I wasn't expecting birthday wishes from anyone, but out of the blue, my American ex-wife wishes me a happy birthday. We haven't been in contact for quite some time.
When I saw her message I didn't know what to do. I could just thank her I suppose, yet that seemed too simple. Whereas to say more seemed too much. I tried writing a few words but deleted them. In the end I didn't say anything. I felt bad though. I know how I’d feel if I’d wished her a happy birthday and received no response. So the following morning I thanked her. I felt relieved that I didn't have to think about what to do any more. A few hours later she sent a reply. ‘How are you’.
This really messed with me. How am I? I always struggle with this question whenever my therapist asks it. Does she really want to know? Maybe I should tell her. Perhaps if I actually tell her it will put her off. What do I even say? So I write something and send it, and honestly, I'm not expecting to hear anything more. I sent details. It's probably not what she wants to hear. I don't know why she wished me a happy birthday. She must have been thinking about me. But I never expected her to ask me how I am. She never asks me that. I did ask her how things were for her. I don't expect to hear another word because that requires her to reveal details. Maybe I'll be wrong this time.
When are things actually over? Our relationship was intense. So much feeling was involved. Are we still connected even though we’re no longer in each other's lives? I'm pretty sure I would see her again if that were possible; dangerous as that might be as it could ignite dormant feelings. It didn't work between us, and yet three years has gone by, and a lot has changed. Could we be different with each other now? It feels too complicated to even contemplate reconnecting. I’m just not that bloke any more. She’s the last connection to that part of my life. How can I truly let go if every so often I’m pulled back? It's why I stopped trying to remain in contact.
Some people who break up want to stay friends. I can't understand this. If we could be friends we could have stayed together. For me, friendship underlies relationship. No friendship, no relationship. If it's over then why hold on? I know people do, especially if there's children involved, then it makes sense.
There was a time when I really missed her. I felt like I'd made a terrible mistake in letting her go. But some of that was due to my circumstances. I would have to be different in order to deal with her differently. Having been apart for three years would make it easier to be around her, at least at first, but there’s no way I could take the chance of falling back into old patterns of behaviour.
I do feel that something is better than nothing, especially when you are alone and connection is non-existent. But to be with her again I fear I would have to be him again, and I don't think I could be. Not without the same things occurring.
This is more a thought experiment than an actual possibility, and I have thought about this many times, especially when things were difficult for me. I’m sure that if I’d been able to return when things got bad, I would have tried. Life ensured I couldn't. It would have been wrong for so many reasons. But I've made poor choices before, so sometimes I need life to step in and ensure I have to make better ones.
When I saw her message I didn't know what to do. I could just thank her I suppose, yet that seemed too simple. Whereas to say more seemed too much. I tried writing a few words but deleted them. In the end I didn't say anything. I felt bad though. I know how I’d feel if I’d wished her a happy birthday and received no response. So the following morning I thanked her. I felt relieved that I didn't have to think about what to do any more. A few hours later she sent a reply. ‘How are you’.
This really messed with me. How am I? I always struggle with this question whenever my therapist asks it. Does she really want to know? Maybe I should tell her. Perhaps if I actually tell her it will put her off. What do I even say? So I write something and send it, and honestly, I'm not expecting to hear anything more. I sent details. It's probably not what she wants to hear. I don't know why she wished me a happy birthday. She must have been thinking about me. But I never expected her to ask me how I am. She never asks me that. I did ask her how things were for her. I don't expect to hear another word because that requires her to reveal details. Maybe I'll be wrong this time.
When are things actually over? Our relationship was intense. So much feeling was involved. Are we still connected even though we’re no longer in each other's lives? I'm pretty sure I would see her again if that were possible; dangerous as that might be as it could ignite dormant feelings. It didn't work between us, and yet three years has gone by, and a lot has changed. Could we be different with each other now? It feels too complicated to even contemplate reconnecting. I’m just not that bloke any more. She’s the last connection to that part of my life. How can I truly let go if every so often I’m pulled back? It's why I stopped trying to remain in contact.
Some people who break up want to stay friends. I can't understand this. If we could be friends we could have stayed together. For me, friendship underlies relationship. No friendship, no relationship. If it's over then why hold on? I know people do, especially if there's children involved, then it makes sense.
There was a time when I really missed her. I felt like I'd made a terrible mistake in letting her go. But some of that was due to my circumstances. I would have to be different in order to deal with her differently. Having been apart for three years would make it easier to be around her, at least at first, but there’s no way I could take the chance of falling back into old patterns of behaviour.
I do feel that something is better than nothing, especially when you are alone and connection is non-existent. But to be with her again I fear I would have to be him again, and I don't think I could be. Not without the same things occurring.
This is more a thought experiment than an actual possibility, and I have thought about this many times, especially when things were difficult for me. I’m sure that if I’d been able to return when things got bad, I would have tried. Life ensured I couldn't. It would have been wrong for so many reasons. But I've made poor choices before, so sometimes I need life to step in and ensure I have to make better ones.