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Featured What Matters, to You, in a Conversation?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Vindicator Phoenix, Jun 9, 2020.

  1. Vindicator Phoenix

    Vindicator Phoenix She/her pronouns V.I.P Member

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    For me, I like:
    • warmth and sympathy
    • noticeable body language (facial expressions, gestures, etc.)
    • smiling/smirking
    • eye contact
    • slow speech
    • people getting my attention, before speaking (instead of sneaking up on me and unloading a rant)
    • diplomacy/democracy
    • non-directiveness
    • friendly voice tone (not: snappy, loud, or rude)
    • compliments
    • optimism (I'd prefer to hear someone tell me what I/we can/should do, in the future, instead of hearing them enumerate past errors)
    • hugs (they're a bonus, but they make my day)

    What factors matter, to you, in a conversation? Also, do you consider some unimportant/overrated, when you converse?
     
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  2. Aspertastic7

    Aspertastic7 Member

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    Good question..
    I like when people speak in a friendly but still in a authentically manner and when I can be sure that they are actually listening and interested in the conversation. In general, I focus more on the words that someone says and less on mimics/gestures.
    I don't like small talk especially about things like the weather (I can clearly see that it's raining, and as there is nothing we can change about it, why are you even trying to talk about it?o_O).
    Ohh and I love hugs as well!:rolleyes:
     
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  3. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Not a whole lot, as I dont talk to anyone much. But there's a few things...

    1. Gotta be interesting. If I dont care about the topic... well, I'm not going to try to pretend to care either.
    2. For the love of all that is good and kitten-shaped, NO POLITICS. No exceptions. I dont do politics, it's that simple, and trying to engage me in talk about that junk is a fast track to getting a box of crackers thrown at your head. No, seriously, I actually will throw things. It's effective.
    3. No gossip. I dont care. I really dont.
    4. Prefer to avoid small talk. Granted I could probably rant for 20 minutes about how I hate the weather around here, but that doesnt mean it's actually a good conversation.
    5. Stick to the point and make it quick.
    6. I'm not going to make eye contact with you, whoever you might be. It aint happening. Anyone that sees the need to talk with me for whatever reason is just going to have to deal with that.
    7. Going along with that, dont expect me to notice facial expressions or body language. Instead, I'll read what's in your voice. It tells me more than enough.
    8. Dont touch me.
    9. Bah.

    Yeah, that mostly sounds like negative stuff, but... well, I use this name for a reason, you know. And really I just dont like talking to most people. Fortunately those very few people I do know understand all of these things and can put up with me well enough.
     
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  4. SliverOfSand

    SliverOfSand Active Member

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    -For me, the most important thing in a conversation is depth. I really like when the other person has similar interests, and then we can go from there.

    -Another thing is asking me questions. Not just questions with a one word answer, but deeper than that, so that I can actually say something other than yes or no.

    -No gossip, I don’t know how any good can come from that....

    -I like people who can keep talking when I have nothing to say or when I blank, but are still respectful enough to listen when I do speak.

    -No hugs or compliments. Most of the time I feel like it’s fake, and I don’t know how to handle it.

    -I enjoy positive conversations, or hearing about people’s interesting personal experiences.

    -Too much eye contact makes me uncomfortable.

    -I can’t handle big groups, as I can never get a word in...

    -If it’s small talk, I’d like to get it over with as fast as possible.

    There are probably a lot more that I can’t really think of at the moment, but I find that as long as the other person shows a genuine interest in me, and doesn’t treat me like I’m some sort of alien, then I’m pretty happy already.
     
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  5. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Shared interest, being given try to process what's been said, so many external factors in how satisfying the 'conversation is........ number of people, background noise, my ability to remain engaged and regonising when to stop 'talking at' people and regonise conversational and body language cues in regards to the persons interest or not seeing their need to 'get away' yep no 'gossip' 'chit chat' or fake 'kiss kissy' type people ummmmm a long list and part of the reason why maintaining conversations, connections and friendships are often to much hassle and yet i want/need them ahhhhhh!!!!
     
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  6. WildCat

    WildCat V.I.P Member

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    Mostly and mainly this: don't be an obnoxious prick. Whatever the justification, I'll lose interest in record time if it happens, and if it happens repeatedly I'll be sure to keep my distance.

