Trying to find work...

[Andrew Gorton]

Hi

Forgive me, but this goes on for a bit.

I have been unemployed, on and off, for several years now. Was let go from a job cleaning trains in 2015 due to a severe anxiety attack brought on by friction with a colleague (the job being on the railway, there were safety concerns). On the whole, depression and, particularly, anxiety have been a serious barrier to getting and holding down work, usually due to these causing friction with colleagues. Job interviews are also a trial, being turned down for one job because of 'extreme nervousness and poor communication skills' (actual feedback). The job was a front-of-house museum/nature conservation role, a position which I did well to get to the interview stage for due to the voluntary work outlined below.

I suppose, at the end of the day, I am extremely underconfident when it comes to paid work after literally years of rejections, and a few spectacular screw ups, one of which was a shelf-stacking job - a mixture of depresssion caused by the boredom of the job, and social issues caused a lot of grief to colleagues and management. I am terrified of 1) job interviews 2) screwing up socially/upsetting colleagues through my depression/anxiety and 3) failing at the job. I have quite a history of this.

On the other hand, I have worked extensively and for the most part successfully in the voluntary sector, while on benefits. I have worked in nature conservation (won an award nominated for 2012 Olympic Torch relay), museums and heritage (nominated for award) and completed training to become a coastal watchkeeper (basic navigation, logging ships, weather, tides, etc. Obtained a radio operators' licence). I also have a degree in Natural Sciences with the Open University.

Financially I'm alright due to benefits and family support. I can continue with the voluntary work, keep my ear to the ground and see what comes up paid-work wise.

Despite this, I still feel like an abject failure for not being able to hold down paid work. I guess this is due to the fact that I define myself solely by my job (or lack of one) and I don't have anything else in my life to feel as strongly about either way. Social life is restricted due to (probably unfounded) anxieties and restricted income.

I see the sense in the 'a job, any job, even if it's shelf stacking' idea, but feel I can't do it. Even if I get past the interview stage, will just screw up again and be back to square one.

 

[Gracey]

I don’t think I define myself by my job,

I’m rarely in one long enough for it to be worth mentioning or think about promotion etc.

I’ve never aimed very high either.

Always picked up bread and butter kind of work because; I felt,
I had to put the requirements of four others before myself. (Family)

So it isn’t that I’m defined by a job but own cast iron core beliefs about going out and earning money.

It’s bone deep, a generations old work ethic, to the detriment of my wellbeing sometimes.

It’s only recently I’ve started to question it.

So for what it’s worth,
I’d want to ask you why ?

Why you believe you need paid work ?

Would you like to use your skills and qualifications to persue an interest ?

Or,

Is the guilt over not grafting for your income driving you into a job, any job ?

 

[tducey]

I'm looking for work as well now. It's not the easiest thing to find but I'm hoping to find some soon. I believe that if work is available for us we should pursue it.

 

[Fino]

"The answer clearly isn’t economic: it’s moral and political. The ruling class has figured out that a happy and productive population with free time on their hands is a mortal danger (think of what started to happen when this even began to be approximated in the ‘60s). And, on the other hand, the feeling that work is a moral value in itself, and that anyone not willing to submit themselves to some kind of intense work discipline for most of their waking hours deserves nothing, is extraordinarily convenient for them."

Why Capitalism Creates Pointless Jobs - Evonomics

Very interesting article!

 

[Andrew Gorton]

So for what it’s worth,
I’d want to ask you why ?

Why you believe you need paid work ?

Would you like to use your skills and qualifications to persue an interest ?

Or,

Is the guilt over not grafting for your income driving you into a job, any job ?

Some very good questions here, Gracey.

There is quite a bit of guilt about not working and claiming benefits, yes. It is not helped by the 'work-shy scrounger' mentality of a lot of people, especaily when the recession was at its height. I also have a few high flyers in my family. My sister is a deputy head teacher, my nephew has a well paid IT security job. My dad was in the London Fire Brigade for 30 years, was a London cabbie and was in local government. They are very supportive and forgiving, but I still feel a bit inadequate compared to them.

I have to keep telling myself that the voluntary work I do contributes to society just as much as if I was in a menial shelf-stacking job or whatever. The voluntary work also has the added bonus that it plays to my strengths and is interesting and by and large has a point to it.

On the other hand, a little bit of extra income would be handy.

 

[Fino]

I've always said that I went into music in order to avoid as much as possible contributing to society.