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What is your social kryptonite?

odmo

odmo

New Member
In other words, what social situation can immediately break down the 'normalcy' facade of casually blending in? A time when it is completely clear to others that you are functioning on a different wavelength. And if this is a common situation, what have you found to help?

Mine would have to be playing a humorous game with many people that I don't know very well (e.g. Cards Against Humanity). When it is my turn to read, I cannot interpret the humor while maintaining my genuine tone. In other words, I feel forced to laugh because people think certain things are funny, and then it is just incredibly uncomfortable. The safe bet seems to be just picking whatever the group found to be the most amusing. This is not to say that my humor machine is broken, I just can't maintain that much going on. I can't focus on the cards because I'm consumed by the group dynamic.
 
When you say social situation, are you implying that there can only be one? Cause I'm pretty sure I fail at pretty much all of them. XD I recall some acquaintances in uni were playing that game and pestered me into joining just for one game, which I avoided it like the plague for the identical reasons you mention.

There was a particular moment in my life when I came to the conclusion that I had AS. It was a year after the spring I graduated from uni, and I was on a road trip with some acquaintances, friends of a friend, driving down the down the west coast from Seattle to LA. In the beginning, I held my ground in being able to 'act' with my social guise on. But after the first 12 hours of constant social interaction in a car, I just shut down. I became moody, and didn't feel like talking anymore, or engaging socially. For the rest of the trip I was just exhausted socially, and I spent my time reading my Kindle while the others were playing in the pool, or outside.

By the end of the trip, I couldn't fathom having to ride in the car with them for the long 24-hour drive back to Seattle. I booked some cheap last minute tickets, and entrusted them to not wreck the rental car which was mine.

This experience made me see myself for who I was as being different from other people. I can only blend in for so long before I can no longer act out the social script.
 
I play in coverbands for weddings and what not and usually just show up with a bunch of people I know and aren't friends with or people I don't know. I can act professional for a minute but in a car I put on noise canceling headphones and try to sleep so I don't have to talk to them. People will ask me if I'm alright and I'll fake a smile and start complimenting them or change the subject until I can get them to smile.
People will act friendly towards me in a store that I frequent but I never make conversation and after awhile I notice they begin to visibly to a 180 with their reactions toward me. I wish I could just get away with a head nod and a quick smile but people think it is really weird
 
odmo said:
In other words, what social situation can immediately break down the 'normalcy' facade of casually blending in? A time when it is completely clear to others that you are functioning on a different wavelength. And if this is a common situation, what have you found to help?

Mine would have to be playing a humorous game with many people that I don't know very well (e.g. Cards Against Humanity). When it is my turn to read, I cannot interpret the humor while maintaining my genuine tone. In other words, I feel forced to laugh because people think certain things are funny, and then it is just incredibly uncomfortable. The safe bet seems to be just picking whatever the group found to be the most amusing. This is not to say that my humor machine is broken, I just can't maintain that much going on. I can't focus on the cards because I'm consumed by the group dynamic.
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Oh.. This is funny to me because I've been in a similar situation... I started going to some meetup group that played cards against humanity.. I thought it would be good for improving my interaction skills... It was fun but I had a tough time.... I would hardly ever talk unless someone talked specifically to me... I had fun but I hated when it was my turn. I hate reading out loud because I have a hard time expressing emotion and humor... I know it makes me seem odd... Also it really weird for me... Because people will start laughing at certain cards and going off and rants... I never know how to regain control of the situation and where to jump back in and continue reading cards... It feels very awkward for me.

I think my Kryptonite is having a conversation with a girl that I like. [emoji15]
 
For me, it is whenever the conversation becomes slightly sexual.

I have a definite sense of modesty, but the line isn't always clear to me. As an amateur figure artist, I find most women to be pretty (including relatives), but I do not equate that sense with a desire for sexual conquest (as some seem to). My wife knows this (and sometimes we will even debate about whether someone is pretty or not). If I mention it to anyone else, they will say something to the effect of, "You can't say that. You're married!"

I am not bi-curious in the least, but (as an amateur figure artist) I will even acknowledge (with wife, again) that some guys are pretty...!

Studying anatomy (and being a caregiver to my severely autistic adult daughter), I have become pretty comfortable that bodies just are what they are, but I have to be careful not to be too comfortable around people who aren't equally comfortable with that topic.

Even when I draw a (clothed) superheroine, people have gotten nervous when I'm drawing her chest area. Drawing clothed guys seems less sensitive in that regard.
 
When it comes time to say goodbye to people I don't really know I tend to make an ass out of myself. I either forget to say goodbye or it just comes over as awkward. I try to laugh it off later but it still always stings.

Another time would be trying to keep a conversation going with someone I'm not so familiar with, I can't think of anything interesting to say so if left down to me it would be an awkward silence and they'd probably get the impression I'm not interested.
 
For me, any situation involving banter is very difficult, as I usually don't understand the banter, and when I do, I can't think of a retort. Socialising in groups has always been difficult for me.
 
