Universally Physically Attractive People With Aspergers

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Let’s just get out of the way the fact that in this discussion I’m not thinking of any person in particular (at least not necessarily on this or any forum), nor am I seeking to judge any speaking on here for their attractiveness.

For me personally, internal attraction seems so much more likely with women on the spectrum (for any number of reasons relating to personality, opinions or common interests etc). But do you get many aspie women (those who actually sometimes really struggle socially rather than those mildly on the spectrum) who have the looks of an atypical glamour model or simply one that many guys found attractive in school (rather than just other guys unknowingly on the spectrum) if just until they discovered she was socially awkward, became uncomfortable around her and looked to NT women instead. I kind of get the impression that those women that are an aspie and are regarded beautiful on a more universal level (rather than by the smaller group of individuals of whom I would not regard as a pertinent example) are only mildly on the spectrum and would still easily intimidate and probably overlook other aspie guys (like me and the majority who are and may forever go without a girl for whom they do not feel they ‘settled for’ rather than ‘settled with’). The same could be true of guys too, but as I’m a hetrosexual guy (one wishing there he was ‘asexual’, but without even the ability to be attracted to others, as is still apparently true of asexuals) please forgive the one gender sided view of this thread.

My point is that it’s actually seemingly easier than I realized for an aspie guy to couple with an aspie girl, but if that aspie guy ends up realizing why this aspie girl was too easy to get with (perhaps because she has low standards), has gone without much love interest for so long or comes to see her as someone he merely ‘settled for’ irrespective of how genuine her love may be for him, then very quickly she is nothing more than a friend at best and still does not serve as proof that he could eventually get a girlfriend he could genuinely and wholly love (like so many other NT’s would quickly or eventually do, without ‘settling for’ someone).



Your thoughts please….????

 

[Ylva]

I kind of get the impression that those women that are an aspie and are regarded beautiful on a more universal level […] are only mildly on the spectrum and would still easily intimidate and probably overlook other aspie guys.

If you find beauty intimidating, don't blame the people who happen to look good to you for it.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

A persons physical appearance has absolutely nothing to do with their place on the spectrum. The idea that classically beautiful women are only mildly on the spectrum is ridiculous. As is the idea than more physically attractive aspies would be more likely to overlook other aspies as potential partners, it is your personality that effects what you look for in a partner, not your appearance.

My point is that it’s actually seemingly easier than I realized for an aspie guy to couple with an aspie girl, but if that aspie guy ends up realizing why this aspie girl was too easy to get with (perhaps because she has low standards),

The idea that someone can be 'too easy to get' and as such must be 'settling' or 'has low standards' is ******** and says far more about the low self esteem of the person who thinks they are being 'settled for' than the feelings or motivations of the other person.

... still does not serve as proof that he could eventually get a girlfriend he could genuinely and wholly love (like so many other NT’s would quickly or eventually do, without ‘settling for’ someone).

You seem to be under the impression that finding love is super easy for NTs... it's not. Some people find love quickly, some people don't, some people never do. Some people connect with other easily, some people have to work damn hard to develop a romantic connection to others. Finding love/ a girlfriend/ a sexual partner/ whatever once (however deep or shallow, whether you are 'settling' or not) is not proof that it could ever happen again...

Finally, asexuals do not experience sexual attraction... that is the definition of asexual.

 

[Dee317]

I am very messy haired, & dressed, with no makeup, and often don't change my clothes for 3 days at a time like other aspies because I do not leave my house often. But when I go into public I must put on my suite of fakery as a cloak, as not to be seen by the NTs as the odd, messy, mom. I am quite attractive when I put effort into this process, it doesn't make me feel better than anyone else, I dated someone who I believe now, was another aspie in the past and just didn't know it. He was ugly, so I was told by all of my friends who couldn't get past his anorexic type body and very large nose. That didn't matter to me because it was his soul that I connected to. I believe most aspie woman are more about being honest in general. I could not fake a relationship either way, nor would I leave someone because I felt as if I were settling. Sometimes souls find love completely blind to the outward apperance, you have to let it happen naturally. Sometimes I find that SOME aspie men make me very uncomfortable because they are too aggressive in letting me know they are attracted to me. I know it's because they are just trying to connect and let it known that they have interest. Often they will use generic lines like-"wow you are very attractive.", followed by many equally bluntly honest statements like, "I would like to see you more.", "I live in this town, do you live here too?" The number of statements in a row is usually the issue, or they are too close, ect. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I am only describing this situation because I have experienced it with a few different aspie men myself.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

If you find beauty intimidating, don't blame the people who happen to look good to you for it.