    Being authentic would be nice, though I understand that lots must fake it to get through the day, so not too big of a deal there.
     
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  7. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    I could dress it up to sound better, but I won't. What matters in a conversation?

    Me
     
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  8. menander

    menander Well-Known Member

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    I've learned people just are not safe. So I only like talking to people I care about and love. So no conversation unless it's with someone I love and trust, and then really, it does not matter how it goes or what's said.
     
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  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I sorta talk because people expect social talk at work. But when l am with someone l really like they know me pretty well so l don't over- talk. I don't need to.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2020
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  10. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sense of humour.
    Ick, definitely No hugs!
    Thought provoking.
    Interesting.
    The other person listens to me, as well as me listening to them, surprisingly rare in my experience.
    They are relaxed and non judgemental.
    There may be chocolate. Always a plus.
     
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  11. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    People often only talk to others when they want something from them, so not actually wanting anything from me apart from an interesting conversation partner is good.

    Depth of knowledge and make it interesting/entertaining.
     
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  12. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Have to agree, if strangers want to engage you in conversation, they're usually up to no good
     
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  13. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Only have lengthy conversations with someone I feel close to. And that isn't very many.

    Must be a topic of interest that we both enjoy talking about.

    No hugs or kissy, kissy stuff. And prefer they don't start complimenting about something I'm wearing
    or the colour of my hair. Makes me feel uncomfortable.

    No proselytizing.

    Know nothing about sports.
     
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  14. stringer

    stringer Well-Known Member

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    I would like the other people in a conversation to be prepared to let me speak occasionally, without interrupting me, when I feel I have something to contribute. I don't usually try to say very much in a conversation, but I really would like to be allowed to say my short piece without being cut off in mid-sentence by one of the other incessant talkers butting in yet again!
     
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  15. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    For a business conversation, I like it to be concise, clear, direct and to the point. For a social conversation, I want to be myself without having to mask.
    Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
    If you want to say something, say it directly. Don't leave hints and expect me to pick up on them. I communicate in words, not in gestures and ememes.
    In a group conversation, this:
    I rarely contribute in group conversations, I am a silent presence, but if I do want to say something, please respect, listen, wait until I have finished talking - don't talk over the top of me or ignore me.
     
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  16. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    For me the most important things are:
    that the conversation is interesting,
    that the other person is happy to discuss different opinions without getting defensive,
    that they say things bluntly instead of talking around their point or hinting,
    that everyone has a chance to speak rather than one person talking over everyone else,
    that there is no pressure to speak if you don't want to.

    Religion is my one no-go topic.
     
  17. Doliba

    Doliba Active Member

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    I think the most important thing is that I feel like I can be myself when I'm around someone. Like, the way I am when I'm alone matches up pretty well to the conversation we're having. Whatever the conversation is about doesn't really matter. Just being around that type of person makes me feel great about myself.

    The hard thing is, it's nearly impossible to find someone like that. Someone who you know won't judge for your inconsistencies and symptoms. I try to be that type of person for others, since I know how much I'd appreciate it if someone did it for me.
     
  18. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Yeah, I'll second this one.

    This is one reason why I go to the conventions that I've often mentioned on here: Nobody there is going to judge me for anything, and I can completely be myself there, even with the aspects that "normal" society considers to be weird, or aspects that would trigger someone acting as a bully. Pretty sure I dont think I have to explain what I specifically mean by that.

    But yeah, while I dont try to "mask" the autism aspect, I still have no choice but to hide other elements when dealing with most people, and I hate that.

    Exactly why it's nice to maybe make a friend or two on here. This forum is one of the only comfortable places as far as I'm concerned.
     
  19. rollerskate

    rollerskate ร๏гค ɭย๓เภค V.I.P Member

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    Plenty of time to speak. A lot of people interrupt me a ton because I'm slow to speak, and it gets really annoying when I'm right in the middle of a story and they interrupt. The rest is just stuff like listen to me, trust that I know me, etc.
     
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  20. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    It depends on the context.

    If I'm upset about something I want empathy not to be told what to do. The odds are I've tried everything the other person is going to suggest anyway.

    Sometimes you can't do anything about a situation and you just need to get it off your chest. To talk about it until the bad feeling goes away.