What is it like to be in love?

[inkfingers]

Lately, I've been thinking about this. I don't want to every marry or date someone, yet I wonder what it feels like to love someone in a romantic way. A guy I know is dating a girl, and they seem very happy together. I don't understand it. Why would someone choose to be with another person day after day after day? Self-inflicted torture? I don't understand this thing called "romantic relationship". Can anyone explain this to me?

 

[Shamar]

Lately, I've been thinking about this. I don't want to every marry or date someone, yet I wonder what it feels like to love someone in a romantic way. A guy I know is dating a girl, and they seem very happy together. I don't understand it. Why would someone choose to be with another person day after day after day? Self-inflicted torture? I don't understand this thing called "romantic relationship". Can anyone explain this to me?

I probably can't explain it, but maybe I can give some context. I cannot feel love, like, or any kind of connection or bond toward another person. In that respect, it appears we are a bit alike. However, this does not eliminate the desire or need for a connection. It appears you do not feel this need to connect. Do you feel loneliness at all or any need to be with someone? Autism affects different people differently, and you will find on this forum everyone is different.

Several times in my life (okay, twice) I met someone who was interested in me and relieved the loneliness. This made me feel a temporary connection and desire to be with them. I suspect this is what love feels like. Unfortunately, once the loneliness was relieved, the feelings disappeared.

 

[Isadoorian]

Being in love is NOT a form of "self inflicted torture"; and its not something that can be easily described. If you can think of it this way, take your favourite food item or activity/hobby that you absolutely adore and enjoy, and pretend its a person. That's basically what being in love is like.

Otherwise, it's one of those "you have to feel it to truly understand" type of things

 

[BrokenBoy]

It's simply amazing.

 

[Fino]

I'm guessing you've never taken Ecstasy? Or any other pleasure-inducing drug?

I would describe it as Ecstasy on slow-release. Colors are brighter, things that normally bother you are just dandy, you love everyone, the only thing you think about is that person, seeing that person is like your brain climaxing, everything else in your life shrinks in importance resulting in late-night talking/texting, plans for your future now revolve around them, everything you do with that person is the most magical experience of your life no matter what it is, attaching the experience to the activity permanently, and when you have sex, you get a glimpse of Heaven and it seems to last forever, and every aspect of every scene seems romantic, whether it's a dumpster or a five-star hotel.

I don't know, somethin' like that.

 

[sidd851]

I'm gonna buck the trend, here.

What is it like to be in love?

It's like that nervous shiveriness that you experience high in your chest, when the guy/gal that you really like, and thought would say no, says yes.

 

[SusanLR]

It's like your heart is being magnetically pulled in your chest to the person.
Like being wrapped in a soft blanket and held in loving arms.
Warm and melting inside like butter.
It's a high when your with them and you think about them all the time when you're not together
so you get the high just from thoughts of them.
You see them as the most beautiful person in the world, no matter how they look.
Everything is fun and exciting when you're together.
Then comes the disagreements, arguments, lies.

It's pheramones.

 

[blue_bird]

I've experienced crushes only, which to me is infatuation but not love. To me, to possibly fall in love is the stage after infatuation, once you get to have a deeper analysis of the person. Once you get to know who they really are. Unfortunately, due to my shyness, I never got to know any of my crushes well enough to fall in love. I would assume that it's a state of acceptance and devotion.

 

[Sid Delicious]

In my experience, horrible. If you manage to fall in love with someone who loves you back and treats you well, then it's great. But it's rare that life works out that way. I've only fallen in love a couple of times and those people were already taken so it was a pointless waste of emotion. Unfortunately, there are also a lot of people who will take advantage of you if they think you genuinely care about them. Some people openly admit they are unable to love anyone, which is fine. I respect their honesty. Other people are incapable of loving anyone else but will pretend they do and use people to get what they want (money, a nice home, kids, etc). I was very romantic at one point and believed in love and marriage and all that stuff, but experience has taught me not to waste my energy.