A persons physical appearance has absolutely nothing to do with their place on the spectrum. The idea that classically beautiful women are only mildly on the spectrum is ridiculous. As is the idea than more physically attractive aspies would be more likely to overlook other aspies as potential partners, it is your personality that effects what you look for in a partner, not your appearance.

Oh no, I certainly don't find the beauty intimidating, but many women who are typically known by many (not just a few) to be attractive seem to perhaps feel that because they genuinely can attract more physically attractive guys, that they can overlook lesser ones or average ones. I'm not saying this is wrong and nor am I saying that it's a bad thing to only be seen as attractive by a few people, it only takes 1 person to find you and you could be made for life.

The idea that someone can be 'too easy to get' and as such must be 'settling' or 'has low standards' is ******** and says far more about the low self esteem of the person who thinks they are being 'settled for' than the feelings or motivations of the other person.

Mmmm, I don't agree. The only 'girlfriend' I had was eventually seen to be quite mentally disturbed and had waaaaaay to many problems with herself and at home (relative to the average aspie female or guys for that matter) and the fact that she'd been in and out of relationships because of this didn't suprise me in the least. She couldn't even make up her mind about whether she felt I was attractive in the end afterall and I was hardly won over by one of the reasons she chose my profile on a dating site. Surely every guy wants to feel that his partner is wanted by many but committed/loyal to one, a rare jewel of priceless value in every way.

You seem to be under the impression that finding love is super easy for NTs... it's not.

To be fair there are so many more NTs out there than aspies that I guess the diversity can seem extreme, but the guys I know of whom are all NT's have had many girlfriends (mostly none of which they settled for at the time) and are now and have long since been with someone they love (and unsuprisingly they didn't have to use online dating to achieve this, they're sociable in ways I cannot be).

Finally, asexuals do not experience sexual attraction... that is the definition of asexual.

Apparently asexual feel attraction romantically, but nothing sexual. I really need to not be able to feel any kind of attraction, so wanting to be asexual isn't enough.

I am very messy haired, & dressed, with no makeup, and often don't change my clothes for 3 days at a time like other aspies because I do not leave my house often. But when I go into public I must put on my suite of fakery as a cloak, as not to be seen by the NTs as the odd, messy, mom. I am quite attractive when I put effort into this process, it doesn't make me feel better than anyone else,

I like this statement, but surely hygiene or cleanliness plays some part in why you'd change your clothes (though perhaps not necessarily in the time you wear them for). You have a nice modest belief in your attractiveness too, do you look like your avatar?

Sometimes I find that SOME aspie men make me very uncomfortable because they are too aggressive in letting me know they are attracted to me. I know it's because they are just trying to connect and let it known that they have interest. Often they will use generic lines like-"wow you are very attractive.", followed by many equally bluntly honest statements like, "I would like to see you more.", "I live in this town, do you live here too?" The number of statements in a row is usually the issue, or they are too close, ect. It makes me extremely uncomfortable.

I'm kinda guilty of this, though I did (when I once cared out of desperation to wanna get a GF) aim to try and reduce the initial proclivity of doing this. The reason why (probably the same for many aspie guys) is because it's a speak what you think kinda mentality/habit and self moderation is hard and we get overwhelmed with the attraction (both physical and inner).

 

[qwerty]

Let’s just get out of the way the fact that in this discussion I’m not thinking of any person in particular (at least not necessarily on this or any forum), nor am I seeking to judge any speaking on here for their attractiveness.

For me personally, internal attraction seems so much more likely with women on the spectrum (for any number of reasons relating to personality, opinions or common interests etc). But do you get many aspie women (those who actually sometimes really struggle socially rather than those mildly on the spectrum) who have the looks of an atypical glamour model or simply one that many guys found attractive in school (rather than just other guys unknowingly on the spectrum) if just until they discovered she was socially awkward, became uncomfortable around her and looked to NT women instead. I kind of get the impression that those women that are an aspie and are regarded beautiful on a more universal level (rather than by the smaller group of individuals of whom I would not regard as a pertinent example) are only mildly on the spectrum and would still easily intimidate and probably overlook other aspie guys (like me and the majority who are and may forever go without a girl for whom they do not feel they ‘settled for’ rather than ‘settled with’). The same could be true of guys too, but as I’m a hetrosexual guy (one wishing there he was ‘asexual’, but without even the ability to be attracted to others, as is still apparently true of asexuals) please forgive the one gender sided view of this thread.

