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Those of us struggling with friendships in real life...

Spotty01

Spotty01

Well-Known Member
Has anyone considered something like Internet PenPals or the like?

I'm asking this because, considering I struggle to talk to others in real life and also struggle with forming and maintaining friendships, I've recently made accounts on a couple of PenPal sites I've found through Google. However, I'm beginning to wonder: is this a good/effective way to form friendships and meet new people?

I'm mostly directing this question at others here who've tried something like this in the past (or currently are) and about their experiences with it, or suggest it to people here who have social struggles like myself. They say talking to people through the Internet is the easiest form of communication, after all. Or something like that anyway...

Also, I apologize if this is in the wrong category or if the subject was brought up and discussed before. I know this isn't an excuse, but I'm still pretty new here and this is only my second post ever since I signed up on this forum (the first being an introductory post), so please don't hesitate to tell me if I'm doing something wrong.

That is all.
 
Spotty01 said:
Has anyone considered something like Internet PenPals or the like?
Click to expand...

I have had an account on Interpals for years. I've had a few penpals over the years (all using snail mail) and all but one have lost interest. I would also say that (on Interpals at least) be prepared that as a female, you will get A LOT of random messages from men. I've never had any that were overtly sexually suggestive, but I did get a lot of them until I blocked men from messaging me.

The one penpal I still have is from USA and she even came to visit 2 years ago. We don't write letters anymore (thanks to facebook) but we began writing actual letters to each other.

I'd say just be prepared for some let downs, but also that you might find someone who you'll be friends with (hopefully) for life.
 
ive never had any interest in communicative friendships but i do have fellow intellectually disabled friends who i go to the manchester gay village with [im ftm transgender but dont think i have a sexuality] and i might watch coronation street with.

however.....my aspie sister went to mainstream high school and had a penpal through them,she was a french penpal and she actually went to stay with her for a while.

i think forums like this are kind of like having penpals anyway,as you develop connections with people.

stick around AC regulary spotty and youll find people you relate to,and may build a relationship with them.
i have only ever had a full on e-friendship with one person but it turned out they were grooming me and bullied me to the point i got sectioned in a intellectual disability secure hospital for 4 months,so i have no interest in building anymore close friendships to keep myself safe.
i do like most people here though,i see good things in everyone and i wish outsiders would see all of your strengths and your characters like i can,i think this is why online is best for autistics-you can see the good in fellow auties/aspies without seeing any of the challenging issues.
 
I chat online a lot on various sites. It helps me be less lonely. I do think real life friends would be better for me but I have so much trouble making them.
 
I tried to make an account on InterPals yesterday, but for some reason, it wouldn't let me; something about the email I was trying to use already having been used for two accounts on the site, even though no such accounts exist.

I do have an account on PenPalsWorld, however; so far, it's the best penpal website I've found thus far; other sites seem to be more focused on meeting them in real life and publicizing all of your personal info, location, etc. that I am not at all comfortable with doing.

xudo said:
I would also say that (on Interpals at least) be prepared that as a female, you will get A LOT of random messages from men.
Click to expand...

On PenPalsWorld, I have about eight messages in my inbox so far, all of which are from men. About four of them are from men that are in their mid-to-late seventies or early eighties and their profiles say their penpal preferences are for females in their late teens and mid twenties.

I won't lie, while they seem friendly enough and they're not being overtly sexual or anything, it has me a bit on edge and I'm a bit leary about actually responding to them...
 
Spotty01 said:
Has anyone considered something like Internet PenPals or the like?

I'm asking this because, considering I struggle to talk to others in real life and also struggle with forming and maintaining friendships, I've recently made accounts on a couple of PenPal sites I've found through Google. However, I'm beginning to wonder: is this a good/effective way to form friendships and meet new people?

I'm mostly directing this question at others here who've tried something like this in the past (or currently are) and about their experiences with it, or suggest it to people here who have social struggles like myself. They say talking to people through the Internet is the easiest form of communication, after all. Or something like that anyway...

Also, I apologize if this is in the wrong category or if the subject was brought up and discussed before. I know this isn't an excuse, but I'm still pretty new here and this is only my second post ever since I signed up on this forum (the first being an introductory post), so please don't hesitate to tell me if I'm doing something wrong.
Click to expand...
Spotty01 said:
That is all.
Click to expand...
www.aspergerexperts.com has some ideas you can use. They have some helpful courses you have to pay for but lots of free content as well! A good place to start; best of luck to you!
 
Spotty01 said:
On PenPalsWorld, I have about eight messages in my inbox so far, all of which are from men. About four of them are from men that are in their mid-to-late seventies or early eighties and their profiles say their penpal preferences are for females in their late teens and mid twenties.

I won't lie, while they seem friendly enough and they're not being overtly sexual or anything, it has me a bit on edge and I'm a bit leary about actually responding to them...
Click to expand...

I would be as well, age differences like that would cause massive red flags for me personally. They would make me think that they are looking to 'groom/influence/manipulate' someone much younger. Don't think that they are looking for long lost daughters or son replacements. Wouldn't answer those unless you think that you can control the situation. It's hard to know in these kind of situations if the people who belong to pen pals clubs, are who they say they are, and authentic and honest. Would err on the side of caution, and keep it impersonal if you can.
 
