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Traveling with others - even family

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Pats, Nov 19, 2019.

  1. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    On fairly short notice I went with my daughter and her family for three nights for my two granddaughter's cheerleading competition so I could help with the two little ones (14 mth old and 3 year old). By the way, my 7 year old and 5 year old granddaughter is on the same cheer squad and their squad not only won first place in their division but won grand champions of all the divisions (including older squads). Proud grandma here. :)

    It was a fun, miserable weekend. Isn't that the way it is for us most the time? The very worst part was that the bathroom in our motel room would not latch closed and the little ones loved going into the bathroom - so I just avoided trying to shower and tried to mostly use the bathroom in the lobby.
    But I found myself constantly wondering where I needed to be. I'd go outside to smoke a cigarette and my daughter would have said, "Oh, we're fine, go on". Halfway through I'd be feeling like I needed to be upstairs helping (I guess it was in my head that I was there to help and couldn''t separate helping all the time from helping when they needed me). So I'd rush through and go back upstairs only to have nothing to do but sit uncomfortably and feel like I was interfering with their time, so I'd go back downstairs, then come back again from guilt. I just didn't know where to be. Forget my morning routine - there was none. The only time I felt I was in the right place was when I was actually in the room babysitting the two little ones. I do that well - entertaining little ones is a specialty of mine. lol I made the 3 year old a table top bowling, using empty plastic bottles and a ball he had brought. :) And the 14 month old was interested in easy things like dropping a toy into a plastic cup. And then you've got little cheerleaders running in and out - took me back to when I was taking mine to these away competitions. Also, the standing around with all these parents I didn't know that would choose to talk to me and I'm trying to shrink into the wall.

    The competition itself is LOUD and people everywhere moving around. I brought playdough for the 3 year old and I gave some to the 6 year old girl sitting behind us. Next thing I know, unintentionally, I'm entertaining 3. This little girl would sit there and say "You're so funny". lol See that's the kind of thing I mean when I say my insides and outsides never match. The little girl is enjoying it and on the inside I'm thinking "Go away little girl".

    4 1/2 hour drive back to their house with 4 kids in the car wasn't too bad. Pulling into their drive way I told my son in law "Don't you dare block me in". He laughed cause he knew I was anxious to get out of there and go home. lol Then getting my stuff out of the back of their van - my daughter and grandson with me, I could tell things were going to fall out as I was lifting the back so I was trying to reach underneath the door to catch things but the door came out further than I thought which pushed me backward and, at my age, you no longer are able to catch yourself and stop yourself from going down. My grandson looked shocked and me and my daughter couldn't stop laughing. I told her I hate falling. She laughed and said it was actually more of a roll. So I said I guess after watching all the tumbling my subconscious needed to give it a try? But I enjoyed the peaceful drive home, and I'm not even sure it took me my usual 45 minutes to get home. :)

    But just another reminder why I don't like going places. Rushing through my (not my usual) breakfasts, never knowing where I belong, no comfort zone, forced to be social, unfamiliar noises and everything, worrying about my animals at home, trying to come up with funny things to say to make people laugh to ease my discomfort a little. So on and so on.

    Relate?
     
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  2. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    I can sorta relate.

    I like to travel.... when it's my own trips. Going off to a convention I am usually on my own. I get to dictate everything about what happens on the trip.

    But if I was travelling with family for some event? Hoboy. Nothing but trouble. Having to deal with everyone ELSE's schedule (when I can barely follow my own) and everyone's unpredictable actions, and everyone being irritable (travel seems to do that to people, heh). And then of course random things go wrong, and people get even more frazzled, and then there's too many people to deal with, forced to be social, never just left alone.... bleh.

    Fortunately as an adult I dont really have to go to such things anymore, but it happened alot as a kid.


    Also that bit about "worrying about animals at home".... yeah. That's the worst. I can like travelling but it doesnt take long before my wonderful fluffy friend keeps coming to mind.
     
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  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    That sounded way scary and unpredictable , with a bunch of social interaction thrown in just to fry your brain and enough cuteness, cue sweet, rambunctious grandkids to just make it bearable.
     
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  4. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    I like travelling with family but have enjoyed traveling by myself in the past. I find the latter gives you more freedom.
     
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  5. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    When I've organised the trip and am leading,
    or travelling by self,
    I'm usually okay.

    These days, I'm useless without clear expectations and itineraries.

    I may have gotten through the trip you've just described but would likely require the best part of a week to get over it.
     
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  6. Illkurok

    Illkurok King of Isolation

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    I'm not a fan of traveling with my family anywhere, even to the store.

    It's much easier to travel on my own and not have to worry about abiding to other people's schedules and often times irritating changes in task.
     
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  7. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It is easier to travel alone and to my own schedule, however it's also good to have company sometimes, and this involves compromise. I like to help others, but I find it's important to think about my own needs too, or I get frazzled.

    I wondered if you might take more space for yourself, and if family are as aware of your dilemmas and stress as they should be, @Pats? You are kindly helping them, and deserve consideration of your needs to be fitted into the plan.
     
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  8. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Actually, they are pretty aware of my struggles and I know they try to make things as easy for me as possible. Should they not have asked me to go with them to help? Naw - I would want to help because I know how important these things are for the parents to participate in and be there for, and how much it means to my daughter to know she would get to watch her girls without having to step outside with the little ones. My going with them was the only way to guarantee that. I knew it wouldn't be easy, and they know it and appreciate that I did it for them anyway. They did give me the breaks I needed, I just have this weird mindset that makes it harder for myself. :)

    And I think my sister is upset with me because I went and I stopped going on trips with her and my sister and won't drive to her house. Does she bother to ask me details? Nope. I tried to call her and she never called me back - which is not like her. She probably thinks I drove myself when I'm always saying I won't drive any further than a couple hours because I think it's unsafe, and that's my reason for not taking trips with her, or driving 6 hours to her house.
     
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  9. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    This is something I have experienced when asked to help family and can relate to - I rely on and need people to tell me what to do, but often they don't, they expect you to intuite when to help and with what, or to know your role - I can't do this, I need everything laid out for me and to be given something to do, or I just hang around feeling awkward and like a spare wheel.
    I can also relate to this - it's because I don't connect through casual social interaction the way other people do.
     
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  10. Mary Terry

    Mary Terry Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Heck, yes, I can relate to the stress of traveling with family. And kudos to you, Pats, for tolerating the frenetic, high decibel squealing and shrieking of young cheerleaders.

    My balance is not what it used to be, either. Two nights ago, I was trying to put on my pajama bottoms while standing on a hardwood floor. My feet, tangled up in the pants legs, shot out from under me and I fell backwards, landing mostly on my elbow and shoulder blade. Hubby carted me off to the doctor early the next morning for x-rays. Fortunately, nothing broken but I can't bend my left elbow more than 90 degrees. It's very hard to blow your nose or wash your face with one hand, LOL. I will never again try to put my feet into pants legs while standing up!
     
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  11. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, yes - you get exactly what I'm saying. I even told my daughter that she would need to let me know when she needed me and what she needed me to do and she understood that, but the times it was not established that I was needed (and I wasn't) I felt lost. I was free to do what I wanted, but didn't feel free. I even talked to my daughter about this and she tried to help and re-affirm that I could do whatever I felt like doing - but I still couldn't switch over this mindset.
    And thanks for helping me not feel so bad about just wanting to give the little girl some clay to entertain herself then move on - but I guess the little girl took it as an invitation to join us? While I'm thinking you thank the person for the clay and go play with it by yourself. lol
     
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  12. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Probably, she saw you as being friendly and took it as an invitation to play.
     
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