My point is that it’s actually seemingly easier than I realized for an aspie guy to couple with an aspie girl, but if that aspie guy ends up realizing why this aspie girl was too easy to get with (perhaps because she has low standards), has gone without much love interest for so long or comes to see her as someone he merely ‘settled for’ irrespective of how genuine her love may be for him, then very quickly she is nothing more than a friend at best and still does not serve as proof that he could eventually get a girlfriend he could genuinely and wholly love (like so many other NT’s would quickly or eventually do, without ‘settling for’ someone).



Your thoughts please….????

Huh??????????

can you please try to explain in a more understandable manner what you mean please?

Universally Physically Attractive People With Aspergers

i don't understand, what are you asking or stating?

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Huh??????????

can you please try to explain in a more understandable manner what you mean please?

Universally Physically Attractive People With Aspergers

i don't understand, what are you asking or stating?

Oh damn, the confusion from another forum I posted this on is now spreading to here too, and the worst part is tht I had to tell them I'd forgotten my original point (though I'm sure I'll remember). Maybe have a look at the above answers because though I may not have agreed with them, they clearly had seen my originally intended point. I'll try later to remember it too . Umm, let's say the main point may have been that when aspies (guys anyway) do seem to fall in love and get a GF, that it almost seems like they scrapped the barrel to find one and settled below their true desire. Maybe, but I could be wrong with that being my intended statement/point.

 

[StephF]

I'm not quite sure what you are asking/saying but I will try and add my views. I would rather date a person who might be less beautiful if they were more intelligent and pleasant in personality than a beautiful person who is stupid or holds views I find offensive.

 

[qwerty]

from what i can gather, i think maybe you are struggling with this beauty myth that is being bombarded into everyone's eyeballs n earholes every 2 seconds of the day,

where the radio is advertising how much more confident you will feel if only your teeth were whiter n your hair shinier n your eyeballs painted n ears had gold punctured through them n boooooobs were ten times bigger n waist ten times smaller n how much better your abs would look if you had a machine to work em every second, n your moustache would look manlier if ya did so n so on n so on n so on, and you will be more successful, happy and have the perfect love life because of your new thick moustache, white straight teeth, muscles?. It's bollocks! seriously.

you will just be poor with a fake tan, glow in the dark teeth from whitening wearing a silly tanktop to show off the muscles you worked your ass off for and spent a fortune on with gym memberships, supplements etc
confused, bitter and angry because woman aren't falling at your feet, you don't feel happier and you aren't anymore successful than before. you are bitter because you have been lied to your whole life? idk

open your eyes and look at people not as a 'beauty scale' but as individual interesting, sometimes boring, sometimes scared, sometimes feel just like you do, sometimes mind crackingly wonderful beyond what you could ever imagine. open your eyes to the true beauty of people.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I'm not quite sure what you are asking/saying but I will try and add my views. I would rather date a person who might be less beautiful if they were more intelligent and pleasant in personality than a beautiful person who is stupid or holds views I find offensive.

This is true, but there are plenty of visually attractive people (on a more universally appreciable scale) that may have both inner and outer beuty and would be offended tio be thought of as a barbie doll or to be accussed of being shallow just because many men are attracted to her and she has model looks.

from what i can gather, i think maybe you are struggling with this beauty myth that is being bombarded into everyone's eyeballs n earholes every 2 seconds of the day,

where the radio is advertising how much more confident you will feel if only your teeth were whiter n your hair shinier n your eyeballs painted n ears had gold punctured through them n boooooobs were ten times bigger n waist ten times smaller n how much better your abs would look if you had a machine to work em every second, n your moustache would look manlier if ya did so n so on n so on n so on, and you will be more successful, happy and have the perfect love life because of your new thick moustache, white straight teeth, muscles?. It's bollocks! seriously.

