University life is overwhelming

[juljamjules]

Did you/do you struggle with university life as an autistic person?
I know that everyone on the spectrum is different, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer. But what did you struggle with? I am currently so overwhelmed, but I'm not sure why! I keep having burnouts even though I tried to be less diligent. I just want to pass exams, nothing more. I don't know why it looks like that. I have some ideas, though:

1. it's not what I'm passionate about, and I get ridiculously drained from doing something and caring about something I just don't like that much.
2. I get overwhelmed so easily! But why?
3. It's also about structure. In a weird way, though. Back when I was in school, I just hated it. I skipped classes a lot! A LOT! And I rarely did something I was supposed to during the classes I attended. But it still gave me structure. "Biology class? Time to write a poem. Chemistry class? Let's study philosophy. Math class? I want to do the math, but I don't like this teacher; let's go to the nearby cafe and practice math there." You get it. If I had a free period, I tried to practice the piano in the library (with my headphones on, of course). And I had a lot to do after school. Music classes or courses that helped me prepare for the big exams. So there was a lot of it. I'm not saying this was healthy. I barely ate, I was underslept and had bouts of depression (connected with my family situation, but maybe the way I lived could be taken into account as well). But it was a strategy. I did a lot of things.
4. Social aspects. I kind of accepted that I'm not a part of a group there and that I'm a lone wolf, but maybe it still hangs over my head. In a way, I am lucky cause I met two people that I talk to (a miracle!!), but I wouldn't call them friends.

So these are the things I suspect could have something to do with it. But still. Is it enough to make it so overwhelming? Studying is not the only thing I do. I'm also a volunteer, and I try to pursue my real passions. And yes, I could abandon one of these things, or both. But I would feel even worse. I wouldn't be doing anything I love, and I would be even more lonely cause I would lose the people I do the volunteer work with!

I thought that it has to do something with ASD. But if it doesn't, then what the hell is happening with me?

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Did you/do you struggle with university life as an autistic person?

In some ways, though it was much better than grade school. I found breaks between classes helped. I could go to my dorm or the library and engage in things I liked, if needed. For a year or two, I'd go to the library every day and read a little from a book I liked. This gave me something thrilling to look forward to.

The hardest things were sleeping in dorms (everyone was loud to me); not fitting in much in general (though I socialized); juggling work and school; and noise in the cafeteria. Also talking in class. I could do the work, but have always hated participating. But, sometimes it's the quality, not quantity of response. And if a teacher likes you, then it becomes easier.

1. it's not what I'm passionate about, and I get ridiculously drained from doing something and caring about something I just don't like that much.

This is hard one, but obviously you'll have to deal with it to graduate. Try to plan breaks and rewards for yourself to balance the things you don't like. It might help to think of it as working toward a career goal, rather than having to care about stuff you don't like.

2. I get overwhelmed so easily! But why?

This is one you'll probably have to answer yourself. Pay attention to what is happening as you start to feel uneasy and then overwhelmed. Maybe keep a journal to study any patterns and figure out what's wearing you down.

3. It's also about structure. In a weird way, though. Back when I was in school, I just hated it. I skipped classes a lot! A LOT! And I rarely did something I was supposed to during the classes I attended. But it still gave me structure. "Biology class? Time to write a poem. Chemistry class? Let's study philosophy. Math class? I want to do the math, but I don't like this teacher; let's go to the nearby cafe and practice math there." You get it. If I had a free period, I tried to practice the piano in the library (with my headphones on, of course). And I had a lot to do after school. Music classes or courses that helped me prepare for the big exams. So there was a lot of it. I'm not saying this was healthy. I barely ate, I was underslept and had bouts of depression (connected with my family situation, but maybe the way I lived could be taken into account as well). But it was a strategy. I did a lot of things.

Are you missing structure now?

4. Social aspects. I kind of accepted that I'm not a part of a group there and that I'm a lone wolf, but maybe it still hangs over my head. In a way, I am lucky cause I met two people that I talk to (a miracle!!), but I wouldn't call them friends.

You probably thought of this, but have you looked at clubs? I wish I did more of that, in school. I had friends, but based mostly on convenience. You say you have friends through volunteering, though. Or at least people you like.

Is college harder for you than grade school was? Or could you just deal with it differently? It sounds like in the past you were able to avoid a lot of what you didn't like, but now you can't. I think it will help to really examine yourself and how you respond to things, if you're having trouble with that.

