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The staring part

Katie andrews

Active Member
so i have a general question; do people on the spectrum stare a lot? Like they dont mean it but they just dont know how to break an eye contact. I often catch my aspie bf stare at me for a long time then i would notice and i would correct him and tell him to quit staring and i dont mean it in a bad way. Then i realized i should start changing the approach and kindly ask him to not over stare not just at me but to other people as well.
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I don’t stare at people. I do stare into space when I’m lost in my thoughts.

Indeed. Myself as well. The distinction that perhaps many of us may simply get lost in our own thoughts, as opposed to actually staring at other people or things in particular.
 

Tom

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I'm not sure about 'staring' in general, but not looking people in the eye much or at all is a common tendency among those on the spectrum. That said, there are exceptions to all the rules. But if it is a involuntary habit, having patience and using a positive/constructive manner is probably the best approach. Once you made it clear what the problem is, and he understands/agrees then you work together to slowly modify the behavior in a non shaming way.
 

Pats

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
When I went for speech therapy I was also taught to look people in the eye. The therapist had me have staring contests with my brother. Worked too good because when I look at people I'm staring at their eye and usually they end up having to turn away. Also it keeps me from looking at the rest of their face, so like when my son shaves his beard, someone else has to point it out before I notice.
I also catch myself staring at an object and not be able to pull my eyes away from it.
 

clg114

Still crazy, after all these years.
Staff member
V.I.P Member
so i have a general question; do people on the spectrum stare a lot? Like they dont mean it but they just dont know how to break an eye contact. I often catch my aspie bf stare at me for a long time then i would notice and i would correct him and tell him to quit staring and i dont mean it in a bad way. Then i realized i should start changing the approach and kindly ask him to not over stare not just at me but to other people as well.

In all likelihood, he is not staring at you or anyone else. He is just lost in thought. It happens to me a lot.
 

Katie andrews

Active Member
Indeed. Myself as well. The distinction that perhaps many of us may simply get lost in our own thoughts, as opposed to actually staring at other people or things in particular.
i know sometimes i ask him why do u like staring at me? Then he would reply because your face is very interesting(wanting to draw a portrait of me coz he is an artist) then sometimes he says he got lost in his own thoughts when he is trying to work a project in his head.. i like the way he stares at me though..coz he have the most beautiful pair of baby blue eyes.
 

Dias

Well-Known Member
I don't like to look at people's eyes but I am doing it more now because I am learning that it is important to most people.
But I don't have a single clue when it is too little or too much... I will learn by practising and being attentive to the person in front of me in the moment since everyone is different.

I think all these are wonderful opportunities to develop my intuition, telepathy, empathy skills, etc...
What I do observe is that if I look in to people's eyes, after some seconds I stop listening to what the person is saying and I have to look down to regain my focus.
 

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
I've always had a staring problem!

I've told this story somewhere here at some point, but the funniest time was when I was a kid and at Mcdonalds and went up to a table with two cops and just stared at them and I remember them putting their food down and looking at me with a confused expression then eventually my mom got me and apologized to them. :D

I still have trouble not staring at cops. :rolleyes:

I don't know why. :eek:
 

Dias

Well-Known Member
In fact I do like to stare at people, but only from far away and I have no idea what is the utility in that because I am not aware of my brain processing any valid information although I am sure it is doing something.
But I almost never do it because I know it is rude and uncomfortable for them even if they are far away; somehow people have a six sense that tells them when someone is staring at them.
Did it ever happen to you that out of no reason you just turn your head and you see that someone is staring at you? Or you are staring at someone from far away and the person suddenly turns to you?
When this happens I get really embarrassed :oops: so I avoid it, maybe even too much, because I think that Humans being naturally social are inclined to observe others, so why shouldn't I?
I read somewhere recently that Germans ( I live in Germany currently ), specially older ones, are known to be in the windows for large number of hours watching what the neighbours are up too_O
So I guess this is also a cultural thing.
 

Gracey

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I did wonder if he would stare at a facial feature, bone structure, something non symmetrical, eye, ear or mouth shape ?

I’m not sure it’s ‘staring’ as such.
Perhaps studying ?
Observing ?
 

Sapphire K

Autistic Demigirl! (She/They/It)
V.I.P Member
I don't usually stare at people, however, inanimate objects sometimes catch my attention and I end up staring at it, unblinkingly, just like a cat. It could be anything, really. Doesn't even have to be anything particularly interesting or impressive.
 

Major Tom

Searching for ground control...
V.I.P Member
I tend to not stare and don't like giving much eye contact. That being said, you can tell a lot from people's eyes. So if I'm really trying to figure someone out, I may give too much eye contact. I've never been told to stop other than by my wife.
 

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