Physically speaking I do have desires in a partner, I prefer 'Rebel Wilson' (Google her if you don't know her) sized women (A.K.A- BBW, curvy, full figured, buxom) as they're healthy, huggable and comfortable with not conforming to this slimming obsession and am attracted to wide hips/thunder thighs and am very comfortable with a bit of saggy skin or lot's of cellulite (sexual attraction is fortunately only a part of this preference, though I'm highly conflicted with any kind of sexual attraction). There's plenty to say about my ideal person on the inside too, but there is always outer/physical preferences that I'm drawn to. I think the media just needs to appreciate diversity more but naturally I'm all for stomping out obesity, though I think curvy/BBW women could too quickly be assumed to be this when in fact they are not one in the same. I hope you agree with most of this as I'd hate to have to feel guilty for having physical preferences, even if they aren't symmetrical with the media. I'll maybe post pics another time of celeb and youtube celebs I consider beautiful.

 

[StephF]

You might think that I implied that but in truth it is simply your inference.

 

[qwerty]

Physically speaking I do have desires in a partner, I prefer 'Rebel Wilson' (Google her if you don't know her) sized women (A.K.A- BBW, curvy, full figured, buxom) as they're healthy, huggable and comfortable with not conforming to this slimming obsession and am attracted to wide hips/thunder thighs and am very comfortable with a bit of saggy skin or lot's of cellulite (sexual attraction is fortunately only a part of this preference, though I'm highly conflicted with any kind of sexual attraction). There's plenty to say about my ideal person on the inside too, but there is always outer/physical preferences that I'm drawn to. I think the media just needs to appreciate diversity more but naturally I'm all for stomping out obesity, though I think curvy/BBW women could too quickly be assumed to be this when in fact they are not one in the same. I hope you agree with most of this as I'd hate to have to feel guilty for having physical preferences, even if they aren't symmetrical with the media. I'll maybe post pics another time of celeb and youtube celebs I consider beautiful.

why do ya think i care if ya like big butts or not?
i was asking for clarification, and offering my best crack at deciphering what seems to be a whole lot of words about female body parts with no coherent meaning.
how would me not agreeing with you force you to feel guilty?

 

[Mia]

Hopeless aspie, I find this quite offensive. Your perception of women that is, as if they were racehorses being judged by you on physical attributes. It makes all women part of a contest, every woman for that matter. As if somehow, we were not individuals with brains or personalities. Instead, we are body types, body parts, attractive, unattractive, instead of real human beings. I'm guessing that makes it easier for you to look at women on scales of one to ten, instead of as real people. We are not prizes, or objects to be attained because you believe yourself entitled to an attractive partner, you are no more entitled to a girlfriend or boyfriend than anyone else. My question might be: What makes you so entitled that you've decided that you can judge an entire sex like a dog breed show? You need to rethink your perceptions.

You need to remember something, that the women you look at in pictures and videos online do this for money or fame or attention. You can look at them, but they are not accessible to you, like women who strip, who make a living doing this. They sell an image of themselves, to make a living. That's all it is, an image, it's not who they are as people, it's a stereotype.

 

[watersprite]

Hopeless aspie, I find this quite offensive. Your perception of women that is, as if they were racehorses being judged by you on physical attributes. It makes all women part of a contest, every woman for that matter. As if somehow, we were not individuals with brains or personalities. Instead, we are body types, body parts, attractive, unattractive, instead of real human beings. I'm guessing that makes it easier for you to look at women on scales of one to ten, instead of as real people. We are not prizes, or objects to be attained because you believe yourself entitled to an attractive partner, you are no more entitled to a girlfriend or boyfriend than anyone else. My question might be: What makes you so entitled that you've decided that you can judge an entire sex like a dog breed show? You need to rethink your perceptions.

You need to remember something, that the women you look at in pictures and videos online do this for money or fame or attention. You can look at them, but they are not accessible to you, like women who strip, who make a living doing this. They sell an image of themselves, to make a living. That's all it is, an image, it's not who they are as people, it's a stereotype.

Well said Mia.

 

[watersprite]

The_Hopeless_Aspie_Guy Your questions would be more likely to get appropriate answers if directed at your mental health practitioner.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

why do ya think i care if ya like big butts or not?

how would me not agreeing with you force you to feel guilty?

I hate the whole concept of love and attraction, but I hate even more any preferences which might imply anything of a sexual or some other misguided reference (my ongoing position means I can't seem to escape this lusting and love and I always feel guilty and hateful of it ).

The_Hopeless_Aspie_Guy Your questions would be more likely to get appropriate answers if directed at your mental health practitioner.

I that supposed to be a joke

Hopeless aspie, I find this quite offensive.

