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Too Depressed To Eat. Life's Too Horrible!

AuBurney Tuckerson

~GigglesTheAutisticHyena~
I haven't been eating as much as I used to. And somedays, I end up with hunger pains. Everyday is just horrible. I'm tortured by noises and odors, downed by stressful bad grades and work im too dumb to figure out, and physically hurt by my own lack of coordination. On Suffering Sunday, I scraped my big toe on a stupid rock, and that left more of a wound that I thought it would. It was a lot of bleeding..

On Miserable Monday nightnight, I was tortured By the stupid roaring vehicles outside and melted down to the point my mother came in the room and scolded me for swiping at the certain and tearing the blinds. Terrible Tuesday, I found our I failed an exam, my car battery died because the stupid headlights are so hard to remember to cut off before parking, and I was late for my next class.

Now, in Worse-Day Wednesday, as I'm tortured all day by noises, I couldn't print this stupid packet for class, then the teacher told us to have it filled out, and I couldn't even figure it out. I was piled with stupid work all day, and once again, I was tortured on the way home.. So now I'm gonna fail again because she wants us to have it filled out by Friday, and the book isn't helping me figure it out. Now my guinea pig won't stop squeaking very loudly! I'm gonna have to try to survive Throw-a-Fit Thursday and Frowny Friday.

Sad Saturday and Suffering Sunday are the only days I don't have to leave the house, and even then, I still have to worry about being tortured By the roaring outside, and I desperately hope my mother and brother go overly aunt's house because I'm tortured by the loud clattering and clamoring by cooking ware (her cooking is very delicious), my brother playing his super loud videos on that booming TV.

Every time the music stops (you know how there's a pause between songs?) in my ear buds, the noises attack me. I feel attacked in my own home, and I can't go anywhere because everywhere I go, I'm attacked by noises and odors!!!

The only time I'm less attacked is when no one's home, and I'm home by myself, roleplaying on Feral Heart, on the computer up in the dining room/kitchen/living room. We live in a duplex. My mother's like "not eating isn't gonna change anything", but I don't feel like I even deserve to eat! I lost my appetite, even while my stomach's growling.. Even if I eat at all, it's a tiny bit.. I'm just too upset to eat. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry til I die.
 
i could make you a LONG list of depressing things in my life that would make you wonder why im still alive but yet i am

What you need to profetinal help NOW so please contact youre doc and ask for emegency appointment

And despite you dont feel like it please try to get some food in you (belive me i know as ive been there done that ) but starving youre self will not help you one bit TRUST me in this.

Im only a Pm away if you whant to talk
 
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i could make you a LONG list of depressing things in my life that would make you wonder why im still alive but yet i am

What you need to profetinal help NOW so please contact youre doc and ask for emegency appointment

And despite you dont feel like it please try to get some food in you (belive me i know as ive been there done that ) but starving youre self will not help you one bit TRUST me in this.

Im only a Pm away if you whant to talk
We don't have time or money for an appointment to talk to a psychologist. I don't know any therapies close enough to me that works on autistic adults.
 
There is occupational therapy for sensory issues. Some people it really helps, even in adulthood.

There is also a book called “ Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World“ by Sharon Heller.

It has information on meeting sensory needs and if nothing else might give you validation or help your mother understand your suffering.
 
There is occupational therapy for sensory issues. Some people it really helps, even in adulthood.

There is also a book called “ Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World“ by Sharon Heller.

It has information on meeting sensory needs and if nothing else might give you validation or help your mother understand your suffering.
I can never keep up with books, and my mother doesn't read books.

I don't know if there's occupational therapy for adults on the spectrum in my state.
 
I haven't been eating as much as I used to. And somedays, I end up with hunger pains. Everyday is just horrible. I'm tortured by noises and odors, downed by stressful bad grades and work im too dumb to figure out, and physically hurt by my own lack of coordination. On Suffering Sunday, I scraped my big toe on a stupid rock, and that left more of a wound that I thought it would. It was a lot of bleeding..

On Miserable Monday nightnight, I was tortured By the stupid roaring vehicles outside and melted down to the point my mother came in the room and scolded me for swiping at the certain and tearing the blinds. Terrible Tuesday, I found our I failed an exam, my car battery died because the stupid headlights are so hard to remember to cut off before parking, and I was late for my next class.

Now, in Worse-Day Wednesday, as I'm tortured all day by noises, I couldn't print this stupid packet for class, then the teacher told us to have it filled out, and I couldn't even figure it out. I was piled with stupid work all day, and once again, I was tortured on the way home.. So now I'm gonna fail again because she wants us to have it filled out by Friday, and the book isn't helping me figure it out. Now my guinea pig won't stop squeaking very loudly! I'm gonna have to try to survive Throw-a-Fit Thursday and Frowny Friday.

Sad Saturday and Suffering Sunday are the only days I don't have to leave the house, and even then, I still have to worry about being tortured By the roaring outside, and I desperately hope my mother and brother go overly aunt's house because I'm tortured by the loud clattering and clamoring by cooking ware (her cooking is very delicious), my brother playing his super loud videos on that booming TV.

Every time the music stops (you know how there's a pause between songs?) in my ear buds, the noises attack me. I feel attacked in my own home, and I can't go anywhere because everywhere I go, I'm attacked by noises and odors!!!