I wish you luck though. It sounds like you're really struggling. I've had similar difficulties in professional life, where I felt totally lost. Distance from the problem helped me understand more what was bothering me. It's hard to judge things when you're burnt out.

 

[juljamjules]

Thank you!
I feel like I don't have enough structure now. But I struggle to identify why. I think it is partially because I have less time for doing what I really love (like music and writing), and when I have less of that, I have less stability. And partially it's because the structure of the university is more loose, but this one is foggier for me. I just feel there's a lot I'd like to do, but the structure is unclear. And now I have to take care of things like cooking and eating (more than once a day!) and tidying up my place. These things are also on the list. But I try to keep them as simple as possible.
I don't have time for a club - and my volunteer work is the best I can do for now.
For many reasons, grade school was horrible, and I'm glad I'm not there anymore. But this thing about the structure was the only thing that actually made things easier for me. Or maybe not easier in general, but easier to navigate. I think I just dealt with it differently. You're right - I could avoid a lot of what I didn't like. I think I need to bring this practice back as much as I can.

 

[Duncan74]

I really really struggled in my first term (/semester). Looking back I can understand why now, but at the time it was just a mystery. I got very down in the last few weeks before the Xmas break and actually talked about dropping out over the holiday. Now the odd thing here is that it was my passion, in as much as I was studying civil engineering, the career I'd decided on aged about 4. No really, I used to do road building with tonka toys as a kid on the beach, then throughout all my school it was always a given this is what I'd do. (spoiler, I'm 48 and lead a business that does this).
However, for me it wasn't the lectures or the work that was the challenge it was the lack of quiet time. In that first year in halls there was endless social activity that I was encouraged to be part of, and back then thought that was what I needed too. And you know what, looking back all these years later, it probably did help me, but not sure there wasn't a better way.
Once I worked out I needed that quiet time, bought myself a bike and went cycling / exploring on foot on my own on a weekend, found a 'special place' where I could get some space then I did much better. And also I think I managed to accept the 'new' routine I'd made for myself. And found the people that understood me, and stepped back from those that didn't.
Times have changed now, is there a counsellor there that you can talk to @juljamjules ? Help you prioritise the things you need/want to do? I know in times of stress I always step back to the quadrant diagrams. My to do list is in 4 sections, known as an eisenhower matrix.

Needs a little adaption for personal life rather than work, but the main thing for me is to do the top left and then to alternate between the bottom left and top right to stop them all ending up in the top left and me feeling overwhelmed.
The other one is looking back at where I'm allocating my time. Separate boxes for (college) Work, Admin (shopping, cooking, washing clothes, tidying, eating), friends/family and 'me'. And what I find is that last box will be the one that has ended u squeezed when I'm in a bad place, and creating more of the 'pie' in that box is the solution.

 

[VictorR]

University was and has been overall, a positive experience, especially in 3rd year classes and onwards, where you find yourself surrounded by classmates who genuinely want to be there and to learn and succeed.

I think my question for you is whether you enjoy what you're studying right now? If you're not connected with your courses, and especially if you're taking electives for the sake of taking them, it can be easy to be disheartened and to lose your connection and therefore passion for your studies.

You may find it useful then to focus on the core courses, and perhaps to do the electives later on, once you have a better idea of what might fulfill both academic and personal needs.

Something that I can't stress enough is to ensure you're engaging in regular and healthy eating. It's easy to get distracted, not eat, and then gorge on junk food and pack on weight. Freshman 15 can be very real. Having a slow cooker may be useful.

 

[Progster]

Did you/do you struggle with university life as an autistic person?

Yes. In my first first term, I was put in a room with another person. I didn't like that, and asked to move to have a room to myself. I was put in a very quiet room, away from the main campus and at the end of the corridor. That was much better. I had difficultie socialising and connecting, I was very naive. So I got set up for practical jokes.

And then, if the others on the corridor were going out, I would just sit at the table and not say anything. It was very cliquey. Banter, humour and jokes, which are crucial to cement friendships and to the specific culture and dynamics of a group, were lacking in me. It's not that I don't have a sense of humour - I do, it's more that I can't process fast enough to understand, react and join in. If someone tries to make banter with me, I jut don't know how to respond or to continue it. This is a problem that continues to this day.

