"True self" aspie style

[DogwoodTree]

Underneath all of the facades and masks and performances we do for the sake of getting along in an NT world, what is your true, inner self like? Who are you, really? And are there any situations where you're able to bring that authentic self to the surface for others to see?

 

[Abe1]

The problem is I don't really know who I am.

As for letting my true side out, I do like saying puntastic jokes, and is part of the real me, but even this is a facade to hide the inner despair and turmoil that no one would want to see.

 

[Kerry_eire]

I show a few Aspie things to a friend who's son is on the spectrum. With her I don't have to explain why I'm stimming, 'overreacting' to certain senses or leave her house as soon as other people come in to visit her.

She sometimes laughs when she comes into her living room and her 5y/o sits on one side of the couch and I'm on the other side and we happily co-exist without interacting.

 

[FreeDiver]

What? To make you ashamed of doing something like what this kid is doing?

 

[David Larson]

My inner self, pulling back all the filters and facades, is an arrogant grade-A jackass. He is openly hostile and aggressive. He is a ruthless operator and always gets exactly what he wants. Always.

I used to use it to solve my problems and navigate daily life. Since then, I've developed a mask (or some would argue some self-restraint and manners), which I use to suppress my true self as much as possible. There are still occasions where he rises to the surface, however, and that "ruthless operator" bit is sometimes helpful, but more often than not causes so much collateral damage that it would've been better off staying dormant. Still, gets me what I want.

 

[grommet]

My inner self is like Data from Star Trek. With my ex girlfriend I often showed her my true self. She never made fun of me for it and usually accepted it or understood. To go out in the world I cannot be that way, it is not safe. I envy aspies who are still themselves in public. I worry too much about the consequences. The world is not a safe place for aspies.

 

[Nitro]

I spend most of my life where the world gets to see me at face value. The "masks etc," are put on when the time calls for them. Generally ,I am the disruptive class clown who is seeking attention thru humor in any fashion. When I am in the musical element,I am a part of the scene,so no mask is necessary and I just blend in naturally.
At a motorsports event,the same applies,because we are all there for the same purpose either as a participant or observer.

Small talk? Usually the jokester,because everyone loves to laugh or smile,and I got the knack for quick wit from my Momma
When asked by a stranger how I am,my reply is usually "do you want the truth,or what you want to hear?" and build on it from the reactions that I get from my interrogator (most of the time I just say "lovely" and add to it with something that is at times very inappropriate if the responses are taken well)

In a nutshell,I am usually a what you see is what you get kind of person who follows the beat of his own drummer

 

[Crossbreed]

Not all of my masks are for NT accommodation. More often they are an act of caution. My (unrestrained) behavioral age is probably closer to 10-12, but if that was clear to an unscrupulous observer, they might be inclined to take advantage of me. As I can anticipate such consequences, I tend to be more reserved until I feel comfortable "letting my hair down."

 

[The Bicycling Guitarist]

I am a temporary local pattern of the universe, like a whirlpool in a stream with energy flowing in and through me. Just like a whirlpool, whatever causes the pattern eventually wears away and the local pattern disappears, but the energy is eternal. I am a function of what the entire cosmos is doing at a point called here and now. In effect each of us is the whole universe looking at itself through our eyes. There are no separate things in the universe; it is one big happening. Everyone and everything is interconnected. (these are a blend of Buddhist and scientific ideas, some phrases lifted from the 20th century philosopher Alan Watts).

 

[Diagnosed2015]

My inner self is very self-conscious about not being seen as "weird," and I suffer from (learned paranoia) from childhood which makes me hypervigilante about not wanted to be "talked about" poorly or seen as incompetent. I worry of other's perception of me and that they think the same about me as *I* do.

I had to ask my counselor if I only "thought" I was outgoing and extroverted, because I question the difference between how I see myself, and how others see me.

There's a great deal of insecurity, and being raised with paranoid parents (including a conspiracy theorist), I tend to "doubt" what I hear unless I can prove it to myself.

The rest of me deals with OCD--obsessive thoughts, lots of irrational phobias, PTSD, and other issues which I believe to be part of my personality, but they "add" to my issue about jurisprudence, rules, regulations, etc. In fact, I've written Standard Operating Procedure Manuals and then enforced them.

Rules are important for everyone else (but I know how to break them), which leaves me feeling conflicted a lot of times.

People tell me I'm exactly the same way online than off, which I take as a compliment. I enjoy meeting and talking to people, but I question whether or not I am "relationship material" at this stage of my life.

 

[tyko berglund]

Underneath all of the facades and masks and performances we do for the sake of getting along in an NT world, what is your true, inner self like? Who are you, really? And are there any situations where you're able to bring that authentic self to the surface for others to see?

It seems to be a significant effort to offer some socially correct self to others. I suggest I can or could
become confused, and not know for sure who I am offering while in contact with others. At this time I
do not see this problem abating. I think I could become fuzzy about who is speaking on the terms we are
discussing here.

 

[radasp]

My true inner self. Is there such a thing? After a lifetime of "strange" collisions with the "normal social" world I was finally diagnosed Asperger. Is that who I am? No - I am the person that I created in order to survive in a hostile neurotypical society. That person is a RESULT of what has happened and how I've handled it. Do I know and believe that I have personality traits that I've used to survive? Yes, and some come from being Asperger, like intellectual honesty, rational analysis, persistence. Some traits, I'm not sure about - maybe I have learned along the way to be infinitely stubborn in my belief in myself (99% of humans may disagree with me, but it's possible that I'm right anyway!) and at the same time (counter to what psychologists say) my brain is flexible and capable of creative solutions to seemingly impossible walls and barriers erected against "neuroexceptional" people.