The only time I'm less attacked is when no one's home, and I'm home by myself, roleplaying on Feral Heart, on the computer up in the dining room/kitchen/living room. We live in a duplex. My mother's like "not eating isn't gonna change anything", but I don't feel like I even deserve to eat! I lost my appetite, even while my stomach's growling.. Even if I eat at all, it's a tiny bit.. I'm just too upset to eat. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry til I die.


Life is not good sometimes and you are struggling, can you please ask your mother for some type of counseling? Can you ask for help with anxiety because the noises are sorta stressing you out and perhaps your appetite along with it.

When we stop eating that's a sign that maybe it's time to ask for help. Maybe your school has a nurse and you talk to her about anxiety and get a referral. It doesn't have to be this way.
 
Sensory anxiety is not like other anxiety, in my experience; No amount of counselling can reduce sensory sensitivities or change my reactions.

A sensory diet helped me and so does managing my sensory exposure...when you can’t manage your sensory exposure it is really hard.

A counsellor who understands sensory processing disorder and autism might be helpful anyways, though, for general stress management or advocating with parents.
 
Life is not good sometimes and you are struggling, can you please ask your mother for some type of counseling? Can you ask for help with anxiety because the noises are sorta stressing you out and perhaps your appetite along with it.

When we stop eating that's a sign that maybe it's time to ask for help. Maybe your school has a nurse and you talk to her about anxiety and get a referral. It doesn't have to be this way.
I'm not sure if colleges have nurses..
 
Sensory anxiety is not like other anxiety, in my experience; No amount of counselling can reduce sensory sensitivities or change my reactions.

A sensory diet helped me and so does managing my sensory exposure...when you can’t manage your sensory exposure it is really hard.

A counsellor who understands sensory processing disorder and autism might be helpful anyways, though, for general stress management or advocating with parents.
I would love to find that in my state...
 
I'm not sure if colleges have nurses..

Typically, yes they do.

The nurse generally has an office in the Counseling area.

Where I went to school (University of Michigan) there was a group
of offices called the Head and Body Shop. Housed the nurse and
counselors.

Note: I don't mean Academic Advisors, when I say counselors.
 
Yes, my community college had a counseling office. They may also help with free help or guide you to a free office. If you are female, find woman resources, those can be helpful with mental health services. Try going online and searching also for sensory issues.
 
To be suffering this much and not jump at any possibility of help--such as a book--baffles me. Are you certain you're not choosing to suffer?
 
To be suffering this much and not jump at any possibility of help--such as a book--baffles me. Are you certain you're not choosing to suffer?
... If I was choosing to suffer, would I be here, literally spilling my guts about my feelings to a bunch of people I don't know in person??? If I wasn't seeking ideas for help, I would just stay to myself, not even trusting to talk to anyone. That's common sense. I usually don't talk to people because I figure people would think on weak for feeling this way. If I didn't want help, I wouldn't open up like this. I wouldn't have the little bit of dignity I have to post it on a public forum to where everyone can read. And just because I state that I can't go through with some of the ideas doesn't mean I'm refusing help. Not everyone has the time, money, or even the opportunity for things. My state doesn't have everything. My city doesn't have everything. I have to go all the way to another city just to get diagnosed for autism. If you knew where I live, you'd understand that. Or if you got a glimpse of the everyday life I lived, you wouldn't be saying this.

Now I'm not attacking you, so don't get all mad and say that I'm "being mean", but you should think about what you're saying. Because that's actually not a good thing to assume that someone isn't willing to get helphelp when they had the strength to come out with their feelings on a public forum.
 
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We don't have time or money for an appointment to talk to a psychologist. I don't know any therapies close enough to me that works on autistic adults.
in the UK if you have a diagnosis of autism the counsellor adjusts the therapy ,they are aware that autism exists, counselling didn’t work for me ,I needed structure so I eventually got CBT, go to the college are University I can’t remember which and see if there is counselling available for autistic people it’s much better if you see somebody face-to-face but keep talking to us !as I said to somebody else !there are members all over the world !so somebody is always !awake ! if the panic disorder isn’t assaulting my brain I’ll be here.
 
in the UK if you have a diagnosis of autism the counsellor adjusts the therapy ,they are aware that autism exists, counselling didn’t work for me ,I needed structure so I eventually got CBT, go to the college are University I can’t remember which and see if there is counselling available for autistic people it’s much better if you see somebody face-to-face but keep talking to us !as I said to somebody else !there are members all over the world !so somebody is always !awake ! if the panic disorder isn’t assaulting my brain I’ll be here.
OK
 
... If I was choosing to suffer, would I be here, literally spilling my guts about my feelings to a bunch of people I don't know in person??? If I wasn't seeking ideas for help, I would just stay to myself, not even trusting to talk to anyone. That's common sense. I usually don't talk to people because I figure people would think on weak for feeling this way. If I didn't want help, I wouldn't open up like this. I wouldn't have the little bit of dignity I have to post it on a public forum to where everyone can read. And just because I state that I can't go through with some of the ideas doesn't mean I'm refusing help. Not everyone has the time, money, or even the opportunity for things. My state doesn't have everything. My city doesn't have everything. I have to go all the way to another city just to get diagnosed for autism. If you knew where I live, you'd understand that. Or if you got a glimpse of the everyday life I lived, you wouldn't be saying this.

Now I'm not attacking you, so don't get all mad and say that I'm "being mean", but you should think about what you're saying. Because that's actually not a good thing to assume that someone isn't willing to get helphelp when they had the strength to come out with their feelings on a public forum.

None of that has anything to do with reading a book or not, but it's okay. I'm sure you're trying!
 

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