrific stuff, but she took it out on me. Lucky she had that outlet! She really hated parenting, resented everything about it. Actually said to me 'I don't have a maternal bone in my body!'. One of the few times she told the truth.
     
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  4. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    The thing about my aunt is that I know where she can get exactly the help she needs - in my state’s civil commitment center for violent, unrepentant and cruel level 3 sex offenders, she will get exactly the help she needs.
     
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  5. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Ahhh.... so, a bit further than just the alcoholism & drug addiction, then?
     
  6. watersprite

    watersprite inadvertent vagabond V.I.P Member

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    I don’t see any whining in here.

    There was a sad but toxic black hole in my family. I had to get free of them, which basically sucked. Everybody saw me as being an a—, but I had to cut them out of my life to survive. They died a couple of years ago. Drugs & alcohol & a stubborn resistance to getting help. They went through re-hab about 4 times. Drama and attention, violence & rage, drugs and alcohol. Repeat.

    I’m still not in close with that part of the family, but it’s just not worth it.
    I don’t know if that helps. Stay away from the toxic co-dependent people.
     
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  7. Martha Ferris

    Martha Ferris Seeking answers

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    I don't know where any of you live but are there Al-Anon or Nar-Anon groups near you that you could join? They are for families who must deal with the addictions of family members.
    There are families we are born into and families we choose.
     
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I think every member of your family needs intensive therapy, as well bringing together various couples or groups for group therapy, a team of therapists working together to achieve some modicum of harmony in your lives.
     
  9. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    I think I need to accept that I cannot change anyone in my family. The cycle of narcissistic parenting and abuse is too deeply entrenched in my bloodline for many generations. I have to cut my losses and accept that most of them will never see me as an actual human being, forgive them for it for my own sake, and focus on doing what the hell I want to do with my own life. I am already 42, I wasted more than enough of my time on this BS. With God on my side, and with a solid support circle outside of my bloodline, I have a lot to be grateful for. I want to curb my addictive behaviors, develop healthier habits, lose a significant amount of weight, become more physically active, eat a much healthier diet, do a lot more writing, do a lot more gaming, host more dinner parties at my place, go to more meetings, cut back on the alcohol, cut back on the caffeine, keep my new house clean and tidy, take more pride in my appearance, see more live music after more people get vaccinated, learn to cook some gourmet meals, go on more weekend trips (such as taking a train to Portland for a couple of days), get out of my credit card debt, be a nice domestic bachelor. There is a lot I want to do, I should go ahead and do as much as I reasonably can.
     
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