Thought i was on the verge of friendship

[Moonhart44]

For the past month, Ive been playing a game online with a person who ends up connecting me with other players, which makes the game more fun. So I thought to myself, maybe this is it. Maybe I can do something with this social interaction. So eventually, they ask for my Instagram. I figure it's because my voice is so bizzare that they were curious as to what face it was attached. After positive comments on my looks, I don't hear from him again. Then after a week he wakes me up at 7am to play. I am excited because I thought he blocked me for some reason, so I go on. I am on for an hour and he is not online.
Before today I felt weird. I felt confused that he stopped playing. For the weeks prior, he was on everyday, and even spoke of being on for 24 hours. Then I show my face, and he's not online anymore. I am feeling stressed because I am feeling manipulated. He expressed that he found me attractive, but it is known that we both have partners, and I am not planning on doing anything to hurt anyone. But for some reason I just feel like now that he knows what I look like, he is playing this game beyond the game we were playing. Idk why I feel so upset in this way. I am also upset because I feel like I ruined the possibility of friendship by showing my face. I feel like I sabotaged myself.

 

[Judge]

I am feeling stressed because I am feeling manipulated.

Under the circumstances I think that's about the most plausible conclusion that you can make. But then this is the Internet. Where taking much of any stranger at face value overtly carries risks no matter how benign such a social interaction may appear.

To be willing to interact with strangers, but without any sense of trust or expectations that what you see and hear is in fact what is actually happening.

As for struggling to understand what motivates people to behave in such a manner, don't bother. Just know that they are out there, and for as many who may be acting quite deliberately (perhaps even criminally) there are also those who are carrying out such deceptions without a clue as to why.

That instead of being on the verge of a friendship, you may have simply dodged a bullet.

I once had a similar experience, though over a long period of time. -Catfished. A hurtful and bewildering experience to say the least.

 

[Ursus Chainus]

For the past month, Ive been playing a game online with a person who ends up connecting me with other players, which makes the game more fun. So I thought to myself, maybe this is it. Maybe I can do something with this social interaction. So eventually, they ask for my Instagram. I figure it's because my voice is so bizzare that they were curious as to what face it was attached. After positive comments on my looks, I don't hear from him again. Then after a week he wakes me up at 7am to play. I am excited because I thought he blocked me for some reason, so I go on. I am on for an hour and he is not online.
Before today I felt weird. I felt confused that he stopped playing. For the weeks prior, he was on everyday, and even spoke of being on for 24 hours. Then I show my face, and he's not online anymore. I am feeling stressed because I am feeling manipulated. He expressed that he found me attractive, but it is known that we both have partners, and I am not planning on doing anything to hurt anyone. But for some reason I just feel like now that he knows what I look like, he is playing this game beyond the game we were playing. Idk why I feel so upset in this way. I am also upset because I feel like I ruined the possibility of friendship by showing my face. I feel like I sabotaged myself.

The only way I deal with these situations is to let go. This is an important practice for people like us. We are all in so much pain that we try to escape ourselves into other people. It is a bit like an addiction. Feeling rejected goes along with this.

Letting go opens you up more. I know it is easier said than done... but focusing on this ability has helped me immensely. It does not stop the constant heartbreak in my life. This heartbreak is a constant... it goes along with having a heart that wants to connect to others. We need to focus on ourselves and work with the heartbreak... (everything from feeling rejected to the loss of someone we love).

Dude... You have a BEAUTIFUL face. I doubt many people would disagree with that. People have all sorts of things going on in their lives that have little to do with you. Some are manipulators (a personal specialty of most of the women I have been with). Some are just going through things in their lives and want some attention from the "opposite sex"... there are so many reasons people just "hang up". Opening up to people is always a challenge, whether it is showing your face or talking about your challenges. You have only two choices here... never open up or learn to work with the awful feelings that come with being rejected.

You are clearly a person who seeks connection... although you may be seeking connections with people that you somehow know will be unavailable emotionally. Fear of intimacy (being open) goes with being heartful and sensitive.

The goal is to be attracted to those who are available and to be able to deal with the pain when you find out that they are not.

 

[Moonhart44]

Under the circumstances I think that's about the most plausible conclusion that you can make. But then this is the Internet. Where taking much of any stranger at face value overtly carries risks no matter how benign such a social interaction may appear.

