• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

What a Nightmare

ftfipps

Well-Known Member
I am having a rough day like I do every day. My own parents say nasty things that are UNTRUE about me behind my back and sometimes I find out about it and they still deny it, which infuriates me. They embarrass me in public so now I don't hardly even leave my house. I feel like I can't trust anyone even my own family. I had a wonderful life until the fall of 2012 and until then, like most people, I lived in my own little bubble. My own little world, free of hardships, I didn't have any worries, I had everything pretty much I wanted. I had been living at home at that time and my parents threw me out on the streets playing the "you have a drug problem" card. They bought my brother a car and gave me his old one. I was homeless off and on for 5 YEARS. It was more horrible than you could imagine, believe me. I recently moved back home with my folks and they put me on medication to make me docile and calm so I wouldn't aggravate them. I recently stopped taking the meds. They aren't for me, I'm not psychotic. I have to live with my 66 year old mother now and I hate it. I don't want to bother her at her old age. I can't hold down a job and even If I was able to, I would be poor as heck and on my own and that's no way to live. My god blessed parents use the old,"If you didn't drink you would be able to hold a job down" line but I am socially awkward. I don't understand the glib, meaningless banter NT people rely on to get by. Like, they say stuff that, to me doesn't mean anything but It does to most people. Every time I go out I only feel good when I drink alcohol but due to health problems I really am not supposed to drink. I will probably continue to drink because I will perish sooner.

Will this ever change? Will It get better? Should I put myself out there? I don't think there is any point. I don't have small talk skills or understand people's games. I have a high IQ but life is hard for me. It is like I never learned the rules to making people believe I am okay and I know what I'm talking about. I see a therapist, It doesn't help anything. I have been to psych ward after psych ward, rehab after rehab, I don't want to get clean because I feel there is no hope for an undiagnosed aspie with no education, no money, no family to get me a job working with them, no ssi. I've applied 4 times. I've been told by social workers that you have to get turned down many times before you get it. This is completely untrue.
 
@ftfipps The secret to winning an SSI case is not to go about it on your own. You need to hire a disability attorney. They will evaluate your case, and if they feel that there is merit, they will take your case on contingency basis. They will take about 6,000.00 from the initial SSI award as payment for the services provided. 6,000.00 is the maximum amount by law. I won my case on the first go around because I sought the services of a disability attorney. He really knew what the heck he was doing. It isn't common to win on the first round so my hats off to his knowledge of how to work the system.
 
So they kicked you out because of a drug problem... but then when they take you back in, give you more drugs... :eek: what the hell.

Will this ever change? Yes
Will It get better? That depends on you. By the sounds of it you already hit rock bottom. Nowhere to go but up.
Should I put myself out there?
I don't think there is any point. I don't have small talk skills or understand people's games.
While small talk skills are necessary for climbing the ladder, they aren't required for employment. Just have to search for careers that don't involve much social interaction. For peoples games, an environment that isn't competitive. Or with minimal people in general.

Maybe you can think up an entrepreneurial plan. Work on your own, for yourself.

"I can't hold down a job and even If I was able to" ----- Why not?
Your answer to this question is what you should focus on fixing so that you will be able to hold down a job.

I have a high IQ but life is hard for me.
Having a high IQ doesn't mean you'll be well off in life. In fact it often brings about more uncertainty and more challenges. The ignorant are do'ers who don't think accurately. Employers love ignorant do'ers... they don't really like accurate thinkers unless that's what the job specifically calls for. However, seeing as how most think-tank positions are higher up in the chain those jobs are usually assigned to someone in the bosses social circle.

matt's SSI advice, if you implement it and win your case should buy you enough time to study the issues that hold you back and overcome them.
 
Being clean would likely help you think clearer about all of these issues, depending on what drugs you're abusing, or if it's just alcohol--I didn't fully understand what I read--then quitting that would help everything.
 
@Hdphn33

I feel the same way as you, I don't believe in giving people medication like it is candy. My mother, unfortunately thinks medication is a cure all. Every time I try and tell her about genuine problems I am having she goes,"have you been taking your medication?". Like THAT is the answer to my problems. I know it helps some people. It used to help me not be depressed but at the same time It was causing me to have full blown anxiety attacks. That was while I was on the Effexor. The drug citalopram made it difficult to perform sexually. I was always the creative musical artistic person. I always question everything the boss and other workers say. I've never been the, like you said, Ignorant do'er type.
 
@Fino

You are right, being clean does help you be more in tune with reality. I just prefer to be drunk when I'm doing something that is going to make me particularly anxious, that's all, like a doctors appointment. People always wag their finger at YOU if you have a drug or alcohol problem, but they adore douchebags like Robert downey and Johnny dep who have both used more drugs than Steven Tyler and Robert Louis Stevenson combined. Downey alone has snorted the equivalent of all the coke in Peru. I wish people were less judgmental. I just don't understand why people treat celebrities and YouTube stars like gods. I have never obsessed over Miley Cyrus or ANYBODY a day in my life.
 
