To ask for help or not to ask

[discus150]

I get frustrated when I ask people for help or say I don't know something, then they get upset because I don't know something.
Then they tell me I don't ask enough questions, so I'm not trying to get better at my job or not a team player.
Or I ask a question they answer something else, so I figure it out for myself. Somehow that means I think they're stupid, I can't win and they don't make since. Plus you can't ask for help from the people who do make sense.

 

[Judge]

The cruel reality of many work environments is that few employees really function as a team. In my own experience, more often than not fellow employees are intensely competitive and indeed predatory to a point where they may actually attempt to sabotage your performance to move up in the organization. Especially if they perceive you as being less of an employee in some capacity.

Forcing you to "watch your six"....meaning be careful- and selective about what and from whom you ask.

Jobs are important, but working in such an environment for a prolonged amount of time can potentially suck the life out of a person. I know, as I spent for too many years in what I used to occasionally call a "shark tank".

 

[Danny 74]

I suffer with brutal honesty so i tend to say or ask about things that can be offensive to people but seem perfectly normal to me... Over the years ive had to plan out what i say before ive said it

 

[Grandmother B]

I get frustrated when I ask people for help or say I don't know something, then they get upset because I don't know something.
Then they tell me I don't ask enough questions, so I'm not trying to get better at my job or not a team player.
Or I ask a question they answer something else, so I figure it out for myself. Somehow that means I think they're stupid, I can't win and they don't make since. Plus you can't ask for help from the people who do make sense.

Sounds like they are the ones who don't know things. You might talk to your immediate supervisor and explain that you sometimes don't know what questions to ask. You don't say if your coworkers know you have ASD. That could make a difference in how to answer your question. If they don't, perhaps you could tell them, in an offhand way, hey, I have Asperger's syndrome. I am not telling you to do that; you know them and you should do what feels comfortable. I hope your supervisor can help. Good luck!

 

[Grandmother B]

The cruel reality of many work environments is that few employees really function as a team. In my own experience, more often than not fellow employees are intensely competitive and indeed predatory to a point where they may actually attempt to sabotage your performance to move up in the organization. Especially if they perceive you as being less of an employee in some capacity.

Forcing you to "watch your six"....meaning be careful- and selective about what and from whom you ask.

Jobs are important, but working in such an environment for a prolonged amount of time can potentially suck the life out of a person. I know, as I spent for too many years in what I used to occasionally call a "shark tank".

I don't feel that most people are "sharks" in the way you perceive it. I am sorry you had to work with people like that. But most people just want to get along and get the job done. I did run across some people like that and I found that standing up for myself in a non-confrontational way made a big difference in how they treated me. If they are not your boss, try to ignore them. Another thing I have learned is documentation is so important when you are being sabotaged or treated wrongly. Write down EVERYTHING that happens and EVERYTHING they say to you and when, after you go home at night. That will give you a strong case if you have to go to your boss.

 

[Judge]

Another thing I have learned is documentation is so important when you are being sabotaged or treated wrongly. Write down EVERYTHING that happens and EVERYTHING they say to you and when, after you go home at night. That will give you a strong case if you have to go to your boss.

Myself and another coworker did this for years with a particular manager, keeping intricate records off the premises. We had no choice. He was a bumbling idiot and we weren't about to take the fall for any of his mistakes in judgment. Luckily he never attempted to deflect his errors on either of us, although eventually he was demoted.

Though his replacement while not professionally incompetent, was unbearable to work with. Eventually I left the company going back to school to train to work in another field of endeavor outside of finance.

 

[Grandmother B]

Myself and another coworker did this for years with a particular manager, keeping intricate records off the premises. We had no choice. He was a bumbling idiot and we weren't about to take the fall for any of his mistakes in judgment. Luckily he never attempted to deflect his errors on either of us, although eventually he was demoted.

Though his replacement while not professionally incompetent, was unbearable to work with. Eventually I left the company going back to school to train to work in another field of endeavor outside of finance.

Good for you! Someone I know has a manager that takes off all the time in the middle of the day for hours and everyone else has to take up the slack. Seems like every workplace has someone like these. Good luck in your new field.

 

[Judge]

Good for you! Someone I know has a manager that takes off all the time in the middle of the day for hours and everyone else has to take up the slack. Seems like every workplace has someone like these. Good luck in your new field.

Oh my...that "new field" (website design) occurred some eighteen years ago after nearly twenty in insurance (the shark tank").

I'm semi-retired doing personal investments these days. Back in finance, but doing so self-employed. No politics, no intrigue, no social dynamic minefields to navigate.

 

[Grandmother B]

Oh my...that "new field" (website design) occurred some eighteen years ago after nearly twenty in insurance (the shark tank").

I'm semi-retired doing personal investments these days. Back in finance, but doing so self-employed. No politics, no intrigue, no social dynamic minefields to navigate.

Oops! LOL