Thinking my life is worthless.

[Tony Ramirez]

Do you ever get that feeling that because I am so messed up with Phobias and not being able to socialize good that my life is no good.

I could not get a job because I never was able to complete College but that's a long time ago.

Never had an relationship with a woman no never. Then I have to hear from most of my married friends that I am not ready.

I try to fake it socializing which I was getting better at until everything shut down and went virtual which was 13 months ago. Now it's worse to socialize especially when if any show up virtual or something if we meet physically are guys and couples or soon to be couples.

My uncle says I am worthless since I never moved out or accomplished anything unlike my cousins who are mostly married.

I try to get up everyday which I usually sleep until the late afternoon no thanks to anti anxiety meds. I try to make it out to the parks but all I see is successful happy people.

I still feel better someday but being cheered up by my friends who's life is going great is not a good thing.

 

[Thinx]

Sorry to hear this, Tony, that's very difficult for you. Probably a lot of families that are stuck indoors in the pandemic have had some stressful times, but it must be difficult for you to cope with your uncle. It sounds like you get on each other's nerves?

How was your therapy, did your therapist have any ideas for you to think about that were useful?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Just curious, but how are you making a financial income? I only say this because, especially now, pandemic lockdowns and such, there are a lot of people that have found it easier to work from home. You can research this a bit more, but there is a long list of tax benefits to working from home,...basically, pretty much anything somewhat related to your business can be a business write off, include the computer and/or phone you're using for this forum. There is a good reason why wealthy people don't pay taxes,...on paper, it's all part of business,...and they don't actually own anything. My next door neighbor is a teacher, but started an eBay business out of his garage,...and is making some serious money after a year.

Many colleges and universities, especially now, are pushing more and more into the on-line curriculums and degrees.

So, what does this have to do with your situation? I am thinking that if you are that socially compromised, the pandemic may have opened up some opportunities for you that may not have been there even a year ago. I know your post is mainly concerning your social issues,...I get it,...but it is what it is,...that's the cards that have been dealt to you. Is this something that should cause you enough distress and depression to end your life? Never. It sounds crass to say this, but adapt and overcome,...perhaps find one of your special interests, make it a home business venture, have some goals, find something that motivates you, makes you happy, and makes you look forward towards tomorrow. Find your purpose,...and you DO have a purpose. If you are a stereotypical Aspie,...somewhat neurodivergent,...out-of-the box thinker,...perfect. Take advantage of it. No one has made any significant contribution to society by doing things the same as everyone else.

If that wasn't direct Aspie honesty, nothing is.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Again with my therapist her life is going great so I am tired of getting advice from people like that. I know they mean well.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I collect SSD.

 

[Aspychata]

Your therapist is supppose to help you. Maybe her therapy isn't working. She needs to talk and motivate you in trying something no matter how small your first step is. How about weight loss? Did you start that? l have now just realized l am in a deep depression and l am slowly working on changing my situation. l dont know about meds yet. But l am making plans to right a failed marriage.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

This is my typical day.

• Get up at 9am to take my medication with an Slimfast.
• Sleep until about 12:30 pm. Take an Slimfast for lunch. Go back to bed.
• Wake up again about 3:30 pm.
• Shower and dress.
• Might go out for a walk to the park if I can handle my phobia. Outside listening to music.
• If I don't go out then go on my laptop listening to music until about 6 pm.
• Eat supper. Usually my mother will get me takeout.
• Stream reruns of shows off Paramount+, Disney+ and HBO Max until after 11 pm.
• If tired. Go to bed.

That is my day. The only exception if afternoon virtual therapy session and virtual life group at 7:30 pm where I have to hear how great everyone life is.

 

[unperson]

I feel pretty worthless most of the time, but it ends when God says it ends.

Sounds like you dont cook at all - slimfast and takeout. maybe do some simple cooking - there's easy cooking stuff on youtube. You need some independent living skills and cooking/cleaning is part of that. You can get groceries delivered, so maybe start with an omelette or some instant noodles, plus spinach.

 

[Aspychata]

Sounds like you are still depressed. l am sleeping way too much so l know it's depression. l have slept most of today. Maybe your meds have lost effectiveness and need to be recalibrated. This does happen, sometimes meds stop working or the dose needs to be increased. Are you noticing weight loss? Do you feel better about this change?

 

[OkRad]

I understand. This is so complicated that it is simple. In fMRI machines they can tell what you feel before you even tell them. They tell YOU what you feel. This means that parts of your brain are firing terribly and others are not. Where it gets SO annoying is that those who have their brain firing in "normal" places CANNOT understand how it feels to have the feelings you stated.

How do you get the other parts to fire? It is so simple and so hard to reach. It IS INDEED love, it IS work, it IS financial security, etc etc.....Those who have those things WILL point to you and say, "Here, do this or that." I totally understand how annoyed you would be with a therapist telling you how to feel better when she does not know how you feel!

I KNOW how you feel. I feel that absolute crushing horror, too.

What can be done? You have to calm your brain. Stop the cortisol from flowing madly. Watch those videos by Robert Sapolsky on Neuroscience and you will get a better idea about the brain, the brain, the brain....it's the brain. You can't tell your brain how to snap out of it. And right now, in COVID, in a world that has gone mad, in a divided country, etc......etc....etc....well, it's super hard.

But I do want you to know there are people here who are feeling that same. It does help rats in cages who are being shocked to have a friend. Does it help to know you are not alone in that feeling? It also helps shocked rats to have a hobby, and outlet, too.....if we are shocked rats, well, let's find connections, hobbies, friends and outlets.

Much comfort to you, my Rat Friend <------said with kindness as rats are smarter and kinder than people who would ever conceive of SHOCKING them!!!!