My blog, http://aspergerhuman.wordpress.com is a big expression of who I am. One of main topics is exposing how 'neuroexceptional" people are pounded into the ground by phony psychological studies, papers and propaganda. How prejudiced society has become against "ASD" people due to false information and the rise in public bullying.

 

[Dusty285]

I know who I am. I have always been me. Only since I discovered I am an Aspie have I had any idea why I am me. I am self-motivated hard-working with no reservations. I am scrupulously honest. I follow the rules and keep my records by recording them immediately. Ideas in letters to myself as a sort of diary that was not a diary; or now a blog [FaceBook; with only a half-dozen 'friends' who are all immediate family and with full privacy settings] online. Where required for work or other [IRS?] my records are complete and immediate so there is no confusion or loss of data. I cannot influence other people [NT's] or sell anything. I cannot cope with people who do less than is needed or who do improper or bad things. I can only try to not be involved with them from the time I recognize that they are toxic people. Toxic is not people who try but are unable to perform; toxic is people who refuse to do what should be done or who do improper or even unlawful and unethical and immoral things willfully and cause continuing trouble for those associated with them and for themselves. This 'toxic' thing can be a real problem if the toxic person is an assigned team member at work or is sharing living space close enough to be considered a 'friend' or to be frequent companion. Toxic individuals are usually 'frenemies.' Like most Aspies I have no concerns about being alone. Much better than being involved in any way with toxic or semi-toxic persons. I run my life in as logical manner as I can. I do not [anymore] expect myself to be perfect; tolerance for myself and for others does help considerably. I do and always have tried to use Problem Solving Technique to manage my life. NT's clearly think that is seriously strange. Problem Solving includes finding efficient routes and means of transportation for travel to places I need visit. Especially the regular places like going to work. Buying groceries that only includes things I know I will actually eat or that I will cook-- - with consideration of my short attention-span that I cook for a few days or a week or two and then lapse back to TV Dinners because TV Dinners supply the need for nourishment and only take minutes to heat and then finish eating. Paper plates for meals and cooking in the microwave because they cleanup instantly? Into the trash!! But quality metal utensils and very sharp knives because that works well and makes life easier. And most of the rest of the things I need and use in my life are managed with the same kind of thought.
I know who I am. I mostly always have known who I am. The only question I ever had was "Why?". And the discovery of "Aspie" gave me the answer.

 

[grommet]

Dusty, most of what you wrote describes the inner me exactly and how I live. I feel the same way about people and rules and efficiency. It made me feel very lonely until I read "The Speed of Dark." I do not recommend the book so much as I want to say that the main character, an autistic man, made me feel like there was someone out there like me. Thank you for your post

 

[tree]

Questions about 'the real me ' that is under my 'facade' or 'mask'
always seem alien to me. I don't see myself as having a mask.

 

[Uhura]

"I do like saying puntastic jokes, and is part of the real me"---


I'd probably like the 'puntastic jokes'.

My inner self, mask, true self...All get so intertwined that I don't know who my real self is. My real self is someone society won't let me be. A small part of my real self is acceptable to society though. Because I do care about others. I don't feel capable of helping them sometimes but I do care.

 

[Lisa Lacertilian]

Although I have had trouble identifying my "self" since I had depression in my early twenties, the true me is playful and ultimately enjoys being silly! But I have a profession and must on a day to day basis remain serious and supress my true self. The truth is, most people who get to enjoy my silly self love it and I know I would have lots of friends if I were always able to be my true self 100% of the time. As a professional I wouldn't get so far and unfortunately that's what pays the bills so that is the person I must be.

 

[ezcare]

Underneath all of the facades and masks and performances we do for the sake of getting along in an NT world, what is your true, inner self like? Who are you, really? And are there any situations where you're able to bring that authentic self to the surface for others to see?

In my case it took years before I was able to sync my true inner self with the masked self I presented to others. One support group that was especially helpful with this was Al-Anon. That may seem counter-intuitive to anyone who has never experienced the kind of help this group offers but it really worked for me. Although the main focus of this group is to support the families and friends of Alcoholics, the 12-step program along with their traditions make them a safe place to expose your inner self even if you have not experienced living with an alcoholic. (don't have any stats to back this up but I'd bet the majority of Aspies have alcoholism in their family tree or have close friends who do)
You might ask why this could work better than an Aspie Support Group... I think the benefit of getting support from a group of NTs who are dealing with some of the same problems you may have is very beneficial. Moreover, we often have the ability to point out things to them that fellow NTs would never notice or even discuss with them.

 

[shinkansen]

Underneath all of the facades and masks and performances we do for the sake of getting along in an NT world, what is your true, inner self like? Who are you, really? And are there any situations where you're able to bring that authentic self to the surface for others to see?

This is a very good question. In places, I thought my autism spectrum diagnosis was quite revealing. I hadn't fully appreciated how much I like to do things on my own. And my difficulties in responding to what other people are saying.

Perhaps we are most likely to be our true selves, when we are most content. My greatest periods of contentment seem to be the wide spaces of the countryside, when I am alone.

 

[Cosmophylla]

Who is my true self?

I am the facade, and I am the self standing behind it. They are one and the same.

It has taken me a long time to accept this. But now I know that all the different masks I wear are me. They are part of who I am. The masks are my way of functioning in the world. I'm quite ok with them these days.

As for the other part of me behind the masks...I'm pretty normal around my husband. By normal I mean no facade.