In my second year, I went through a period of depression and became very underweight, so my parents thought I had anorexia. I had a strict eating regime, but it wasn't about losing weight or believing I was fat., it was more about trying to cope with anxiety and wanting to walk 45 minutes rather than take the bus. My parents were all for my quitting uni, but I didn't want to. I'm too stubborn to quit. I'd come this far, so I'd darn well finish it. I had therapy and that's when I was diagnosed with social anxiety.

Eventually I did make one or two friends, mainly fringe people that also weren't part of a clique. It was a rough ride, but things did eventually improve.

 

[Hypnalis]

@juljamjules

You've been doing a typical Aspie thing up to now, conforming just enough that you get along, and apart from that dong whatever you want.

It doesn't matter whether this is good, bad, or neutral for you and/or for your family or for society. What's interesting is that it's a life-strategy that has to be adapted to your circumstances, because the tactical details won't work in every environment.

Now you've chosen a new environment where your previous strategy doesn't work well. You need to adapt.

You've received some useful advice already in this thread. I could add more, but I'm going to provide an example instead:

You and I are just strangers on the internet who happen to have a transient common interest. I can possibly help you, but what if you ignore my advice? Reading between the lines of your OP, you've ignored a lot of advice over the years. Right now, the risk that my time will be wasted seems too high.

So I'll wait, and limit this to things that entertain me.

If you engage in a way that makes this interesting for me, I'll respond. If you don't respond, or it's a lazy ("Please tell me more" /lol) or boring response, I'll ignore it.

This is like the difference between University and school. School is forced to care, even for annoying pupils. Universities don't have that obligation, and won't even notice if you fail because you're not doing what's necessary.

That's what you have to adapt to.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I loved college, I loved learning, I loved studying, I loved there were so many intelligent people around, I loved the culture the university brought it - foreign and art house films, concerts, speakers. I loved being able to determine my own schedule. I never had to live on campus in a dorm. That would truly make my life hell.

Being overwhelmed is a rather typical problem for us. You asked why are you overwhelmed? I would posit that it could be living with hundreds of other people, having no place for quiet alone time.

You are going to have to write your own schedule. In college there is no one else to do it for you.

Duncan74, thanks for the Eisenhower Matrix. I had forgotten about that.

Libraries can be used for alone time. The university chapel is another place to hide away. Get a bike or roller blades and get somewhere else.

You said university classes are not your passion. It sounds like music and writing are yours. Is your major in music or literature? If not, why not?

Reading your posts in order, it looks to me like you are responding to challenges and growing. Good for you. Keep up the good work.

 

[DaisyRose]

I did struggle with some aspects of college. I didn’t have a hard time doing my homework because I always printed out the syllabus and assignment sheets. These would help me see which assignments are due first, then I would work my way from there. In a way, this helped me plan ahead to prevent myself from getting behind in each class.

I would say I had a hard time finding the right major that worked for me. It took me longer to find a major because I lacked interest in most of the responsibilities and curriculum. Some classes I had were not interesting for me, so I would find it harder to focus and get my work done.

I would also get stressed out easily as well. I always had to take a break in the summer because I needed time to relax and clear my mind. I was always jealous of people who could take summer classes because they could get a step ahead and be closer to finishing school.

 

[Dadamen]

Started university this year. The expirience is good. It is generally less stressful than high school beacuse I have less subjects and am interested in ones I have. When it comes to social aspect: no true friends, but I talk to people. It is good as long as topics aren't going out.

 

[spockanalia]

I EDITED THIS A LOT AFTER INITIALLY POSTING

I did not have a diagnosis in college so was not able to understand what was going on with me. I struggled so much! In the beginning, I found college to be so much better than high school. I majored in a subject I was obsessed with and really enjoyed the work. But, I made absolutely no friends. Then, as I started taking more advanced classes, they switched from lectures to seminars. That was a nightmare. Lecture classes worked really well for me because the teacher (the expert) got to talk for an hour or more about a subject they were passionate about while I took rigorous notes. I also felt that I engaged with the required readings at a much higher level when I was using them to expand on the information in the lectures and really master the knowledge aspect of things.

That all went away in seminar classes. Everything became a social experience that was not really about learning the material. Doing the readings came to mean "finding something to contribute in class...ANYTHING AT ALL." Posting reading responses and engaging in forums meant that learning was no longer for its own sake but as a performance. I wish I knew I was autistic then as I would have asked for accommodations. If you aren't already receiving accommodations, perhaps you should look into this.

