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Featured Tried some dating apps

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Markness, Aug 18, 2020.

  1. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I decided to give some dating apps a try instead of just feeling depressed about my single hood. I tried Facebook Dating and actually got some matches but I was either ignored when I sent a message or the conversations fizzled out. One of the matches happened to be a friend of my younger brother and sister in-law. Oddly, she told me she had no time to meet me due to having two jobs and wanting to spend what little time she had for anything else with friends.

    I tried aspie-singles.com and a newer app called Hiki but the former is practically a ghost town when it comes to searches within 50 miles of my area and only one person was within 25 miles of my area on Hiki but you can’t message anyone unless they like you back as with how it goes on Facebook Dating and this person has not liked me back.

    I thought new doors would open in my life but they remain shut.
     
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  2. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    On line dating i tried once, not great in my experience, seemed some people had 'agenda's' ie. were looking for a secondary relationship from their primary (fine but kept that secret) not interested in a relationship..... lies about their looks, age, life-style to name a few, for me it was 'fun' to recieve the attention and a block not to work on a authentic life!!!!!!!!!
     
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  3. Statest16

    Statest16 Active Member

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    Zoosk is ok if you want to pay,POF is best if your looking for a free site.

    Match and Eharmony I found un helpful.I have also tried some of the disability dating sites but it's hard to find locals.
    Another good one to try mingle2.com,there free and have some locals.

    Good to see you again Markness,I was vermontsavant on WP
     
  4. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I personally have used okcupid. my friend informed me there are tiers or "levels of hotness". seeing as tinder is purely visual (the last time i went on) id say youd have to be super hot to just get somoene to like you immediately, so its stupid in terms of using it to meausre your own worth. i heard okcupid is somewhere in the middle and pof is like tinder but low tier. I like okcupid. i feel like it draws certain kind of people, as in people not only looking for sex. also it has a lot of nerds, and i like that, being one myself. it is easier for me to find people who have similar interests on there. i dont really like tinder because its scary. bumble is annoying. to add to my story, i have a lot of trouble dating because of my height. it is very intimidating, or only draws a certain crowd of which i do not affiliate. plus of course my personality is the second thing i have to worry about




    dating is very difficult. idk how others make it look so easy.
     
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  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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  6. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    You must be a Amazon goddess. Move to Florida- it's land of tall woman.
     
  7. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    One time I got a yelp review and it called me that. right now i do have a partner (met him on okcupid), but he is realizing how much help i need and it is overwhelming him. I know what I'm SUPPOSED to do but right now i am just focusing on my counseling and bettering myself in terms of receiving my new diagnosis.
    but i am scared once we break, when he finally is done, starting over again
     
  8. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Out of curiosity, how tall are you?

    When I looked at online sites awhile back it seemed like women tended to often want a guy taller than them even if they were tall themselves.

     
  9. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I am 5’11. However, my friends who are in relationships are shorter than I am. They just don’t have the struggles in social interactions like I do.
     
  10. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I am nearly 6'1" i rarely have the opportunity to daate taller men because taller men prefer small women. i hear it all day so this is why i believe this to be true. most of my past partners have been shorter than me. and even if they were taller itd only have been by a little, so littel that if i put my hair high, or wear shoes with an inch of support, id be taller.
     
  11. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    I’m 5’10” and do wish I was taller, but I think cluelessness and being strange is a bigger barrier than height for men in relationships and so on.

    A number of famous people, both good and bad are very short. Paul Simon, Prince and Charles Manson are/were about 5’2.”

    I was curious once and looked up the heights of WWII leaders, the only major player who was above average height was Roosevelt. Like Stalin maybe 5’4”, Churchill 5’6”, Mussolini 5’7” and so on.

    Martin Luther King’s height is listed as 5’7,” Ghandi 5’5,” etc

    It’s almost like shorter men try harder, whether they head towards the dark or light side of the force.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2020
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  12. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I follow the nba and have been surprised how many nba players have short wives. It seems strange to me, like if your whole life is basketball, wouldn’t you want to have children with a tall woman, so your kids might have a good chance to be in the nba?

    Detroit Pistons star stands two feet taller than his wife | Daily Mail Online

    By the way, the Dallas Mavericks, who 7’4” Boban now plays for, have a legitimate chance to defeat the LA Clippers, who many expected to win the title. Game 3 is tonight with the series tied 1 to 1
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2020
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  13. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    I really think that the time and place works against ASD men. Like we are in a ‘gotcha’ culture where saying strange things to women is considered sexual harassment or creepiness, and clueless ASD men are going to say the wrong thing. Meanwhile, actual creeps who know how to play the game just adjust their lies and manipulations (and ASD men can be creeps too and so on).

    I think it’s just that women have so many potential suitors and so many social messages that words used incorrectly are judged to be dangerous sexual harassment, plus we don’t have close knit small communities any more where the value of someone strange can be discovered.

    I don’t think it’s women’s fault, they are just overwhelmed with creeps and it’s misunderstood that awkwardness is not intentional sexual harassment or whatever.

    Living around gay and closeted gay men, I have seen the difference between men and women. To gay men being clueless and being awkward can actually be cute and something to take advantage of, but to women it’s a major turn off.
     