Socializing in anysize groups. Or with a girl I like.
Example 1: this girl I have been flirting back and forth with comes over all the way from another city far away to visit me and usually asks for a kiss or some other sexual acts. She was here yesterday and I wanted to kiss her so bad, even asked permission to be sure ahe wanted it...and yet when we were alone I blushed so hard and literally ran to walk her out in an awkward departure that im sure left us both feelin frustrated.
Example 2: She brought a friend for me to meet and I froze. Couldnt even think of who my favorite football team plays this weekend even tho I follow football religiously! When we got to the store I jumped out of the still rolling vehicle and bounced to do my own shopping. Left them to eachother probably to talk about what a wierdo I was lol.
Imma say those two types or situations have been my most recent horrible interactions this week.
 
When people start thinking it's amusing to see my reaction to certain questions. Like they just ask and ask questions that are supposed to be funny, I guess. I don't have the energy to turn it into banter, even though I realize they're joking.
 
granolaturtle said:
When people start thinking it's amusing to see my reaction to certain questions. Like they just ask and ask questions that are supposed to be funny, I guess. I don't have the energy to turn it into banter, even though I realize they're joking.
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Yeah I feel you granolaturtle, I have people around me that ask me ridiculous questions or remind me embarrasing things that I've done in the past to see how I react.
After a while, I simply started not answering their questions until their feel uncomfortable, and they will stop.
 
Nacho said:
Yeah I feel you granolaturtle, I have people around me that ask me ridiculous questions or remind me embarrasing things that I've done in the past to see how I react.
After a while, I simply started not answering their questions until their feel uncomfortable, and they will stop.
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That might work. Thanks. I eventually just put on my headphones and listened to music.
 
odmo said:
Mine would have to be playing a humorous game with many people that I don't know very well (e.g. Cards Against Humanity). When it is my turn to read, I cannot interpret the humor while maintaining my genuine tone. In other words, I feel forced to laugh because people think certain things are funny, and then it is just incredibly uncomfortable.
Click to expand...

I had this same problem too, when I played Cards Against Humanity with my friends. Oddly, I won. Apparently putting down random cards that don't make sense to me is the best way to win.

For me, what makes it so apparent I'm different from other people is when people are joking around and I don't understand it, or I ask a question that the answer is obvious to everyone else. When this happens, people laugh at me and it makes me feel sad.
 
I have a few social kryptonites. I cannot be in large crowds even if I know everyone. There is too much sensory input and I begin to shut down. I will either become unresponsive or walk away.

The other thing I would consider krypton item is when people start flirting with me. It makes me uncomfortable because I search for the right response. If I have known the person awhile it's easier to index what they like. However if they are new to me, I shut down and kind of stutter through the process.

When people I just met are sarcastic around me I reset to literal and cannot hit the humor button. I then feel embarassed. People have even asked me how I can be so smart and not understand their humor. Then I feel like I have done something wrong.
 
Merahj said:
I have a few social kryptonites. I cannot be in large crowds even if I know everyone. There is too much sensory input and I begin to shut down. I will either become unresponsive or walk away.
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Yep. Too many people moving too quickly (shopping malls at holidays) can and have left me with a "flight or fight" response.

Usually I leave in one helluva hurry and do shutdown elsewhere for a bit.

LOL. See? You've come to the right place. We know EXACTLY what you are talking about. You are NOT alone here. ;)
 
The larger the group, the worse, unless it's a situation where socialization is not expected; then the crowd can be infinite for all I care.

The other thing that makes me uncomfortable is the presence of a camera. Really, really uncomfortable.
 
I actually like cards against humanity.. Except my humor is dark and I hardly ever win rounds.. And a lot of times I don't know what my cards mean so I'll throw them in the pile randomly and pretend it's not mine if it's not funny lol.

But any other sort of social game playing causes complete shut down when I feel like I'm on the spot. I can't function in charades or pictionary or anything like that.

Karaoke is an absolute abomination.. I got drunk and tried it once and all I remember is singing way too fast.. And then I just quit halfway through the first verse and ran off the stage lol.
 
odmo said:
In other words, what social situation can immediately break down the 'normalcy' facade of casually blending in? A time when it is completely clear to others that you are functioning on a different wavelength. And if this is a common situation, what have you found to help?

Mine would have to be playing a humorous game with many people that I don't know very well (e.g. Cards Against Humanity). When it is my turn to read, I cannot interpret the humor while maintaining my genuine tone. In other words, I feel forced to laugh because people think certain things are funny, and then it is just incredibly uncomfortable. The safe bet seems to be just picking whatever the group found to be the most amusing. This is not to say that my humor machine is broken, I just can't maintain that much going on. I can't focus on the cards because I'm consumed by the group dynamic.
Click to expand...
Honestly? Gonna sound sexist as hell - OTHER WOMEN. Men very seldom notice that I am "different". ( Slip right under the radar, by and large ) Most women seem to suss it out in a matter of minutes.
Sudden, loud noises, ( balloon popping ), are bad too.
*I basically avoid social situations as much as possible. Sneaking off to the loo, hiding in a locked stall, pulling my feet up onto the bog, and pulling out my e-reader is my idea of how how to deal with social "obligations".
 
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