tired

[elements]

I hate the social code that inow have to learn to adopt into my way of being i have to make a social face and and mask to use to even be considered normal and functional... i hate that iam treated different and things are assumed about because i do not act like the code says - where did this code come from.. the evolution of it is completely illogical and full of contradiction but many are too emotional needing approval/wanting cnnection to ever consider these things i think. Most people are sheep that just want there needs met without the deeper contemplation of all of it. How on earth am i going to manage a life with this kind of ridiculousness

ive been slowly going through every encounter i have and depicting it until i find the understanding of their reaction then having to sort it out morally so i can respond in a manner that will suit the situation, im exhausted and dont want to play these games anymore. i feel hopeless and on the verg of jumping off a bridge i dont think i can manage all this alone

 

[Chance]

I understand "exhausted" and I do hope you are just sort of joking about the bridge thing...

It's all EBB and FLOW... Everyone ASD or not, has sucky days. I sometimes battle depression like its some form of a dark monster inside me. Old horrible thoughts come back and it tries to suck me into that downward spiral of I can't do this... BUT WE CAN...

Its just our lot in life to figure the ins and outs and how to make the best of what we have, and there are times I just want to go off and hide and I do go off and hide, until I figure things out.

You cant act like "the code" says if you are not wired to do so. So, you make your own code and try and buff and polish it to where it at least partially blends with this other code as best as you can...

By the way... You aren't truly alone. You are here with a mass of people who live the same stuff just different in the details 24/7/365. You got a digital friend anytime you need, and my guess is a lot of others will agree...

I hope you feel better soon : )

 

[Gracey]

Take heart, you don’t have to.(do it alone)

It is exhausting. Many here may agree, I certainly do.

All you need is a break perhaps?
Get some headspace?
Process a few things, organise your thoughts, take a deep breath knowing that your track record for getting through this sort of thing is at 100% thus far.

Chill? Stim? Howl at the moon? Take a step back and a deep breath and create some time for yourself to do whatever it is you do to get your head around how you feel.

Got to be less traumatic than jumping off a bridge and healthier for you too

 

[Chance]

I have no idea what your interests are... I love music and when I get down music becomes my best friend.
I have no idea what type, or even if you like music at all...

But I look for certain things when I am down... Like this : )

 

[Nervous Rex]

I have no idea what your interests are... I love music and when I get down music becomes my best friend.
I have no idea what type, or even if you like music at all...

But I look for certain things when I am down... Like this : )

This isn’t my thread, but this is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you.

 

[Sherlock77]

I've always just been myself, and been quite content to not be the most popular guy around...

Like tonight, the "rejects" of the world gathering at a coffee shop/cafe for a rather strange music performance... My friend Emre playing his music (cello and double neck guitar) wearing his trademark top hat with steam punk glasses (and full beard), the guy "playing" the theremin (look it up), my north African friend (with beard) hanging out with his Chinese friend, my friend Max showing up to read a poem, he has a distinct look to him, in the punk style... I was wearing my black cowboy hat and Aussie duster coat (I have a big beard too), and taking photos... The "rejects" of the world...

I'm not sure I've ever tried to be normal, just myself... And the photographic proof of course... And now I'm off to bed, it was a long night...

 

[Thinx]

My thinking now is that the social code has developed and operates to facilitate how NTs are. Thus it doesn't work for non NTs we have a different brain and a different way of being. This hasn't been understood or acknowledged yet in the world and as well as choosing sometimes or often to fit in as best we can, I think there's stuff we can do to raise awareness of our different ways and needs. I do not think this should be in a context of disability either it is a difference not a disability to be this way, it is the social nature of society that is disabling for us, just like you said about your experiences. I feel the same. Crushed by it and most of my life taken up in a form of pretence I didn't even know I was doing.

