What is the best way to educate someone about Aspergers?

[Rocco]

I was asked to provide links, books, or information to someone I am dating, so they can better understand me.
I appreciate the effort but don’t really know how or where to direct them.
I would prefer, unfortunately, to not share this particular website because I use my real name here and would rather not have my entire post history read by a romantic interest.

Suggestions?

 

[Rodafina]

Have you browsed through the Resources Section?

 

[Judge]

I was asked to provide links, books, or information to someone I am dating, so they can better understand me.
I appreciate the effort but don’t really know how or where to direct them.
I would prefer, unfortunately, to not share this particular website because I use my real name here and would rather not have my entire post history read by a romantic interest.

Suggestions?

If this is someone you are dating, then it would seem the bulk of what they want to know lies with who and what you are. Why not start there, rather than give them some third-person and generic account of autism?

Tell them about your autism from your own perspective and rather not from someone else.

After all, that "cat" would seem to already be "out of the bag".

 

[Tired]

If this is someone you are dating, then it would seem the bulk of what they want to know lies with who and what you are. Why not start there, rather than give them some third-person and generic account of autism?

I agree. While I do learn a lot about autistic people from this site, everyone is extremely different from one another. So just... start telling her how you perceive the world, the emotions, the touch, the light, the crowds and sounds. What your drawing and she (if it's her) mean to you and how you express yourself. Talk about your insecurities and pain as well, she should know a lot about you to be able to fully understand and support you. And, judging by her question, she wants that

 

[Neonatal RRT]

For a non-scientific introduction: The Aspie World

 

[Peter Morrison]

There are some websites that outline the symptoms of a person with Aspergers. That could be a good start because sites of this kind highlight the noticeable weirdness from the perspective of NTs. Being on the spectrum yourself, you will recognize the kind of information you are looking for. This explanation for your girlfriend will definitely involve giving examples of what you feel and why in the realm of the specific topics. If someone has never dealt with emotional/psychological issues, it might be hard to connect with them on the level you might be shooting for. I get crazy when people are not punctual when leaving for a scheduled event - anxiety turns into frustration and anger (short fuse). I have had to "let it go", but it makes me feel like a sap. It doesn't alter my interior anxiety, which destroys my good mood. Outside fine, inside boiling.

 

[Misty Avich]

For me everywhere I read about autism doesn't describe me even though I'm still somehow on the spectrum due to my weird intrusive thoughts or just odd thinking in general (if you can even call that an autism symptom). Also my social awkwardness and sensory issues with loud noises.

So if I found any type of source of information about autism and made my husband read through it, he'd probably think, "I don't think this is quite you. You seem to be a very effective communicator in our relationship. You can communicate your feelings very articulately. You seem to pick up on social cues very easily. You don't stim when anxious. You know how to behave socially appropriately and engage in conversation. You don't seem bothered by lights or smells, and you love being touched no matter how you're feeling. All right, you are bothered by the neighbour noise upstairs but that seems to be the only thing about this autism that you demonstrate. Otherwise, nah, I wouldn't say you're autistic exactly."

I know someone here will say "but how do you know he'd respond like that? You can't be sure of anything until it actually happens", but please just don't. It's called imagination and pattern recognition. Some things we just know. Instinct maybe. Gut feeling. That sort of thing.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Rocco

It's very difficult for an NT to gain an understanding of NDs of any kind.

They can't be blamed for this - it's a an evolved behavior, which certainly improves people's ability to survive while surrounded by the most dangerous animal of all (which isn't men - it's all of homo sapiens).

The easiest way to describe the nature of the difference (which isn't the specifics) is to compare it with the differences in modes of thinking and communication between men and women.

If this person doesn't believe in the existence if such differences, you have a problem anyway. And in addition the "shortcut" won't work.

 

[Cryptid]

What is the best way to educate someone about Aspergers?

Take them to a foreign country where the same language is spoken, but where the social customs are different. Then tell then they have to get an education, get a boy/girl-friend, get a job, and navigate their way through the government bureaucracy -- all without your help.