(Sigh ) I don't know, you go off to work leaving behind what seems a peaceful message on a forum and by the time you return, all hells broken loose and there's a minor uprising with me in the firing line.

as if they were racehorses being judged by you on physical attributes. It makes all women part of a contest, every woman for that matter. As if somehow, we were not individuals with brains or personalities. Instead, we are body types, body parts, attractive, unattractive, instead of real human beings. I'm guessing that makes it easier for you to look at women on scales of one to ten, instead of as real people. We are not prizes, or objects to be attained because you believe yourself entitled to an attractive partner,

Ok firstly, what makes you think I've actually said or implied any of this? Secondly (I just know I'm gonna regret asking this) how hould this be then, in your eyes?

you are no more entitled to a girlfriend or boyfriend than anyone else. My question might be: What makes you so entitled that you've decided that you can judge an entire sex like a dog breed show? You need to rethink your perceptions.

No!! I'm probably less entitled or not entitled at all (that would be down to what I describe as the aura and me knowing that love is a flawed concept and sex or sexual feeling are just wrong). But why do you seem to think I'm judging women? I'm worthy of a lot of things, but being with a woman or judging one (as if I'm some kinda god) isn't one of them.

You need to remember something, that the women you look at in pictures and videos online do this for money or fame or attention. You can look at them, but they are not accessible to you, like women who strip, who make a living doing this. They sell an image of themselves, to make a living. That's all it is, an image, it's not who they are as people, it's a stereotype.

Sorry but did I even mention porn or anything along the lines of what you're describing? And sadly you're wrong too, I hate that you are wrong, but you're wrong. Saying that is like saying that physically attractive women can't have fantastic personalities or be a genius. Why wouldn't some of these women be just as attractive in real life anyway? The camera doesn't always need to lie.

Well said Mia.

Thats not helping

My original point (yes I was reminded of it whilst out and about today, yay!!) was that aspie guys almost always seem to have to settle for someone (or for many they are by my reckoning) not seemingly so for aspie women, but I know less there admittedly. I have an aspie friend who has clearly settled and isn't always happy in his relationship yet he's too afraid to be alone so he clings to his gf despite complaining about her or listening to me and his other friends who all agree they're a mismatch. My uncle (who doesn't know he's an aspie) also settled and it didn't last, then years later he got back with her and suprise suprise it didn't last. And then there was a guy on TV who was an aspie (think it was on a program called 'my autistic life') and he may or may not have settled.
What I did mean is that I travel around a lot from store to store that I call on and I see sooo many attractive women of all sorts (yes ok I'm only largely able to make a judgement for myself and to myself based on physical attributes/features, but odds are some of these numerous women I see have nice personalities and those that I've spoken to I know do) and yet when I was trying to date a couple of years ago, I couldn't hope to have met up or got into a relationship with any such people . Oh and this isn't about me trying to get a date or something pointless like that (I had the sense to give up on that a good while ago, I just battle with the damn feelings unfortunately) I just feel like some answers or clarity in this whole mess would be nice (answers can hopefully dissolve any of those highly conflictive thoughts/feelings I have of wanting a relationship).

 

[Ylva]

If I may.

You say attractive aspie women are too stuck up to date a Nice Guy™ like you. That makes you seem entitled.

You also seem to dismiss women who are willing to date you as unattractive. Nice gridlock you got yourself there.

Maybe it's your personality that needs work, or at least your attitude.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

You say attractive aspie women are too stuck up to date a Nice Guy™ like you. That makes you seem entitled.

When did I say I was a nice guy? When did I say they were too stuck up to date me (who knows, maybe others guys were deserving but were still shunned, though it could happen vice-versa with guys doing this to girls too).

You also seem to dismiss women who are willing to date you as unattractive.

I've had one girlfriend, she messaged me first, I wasn't sure about her but I thought I'd give it a go. Partly as a result of settling, the relationship was a train wreck and she had also kinda settled because she was so uncertain in the end of my looks also. Settling lead to a poor relationship, no fun, no great conversations or communication, lacklusture sex.... need I go on. Suffice it to say that had I have gone for any of the other interested women (the majority (though not all) of which I personally did not feel in the slightest bit attracted to, not to say some other guy wouldn't) then it wiould have been a disaster. It's cruel to be with someone you don't love, you're supposed to make the peson you love feel beautiful inside and out and the last thing you wanna do is cringe when you go for a kiss. I had a habit of attracting the wrong women most (though not all of the time) but only got to the point of meeting up with one (the wrong one).