One thing that did really help me was sitting down every week and planning every assignment out. I broke everything into smaller steps (something I learned from reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). I also joined 1 student org so that I could have some social interaction. That really helped. We weren't really friends, but it helped me break out of my hyper routinized isolation once in a while. Overall, it was worth it for me. But the seminars were brutal.

Another thing that really lifted my spirits was having a book with me that was not school related but that I found personally enjoyable. I would read for about 5 minutes every hour out of that book to lift my spirits and keep me motivated. Perhaps you have something like that to bring some additional joy to your day.

It's great that you are not just doing your studies, but also volunteering and pursuing your passions. I do think that school is hard on most people and can be especially difficult for us. I also think that it can be totally worth it, but it can be a balancing act between what you want to do and what you are capable of doing. For example, you may need to ask yourself, what weekly commitment is proving too much to you? Would you be happier if you took that time to rest? Life is long, and there will be plenty of time to do everything you want to do, even if it is at a slower pace than you initially wanted.

 

[Dadamen]

I EDITED THIS A LOT AFTER INITIALLY POSTING

I did not have a diagnosis in college so was not able to understand what was going on with me. I struggled so much! In the beginning, I found college to be so much better than high school. I majored in a subject I was obsessed with and really enjoyed the work. But, I made absolutely no friends. Then, as I started taking more advanced classes, they switched from lectures to seminars. That was a nightmare. Lecture classes worked really well for me because the teacher (the expert) got to talk for an hour or more about a subject they were passionate about while I took rigorous notes. I also felt that I engaged with the required readings at a much higher level when I was using them to expand on the information in the lectures and really master the knowledge aspect of things.

That all went away in seminar classes. Everything became a social experience that was not really about learning the material. Doing the readings came to mean "finding something to contribute in class...ANYTHING AT ALL." Posting reading responses and engaging in forums meant that learning was no longer for its own sake but as a performance. I wish I knew I was autistic then as I would have asked for accommodations. If you aren't already receiving accommodations, perhaps you should look into this.

One thing that did really help me was sitting down every week and planning every assignment out. I broke everything into smaller steps (something I learned from reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). I also joined 1 student org so that I could have some social interaction. That really helped. We weren't really friends, but it helped me break out of my hyper routinized isolation once in a while. Overall, it was worth it for me. But the seminars were brutal.

Another thing that really lifted my spirits was having a book with me that was not school related but that I found personally enjoyable. I would read for about 5 minutes every hour out of that book to lift my spirits and keep me motivated. Perhaps you have something like that to bring some additional joy to your day.

It's great that you are not just doing your studies, but also volunteering and pursuing your passions. I do think that school is hard on most people and can be especially difficult for us. I also think that it can be totally worth it, but it can be a balancing act between what you want to do and what you are capable of doing. For example, you may need to ask yourself, what weekly commitment is proving too much to you? Would you be happier if you took that time to rest? Life is long, and there will be plenty of time to do everything you want to do, even if it is at a slower pace than you initially wanted.

May I ask you what were you studying?
My study is made of lectures, seminares and laboratory exercises because I'm studying medical biochemistery.
What we do on this seminars is different from subject to subject. On maths, chemistery and physics we do tasks and actually it isnt much different form lecture. In biology everyone got a topic to research which we needed to present to the class.
The last and the hardest, but still interesting thing is laboratory work. Microscoping on biology and expiriments on chemistery. Although it looks easy it is still quite hard to microscopate. Chemistery is the hardest because it takes 4 hours, we stand all the time and involves most social interaction.

 

[Owliet]

First year of university was very difficult for me, it didnt really improve until I was in my final year when I finally got used to it. I had support in place and they were very helpful but I still struggled. Most of the early friendships I had were not really friendships because the support mentors were being paid, so whilst I had some form of socialization and they encouraged me to do some myself, I did not make friends until later on. First year was challenging, it was never about routine. I respond better to having structure and routine in my life. I cannot really function successfully without having it in place. I had too much too soon. First time being away from home was also a big Part in this. I liked what i was studying but I found interacting with people to be challenging. I would often skip seminars, not because I was not prepared but because I would often be called on and I would get very anxious with giving responses. I always sat on my own. No one ever sat with me. And those who I sat next to in the first few weeks moved away. Group work was challenging, although it did get a little better with some people who I was with — I wouldn’t call us friends but they actually did speak with me more after the group work. I was overwhelmed a lot and often over-stressed by social interactions. I would have dropped out I think if it was not for the support that I had in place. They really helped me. And linked me up with other ASD people At university.

