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when to tell someone tell you have aspergers

rolo

Well-Known Member
I probably have not worded this correctly- do I have aspergers? Its not a disease -so far it has not gone well- I have tried to be honest and upbeat about it-however its amazing how quickly those neurotypicals become ever so slightly elusive a day or so after being honest and brave enough to tell them.No more phone calls or texts. My problem is that when anything new happens to me I become over eager and seem to tip the balance between being cautious with whom I divulge and telling just about anyone that happens to come along. So far the second problem is that I do not seem to have a stock answer when asked "oh, so what is aspergers?" the third problem is that said people then go away and google like crazy-soon after they give you the look!! you know the one?? so my question to my new found friends on this forum is what do you think??
 

Geordie

Geordie
My opinions:

We only say we have Asperger's when we know -

(1) Other people already know what is Asperger's
(2) Others will still treat us fairly without prejudice if we say we have Asperger's
(3) And other people will only tell about our conditions if (1) and (2) are fulfilled

If not, I will simply say, I'm a social weirdo but I'm uniquely valuable for you and your life. :D

In different people's cases, though, it could be different.
 

Loomis

Well-Known Member
How about: My doctor told me my brain is wired differently because I have a greater percentage of Cro Magnon genes than most people. It allows my mind to be more visual and spatial oriented. I don't have to think in words like most people but rather in three dimensional space. A lot like Einstein when he visualized the bending of space in the space time continuum as it relates to the speed of light. He was able to visualize the implications of his theory of relativity while others could only see the equations. Sometimes this kind of thinking is distracting.
 

Ylva

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
My parents have a sad tendency to tell people anyway.

If I could choose, I would say something like, "I was traumatised by bullies in grade school, so I'm a little behind on social skills" or "I have extremely keen senses, so anything sounds louder/looks brighter/is felt more acutely to me than it is to you. I don't need you to treat me like I am ill, but I would appreciate it if you would speak more softly/touch me LESS/dim the lights a bit."
 

umbrellabeach

Well-Known Member
My parents have a sad tendency to tell people anyway.

Mine too, but I've made it clear to them that I don't want them going around telling everyone they meet, and I think they've stopped now. I'm still wary though.
I only tell people if I want to be close to them and I think they will understand and not take my friendship and trust for granted, but since I've stopped trusting people I haven't told anyone. I moved three months ago, and the people here seem pretty nice, but I haven't told any of them about my AS. I view it as personal information that I shouldn't give out to everyone.
 
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Arashi222

Cuddling Vampires
V.I.P Member
I tell people when I think it will help them understand. I have told a few people that are at my workplace because it helps them understand why I do what I do. I have told a few friends, but those that are truly my friends don't care. I told my store director today apparently it all made sense to him now...Geez I agree though that it is personal information and if people want to talk to me about it then they can I am more than willing to answer questions but I honestly don't think its people's business other than my own.
 

Cyanide Lollipop

Well-Known Member
I've told my friends and a couple of people at work, including my manager. All have been very supportive. My attitude is that if I lose friends when I tell them I have AS then they were not true friends in the first place.
 

buckyboy14

Geo-Aspie
I don't tell people unless I've known them and talked to them for at least a few days. But my mom will tell anybody she sees. Just today, because of my sensitivity to pain, my mom told the person who was going to cut my hair to "be careful, because he's sensitive to pain. He has Asperger's." Is it REALLY THAT HARD just to say "He's sensitive to pain"? She'll tell every living soul, and it makes me so embarrassed because I'm afraid that person will think I'm sort of freak. Uggggh.
 

Sparticus

Jewish man kissing a Catholic woman....
It's been my experience with average Sheeple that 1) telling them overwhelms them (2) they don't have the iq, sensitivity or awareness to understand (3) they don't care & (4) it's mostly a negative reaction I get. They don't tell me about their [example] gambling habit or their addiction to _____ + so many people imo act fake & shallow anyway. Maybe I'll mention it to an intelligent individual and a few people close to me.
 

pacman

Well-Known Member
I usually don't tell people. I told my girlfriend once I saw that the relationship was getting serious. I also told a friend of a friend (and everyone else present) since he mentioned to me that he had Aspergers himself. It's just something that rarely comes up in conversations and I rarely need to tell people about it.
 

Mellotron

Well-Known Member
I haven't mentioned it to anyone but my girlfriend. Not really sure anyone else would know what to do with that information that I know. I seem to get by ok without mentioning it, I only realized I had it this year so I guess no reason to mention it now. Its more just something that helps me internally explain things about myself.
 

Ste11aeres

Well-Known Member
I haven't mentioned it to anyone but my girlfriend. Not really sure anyone else would know what to do with that information that I know. I seem to get by ok without mentioning it, I only realized I had it this year so I guess no reason to mention it now. Its more just something that helps me internally explain things about myself.
Yeah, the only person it turned out to be worthwhile to mention it to was my male friend.
 

GoldenRatio

Officially diagnosed with AS, ADHD, and anxiety.
V.I.P Member
How about: My doctor told me my brain is wired differently because I have a greater percentage of Cro Magnon genes than most people. It allows my mind to be more visual and spatial oriented. I don't have to think in words like most people but rather in three dimensional space. A lot like Einstein when he visualized the bending of space in the space time continuum as it relates to the speed of light. He was able to visualize the implications of his theory of relativity while others could only see the equations. Sometimes this kind of thinking is distracting.

Haha, I love this answer!
 

Bianca

Well-Known Member
I love the advice about being a social weirdo but inherently valuable to your life. That is perfection.

I am recently self-diagnosed (light bulb moment of life!) and was very excited to tell my family. I then was teased about counting toothpicks, called Assbuger on a FB chat and one family member asked me when I caught it and how do you get rid of it; they were unanimous in that I get a "real" diagnosis as soon as possible because surely I must be mistaken (these are college educated people!) Apparently nobody read my carefully written announcement email...LOL. So, that was my first experience with disclosure and I'm thinking I'll stick with valuable social weirdo from here on out. :D
 

Bianca

Well-Known Member
Also I read the intro to John Elder Robison's book, Be Different and he says when he shares, he says I am a person with Aspergers...not I have Aspergers because that leads people to see it as disease (like diabetes) which requires (and improves) with treatment of some kind. I thought that made a lot of sense. :)
 

Soup

Well-Known Member
It depends on who the someone is. Where I'm working now, nobody knows & i'm not going to tell them: I see it as none of their business so long as my performance in my position is sufficient- and it is. When you do tell someone, you may have to make it clear as crystal that you are confiding in them & expect them to NOT tell anyone. Some people think they're being helpful by interfering in your business & telling others. Outing someone else for anything whatsoever is unacceptable.
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I'm just not sure what the benefit would be in telling much of anyone in my orbit. While I feel enlightened in finally understanding who and what I am, I don't see others being able to put "two and two" together as I have. One thing I don't need is to be stigmatized any more than I already am by others.

At the present for myself, it just appears to be a risky proposition, in as much as I'd like to share it with those closest to me. Bums me out...
 

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