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Was this Flirting

M

mw2530

Well-Known Member
At my place of employment I have had a couple of interactions with a woman that also works at the same place. She works in a different department so I hardly ever see her, but in the last 2 months I have had two brief interactions.

The first was when I had to get my picture taken for the company intranet and she was the person responsible for taking the picture. In course of taking the picture, she made the remark, "I didn't realize how tall you are". And just was really friendly and when we were finished said It was nice to meet you and that was it. I didn't say too much b/c I had some work things on my mind and at the time I actually did not realize she works for the company. For some reason I just assumed she was from some outside photography place. Not sure why I thought that since it was just a simple picture for work. Anyway did not think too much about the interaction at the time.

Fast forward a month or so and I was leaving for the day. I was going out the door to the stairwell and saw this woman coming behind me so I waited and held the door. She still had a little distance to go to the door and while walking toward me she said, "Hey I have been meaning to ask you this, but you are a runner, correct? I responded, yes I like to do different runs in the area. etc... Then she asked, if I happen to do this run group and a certain weekday. I said yes, I often go to it. Then she said, I was looking at the run group facebook page and I thought I recognized you in one of the group photos. Then I asked, why do you ask, are you thinking about going sometime? Then she said, well I have gone in the past, but haven't in awhile since I moved to such and such city. Then I think I said a little more and that was about it since she was parked in a different side of the lot. May not be the exact dialogue but doesn't matter. It was another pretty brief interaction - maybe a minute or two.

My guess is she actually remembers me from a while back when she may have seen me at the run group - although I cannot recall meeting her there.

Do you think this is flirting or was it just her being friendly? I am not sure what to make of it.
 
Friendly,...but if she has taken an interest in you,...there might be something there. Sometimes a shared interest is the spark of something more. Up to you, of course, but you could reciprocate with some friendly conversation.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
Friendly,...but if she has taken an interest in you,...there might be something there.
Click to expand...
I concur. Flirting may have been more in the line of comments meant for you to notice her more, with body language aimed at you, like playing with her hair or other grooming that invites your attention. But, you have passed the first hurdle of her remembering you. The ball is in your court and it would be friendly to ask her if she would like to converse more and invite her out. Out for coffee was my goto. But you get my drift, something simple that does not have the pressure of a formal date.
 
My thoughts -- put things in gear and take your foot off the brake, but don't accelerate and see if it moves. Good luck.
 
As my luck would have it, today was my last day at this job. I was not there very long. I guess it is a dead end, unless she starts going to that run group again.
 
mw2530 said:
As my luck would have it, today was my last day at this job. I was not there very long. I guess it is a dead end, unless she starts going to that run group again.
Click to expand...
A good learning moment. While processing delays are a feature of ASD, when you can recognize a positive opportunity for connection it is sometimes fleeting and you need to learn how to act in a timely manner.

Best of luck (because sometimes luck happens).
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
A good learning moment. While processing delays are a feature of ASD, when you can recognize a positive opportunity for connection it is sometimes fleeting and you need to learn how to act in a timely manner.

Best of luck (because sometimes luck happens).
Click to expand...

Should I have responded more appropriately during the interaction itself? Or try to follow up with more conversation at another time? I wasn't sure how to do that without being awkward until I ran into her again. Which I ran out of time.

Yeah I have been driven in the ground over and over when it comes to not even having an opportunity to date women over the years. It is just an avalanche that I have been unable to stop. Even if luck comes my way at some point, the sad reality is I have missed out on a lot over the years. That is a tough pill to swallow.
 
I was approached by women many times over the years when I was younger, some quite blatant.
talking to my wife apparently I was a good catch. To bad I was oblivious.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
I was approached by women many times over the years when I was younger, some quite blatant.
talking to my wife apparently I was a good catch. To bad I was oblivious.
Click to expand...

I guess that is one of the curses of ASD. Although, it did not have to be a curse if only we had known more about ourselves and ASD while growing up.

I have had some women who have shown interest who I just didn't have the same feeling. Also, I am sure that I have also been oblivious to women who had shown interest, and just missed out on those opportunities. Although, I actually don't think there were all that many of those instances. For the most people, women my age have ignored me unless they were dating a friend of mine.
 
Also getting back to the situation, one other option I considered was adding her on social media and asking her if she was interested in getting together for coffee or a drink sometime. But I wasn't sure if that would be super creepy or not.
 
I have been married over forty years now. not expecting to be on the hunt again for a long while
mw2530 said:
Also getting back to the situation, one other option I considered was adding her on social media and asking her if she was interested in getting together for coffee or a drink sometime. But I wasn't sure if that would be super creepy or not.
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Not creepy, just putting yourself out their, called dating, nothing ventured , nothing gained. I do not Really use social media.
 
mw2530 said:
Should I have responded more appropriately during the interaction itself? Or try to follow up with more conversation at another time? I wasn't sure how to do that without being awkward until I ran into her again. Which I ran out of time.

Yeah I have been driven in the ground over and over when it comes to not even having an opportunity to date women over the years. It is just an avalanche that I have been unable to stop. Even if luck comes my way at some point, the sad reality is I have missed out on a lot over the years. That is a tough pill to swallow.
Click to expand...
That is why I mentioned processing delay. Anymore I hope I would recognize what was happening in the instant, but probably not. You came to the delayed conclusion and had the right answer, but life intervened.

@Markness has been in the same situation, but he has the opportunity to follow up, and I hope he is successful.
 
mw2530 said:
Even if luck comes my way at some point, the sad reality is I have missed out on a lot over the years. That is a tough pill to swallow.
Click to expand...
Oh, I understand completely. I am undergoing CPT for PTSD over social and sexual isolation and I am slowly learning that what I am bitter about missing out on was happening as I still was doing the best I can for myself. It happened, but I was able to overcome deficits to experience a pretty good present.

Luck had a lot to do with my meeting my spouse especially that we were together for several days of adventures, so things unfolded slowly at a time when I was primed to understand the character of a person that I desired in a woman. Pure luck (with a little preparation).
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
I have been married over forty years now. not expecting to be on the hunt again for a long while
Not creepy, just putting yourself out their, called dating, nothing ventured , nothing gained. I do not Really use social media.
Click to expand...

From the looks of it on social media, she has a boyfriend so probably not worth messaging after all.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
Oh, I understand completely. I am undergoing CPT for PTSD over social and sexual isolation and I am slowly learning that what I am bitter about missing out on was happening as I still was doing the best I can for myself. It happened, but I was able to overcome deficits to experience a pretty good present.

Luck had a lot to do with my meeting my spouse especially that we were together for several days of adventures, so things unfolded slowly at a time when I was primed to understand the character of a person that I desired in a woman. Pure luck (with a little preparation).
Click to expand...

Yes, I have definitely suppressed a lot of those feelings because they are so painful that I can't even handle it feeling them. The problem with suppressing is that they eventually come back and it usually is even worse than the last time.
 
The other issue is that I honestly have significant doubts that my future will be any different than my past. I don't live in a small town, but it is not a large city either so I just feel my options are very slim as I continue to get older. I feel pretty hopeless honestly.
 
Lots of women wear rings or fluff their status to keep jerks at bay. But there are a lot of shallow people out there, both male and female, so I've seen my share of gold diggers too. Had several with which the second date felt like a credit application interview.
 
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