 

[Tired]

Which one? The shrug photo? I don't remember! Because that's an ordinary expression to me. I'm emoting a shrug, but I don't know that it looks ridiculous compared to the way that other people do it until I see the picture. It looks identical to an expression of known autist Elon, though. Disclaimer: I'm highly disappointed in that guy now, but he serves as a well-known reference image.

It does look like an ordinary shrug expression, so this is why i asked you, why you did it. to understand do you maybe do this wrongly, but hearing your answer - no, you don't, it's nothing special.

 

[Tired]

Sorry for writing irrelevant things in your thread, Rocco

 

[Tired]

You show your photos here as an example that you don't look fine, I tell you that you look fine on those photos, you get angry. Okay then.

 

[Misty Avich]

So if we say something positive about your photos, it means we're definitely autistic. Okay, so if I was to say something negative then I'll be an NT. Um, okay...you look very blank and withdrawn. Can I be NT now?

 

[velociraptor]

I had a psychiatrist say I was "over inclusive in detail" in his write up of me

I had the same, pretty much. I was told I tend to overdo things.

No, I do them properly.

 

[Captain Caveman]

I had an odd experience when I started dating the second girlfriend. (Have not really dated since so I am single).
She was diagnosed as having aspergers syndrome after her son was diagnosed with autism, (This was years before I knew what autism was), so I natrually asked her what it was and how it effected her.
BUT nearly everything she said apart from two things I kept saying "But I do that"...
She was getting so frustrated as explaining the differences of autism compared to those who are not on the spectrum to a then undiagnosed autistic (Me) who didn't know he was just wasn't working... So she had me take her (Can't remember who drove. Think we went in her car) to where I lived so we could go on the computer and she got one of those basic test things up on the internet for me to try, and even though I answered "No" to two things I didn't realize that I did because I didn't even know what the technical terms meant, the results still read...
"See a psyciatrist, psycologist, a doctor or a health specialist."
Well I knew my doctor wouldn't want to know and for other reasons I had to change doctors surgeries, so it took me two years and many attempts to ask before I asked. (I say many attempts, because I kept hitting mindblank at the doctors so I could not ask).
I am really greatful to the second girlfriend, as without her I would never have known about autism.
Was a series of events over a period of time that I eventually joined the dots!

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I agree with Judge about letting this love interest get to know you personally. That will also have the dual accomplishment of learning/improving how you communicate together. You seem pretty thoughtful and attentive, Rocco, so I bet you will do well in this area. The fact that you're asking for guidance is certainly a good sign.

 

[Tom]

I think it's thoughtful of them to ask for that. But personally I would be at a loss as I don't study or read up on that aspect of autism - what I'll call the psychology of autism for lack of a better term. Psychology is not a subject I understand well. For me it's like making sense of a bowl of spagetti. I get lost in it's overlapping complexities. I do like learning about autism in the physiological or clinical sense which tend to look at narrow aspects one at a time.

I also would not be keen on trying to explain/introduce myself in terms of other peoples experiences or conclusions. I think that detracts from out uniqueness. So personally I would look for a different way to do it. One thought that came to me would be to sit together and tell each other the story of their lives - probably over multiple disscussions. What was early childhood like, midde childhood, teen years, etc, etc.

If specific conflicts or confusion arrise, it would still be ok to reference those psychological resources to help find answers. However if the person you are seeing is the psychological study type then I think you would have to try and provide that which they ask for.

 

[Shevek]

I was asked to provide links, books, or information to someone I am dating, so they can better understand me.
I appreciate the effort but don’t really know how or where to direct them.
I would prefer, unfortunately, to not share this particular website because I use my real name here and would rather not have my entire post history read by a romantic interest.

Suggestions?

Just as aspies are non-uniform, so are students. Some are completely unable to grasp certain concepts, others get them right away and see new links the teacher had not. You just have to try a bit of one type of presentation, and see if it is working, and if not, try another approach. It is like trying new foods on a fussy pet or child. As ever, hunger is the best sauce.