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Trying to numb out, yet I still feel everything.

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by KagamineLen, May 31, 2021.

  1. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    Between weed, beer and endless web surfing over the last three days, I felt numb the first day, now I feel extreme burnout. I was not built to live like that.

    I wish I still had the social life I had two years ago.

    My sponsor is telling me I need to learn how to feel comfortable in my own skin and my own company. I really do not like myself very much, though. If I liked myself, I would not have put on as much weight last year as I did.

    My overall sobriety and sense of stability feels at extreme risk right now.
     
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  2. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Can l point out that you broke free of your family, great job by the way. Maybe it's time to work on yourself. Update your image, get some new habits like it's New Year's resolutions. This is kinda of your time to shine, you have only so many years left on the planet, how do you want to leave, being happy with yourself, or hating yourself, (don't give in).
     
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  3. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    You are correct. I have some legitimate distance between myself and my family now. Now I can no longer use them as an excuse to not be taking care of myself, so I turn to social isolation as my current BS excuse.

    You are correct in saying I have gone a long way, even if it only feels to me like I took only a few steps.
     
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You broke free of family, AND you did it during a pandemic! You moved house too. Ok so you put on some weight with the stress of all that. I put on weight just with the pandemic, lots have.

    Seems like there's a bit of a hiatus now, where you are like, washed up on a shore of freedom. The Tides gone out, and the natives are all staying in due to a bout of bilibongi flu being prevalent. You're tired and have a sense of anti climax. So, is this all? Whatever!

    Seriously, it sounds difficult, and yet you have reached an amazing goal. But clawing your way back up from what you have been through is depleting and when you get to the goal of potential ordinary wellbeing, it can seem pretty tame.

    But it's the bedrock from which you can create your own life. What's your plan? Healthy eating, learning to meditate, exercise, fulfilling interests or goals? The traumatized teenager may be saying, aw, whaaaat? But what's the adult saying? The point of healthy pursuits is, they make you feel better, longer term. They can be hugely satisfying. None of your family knew this. You're the pioneer.
     
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  5. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    I guess I still have a lot to work through with my therapist. Things are going well and drama free, but a part of me wants to throw a wrench in there since life without drama seems empty. That is insane and it should not make any sense at all.

    I probably should start by cutting out the beer and the weed, though. They are not having the effect I want at all.

    I also should not be so intimately attached to the Internet.
     
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  6. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry. God, being autistic is so difficult. It's beautiful,...but at the same time so very, very difficult. I know exactly how you feel. We are all stuck inside of our brains.
     
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  7. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, if you are supposed to be in recovery (you mentioned a sponsor), you need to cut out the weed and alcohol.

    Does your therapist know you are autistic, and what that means? Not criticizing them, but the advice you give to a NT might not work for an autistic. "Feel comfortable in your own skin" is kind of hard to process.

    I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I am, too.
     
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  8. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    I am so numb that I am STARTING weed after a lifetime of sobriety and so is a friend who is 70 (and a chemist). Seems like there is a time and place for everything. I am just tired of suffering.
     
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  9. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    I'm just waiting for it to be legal in my state. Although, I have never really had much benefit from weed. It does make me dull, though, and might be good for sleep.
     
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  10. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    Yes, I really, really wanted that to work. I got some really good high quality and it did nothing noticeable. I just want to be able to sleep and feel calm. No calm. Amygdala FRIED.
     
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  11. SimonSays

    SimonSays Time is an illusion I seem to have a lot of V.I.P Member

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    You mentioned Delta 8 in another thread? I'm not sure how this relates to the strains, but I recommend taking something edible, and pure Indica, for calmness and sleep, maybe in the form of a tincture as you'll have a more precise dose, if you can get an organic one. You could even make it yourself from scratch with some organic bud. I'd be happy to advise.
     
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  12. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    Yes, please DO advise. I am VERY interested!

    Advise WELCOMED!!
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2021
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  13. SimonSays

    SimonSays Time is an illusion I seem to have a lot of V.I.P Member

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    The one with CBN sounds interesting. I'd start with that.
    If you consume the tincture then yes, as anything you consume has to go through the liver, be turned into 11 hydroxy metabolite, before you feel any effects. However, if you put some under your tongue and allow it to enter your bloodstream sublingually, this will cut down the time considerably as it does not need to pass through the liver.

    It also depends on whether you've eaten, and what time of the day it is, as to how long an edible takes to be processed. I would say 10 mg is more than enough as a dose, but drop by drop is better, you will just need to take it over several days to test, and rather than take it so early and wait around to find out what it's going to do, take it later, a few hours before going to sleep, then just carry on. It will have an effect at some point. The tincture will be more controllable, whether you take it sublingually or put it in some water and swallow it, but it will take time for you to find your dose.

    As far as making it yourself, first you need to determine if taking a tincture is what you prefer to do. Once you've done so, if you want to make your own, I can help you.
     
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  14. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    A life with Christ is a life of joy, rejoicing, and acceptance. It fills the world with light and warmth. If it's a delusion, it's a magical delusion that makes me more joyful than you. Quite a magic trick. Summon God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in my life, I cry! Transform me and my life! It happens all the time. As you continue to suffer, it happens to others. And it will keep happening whether you believe in it or not. It's a relentless force of joy.
     
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  15. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes I think you did say that previously. I can't help thinking it would serve God better to work on having more specific ideas to offer others for their situation as this is very general and has been said to the OP and others on numerous occasions.
     
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  16. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The exact same thing I am wanting.
    They tell you to learn how, but, who can teach that?
    There is no book or anything I've been told on how to learn this.

    I miss the life I had a few years ago, too.
    But, it isn't coming back. Don't know how to feel comfortable with just me now either.
    So we continue on and I wish all who struggle with this feeling to find some thing that helps.
     
  17. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    ...
     
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