To be willing to interact with strangers, but without any sense of trust or expectations that what you see and hear is in fact what is actually happening.

As for struggling to understand what motivates people to behave in such a manner, don't bother. Just know that they are out there, and for as many who may be acting quite deliberately (perhaps even criminally) there are also those who are carrying out such deceptions without a clue as to why.

That instead of being on the verge of a friendship, you may have simply dodged a bullet.

I once had a similar experience, though over a long period of time. -Catfished. A hurtful and bewildering experience to say the least.

do you care to tell that story? or is it too personal? i'm intrigued:v

 

[Moonhart44]

The only way I deal with these situations is to let go. This is an important practice for people like us. We are all in so much pain that we try to escape ourselves into other people. It is a bit like an addiction. Feeling rejected goes along with this.

Letting go opens you up more. I know it is easier said than done... but focusing on this ability has helped me immensely. It does not stop the constant heartbreak in my life. This heartbreak is a constant... it goes along with having a heart that wants to connect to others. We need to focus on ourselves and work with the heartbreak... (everything from feeling rejected to the loss of someone we love).

Dude... You have a BEAUTIFUL face. I doubt many people would disagree with that. People have all sorts of things going on in their lives that have little to do with you. Some are manipulators (a personal specialty of most of the women I have been with). Some are just going through things in their lives and want some attention from the "opposite sex"... there are so many reasons people just "hang up". Opening up to people is always a challenge, whether it is showing your face or talking about your challenges. You have only two choices here... never open up or learn to work with the awful feelings that come with being rejected.

You are clearly a person who seeks connection... although you may be seeking connections with people that you somehow know will be unavailable emotionally. Fear of intimacy (being open) goes with being heartful and sensitive.

The goal is to be attracted to those who are available and to be able to deal with the pain when you find out that they are not.

Thank you and yes, my biggest problem is letting go. letting go and focusing on myself more. I think i have only been sucessful in this once, and I consider her a good friend (we are in different states now so we dont talk as much, both of us being bad at keeping up lol). I really respect her, how she wasn't a wimp, how she was independent and did things for herself first but while still maintaining mindfulness, all the while having her own personal and terrible problems. But now the more I think about it, i realize i let go with her because i was afraid that the more we hung out, the more flaws she would find in me and then she wouldnt like me anymore, or that i would become complacent in the friendship and become rude and then she wouldn't like me anymore.

Evidently this all stems from
a low self esteem on which i need to improve.

 

[Judge]

do you care to tell that story? or is it too personal? i'm intrigued:v

It was a seven-year friendship that I thought blossomed into something more. Eventually she seemed to just fade away based on some alleged personal tragedies. Where there seemed no point in keeping up with her, and eventually I just stopped contacting her as she stopped contacting me.

I used to agonize over examining the photos (prints) she sent me of herself. Nice looking, but at times they looked like they may be two different persons. Left me always wondering, but trying to think the best rather than the worst in what was happening. Again long before "catfishing" became a common theme online.

A few years later with more advanced search engines online, I was able to determine that she had gotten married in the middle of it all. Kind of a big thing not to mention. Even more bizarre I discovered that she and her husband moved from her state into the same town I used to live in. WTH? Kinda creepy...

 

[Finder]

There maybe many things going on with his life. This may have nothing to do with you. Don't assume the worst, but also be cautious if contact is made again.

 

[Ursus Chainus]

Thank you and yes, my biggest problem is letting go. letting go and focusing on myself more. I think i have only been sucessful in this once, and I consider her a good friend (we are in different states now so we dont talk as much, both of us being bad at keeping up lol). I really respect her, how she wasn't a wimp, how she was independent and did things for herself first but while still maintaining mindfulness, all the while having her own personal and terrible problems. But now the more I think about it, i realize i let go with her because i was afraid that the more we hung out, the more flaws she would find in me and then she wouldnt like me anymore, or that i would become complacent in the friendship and become rude and then she wouldn't like me anymore.

Evidently this all stems from
a low self esteem on which i need to improve.

Low self esteem is a wound given to you by being so different in this world. I have the same wound. It is like a tape player playing back every mistake and social misstep and of course all of the abusers I have had in my life. I refuse to let them win! I am angry I was treated that way... growl! When I look at it... I am a loving and sincere person. The abusers were unloving and insincere.

