What to do when you feel like a complete failure in life?

[matt000333]

Posted on here before but it has been a long time ago I feel like a complete and utter failure and have learned some things on how to better yourself like fasting no fap etc big into self improvement techniques that alot of people don't do but it has not really helped me achieve anything right now i'm trying to learn Astrology for this year so I feel i'm somewhat smart but it kinda sucks because i'm not no genius seems like you need to be that or have good social skills to really get ahead in life

I'm still waiting on SSI I used to work along time ago jobs were nothing special fast food and Wal Mart but when I was 21 I had a nervous breakdown started me on path to finding out about Depression and Aspergers ever since then I have not worked I tryed Voc rehab last year for Janitor job made it 3 days and court held it against me even though they act like they want you to try and work got denied by most favorable Judge they had which in Missouri is not that high anyway compared to National I am appealing but it is taking along time I think I have very good shot to win as it was obvious to me and my lawyer they were not being fair or even trying to look fair they just took whoevers word helped their case even a counselor who I didn't click with over my current docter

I just got recently denied on my new app you can do two at once when going to federal I'ts not rally a big surprise but I think deep inside even though i'm deeply depressed i'm a optimist so I thought for once after all my bad luck something would go my way now i'm looking at even if everything works out waiting till July 2020 before it is all settled sorry about long post just need to vent to people who understand just at such a crossroads

If I could work somewhere I could manage to stay on earn a living I would be alot easier then dealing with all this crap in my state alot of jobs are not suited well for me anyway I would move but can not do that unless you have money most of my family disowned me after giving it maybe 9 months guess I was too hard to deal with because of my problem's took me a long time to heal from that i'm somewhat healed could care less to talk to any of them now I just want this SSI to be over with so I can move on with my life go and be doing things I want I also have a 9 year old girl going on 10 years old I never get to see and after all the reading I have done probably will not until shes 18 if she even wants anything to do with me after all the brainwashing done on her laws are really messed up for dads sad its that way in 2019

I even been thinking about suicide again just feel so useless no one would apply and wait deal with all the counseling and crap for$770 or whatever it is now not like i'm gonna get rich starts over every time you reapply last note I live with my grandma who has been my best supporter but kinda says alot of bad things about my family that she is shes 72 part time alcoholic who does not think she has a problem because she only gets drunk at bar 3 times a week and does not drink at home she is also really irritable and cusses my calls me lazy even though she thinks I should get my SSI

I admit at times I can be lazy sometimes but I honestly do think alot of it is low self esteem and depression after all I have been though and having to live with someone drunk or sober who is very irritable about almost every little thing shes a definite control freak if you read this entire thing and respond I thank you very much and God bless you

somedays I really do want to do suicide but I feel i'm too much of a coward to go through with it still pondering it though my future does not seem very bright as I hoped it would be when I was younger.

 

[Mr Allen]

I do feel for you, I sometimes feel the same like I'm still single at 40 odd, never had a serious relationship with a human female, can't get a job... Need I go on?

However, I hate to be pedantic but when you're writing a long post, can you break your paragraphs up a bit?

Long posts with no breaks are a bit hard to read that's all.

 

[Monachopia]

I think everyone feels like they've failed at one time or another, but, it's almost always due to factors like some perception of what "success" means. I've always felt I've failed somehow, that I will never achieve anything, but, I'm slowly coming around to the idea that I can only do so much. My main focus is to be happy - whatever form that may take. It doesn't matter whether other people completely support or agree with my decisions, I'm not living my life for them, but for me. So long as I'm not hurting anyone else and being considerate of others, then I just do what's right by me. That's all anyone can really ask.

And I agree with Mr. Allen, this was extremely difficult to read - would you mind in the future doing some punctuation and breaking it into paragraphs? Thank you

 

[AloneNotLonely]

You don't need to be a genius. You just have to be kinda smart with money.

You've got bigger fish to fry since you have a daughter, though. Are you writing to her? I understand that you are probably not allowed near her or that maybe her mother is making it impossible, but you can write. Then you copy the letters (or print them twice) and keep a copy while sending the other to where ever your daughter is. This is obvious but I'll mention it anyway: don't talk about your problems, difficulties, who is to blame or whatever. Just write to what you want to tell her and how you feel about not being able to see her.

If you are at all able to see her then that's also a pretty easy decision to make, but I made this suggestion in case it isn't possible. Even if her mother throws the letters away (not sure what she is like at all, could be anything so I'm taking everything into account) then you can give her all the letters you stored when she turns 18 and you reach out to her. It's a whole different matter if you can show that you didn't just disappear but that you actually tried to keep contact with her.

 

[Pats]

I hope things work out for you with the SSI. It's a long process.