Maybe it's your personality that needs work, or at least your attitude.

No they're fine (not perfect, who is?), but they're fine. My inability to find love stemmed largely from being an aspie (hey just look at other threads/posts on here with guys who actually want love (and probably deserve it) but have been alone for years rejected). But beyond simply being an aspie it's just some kind of invisible aura that prevents girls from liking or loving me. I can accept this, I just wish the other part of me would realise this and let go of the fantasy .

https://www.aspiescentral.com/threa...y-are-not-interested.10504/page-3#post-295025

https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/how-long-can-someone-survive-with-no-friends.15177/


https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/aspies-and-dating.15665/

 

[Mia]

Ok firstly, what makes you think I've actually said or implied any of this?

So lets look at some of your statements here:

"if just until they discovered she was socially awkward, became uncomfortable around her and looked to NT women instead."
"are only mildly on the spectrum and would still easily intimidate and probably overlook other aspie guys"
"why this aspie girl was too easy to get with"
"it’s actually seemingly easier than I realized for an aspie guy to couple with an aspie girl."
"when aspies (guys anyway) do seem to fall in love and get a GF, that it almost seems like they scrapped the barrel to find one and settled below their true desire."

But why do you seem to think I'm judging women?

Read the above statements that you made on this post and convince me that you are not judging women; with statements such as aspie girls that are easy to get with, aspies who fall in love have scraped the barrel and settled. These sorts of perceptions are insulting to women as people, and considering that there are many aspie women on this site, they are even more inflammatory.

Sorry but did I even mention porn or anything along the lines of what you're describing?

You actually went into detail about the body type of woman you would like to have, or are attracted to. You referred to an Australian comedienne, who I'm sure you don't know personally:
"Physically speaking I do have desires in a partner, I prefer 'Rebel Wilson' (Google her if you don't know her) sized women (A.K.A- BBW, curvy, full figured, buxom) as they're healthy, huggable and comfortable with not conforming to this slimming obsession and am attracted to wide hips..." Creating with this a laundry list of physical attributes that you wish to have. As if women were all in a storehouse and you could go in there and pick one out.


Saying that is like saying that physically attractive women can't have fantastic personalities or be a genius. Why wouldn't some of these women be just as attractive in real life anyway? The camera doesn't always need to lie.

They sell an image of themselves, to make a living. That's all it is, an image, it's not who they are as people, it's a stereotype.

Here is where again you repeat the same thing, as if you didn't understand anything that I've referred to here. They are a posed image, they do this for money, they are a made-up fantasy world. Their beauty is not who they are as human beings.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Mmmm, I don't agree. The only 'girlfriend' I had was eventually seen to be quite mentally disturbed and had waaaaaay to many problems with herself and at home (relative to the average aspie female or guys for that matter) and the fact that she'd been in and out of relationships because of this didn't suprise me in the least. She couldn't even make up her mind about whether she felt I was attractive in the end afterall and I was hardly won over by one of the reasons she chose my profile on a dating site. Surely every guy wants to feel that his partner is wanted by many but committed/loyal to one, a rare jewel of priceless value in every way.

Alas your one experience of dating is not representative of everyone. Quite the opposite. Just because one woman whom you think didn't find you attractive approached you does mean that women/men who are easy to approach/start a relationship with are 'settling'. Finding someone physically attractive is not important to everyone, often it is the mental connection that is far more important anyway. As for your observations of other peoples relationships, what makes you think that you can tell what is motivating people to stay with their partner? Just because you can't see why they are together or think they aren't happy doesn't mean that they don't appreciate their partner.

To be fair there are so many more NTs out there than aspies that I guess the diversity can seem extreme, but the guys I know of whom are all NT's have had many girlfriends (mostly none of which they settled for at the time) and are now and have long since been with someone they love (and unsuprisingly they didn't have to use online dating to achieve this, they're sociable in ways I cannot be).

And I know lots of NTs who have completely hopeless love lives, have never been on a date, have gone on lots of dates that never went anywhere, are attracted to people who never find them attractive in turn, or constantly complain about not having found a partner at the age of 30/40 whatever. On the other hand I know aspies who are in happy relationships or happy move from partner to partner with little effort and without wanting to settle down. People are different, aspie or NT.

Apparently asexual feel attraction romantically, but nothing sexual. I really need to not be able to feel any kind of attraction, so wanting to be asexual isn't enough.

The term for someone who does not experience romantic attraction is 'aromantic'.