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Tired of Fighting

Decameron

Decameron

New Member
I'm 46 years old and only recently received a formal Asperger diagnosis with Non Verbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). What that means is that it is difficult to take in input due yto the Aspberger's and I can't make much sense of what I perceive it once I've processed and memorized it because of the NVLD.

To get a sense of what this feels like: imagine that you're wearing contact lenses where someone carefully put a tiny smudge of Vaseline in the exact center of each lens. But not only is everything out of focus, once you get the information into your brain, there's a little man that gets a kick out of distorting what you so carefully put there. You could say I have the useless version of Asperger's.

I grew up around a lot of very smart people. I went to school with a lot of very smart people. I work around a lot of very smart people. The only thing I ever wanted in life was to be a very smart person and make a scientific contribution. My situation is such however that I'm treated poorly because a low-level programming job is the only thing I'm qualified for.

After working for 20 years 10 hour days I'm tired, very tired. The problem is there isn't much else that motivates me. The only thing I've ever wanted in life is to be a scientist. For that you need a PhD. I've applied to programs many times but I never get in. I'm also a notoriously bad test-taker, which makes sense if you have NVLD.

The default reply from my colleagues, when I explain some of this, is: "but you're so helpful in what you do right now, everyone so appreciates you.".

Sorry for the rambling. Just had to vent for a bit.
 
Sorry you are feeling this way. Have you ever thought about writing? your imagery is very good. Maybe you could research your scientific interests and publish reports. You may not have the Phd but you could get noticed and it would help you on getting on programmes. Just a thought :)
 
Very good point indeed. I have many scientific publications already. Ironically that doesn't give you any standing in the community unless you have the credentials. Unless you have the piece of paper you don't count. Sad but true.
 
Some people couldn't even imagine aspiring to a job as awesome as a "low level programmer," and are instead, despite a tolerable intellectualism & endless devotion to their creative passions, relegated to flipping burgers. Could be so much worse. is my input on this...but yeah what she said. Why not write a book about some scientific insights that would interest commonfolk? People love that stuff. I've been trying to get through "A Brief History of Time" my whole life lol
 
Sorry, yeah I totally understand that my post can come over as condescending. No need to take it seriously, just venting a bit. I hope I didn't offend anyone. Will gladly delete if so.
 
No way that's what I was thinking about my own post. I was still trying to figure out if my tone was wrong somewhere. I just mean to give some perspective
 
I would love to read scientific insights coming from a AS person! I think it would be easier to understand for people like us.
 
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