  14. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    I feel like a key to acceptance and finding a potential mate is having a community or getting to know people well

    Like when I get stressed I pace back and forth quickly, as my ex-girlfriend said “like a caged animal,” this tends to concern everyone and scare the hell out of women. But once people really get to know me, they realize that this is just what I do

    I’ve been forced into this 9 hour a week group therapy to get medication and at first I had to pace in the hall because I could not sit in the room. This very obviously concerned everyone, possibly even the two former black gang bangers. Like it just looks like I am about to attack and I am probably on drugs and at any moment I might do anything. But I never do anything, I don’t even get upset and throw things as a large percentage of people do, I just have this incredible nervous energy or whatever

    It probably doesn’t help that even though I am only 5’10” I am muscular...I used to be involved with bodybuilding.

    But after about 6 weeks in the group therapy, people have come to know me and realize that I am completely harmless.

    But it’s just how to gain a social group without in a controlled environment like this where people have time to get to know you and not judge based on initial appearances that is so hard.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2020
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  15. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    From what I’ve witnessed and read, women can just wait until a man approaches them. It’s the same for gay men but if you are a straight man, you have to approach or you can only expect nothing.

    I’m thinking of taking a hiatus from the dating apps. They just refueled the depression I suffer from.
     
  16. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    I sort of think that a loss of tight knit communities and media focusing on appearances and social messages has resulted in things being weighted towards appearances and initial judgements and compliance with dominant social messages is not optional.

    Like both of my parents fathers were the children of German immigrants and the families asked each other about each other to establish whether the man or woman was a good person.

    Whereas now there is very often no depth of any kind, getting sucked into things that are inconvenient is a ‘gotcha’ moment, being upset about something inconvenient is a ‘gotcha’ moment and being clueless and saying the wrong thing anywhere is a ‘gotcha’ moment. Then trying to figure anything out is another ‘gotcha’ moment because compliance or questioning is not optional.

    Real bad guys who are socially skilled just adopt to changing circumstances, often by saying one thing and doing exactly the opposite. Even like young social justice warriors tend to ally themselves with things like black lives matter or gay movements because it is in their own best interest to do so because it increases their standings within the social community, but they will never actually move into black or gay neighborhoods (if they are straight men anyway) and deal with the issues that exist in these communities, they just say the right things and don’t follow through and gain from complying with dominant social messages and appearing to be great, without actually risking anything

    But if you are have limited social experiences or just take messages literally without realizing that there is a game being played, you actually believe dominant social messages, but then there is little tolerance for getting sucked into these things and treated badly or even victimized because the fact that there is some social game afoot escapes you and you are just inconvenient to the storyline.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2020
  17. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    It’s not hopeless, it’s just that you have to learn the rules of the game. Since women do not have close knit communities guiding them in the right direction, they have to rely on appearances.

    Like big cities and loss of communities are like a playground for “players” and sociopaths who are very good at lying or giving the best sales pitch for themselves or applying the right mind games or pressures or whatever. In small communities which is most of the history of humanity, these things won’t work because people gain knowledge of the games being played and people just know who the creeps are and see value of some of the “weird” guys.

    As detestable as it might seem, you have to market yourself and be a salesman for yourself to compete against other guys who are doing the same thing. That is if you aren’t incredibly good looking or rich.

    One just has to do these things and not feel guilty about selling themselves, because other guys are doing this and women of an age where they can have children get overwhelmed with interest and will just quickly eliminate you if you don’t do this. I know it sucks, but it’s like creating a job resume or something jus to try to get your foot in the door to give people a chance to get to know you.
     
  18. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    Things really are so unsolved despite appearances that they are. According to old rules women stayed at home and took care of the children, because they could not be trusted to be around other men. This has been overturned rather rationally, but dna testing has pointed towards men’s fears about women lying being justified since a fairly high percentage of dna tests show that the husband is not the father.

    There are so, so many inconvenient truths and right now that it’s a game where agreement is required and questioning being unskillfully applied is horrific beyond imagination which must be punished, but all these questions being asked aren’t necessarily invalid, they are just relentlessly punished for being inconvenient

    This is not a questioning of what women or gays suffer, this is an attempt to have an open dialogue, but any questioning of dominant, all powerful social messages must be punished.

    It’s just a very, very complicated game being played and not being skillful at winning by using the right words seems to require consequences.

    But one has no choice but learn to play the game if they do not want to loose or wish to be punished
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2020
  19. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    So true I even made a scale and odds of a woman approaching if your in a crowd, outdoor gathering or event even Church you 9 on my nervousness scale but it "NEVER " happened so I put the odds as 1/100. Me approach her is a 10 on my nerverness scale. However I had guys bug me, couples talk to me and grandmother's talk to me but a girl around my age a big fat goose egg. This is mainly at Church.

    I however in life group of small 5 or less people had girls talk to me when they show up which is a rarity and most are married couples otherwise my groups almost always consist of guys. However then they will greet you like at Church if you meet them in a small group first.
     
  20. PlatinumBeetle

    PlatinumBeetle Active Member

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    What about autistic dating sites though, where we are expected to be awkward? Or like eharmony where they match you based on compatibility programs? Do autistic men/males seeking women/females do better on those? I might prefer someone with a more similar neurology anyway.