 

[Shamar]

Posted on here before but it has been a long time ago I feel like a complete and utter failure and have learned some things on how to better yourself like fasting no fap etc big into self improvement techniques that alot of people don't do but it has not really helped me achieve anything right now i'm trying to learn Astrology for this year so I feel i'm somewhat smart but it kinda sucks because i'm not no genius seems like you need to be that or have good social skills to really get ahead in life

I'm still waiting on SSI I used to work along time ago jobs were nothing special fast food and Wal Mart but when I was 21 I had a nervous breakdown started me on path to finding out about Depression and Aspergers ever since then I have not worked I tryed Voc rehab last year for Janitor job made it 3 days and court held it against me even though they act like they want you to try and work got denied by most favorable Judge they had which in Missouri is not that high anyway compared to National I am appealing but it is taking along time I think I have very good shot to win as it was obvious to me and my lawyer they were not being fair or even trying to look fair they just took whoevers word helped their case even a counselor who I didn't click with over my current docter

I just got recently denied on my new app you can do two at once when going to federal I'ts not rally a big surprise but I think deep inside even though i'm deeply depressed i'm a optimist so I thought for once after all my bad luck something would go my way now i'm looking at even if everything works out waiting till July 2020 before it is all settled sorry about long post just need to vent to people who understand just at such a crossroads

If I could work somewhere I could manage to stay on earn a living I would be alot easier then dealing with all this crap in my state alot of jobs are not suited well for me anyway I would move but can not do that unless you have money most of my family disowned me after giving it maybe 9 months guess I was too hard to deal with because of my problem's took me a long time to heal from that i'm somewhat healed could care less to talk to any of them now I just want this SSI to be over with so I can move on with my life go and be doing things I want I also have a 9 year old girl going on 10 years old I never get to see and after all the reading I have done probably will not until shes 18 if she even wants anything to do with me after all the brainwashing done on her laws are really messed up for dads sad its that way in 2019

I even been thinking about suicide again just feel so useless no one would apply and wait deal with all the counseling and crap for$770 or whatever it is now not like i'm gonna get rich starts over every time you reapply last note I live with my grandma who has been my best supporter but kinda says alot of bad things about my family that she is shes 72 part time alcoholic who does not think she has a problem because she only gets drunk at bar 3 times a week and does not drink at home she is also really irritable and cusses my calls me lazy even though she thinks I should get my SSI

I admit at times I can be lazy sometimes but I honestly do think alot of it is low self esteem and depression after all I have been though and having to live with someone drunk or sober who is very irritable about almost every little thing shes a definite control freak if you read this entire thing and respond I thank you very much and God bless you

somedays I really do want to do suicide but I feel i'm too much of a coward to go through with it still pondering it though my future does not seem very bright as I hoped it would be when I was younger.

I have failed a lot in life. When I fail, I try to figure out WHY I failed and learn from it. Sometimes it is not my fault (The sensor needs to fit down a 3-1/2 inch hole instead of a 4-1/2 inch hole like we said. Oops) Some time the fault is mine, such as misunderstanding a message. Almost all of this was before I was diagnosed. Part of my coming to terms with autism is going over some of my failure to determine if not knowing about my autism had something to do with it (often times a lot). Knowing and getting treatment would have prevented many problems.

I was suicidal for over 20 years. One of the things that kept me alive was thinking about what would happen if I made the attempt and survived. Maybe I would have been diagnosed at a much earlier age. I know my father would have disowned me, after beating me to a pulp. One of the great regrets of my life was deliberately giving wrong answers on a psychological/personality test I was given in the third grade that would have revealed I was suicidal. I answered how I thought a normal person would answer the suicide questions. Again, maybe I would have been diagnosed earlier. Unfortunately, past "what ifs" make for interesting speculation, but rarely solve anything.

As others have said, learning to use a period would make your writing much clearer.

 

[matt000333]

You don't need to be a genius. You just have to be kinda smart with money.

You've got bigger fish to fry since you have a daughter, though. Are you writing to her? I understand that you are probably not allowed near her or that maybe her mother is making it impossible, but you can write. Then you copy the letters (or print them twice) and keep a copy while sending the other to where ever your daughter is. This is obvious but I'll mention it anyway: don't talk about your problems, difficulties, who is to blame or whatever. Just write to what you want to tell her and how you feel about not being able to see her.

If you are at all able to see her then that's also a pretty easy decision to make, but I made this suggestion in case it isn't possible. Even if her mother throws the letters away (not sure what she is like at all, could be anything so I'm taking everything into account) then you can give her all the letters you stored when she turns 18 and you reach out to her. It's a whole different matter if you can show that you didn't just disappear but that you actually tried to keep contact with her.