So my friend story:

I met a nice woman at work... just like you, we are both married (in a relationship) so there was nothing other than a friendship. It lasted quite long and we really liked each other. NTs do not talk about feelings... and most hate pointing out when they are uncomfortable. This leads to a build up where they kind of explode and expect my aspie ass to know what the hell they are upset about. Thing is.... I still work with her. It was horrible!

Total heartbreak! I still have no idea what I did wrong... but my apology and explanation that I am on the spectrum made it worse. We are somewhat ok now but we will never feel close again. It took me 8 months to process this. I survived and my heart is now back online.

I wish people tried to understand what we go through... but they don't, so... oh well.

My self esteem has improved (actually I may have a bit too much self esteem at this point, lol) because I learned to be gentle with myself. I forgive myself. Honestly... being perfect is not in the job description.

I also am gentle with my (ex) friend. She is a kind and loving person... she just relies on her ToM too much as do all NTs.

 

[Moonhart44]

It was a seven-year friendship that I thought blossomed into something more. Eventually she seemed to just fade away based on some alleged personal tragedies. Where there seemed no point in keeping up with her, and eventually I just stopped contacting her as she stopped contacting me.

I used to agonize over examining the photos (prints) she sent me of herself. Nice looking, but at times they looked like they may be two different persons. Left me always wondering, but trying to think the best rather than the worst in what was happening. Again long before "catfishing" became a common theme online.

A few years later with more advanced search engines online, I was able to determine that she had gotten married in the middle of it all. Kind of a big thing not to mention. Even more bizarre I discovered that she and her husband moved from her state into the same town I used to live in. WTH? Kinda creepy...

oh my gosh wow what a story :V

Low self esteem is a wound given to you by being so different in this world. I have the same wound. It is like a tape player playing back every mistake and social misstep and of course all of the abusers I have had in my life. I refuse to let them win! I am angry I was treated that way... growl! When I look at it... I am a loving and sincere person. The abusers were unloving and insincere.

So my friend story:

I met a nice woman at work... just like you, we are both married (in a relationship) so there was nothing other than a friendship. It lasted quite long and we really liked each other. NTs do not talk about feelings... and most hate pointing out when they are uncomfortable. This leads to a build up where they kind of explode and expect my aspie ass to know what the hell they are upset about. Thing is.... I still work with her. It was horrible!

Total heartbreak! I still have no idea what I did wrong... but my apology and explanation that I am on the spectrum made it worse. We are somewhat ok now but we will never feel close again. It took me 8 months to process this. I survived and my heart is now back online.

I wish people tried to understand what we go through... but they don't, so... oh well.

My self esteem has improved (actually I may have a bit too much self esteem at this point, lol) because I learned to be gentle with myself. I forgive myself. Honestly... being perfect is not in the job description.

I also am gentle with my (ex) friend. She is a kind and loving person... she just relies on her ToM too much as do all NTs.

I have had a very similar but much shorter experiecne like that. You sharing your story made me realize i probably have insulted someone in the same way: this man wanted to befriend me, but i just met him (this was a party), and he tried to start telling me intimate details about himself, but because i didnt know him (and he didnt know me, sharing vulnerable things like that to a stranger) and seeing as we were isolated, i tried to direct the story back to the party. the next time i saw him, he yelled at me in front of everyone, saying that I should have known to connect with him. In retrospect, in this very moment, i realied i didnt pick up the queues i was supposed to, or if i did, i didnt find them significant or important.

haha i like that growl

 

[Ursus Chainus]

oh my gosh wow what a story :V

I have had a very similar but much shorter experiecne like that. You sharing your story made me realize i probably have insulted someone in the same way: this man wanted to befriend me, but i just met him (this was a party), and he tried to start telling me intimate details about himself, but because i didnt know him (and he didnt know me, sharing vulnerable things like that to a stranger) and seeing as we were isolated, i tried to direct the story back to the party. the next time i saw him, he yelled at me in front of everyone, saying that I should have known to connect with him. In retrospect, in this very moment, i realied i didnt pick up the queues i was supposed to, or if i did, i didnt find them significant or important.

haha i like that growl

Haha... Sooooo many women tell me intimate details about their lives right after meeting. There have been so many times where a woman liked me and I didn't pick up the cues (although I sensed their interest).

I growl a lot these days but only at those who REALLY deserve it! (well... some that don't as well... but I apologize )