 

[Theta.G]

Lately, I've been thinking about this. I don't want to every marry or date someone, yet I wonder what it feels like to love someone in a romantic way. A guy I know is dating a girl, and they seem very happy together. I don't understand it. Why would someone choose to be with another person day after day after day? Self-inflicted torture? I don't understand this thing called "romantic relationship". Can anyone explain this to me?

The opposite. It's ecstasy and bliss. You might dislike everyone in the world but when you find that one person you actually enjoy being around, want to be around and prefer being in their company... leads to love. In that persons presence. Your problems, pains and worries melt away. In their presence, all is right with world and you can do anything.

Ever have any pets like a dog or cat that you love to death? growing up? It's the same kind of love.

Add in "romantic" and it's that love + sexual attraction.

Spoiler

problem is, finding a love that is true and lasts.

 

[Tom]

Some process or planning might go into it, but for me it just mostly happened. An intense yearning for someone that does not dissipate or at least not quickly. There is nothing torturous about being with the one you love. The opposite really. Its distressing being apart. And if not/never reciprocated it can be mentally quite painful.

 

[BrokenBoy]

It's amazing.

 

[Pats]

I thought I was in love at different times, but it may have been more just obsession. So I'm going to go another way. I love my dogs. I enjoy every day being with them and don't mind in the least doing things for them and taking care of them. I chose for them to be part of the rest of my life with no regrets. I enjoy hugging them - especially the big one. I enjoy playing with them. I talk to them. And I don't feel like I need to try to be anything but myself around them. And the longer we're together, the closer we become.

 

[Autistamatic]

Romantic love comes in different forms and is never the same depending on who you fall in love with.
In the early stages it's exciting. It's heart flutters, nerves that you'll spoil it, endless fun and anticipation of your next meeting. It's the discovery of new things, of learning all about this wonderful person and the slow letting go of inhibitions as you start to feel you can trust them. There's no feeling quite like it.

Eventually that subsides somewhat and you become familiar with them. Much of the discovery is done, and you consolidate your shared lives, maybe co-habiting or marrying. This is where the third stage kicks in and it's make-or-break. This is when you, or they, maybe even both start to notice the irritating things about each other, and the future depends on how you, as a couple, handle those issues. You can fight, one can try to force their will on the other, one can capitulate, you might try to change each other, or you might choose to tolerate, you may choose to adapt. Any of those can happen.
One or more of those courses describes every one of my previous relationships.

Then I met my wife. We went through the first and second stages, just like every couple does, but when it came to the third stage... it just worked. No fights, no manipulation, no making do, and very little in the way of compromise. We work together perfectly. In 13 years together we've not fought, not argued, not fallen out with one another.We rarely disagree on anything, and when we do it's a quick, amicable conversation and we're sorted. I've never had to mask for her, just be my usual, awkward, full-o-faults self. This stage of love is one I've not experienced before. Absolute love, Having someone who is as important to you as life itself. Someone I would do anything for to make comfortable. Someone who's happiness is important as my own. Someone I would risk my life for without batting an eyelid. And I know she would do the same for me. I consider myself blessed, for I never, in all my days before, realised such a feeling existed, and I wouldn't swap it for the world.

 

[Pats]

Romantic love comes in different forms and is never the same depending on who you fall in love with.
In the early stages it's exciting. It's heart flutters, nerves that you'll spoil it, endless fun and anticipation of your next meeting. It's the discovery of new things, of learning all about this wonderful person and the slow letting go of inhibitions as you start to feel you can trust them. There's no feeling quite like it.

Eventually that subsides somewhat and you become familiar with them. Much of the discovery is done, and you consolidate your shared lives, maybe co-habiting or marrying. This is where the third stage kicks in and it's make-or-break. This is when you, or they, maybe even both start to notice the irritating things about each other, and the future depends on how you, as a couple, handle those issues. You can fight, one can try to force their will on the other, one can capitulate, you might try to change each other, or you might choose to tolerate, you may choose to adapt. Any of those can happen.
One or more of those courses describes every one of my previous relationships.