That sounds good and all but I will not do it it would just make it harder on me reminder that I'm not allowed to see her just because her mom does not like me I really think Mom is undiagnosed Bi polar she lies alot and she is never a fault for anything could be a narcissist too If I could see her I would no doubt but life is anything but easy or fair laws are so biased against men you can even have money to go to court which I do not at this time and not be allowed to see your child or if your lucky get every other weekend and mom could decide she just doesnt want to send the child and your screwed often times judge wont even care if mom violates the agreement which is crappy anyway why should ads get short end of stick and only get 4 days out of 30 no wonder there are so many crazy people know way law is set up against men reason the state dos it is they collect from federal government twice what you have pay most everything is a money game not about right and wrong and be damned to who it screws over unless your really rich or famous then you might have a shot at things being different

 

[AloneNotLonely]

You've lost her for the next 8-9 years. It's your choice if you want to lose her forever.

You decided to have a child with that woman, you decided to have that child in a country with biased laws against men. Your daughter had no choice in the matter, so the least you can do is try as hard as you can for her sake, regardless of the pain it causes you.

 

[tducey]

Sorry to hear you feel like this. I know things can be tough but the fact is you're not a failure- None of us are. We all have positive qualities. Focusing on the positive is key.

 

[SusanLR]

I had big dreams for life that never came true.
Now that I am older and retired on SSI/SSD, I look back on my life and have few regrets.
I lived for what made me happy at the time, not hurting anyone.
The now is all anyone has. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

I NOW admit life is more difficult with age and the only thing I can think of that I might could have
done to prepare for this age was learning more about how to handle money for the future.
I did work at a profession until I also had a back injury and nervous breakdown.

My house partner became disabled at a young age and stayed home until his parents died.
He had little money, but, he researched and self taught ways to invest what he did have so it would
grow without him being able to work.
Now he is a millionaire.
He is set for being a senior and living in an ALF when he needs to.

That is the one thing I failed at. SSI doesn't pay well.
Not even enough to go to an ALF if needed. So I do worry with age and failing health what
will happen? Life in a nursing home stinks. Medicaid pays for that.
So I play the Lotto once a week.
Ha, yes, it's a long shot, but it's a shot.
And again, tomorrow is promised to no one.
I know that feeling of suicide could be the way out, but, I am also too much of a coward to do it.
Life goes on.

 

[matt000333]

Thanks for the reply Susan and everyone else I will try figure things out just hard to understand I know I am not a saint or anything but i'm also not a bad person who does things to hurt people either I actually would really like to help other people if I could ever be in the position to do so even thought about donating a kidney life is just so hard to understand I get a few small good things happen to me but after all the really bad stuff happening that I would not wish on my worst enemy it seems like i'm due for a big break to get me on track even though I know it does not work like that.

 

[Nihil]

I've learned that it helps to have less goals in life. That way there's less of a chance of being overwhelmed and "failing". I'm not going to be the next Einstein or Da Vinci, and that's OK. Actually I'm aiming towards having more fun in life instead of focusing on accomplishing things that I don't have the commitment for.

Also, it helps to recognize that everyone's circumstances in life are different. You're not a failure in life if you're struggling in poverty, for example. Most people would not do well in that situation.

 

[Shamar]

I've learned that it helps to have less goals in life. That way there's less of a chance of being overwhelmed and "failing". I'm not going to be the next Einstein or Da Vinci, and that's OK. Actually I'm aiming towards having more fun in life instead of focusing on accomplishing things that I don't have the commitment for.

Also, it helps to recognize that everyone's circumstances in life are different. You're not a failure in life if you're struggling in poverty, for example. Most people would not do well in that situation.

Good point. You have to define failure, and this can depend on perspective. For example, I was once sent to Borneo to try and locate a new mine site. Stream samples indicated a potential copper deposit. I was there running geophysical surveys for three months. All I found was a boulder of bornite (copper iron pyrite) the size of a VW bus. It was one isolated chunk, and the source of the copper in the stream samples, probably rolled down from the copper mine further up the mountain. Was it a failure? Yes, because I failed to find a new copper mine. Was it a success? Yes, because I solved the mystery of the copper source and eliminated several square kilometers from future exploration. I have lots of other example of this sort of thing, and I won't bore you with them.

I think what I'm trying to say is that failure should be a learning experience, and if it is, then it is not really a failure.

 

[Fino]

I find it help to not think of life as some sort of test that can be failed. There isn't any point or objective, we're all just wandering around for no apparent reason. Just try to do things you think might make you happy and if it doesn't work, try again or try something or not, just do whatever. It's all good!