If you are finding it difficult, do see what your university Has in place. Don’t hesitate to talk to people and ask for support even if it is difficult to ask.

 

[Dadamen]

To me, final high school year was actaully worse than first university year. I had to prepare for national exams that we use to enter the university and at the same time study for school and I found this overwhelming. An easing thing for me is that I live close to city where I study, so I don't have to move from home.

We didn't have any group works at university yet, but in school we had plenty each year.

 

[spockanalia]

May I ask you what were you studying?
My study is made of lectures, seminares and laboratory exercises because I'm studying medical biochemistery.
What we do on this seminars is different from subject to subject. On maths, chemistery and physics we do tasks and actually it isnt much different form lecture. In biology everyone got a topic to research which we needed to present to the class.
The last and the hardest, but still interesting thing is laboratory work. Microscoping on biology and expiriments on chemistery. Although it looks easy it is still quite hard to microscopate. Chemistery is the hardest because it takes 4 hours, we stand all the time and involves most social interaction.

I was in the humanities, so probably a very different experience with how the coursework is laid out. I can imagine that 4 hours of chem while socializing is not easy! Are there any breaks offered during the 4 hours?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My college experience was horrible. It was when I discovered I had autism and started therapy. I had no friends. I used to run away from girls. I had terrible grades with a few F's, D's, and many W's. Finally, the dean of the school found me a clinic which I still go to and told me to leave, so I dropped out.

I did various computer disability programs, but it was boring because I knew it already. They could not find me work. I went to VESID where I found a job, but I was blamed for putting a virus on the computer which I did not do so I was terminated. After four years of job searching, I gave up and applied for disability. I was rejected the first time but then my therapist went with me by the judge, and I was approved.

I initially used the back money for braces and saved the rest. I only receive about $500 a month so I am forced to live at home. I have been collecting for nearly 20 years.

 

[Dadamen]

My college experience was horrible. It was when I discovered I had autism and started therapy. I had no friends. I used to run away from girls. I had terrible grades with a few F's, D's, and many W's. Finally, the dean of the school found me a clinic which I still go to and told me to leave, so I dropped out.

I did various computer disability programs, but it was boring because I knew it already. They could not find me work. I went to VESID where I found a job, but I was blamed for putting a virus on the computer which I did not do so I was terminated. After four years of job searching, I gave up and applied for disability. I was rejected the first time but then my therapist went with me by the judge, and I was approved.

I initially used the back money for braces and saved the rest. I only receive about $500 a month so I am forced to live at home. I have been collecting for nearly 20 years.

What is that grade W? I thought F is the worst grade (fall), and A-D are pass. In Croatia grades are numbers instead of letters, so 5=A 4=B 3=C 2=D and 1=F. The dean told you to leave? The only rule I know on my university is that you are expelled if you don't pass the exam two years in a row and probably for severe disciplinary issues.

I was in the humanities, so probably a very different experience with how the coursework is laid out. I can imagine that 4 hours of chem while socializing is not easy! Are there any breaks offered during the 4 hours?

Yes, in humanities it is all about argumentation and dicscussion and so you needed to talk in these seminars. In natural sciences, like chemistery these seminars are solving tasks, they were even not mandatory, but are useful to prepare for exam.
Well, we had no pause, but could go to toilet break on these chemistery and we were usually over in less than 4 hours.

I am suprised that on this forum in fact there are more people with obsessions ih humanic sciences than in natural like me.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

W is when you drop the class.

Also the one class I got a F in was world music and I actually liked that class. I took it again in the summer and the professor was sorry for me so she gave me a D.

So, if I could not even pass a class I took twice that I actually enjoyed there was no way I could complete college.

 

[Dadamen]

So, W means Withderw.
Yes, college is simply not for everyone. Many people try and then drop out and get a job only with high school.
The only problem is if you have a high scool called gymnasium in my country. After that school it is expected to go to university because you have no qualification after it, it is a general high school. The other type of high school is the one that you get qualification with, but you can still get further education on university after it. For example after a medical high school you are a nurse, and then you can work as a nurse or study to become a diplomated nurse or study medicine and become a doctor.
I went to gymnasium, so I'm noone in finding a job without university.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Never Went to university, college instead. The trick is to get past the first year. that's how they make their money from, only five of us made it to third year in college 70 started.