The Perfectionist Mindset: the Root of All Problems

[KevinMao133]

Quick question: anybody feel like they have be perfect here on out in order to survive?

Not even live well, but just surviving, like making it

So anyways there are times I feel like thoughts are racing in my head, like I have to outdo myself

Also sometimes I try to be someone I’m not, like my ego is inflated

So anyways um.. yeah, that’s it I guess

the perfectionist mindset, the need to reach god status

 

[Gerontius]

Yes -- I am like that and it isn't very good for you.

 

[watersprite]

“For some people with exceptional abilities, the realization that they are, in fact, more capable in many ways than ordinary people can lead to a distorted sense of entitlement and self-concept, a deep sense they really are better than everyone else in some ways that are not justifiable.”

link

 

[Tom]

I didn't feel exactly like you describe, but felt something similar.

I felt that it was going to take everything I had, especially mentally, to become independent and make ends meet, etc. It influenced me in life choices and also things like stopping drinking at an early age. My rationale being life was going to be difficult enough without culling my brain cells regularly.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I was a perfectionist for a while, probably more out of being afraid of making mistakes. Then, my spouse taught me to embrace imperfection, because it is just part of muddling through life.

 

[watersprite]

It’s (perfectionism & control issues) not great for those people close around you; particularly partners & offspring.

 

[Suzette]

Lets clarify: Perfectionist is demanding excellence from ones self. A narcissist demands that other recognize their superiority. I believe @KevinMao133 means the former.

One time in the throws of anxiety regarding an art project I was attempting I commented "I am a perfectionist" and my roommate responded with derision "You are NOT perfect!".

But that is the problem perfectionists face, we are not perfect and we know it and it can drive us nutts with ocd like behaviors, self criticism and sometimes envy.

This was a big part of my personality makeup from childhood well into my adulthood. But when I started learning about "wabi-sabi" my ideas changed. I am less ridgid and more forgiving of myself.

 

[Gerontius]

“For some people with exceptional abilities, the realization that they are, in fact, more capable in many ways than ordinary people can lead to a distorted sense of entitlement and self-concept, a deep sense they really are better than everyone else in some ways that are not justifiable.”

link

The link tries to equate perfectionism with narcissism; two very different things. Some narcissists are perfectionistic but not all perfectionists are narcissistic.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

“For some people with exceptional abilities, the realization that they are, in fact, more capable in many ways than ordinary people can lead to a distorted sense of entitlement and self-concept, a deep sense they really are better than everyone else in some ways that are not justifiable.”

link

Which explains the Dunning-Kreuger effect. Suspect No. 1, Bill Gates who's contract with IBM for DOS enriched him to the point where he spouts imbecilic nonsense about Education, and people think it is the voice of god.

 

[watersprite]

The link tries to equate perfectionism with narcissism; two very different things. Some narcissists are perfectionistic but not all perfectionists are narcissistic.

That’s good to point out. I like part of what they say there, and not the other bits.
It’s not a perfect article.

I find for myself perfectionists are hard to be around, narcissists soon impossible.

 

[Fino]

I make a ridiculous amount of mistakes yet make no effort to change my ways.

 

[SusanLR]

Good statement from the doctor who says he IS God.
I've always called doctors this because of their over inflated, greed driven reasons, and belief
they are better than anyone else such as their peon patients that all look like $ signs.

I know it is not correct to judge a certain group of people as all the same, but, I am always
bristled emotionally with high blood pressure when I have to see a doctor. Sorry.

I've been called a perfectionist because I like things without flaw and in a perfectionistic order.
Mentally, I know this is an exercise in futality, but, I do try to make everything I can do as
perfect as possible. I would call it more of an OCD trait.

There is one form of the statement I Am God, that I accept.
That is when it is used in the philosophical or metaphysical meaning that everything IS God,
because it is just my belief that all is the creation of the Absolute consciousness of the Universal ALL.

 

[SimonSays]

I think one can have a perfectionist mindset as long as one is willing to accept one is ultimately not perfect and will therefore make mistakes no matter what.

Accepting that it's okay to make mistakes helps with achieving what the perfectionist mindset sets out to achieve.

If I judge myself harshly for failing to achieve perfection, I make it that much harder for myself. And besides, isn't one man's perfection another man's failure? It is we who set the rules when it comes to feeling successful in our endeavours. As someone rather wise once said...

If at first you don't succeed... redefine success.

 

[SimonSays]

the perfectionist mindset, the need to reach god status

Whatever you definine to be 'God status' is just that... a definition. So the idea of the perfectionist mindset needed to reach such a status must also be a definition. A belief you feel exists for you.

You know that beliefs come and go. Our understanding of the world changes. What was once thought so important is no longer seen that way, while other ideas not even noticed before take their place. Nothing is set in stone. Everything changes. So does the perfectionist mindset.

 

[iamlindsaythatisall]

I’m the exact same way, and it is torturous…

 

[watersprite]

What is perfection? How does one assess it, with what “yardstick?”
A person I once knew was pursuing a hang gliding distance record. They had to make sure everything about setting up the glider was perfect. They joked about it but obviously it could be a matter of life or death. One of the possible wild cards was pilot error.
They commented that the most perfect pilot on the planet was an unknown young woman living in poverty who would never ever fly in any aircract let alone pilot one.

 

[Judge]

What is perfection? How does one assess it, with what “yardstick?”

Perhaps it isn't something one needs to quantify, but rather qualify it based on a compulsion to achieve what one deep down in their heart and mind knows is unattainable.

Now go back to the one post that mentioned OCD...which with this crowd is probably the one common denominator with us perfectionists. Which more often than not makes it a liability rather than an asset.

 

[SimonSays]

What is perfection? How does one assess it, with what “yardstick?”

An internal feeling one assesses on an individual basis. It's not what other people think or would do, only you. So it is very subjective really.

Perhaps being a perfectionist is not really about achieving perfection, but simply doing one's best according to one's own ability, and hopefully becoming better at it as we go.

 

[watersprite]

Perhaps being a perfectionist is not really about achieving perfection, but simply doing one's best according to one's own ability, and hopefully becoming better at it as we go.

My behaviour in certain parts of my life is congruent with this definition.

 

[Kevin L.]

Perfectionism is incredibly toxic.

I struggle to mask my autism, as I've heard--my whole life--that if I'm smart enough to know everything about trains, then I'm smart enough to know how to not be autistic.

So . . . in the spirit of trying to help me, my family constantly watched everything that I say or do . . . looking for anything "abnormal" and berating me for it.

Employers have also done this.

It has created a situation where I have to focus on my autism so much that I miss out in life because I don't focus enough on anything else. This is why it's even difficult for me to focus on something enjoyable at the moment, like walking on the beach.

My family disowned me over my autism because I "don't even want try to fix myself" . . . so I'm the same as an alcoholic who won't stop drinking.

I work in the medical field, and there are times and occasions when perfectionism can (and has) killed people.

It often seems that many people lose the distinction between excellence and perfection. In my family, excellence was seen as a concession, and that you were "giving up" before perfection was reached.

So if you were excellent, you were also a quitter and a loser.