I thought I just needed to learn how to do social stuff better and didn't realise the brain that makes it happen that way was not in my head. You are ahead of that because you are very aware of that already. As with most minorities we have to chip away at the dominating culture and raise awareness, make platforms for ourselves to speak our truth from. May be gradually that will result in better facilitation and understanding of who we are and how we operate. Thanks for posting your points it sounds really tough for you and I agree social interaction is strange and unsatifying and we aren't wired for it, although we stretch to accommodate it darn well.

 

[SusanLR]

@Chance Those words in the song... well, I really needed to hear them. Perfect timing.
Music is one of my most important ways of dealing with
life.

I've learned to play the NT games but thankfully now that
I don't have to do the social scene at the workplace anymore I don't let the world get me down.
I can just be myself and not really care what others think.
Living with a controlling NT that loves to criticise and try to make me feel I'm an idiot at communicating (and it works)
is about all the social BS I put up with now.

Think it's time to put on some soothing music and get some sleep.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Elements I think you are still going through the stages of grief.
A while before acceptance is reached.

From the very first tribes language formed and was used to formalise and avoid threat and danger.
Within a tribe there is conflict, you have to find out a way to figure out your position,who can be trusted.
This is the purpose of gossip.
An integral part of society since day 1.

Imagine at stomehenge,at the meeting of the tribes, several leaders meet for trade and for marriages.
Elements says 'Im not marrying that'
Now there's a war....

So things aint as bad as they used to be.

You'll find a balance but remember we're all teeter-totters on here.
Left alone we straighten out eventually.

 

[Streetwise]

I hate the social code that inow have to learn to adopt into my way of being i have to make a social face and and mask to use to even be considered normal and functional... i hate that iam treated different and things are assumed about because i do not act like the code says - where did this code come from.. the evolution of it is completely illogical and full of contradiction but many are too emotional needing approval/wanting cnnection to ever consider these things i think. Most people are sheep that just want there needs met without the deeper contemplation of all of it. How on earth am i going to manage a life with this kind of ridiculousness

ive been slowly going through every encounter i have and depicting it until i find the understanding of their reaction then having to sort it out morally so i can respond in a manner that will suit the situation, im exhausted and dont want to play these games anymore. i feel hopeless and on the verg of jumping off a bridge i dont think i can manage all this alone

when I'm like that and that's quite often! I go to bed !just lifting my legs up and lying horizontally gives me a lot of relief! sleep does miraculous things for people ! if you can find a part of the week whatever size and you can definitely do it !go to bed !and sleep !turn everything off ! make the room as dark as possible !

 

[Gracey]

... social interaction is strange and unsatifying and we aren't wired for it, although we stretch to accommodate it darn well.

I’m not religious but amen to that


I’m still relatively new to the idea of carrying my aspergers with me. I still find myself in awe of those who ‘stretch to accommodate’ the social side of things.

I’d use the word magnificently to your ‘darn well’

It can carry the price of fatigue and frustration though.

 

[Progster]

im exhausted and dont want to play these games anymore.

Then don't. Let them get on with being sheep if that is what they desire, and do your own thing.

 

[Tom]

Yes it all is a game in a way. But there are good parts or places. Choose a destination you might like and make for it. I oscillate between trying to find Ice Cream Floats and Gum Drop Mountains.

 

[Chance]

Seriously, I looked at the image and was trying to figure out who the guy was playing a block of wood with an antenna with Slash in the background. So, I read more and followed your instruction to look up theremin. I'm glad I did, because it's an incredibly fascinating instrument:

That is really cool... I have never heard of this... : ) Really cool! It sounds like a stringed instrument, yet it doesn't.

 

[Sherlock77]

That is really cool... I have never heard of this... : ) Really cool! It sounds like a stringed instrument, yet it doesn't.

I guess I'm fortunate, I have heard a Theremin two other times before this... A good friend of mine in our local music owns one that he plays sometimes... I've also seen one played at a large science event we host every year... So when I walked in the room I knew exactly what it was...