trouble prioritizing

[Sab]

I noticed that I have trouble prioritizing things. Things that I need to do accumulate in my brain and I easily feel overwhelmed and like my brain is full and have trouble prioritizing certain things over others. The thing is it's not always things that I need to «do» but things that I need to think about, or conversations I need to have. Since I need time to process and need to do it consciously, I often find that things go too fast for me.

It's been coming up a lot in my relationship with my partner. They ask me a question about something and I say that I need to think about it, and then a couple days later they need to have a conversation about something else, on top of small life things that I need to handle it easily accumulates and feels very stressful. Like there are all these things that I need to think about and take decisions or communicate on but can't really keep up.

I started making lists of the things that are in my brain and try to figure out what is most pressing and deal with one thing at a time but it's hard for me to shelf the rest of the stuff in the meantime.

Does anybody else struggle with this? I'm curious if you have any advice or tools that could help. Thanks

 

[SolarPoweredNightOwl]

My only advice is pretty much what you're doing already--making lists. I also try to plan ahead and anticipate likely problems or situations, and set up systems to make them easier, so I'm less likely to get blindsided by something. It's hard to do with people and relationship things, but you can get a lot of the day-to-day household stuff running like clockwork that way. That in turn frees up time and mental energy for dealing with the rest.

 

[Fino]

I get stressed out if I have more than one thing to do at a time. I just be stressed out and do them. I don't think I have any strategies. Not that I can think of now.

 

[Thinx]

Yes I can't easily multitask. 2 things to attend to at once or doing one thing while listening about something else for example. Or tasks being added to my list that are urgent or need prioritising can throw me, especially active tasks that require physically active doing, as opposed to thinking, reading or word processing.

 

[Streetwise]

I oscillate between I can’t remember to do it and frightened that I will be prosecuted do it

 

[Judge]

I'm curious if you have any advice or tools that could help. Thanks

I used to teach time management at the corporate level for insurance underwriters. Making decisions is only half the battle. The other half is being able to consistently move files in a timely manner.

So you take everything on your plate at the moment and break them up into three categories. Or as we referred to them as the "A's, B's and C's". Where you prioritize the most problematic and time consuming things (the "A's") first. Then do the lesser "B's", and lastly the small and easy stuff ("C's").

Write them down if necessary, and assign them in inboxes designated "A", "B" and "C". Then just keep sorting, always keeping them in chronological order with the most pressing ones on the top in the boxes. You may end up with a lot of things to do, but at least you'll be able to confine them to three levels of priority.

Trying to keep it all in your head alone? Yeah, I'd have problems doing that too! So you write it all down.

 

[Nervous Rex]

My only advice is pretty much what you're doing already--making lists.

This. A list gets it out of my head so I don't have to think about it.

If there is a to-do item on my list that I can do right now and get it off my list, I will do it now. I had to adopt that strategy 30 years ago when I learned that, if I don't do something while I'm thinking of it, I will totally forget later. Do it now - then I don't have to try to remember later.

Also, like Fino, the worst thing you can do to me is give me two high-priority tasks. It doesn't matter if they each only take 5 minutes - I'll be deadlocked for half and hour trying to decide which one to do first.

 

[Aspychata]

I prioritize with good vs bad. So a horrible thing will get done (anything involving parking and government offices), then the priority of yogurt at the shop. Dental appointment and pay IRS payment then the priority of picking out some new music. Look l hear ya, outright bribery. But bribery works on two year-olds and it works on autistic adults too. Plus you will associate good feelings with tasks and reprogram your mind. But l am the kind of person that can't rest until the task is completed. l am only doing logic puzzles on my cell phone because of the need to complete them, not for any other reason. Then l feel complete.

 

[Pats]

Sometimes I have multiple things going on that I need to think about and won't be able to decide which to focus on - especially when all is equally important. It just gets overwhelming. But I do find that doing something relaxing - for me jigsaw puzzles and (used to be) driving, where you have to focus on what you're doing to do it, but able to think about other things with less pressure.

 

[Progster]

I started making lists of the things that are in my brain and try to figure out what is most pressing and deal with one thing at a time but it's hard for me to shelf the rest of the stuff in the meantime.

Yes, I do this too, I easily get overwhelmed - and I also have a diary and lists. Inevitably my mind will start to wander and thing about all the things going on, or have to do, then I need to remind myself that I made a decision to deal with X first, and then Y. I have to keep supressing those thoughts that lead me to being overhwelmed.

I also use a method similar to that described by @Judge to prioritize tasks.

 

[Suzanne]

I make lists, which help me to calm down and also, getting anxiety when I know I should be doing something, helps me to prioritise things.

In my brain, the list is full up and no room to add anything else; but when I put it down on paper, what I need to do, it does not even fill up half of the postit that I am using and also, time. I think everything to complete is going to take for ever and in truth, I just want to do my hobbies, but in actual fact, they do not take that long at all and most times, I am left to do my hobbies for a long time and can even get a bit bored!

 

[SolarPoweredNightOwl]

So you take everything on your plate at the moment and break them up into three categories. Or as we referred to them as the "A's, B's and C's". Where you prioritize the most problematic and time consuming things (the "A's") first. Then do the lesser "B's", and lastly the small and easy stuff ("C's").

This reminds me of a system I learned from Stephen Covey (I don't remember where he got it from). Quadrant 1 is urgent and important (deadlines, bills, etc). Quadrant 2 is important, but not urgent (get enough sleep, car maintenance, etc). Quadrant 3 is urgent, but not important (phone calls). Quadrant 4 is neither urgent nor important (surfing the internet, certain busywork). Personally, when I use it I just blend quadrants 3 and 4 together, since neither is important and urgent stuff can make me freeze up if it's unexpected.

 

[Sab]

I used to teach time management at the corporate level for insurance underwriters. Making decisions is only half the battle. The other half is being able to consistently move files in a timely manner.

So you take everything on your plate at the moment and break them up into three categories. Or as we referred to them as the "A's, B's and C's". Where you prioritize the most problematic and time consuming things (the "A's") first. Then do the lesser "B's", and lastly the small and easy stuff ("C's").

Write them down if necessary, and assign them in inboxes designated "A", "B" and "C". Then just keep sorting, always keeping them in chronological order with the most pressing ones on the top in the boxes. You may end up with a lot of things to do, but at least you'll be able to confine them to three levels of priority.

Trying to keep it all in your head alone? Yeah, I'd have problems doing that too! So you write it all down.

I've been doing this in the past week and find it very helpful, thanks

 

[Sab]

Sometimes I have multiple things going on that I need to think about and won't be able to decide which to focus on - especially when all is equally important. It just gets overwhelming. But I do find that doing something relaxing - for me jigsaw puzzles and (used to be) driving, where you have to focus on what you're doing to do it, but able to think about other things with less pressure.

Yeah, I feel like often if I just get the overwhelm feeling to be less intense by doing something relaxing that takes my mind off the things I need to do, it's easier to come back to the things with a clearer mind or know what feels important or not. There is less pressure, exactly. For me, sometimes it gets sort of out of control and then it's harder to calm down and do something relaxing.