 

[Fino]

If you really are Christian, Jesus should be your primary way of dealing with every single one of these issues. If you aren't really Christian and just enjoy the label, then do everything your therapist tells you to do.

 

[Suzanne]

I felt like you many times in my life and like you, but due to prozac for what was considered depression, actually caused me depression and I would get up as late as 10 am and think that was too early and then, had 4 hour "nap" in the afternoon. It was only after I took it upon myself to go through cold turkey and completely stop the medicine ( I had visited the dr numerous times, but all he did was up my meds). After a month of mental anguish, I came through.

When others call us worthless, when we, ourselves already struggle with self identity, it is just adding to the fuel. A little like my husband, who thought he was being funny the other day, whilst at the dr and me shaking with nerves, to get my dr to take my blood glucose levels seriously, my dear hubby pointed out that I was as red as a beetroot and made worse, because of my pure white mask. Honestly, I could have swiped at him, because it just made me go even redder and I suddenly felt hot!

If you can discover something about yourself that makes you feel good, that would be a great start.

I do not have a licence; I do not have paid work. I cannot go outside travelling and felt useless, then some elders ( priests) from my congregation suggested my husband and I do our finances together. That freaked me out, because I am a dunce with numbers. But, my husband put to gether a list of our out goings etc and I was so surprised when just looking I could see where we had gone wrong and that started me on the road to accounts, to the extent, that I have taken over our accounts. All our recipes are in specified envelopes and I have a book that I make notes and so, really easy to find the receipt, even if several year's ago and this has been an enormous boost to my self worth and others have noted it too.

Unfortunately, neurotypical are great at pointing out negatives about us.

My faith is such an huge help to me, and in fact, this covid situation has actually been a blessing for me. I get to interect more with my spiritual family, then before!

 

[Wolfsage]

Have you ever prayed about it?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Have you ever prayed about it?

When I pray bad things happen to me, so I have not been doing it. Matter of fact I am even questioning God's existence. For all loving he sure wants me to suffer. Anytime I come back to him and things go good for a while something bad happens, last time lost all my friends, this time stupid pandemic so while others get blessed I don't I am thinking of leaving the church again if you can even call it a church we don't meet up it's all virtual and fake.

 

[Aspychata]

When I pray bad things happen to me, so I have not been doing it. Matter of fact I am even questioning God's existence. For all loving he sure wants me to suffer. Anytime I come back to him and things go good for a while something bad happens, last time lost all my friends, this time stupid pandemic so while others get blessed I don't I am thinking of leaving the church again if you can even call it a church we don't meet up it's all virtual and fake.

There isn't anything wrong with you questioning things. It tells me you are looking closer at your life. Church is almost like a crutch for some people. But many people don't subscribe to the doctrine. Religon exists to explain away the pain and suffering that humans go thru. That's about it. You are stepping back and asking hard questions. You need to decide if you are no longer going to church because it isn't helping you feel better about yourself. Why return to the same place only to feel bad about who you are. I also think a new therapist who doesn't gloat about her life would be more helpful for you. You may need to have your meds tweaked. Doctors don't know what works, so they try different meds until something works. It's trial and error. But you are looking closely and asking questions. YOU are being proactive in taking control of your life. Congrats. That's tough to do when you just want to crawl back into bed. l go thru periods of both. l am having to make a tough choice and l feel pushed to do it because l have zero options.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I don't know if it is wrong to want a girlfriend. I pray for this, and he gives me mask phobia meanwhile on Thanksgiving he gives me a message that someone will die in my family and uncle dies. Meanwhile, on the same day he blessed someone in my group getting engaged.

 

[Aspychata]

Sorry Tony. But keep working on you just the same. Try a religious dating site. You can just talk to others.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My friend says that I am not ready for an relationship of course he is happily married.

Also the last close friend I had about 17 years ago I lost when he got married and did not want to hang out with me anymore. He said the same thing but I was not in worse shape. I only had two phobias. Now I have three.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Do you ever get that feeling that because I am so messed up with Phobias and not being able to socialize good that my life is no good.

No

I could not get a job because I never was able to complete College but that's a long time ago.

I don’t work and never went to college as school was so bad, worked in wrong jobs. It is what it is though, at 54 I’m trying to make something of my life.

I had some bad relationships, I’m ok single, I try to go out, meet people within the social limits of autism.I love my bed but laying in lowers my mood.

Never had an relationship with a woman no never. Then I have to hear from most of my married friends that I am not ready.

Personally, I’d rather stay single than be in a bad marriage.

I try to fake it socializing which I was getting better at until everything shut down and went virtual which was 13 months ago. Now it's worse to socialize especially when if any show up virtual or something if we meet physically are guys and couples or soon to be couples.

I hid my autistic symptoms to fit in, it doesn’t work, if people don’t accept you as you are, find people who do. I’d rather do stuff alone than with people I’m not fitting in with as I was not being authentic.

My uncle says I am worthless since I never moved out or accomplished anything unlike my cousins who are mostly married.

This is your uncle talking rubbish. It’s abuse and unacceptable, and untrue, sounds like he is using you to scapegoat
Ignore him.

I try to get up everyday which I usually sleep until the late afternoon no thanks to anti anxiety meds. I try to make it out to the parks but all I see is successful happy people.

Thats what I thought too, but they’re not, we just see them as happy, we look at face value, they have problems as well.

I still feel better someday but being cheered up by my friends who's life is going great is not a good thing.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I just prayed to God twice. I said if anything bad happens to me in the next few days I am done with him. I will no longer believe. I will then end up hearing praise reports from other friends.

I will no longer attend any virtual events on Wednesday or Sunday which I am sick of them giving praise reports.

I will only do virtual with my therapist but I won't attend fake Church either.

Now if I get any praises or nothing happens most likely outcome I will still remain devoted to him.