I'm quite introverted but my biggest issue is anxiety, so I shy away from groups especially, claiming it's because I'm introverted, when I'm really just so anxious about getting it wrong. When I start feeling isolated and lonely (although with five kids my place is often full of people coming and going) I'll try and connect with someone online. Hadn't really thought about pen pals though - might give this a go. I feel sad sometimes with my lack of friends (I seem to make a few friends, find they are unhealthy relationships in some way, then have to awkwardly retreat and wish I hadn't bothered...).
 
Spotty01 said:
I tried to make an account on InterPals yesterday, but for some reason, it wouldn't let me; something about the email I was trying to use already having been used for two accounts on the site, even though no such accounts exist.

I do have an account on PenPalsWorld, however; so far, it's the best penpal website I've found thus far; other sites seem to be more focused on meeting them in real life and publicizing all of your personal info, location, etc. that I am not at all comfortable with doing.



On PenPalsWorld, I have about eight messages in my inbox so far, all of which are from men. About four of them are from men that are in their mid-to-late seventies or early eighties and their profiles say their penpal preferences are for females in their late teens and mid twenties.

I won't lie, while they seem friendly enough and they're not being overtly sexual or anything, it has me a bit on edge and I'm a bit leary about actually responding to them...
Click to expand...
You are so right...these can't be up to any good. I am 70, so I know!! LOL
 
HelzBelz said:
I'm quite introverted but my biggest issue is anxiety, so I shy away from groups especially, claiming it's because I'm introverted, when I'm really just so anxious about getting it wrong. When I start feeling isolated and lonely (although with five kids my place is often full of people coming and going) I'll try and connect with someone online. Hadn't really thought about pen pals though - might give this a go. I feel sad sometimes with my lack of friends (I seem to make a few friends, find they are unhealthy relationships in some way, then have to awkwardly retreat and wish I hadn't bothered...).
Click to expand...
I know exactly how you feel, I'm just like that. Though, most of the time, it's not really an "unhealthy" relationship but the other person/people start losing interest in me. We start growing more and more distant until they cut ties with me entirely.
 
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Spotty01 said:
On PenPalsWorld, I have about eight messages in my inbox so far, all of which are from men. About four of them are from men that are in their mid-to-late seventies or early eighties and their profiles say their penpal preferences are for females in their late teens and mid twenties.

I won't lie, while they seem friendly enough and they're not being overtly sexual or anything, it has me a bit on edge and I'm a bit leary about actually responding to them...
Click to expand...

Yeah, that sounds pretty dodgy to me. If there's an option like there is on Interpals, I personally would block men.
 
I would be interested in learning more about these things too, because not only do I have trouble making friends in the first place, but I'm also an addict who is newly in recovery, so when I started going to treatment, I had to cut ties with most of my old friends because a lot of them were using. I pretty much just have my boyfriend, and a few friends from high school that don't live anywhere near me anymore,and they all have lives of their own.
 
I tried Interpals and made some meaningful and lasting connections. I also wrote Death Row ...I feel like that went a long way to saving my own life.
 
Spotty01 said:
I know exactly how you feel, I'm just like that. Though, most of the time, it's not really an "unhealthy" relationship but the other person/people start losing interest in me. We start growing more and more distant until they cut ties with me entirely.
Click to expand...
Totally get this. And by unhealthy I mean I've made friends with people who end up super controlling (do things my way, or else!), offer me drugs, have no respect for my personal boundaries, or just flat out use me. Others just lose interest too, but a lot of the time I know I keep putting off seeing them or having contact until they leave me alone. Then I'm lonely all over again. Doesn't help I'm single, so don't have an adult I can lean on or talk to.
 
HelzBelz said:
Totally get this. And by unhealthy I mean I've made friends with people who end up super controlling (do things my way, or else!), offer me drugs, have no respect for my personal boundaries, or just flat out use me. Others just lose interest too, but a lot of the time I know I keep putting off seeing them or having contact until they leave me alone. Then I'm lonely all over again. Doesn't help I'm single, so don't have an adult I can lean on or talk to.
Click to expand...
Okay, I think I may've misunderstood. I've never had someone try to pressure me into using drugs or alcohol before, but I've had plenty of experience with them being controlling and disrespectful to me. However, I've found relationships like that harder to get away from because they'd keep guilt-tripping me into sticking around and call me out for being a bad friend if I called them out on their behavior.

I'm single as well, but I don't plan on ever trying to find a significant other or get married. I just don't see it in my future at all really. If you ask me, just having a platonic friend or two (online or otherwise) to talk your problems out with or lean on every once in a while would be enough. But, then again, that's just my opinion on the subject.
 
I think I was on interpals for awhile...I was mostly looking for a person in Russia.
I had quite few ladies write me but not for long...
It seemed either a green card marriage was wanted instantly.:rolleyes:

Or some indication of cash $ forthcoming quickly.:rolleyes:

Not much interest in me as a person...for the most part.:(

I have had a number of longer friendships here...usually I let the Ladies write me first...and I keep it light.

But then I am more true love marriage minded then most guys.

I'm not commenting on the age thing...I am a forever young aspie....I get asked out by aspie ladies far younger than me. Most older aspie ladies seem to be married already, I guess due to the youthful cuteness thing?
I haven't seen many unmarried, (real) aspie ladies like me here.
Presently involved with someone...just commenting.

I guess you just chat someone up and see if they seem the nice sort....usually they show their colors pretty soon?
Users and Catfishers on both sides....if the stories don't add up....they probably are not good people?
 
I have a hard time communicating to people through the internet too, so I'm at a bit of a double loss.
 
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