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weird potential date match

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
There was a guy who seemed attracted to me many years ago, but then he kept doubting himself and he said that he didn't make a lot of money and was barely scraping by. He didn't seem truly interested in me by saying that and I don't remember who unmatched who, but it didn't work out.
Years later recently, I rematched with him on an app. The app indicated he had a more prominent job presently.

We each greeted each other with hi, with me initiating as usual.
Then, I asked how he was and he replied "tired and he wanted to kill himself [lol]"
I don't remember if the "lol" was in there or not.

He also didn't ask me how I was in return, and that was not a good sign either.

When I saw that response at the time, I had in the back of my mind that we had matched prior and it felt like a disrespectful response. Like I was his second option but he never was really giving me a chance.
I feel like I could've said nothing for a few more days to see what happened, but my gut reaction was to unmatch.

I feel like if it was my first time matching him or if I thought that it was my first time, then my gut reaction would not have been to do that.

The app had asked me questions when I unmatched him and I accidentally reported him for rudeness. I didn't mean to submit a report on him, but I guess it seemed well deserved.

I was scared to accidentally report him because I was temporarily banned from this series of apps for reporting on behavior too much recently. If on that app I get asked why I'm unmatching again, I'll just choose "no reason."
About a half week later, he saw my profile on a different app that is not part of the series of the same apps, but he did not initiate and I did not wish to initiate. I like how he is physically and like his supposed career path now, but I guess if he will not feel kind or communicate well with me that I need to move on.
 
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Dagan

Well-Known Member
I really, really don't want to use a dating app....but....it seems to be what people prefer, now. Catch-22
 

Forest Cat

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I really, really don't want to use a dating app....but....it seems to be what people prefer, now. Catch-22

Yeah it's strange, I remember when people thought it was super weird if someone said they had met someone on the internet. Everyone thought it was weird. And then it changed in a big way, now it's weird to not date on the internet. I tried one of those dating sites once, didn't like it at all.
 
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Mr. Stevens

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Then, I asked how he was and he replied "tired and he wanted to kill himself [lol]"
I don't remember if the "lol" was in there or not.

He also didn't ask me how I was in return, and that was not a good sign either.

This seems to say everything.

Any chance of finding a guy friend on an Autism site, seeing if it turns into more? Or somewhere else besides apps of flakey people?
 

Mr. Stevens

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yeah it's strange, I remember when people thought it was super weird if someone said they had met someone on the internet. Everyone thought it was weird. And then it changed in a big way, now it's weird to not date on the internet. I tried one of those dating sites once, didn't like it at all.

They're not fun. It doesn't seem like many people like them, despite the popularity.
 

kriss72

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Thank you for sharing :) - While I might not have the best relationship that one can wish for, I'm also happy to be off the "market" it sounds way too complicated :) - I think you did the right thing in unmatching that guy, he really doesn't sound like a keeper to me.
 

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I actually love apps as an option, because some profiles are detailed and I can learn and remember things about so and so. That being said, I use apps and social media as tools to maintain positive social, dating, and professional boundaries and I try to do things with people in-person. I need to be getting something out of the connection- otherwise I disengage by unfriending but usually not blocking. If an unfriended person contacts me, I ask them to meet up with me in-person at a place of my convenience. If it's professional, I try to make it something where at least I benefit or both that person and me can benefit at the same time.
 

Ronald Zeeman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I Met my wife the old fashion way we both had crappy jobs I helped her upgrade hers and she gave me the confidence to leave mine for better opportunities. She appreciated my different way of thinking. 43 years later still married. two kids our families are mirror image of each other both second oldest she has many sisters I Have many brothers. We have so much in common.
 

Raggamuffin

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Not sure saying you're suicidal is a strong opener in any conversation, especially not on a dating site. Doesn't exactly scream husband material or romance. If someone is struggling that badly, they probably shouldn't be actively looking to date as it'll likely lead to co-dependency or making their partner suffer in their mental turmoil and detritus.

Ed
 

Slime_Punk

 Please erase
V.I.P Member
Internet dating is a catch-22 for sure, because it can provide a safe space for people to date without treading into unsavory territory (I don't know if meeting people in bars is really the best place to start), but at the same time it can be a breeding ground for people who might instead benefit from actually getting out more and touching grass.

I met my wife on one 10 years ago though, and that was before we both knew we were both neurodivegent. So, technically, this could be a very positive outcome for two well-adjusted people with introverted tendencies. But of course, not all people have great intentions and it could open the door to questionable interests.

With that said, I've had some things happen prior to meeting my wife that I'm not even allowed to talk about here, so I could only personally recommend online dating to mature people who have a good sense for red-flag material. Obviously I dodged all of those things, but some of them were really terrifying, particularly for men.
 

paloftoon

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I just noticed today that when looking over the profile of the guy who matched me on another app, I noticed I reached out to him on this app we're still both on and he didn't respond to "hi". So, why did he match me on the other app and then even respond? It's like there is faint interest, but it always ends in he treats others like crap.
I'm not always going to remember who I matched with immediately or recognize them, but if I do, whether I naturally purposely or accidentally match them, if I remember them, I've learned that my best response is to offer a more positive solution and just ask to meet. If they ask why, I can tell them we've already spoken online and my online talking threshold has been reached. /

It is a numbers game as they say and I really need to play it better.

If I don't get a desirable result or response, I need to stop overthinking and simply move on.

This whole idea of purposely ghosting or trying to chat online forever seems to be a way for people to not express rejection directly. I know that rejection hurts, and I know I have a lot to offer others and that I level well with others and that many others drive me nuts that don't level with me enough. I have some good and some okay friends, but it still hurts. These kind of things happen in-person too, but people are just politer about it in-person.

Life feels like a drag to have to keep setting my own boundaries.
 

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