Then I met my wife. We went through the first and second stages, just like every couple does, but when it came to the third stage... it just worked. No fights, no manipulation, no making do, and very little in the way of compromise. We work together perfectly. In 13 years together we've not fought, not argued, not fallen out with one another.We rarely disagree on anything, and when we do it's a quick, amicable conversation and we're sorted. I've never had to mask for her, just be my usual, awkward, full-o-faults self. This stage of love is one I've not experienced before. Absolute love, Having someone who is as important to you as life itself. Someone I would do anything for to make comfortable. Someone who's happiness is important as my own. Someone I would risk my life for without batting an eyelid. And I know she would do the same for me. I consider myself blessed, for I never, in all my days before, realised such a feeling existed, and I wouldn't swap it for the world.

See, I knew that's what real love would be. I guess I could have used my kids in every way except I knew that one day they'd leave the nest. lol

 

[Fino]

Romantic love comes in different forms and is never the same depending on who you fall in love with.
In the early stages it's exciting. It's heart flutters, nerves that you'll spoil it, endless fun and anticipation of your next meeting. It's the discovery of new things, of learning all about this wonderful person and the slow letting go of inhibitions as you start to feel you can trust them. There's no feeling quite like it.

Eventually that subsides somewhat and you become familiar with them. Much of the discovery is done, and you consolidate your shared lives, maybe co-habiting or marrying. This is where the third stage kicks in and it's make-or-break. This is when you, or they, maybe even both start to notice the irritating things about each other, and the future depends on how you, as a couple, handle those issues. You can fight, one can try to force their will on the other, one can capitulate, you might try to change each other, or you might choose to tolerate, you may choose to adapt. Any of those can happen.
One or more of those courses describes every one of my previous relationships.

Then I met my wife. We went through the first and second stages, just like every couple does, but when it came to the third stage... it just worked. No fights, no manipulation, no making do, and very little in the way of compromise. We work together perfectly. In 13 years together we've not fought, not argued, not fallen out with one another.We rarely disagree on anything, and when we do it's a quick, amicable conversation and we're sorted. I've never had to mask for her, just be my usual, awkward, full-o-faults self. This stage of love is one I've not experienced before. Absolute love, Having someone who is as important to you as life itself. Someone I would do anything for to make comfortable. Someone who's happiness is important as my own. Someone I would risk my life for without batting an eyelid. And I know she would do the same for me. I consider myself blessed, for I never, in all my days before, realised such a feeling existed, and I wouldn't swap it for the world.

LOL forget mine and just read this. I didn't know what love is. I think I giggled while reading this.

 

[Mr Allen]

I've experienced crushes only, which to me is infatuation but not love. To me, to possibly fall in love is the stage after infatuation, once you get to have a deeper analysis of the person. Once you get to know who they really are. Unfortunately, due to my shyness, I never got to know any of my crushes well enough to fall in love. I would assume that it's a state of acceptance and devotion.

Yeah I had a "crush" on my ex from school over 30 years ago, but I didn't love her, not like "that" anyway, if we'd got hitched I don't think it would've lasted long enough to do the kids thing.

 

[Canismajoris]

Dopamin makes you happy, brave and horny. Good stuff. Protip: Never do any big decissions while in fresh love.

 

[Major Tom]

I think love is a lot how you described in my experience. It starts out amazing, like you are floating in the clouds. That usually lasts for about 3 months. After that things start to get more real and The nagging and bickering start usually. Eventually what started as a high ends up being like being stuck with a very distant friend who you hate to love and love to hate. Maybe I'm just unlucky.
That being said I'm very thankful for my wife, even if being married is kind of like self-inflicted torture at times.

 

[tducey]

I think it's one of those when you know you know type things. I've had mainly crushes in the past so might have been in love very rarely.