Last edited:
@Hdphn33

I feel the same way as you, I don't believe in giving people medication like it is candy. My mother, unfortunately thinks medication is a cure all. Every time I try and tell her about genuine problems I am having she goes,"have you been taking your medication?". Like THAT is the answer to my problems. I know it helps some people. It used to help me not be depressed but at the same time It was causing me to have full blown anxiety attacks. That was while I was on the Effexor. The drug citalopram made it difficult to perform sexually. I was always the creative musical artistic person. I always question everything the boss and other workers say. I've never been the, like you said, Ignorant do'er type.

Twice as many women are on prescription pharmaceutical drugs than men are, aka they blindly trust their authority figures more (doctors). One of the best tricks of psychiatrists is to get their patient to recall a highly emotional experience. Then they will read their patient for the climax. they'll interrupt the pattern / flashback ... slip in the drug suggestion and tell their patient "There is no other treatment" "You want to live a happy life don't you". (Emotional manipulation) If your body language or actual words gives off any hesitancy they'll just repeat it 3 times before the session is over and it gets stuck in your head (layered with other exploits)
I live with a woman who is hopelessly enslaved by them. Parrots the exact same thing her psychia says while on a dozen drugs now i think... It's insane. Absolutely insane.

Then those same women get us hooked on drugs because they think they're doing the right thing and that the medical world is just peachy... the embodiment of "The road to hell is lined with good intentions". Their persistence and manipulative behavior is annoying yes, but they're not that smart... and do not know any better. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do".

Sorry went off a bit there -
Effexor is a nasty one, was on that as a preteen. Just sorta numbed everything out. Came off of it and never got myself back. Permanent side effects for something that never needed a drug in the first place.


Lol anyway

Creative, musical artistic person.
For solo endeavors if you get creative with the approaches that should have many applicable areas.
Teach lessons to play an instrument, Make music for a tv show or make channel intro / outro music for youtube channels.
Might be able to compound other interests, could make relaxing sleep music then market tf out of it and sell download only copies of the CD. Lots of possibility. I would say make your own music and sell it but you probably know by now how difficult that is in todays age. ;D
 
@Hdphn33

I couldn't agree more with what you said. I remember those psychiatrist tricks vividly. He tried to act like my DRUG INDUCED delusions were from an underlying psychiatric condition. He got my teenaged mind(I was 15 years old) fogged with mind altering drugs...I was 15!... while he sits in his fancy office with leather couches and pretty secretaries. If anybody doesn't see a problem with that I don't want to be their friend. Like you said one time, they're essentially drug dealers! My musical interests provide a nice escape from time to time. I need to get back into music.
 
@Hdphn33

I couldn't agree more with what you said. I remember those psychiatrist tricks vividly. He tried to act like my DRUG INDUCED delusions were from an underlying psychiatric condition. He got my teenaged mind(I was 15 years old) fogged with mind altering drugs...I was 15!... while he sits in his fancy office with leather couches and pretty secretaries. If anybody doesn't see a problem with that I don't want to be their friend. Like you said one time, they're essentially drug dealers! My musical interests provide a nice escape from time to time. I need to get back into music.

Hear you loud and clear! :)
Around the age of 17 had some pretty heavy insomnia. After being up for about 3 days straight had some visual and auditory hallucinations. saw a psychiatrist and he prescribed an anti psychotic with heavy sedative effects. Didn't stay on it long but it left more permanent damage. Years later found out that lack of sleep especially spanning a few days causes visual and / or auditory hallucinations. The fix is simply to sleep... not drugs. I'm sure the psychiatrist knew this but just wanted to create more problems to create more dependency and generate higher profits by any means. Why else would he prescribe an anti psychotic for a sleep issue? (off label use or whatever they call it) Back then this would have been a pretty crafty move since the internet wasn't as developed as it is now.

It's sick how they pray on the young. There are even adult drugs in kid versions now. The kid hasn't learned enough about the world to make an informed decision yet and odds are their parents haven't either. In the western world single moms is a regular thing now... with what was said earlier about twice as many females being on pharmaceuticals than men are... It's a recipe for disaster. Many women even unknowingly, subconsciously project some of their distaste for their ex husband onto their kid if it is a male. Any time the kid may exhibit some of that ex's traits. Not sure how common that is per-say but it's part of it.

Yup crafty, legal drug dealers. You must have stellar memory haven't called them that for a while lol
 
Last edited:

New Threads

Top Bottom