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The Empathy Question - New Autistamatic video

Autistamatic

Autistamatic

He's just this guy, you know?
V.I.P Member
Hi again

The new Autistamatic video is now available. As some of you will know, it's the first part of a series discussing the popular misconception that all autistic people lack empathy. I said elsewhere it would go up "today" - well it's tomorrow here now, but it's still "today" to you guys in the US so I've technically kept to my intention ;)
I hope you enjoy and as always, constructive comments here, or on YouTube, are always welcome.

 
Yes, you did make it. lol Another excellent video and I'm looking forward to the next.
 
Autistamatic said:
Hi again

The new Autistamatic video is now available. As some of you will know, it's the first part of a series discussing the popular misconception that all autistic people lack empathy. I said elsewhere it would go up "today" - well it's tomorrow here now, but it's still "today" to you guys in the US so I've technically kept to my intention ;)
I hope you enjoy and as always, constructive comments here, or on YouTube, are always welcome.

Click to expand...
Bravo! I love it. Good on you Austistamatic. It is very informative and produced really well. I found it easy to absorb because of the accompanying visuals, and they were all chosen so well. Looking forward to seeing the others.
 
I actually feel I have too much empathy. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and I care way too much. It doesn’t help that I get upset really easily too. Even the video upset me watching it. Realising what I’m up against and how people see me. Interpret me. I only care about my tiny circle. My family. My two girls. If they could just understand me I think I’d be ok but they don’t. They do love me but they don’t like me. They think I’m annoying. I cannot change who I am and it’s so very hard and I’m impacting on them on a daily basis. So of course I feel the guilt of that aswell. I wish there was a better understanding of who we are and an acceptance of that but whenever I try and explain it, it comes across as an excuse. Something they don’t even believe. I desperately want a better relationship with them but it seems like the only way to do that is to have a personality transplant or completely not be myself. That’s a horrible feeling. I do try, I really do, I have to tame myself down all the time around them and that’s sad. I want them to love me for who I am because I really am a very loving person. Like I said, I think I care too much.
 
Autistamatic said:
Hi again

The new Autistamatic video is now available. As some of you will know, it's the first part of a series discussing the popular misconception that all autistic people lack empathy. I said elsewhere it would go up "today" - well it's tomorrow here now, but it's still "today" to you guys in the US so I've technically kept to my intention ;)
I hope you enjoy and as always, constructive comments here, or on YouTube, are always welcome.

Click to expand...
I love your videos and what you say, but can't watch them because of the music. I know you need music to connect to a wide audience, but I find I can't watch more than a minute. Music on YTs videos seems , to me, superfluous and meaningless ---like banal pictures in a motel room. I don't want to make you feel bad, and I know this is more for NTs than us, but I can't get past the music. It makes it so I can't concentrate on what you are saying. Maybe you could upload two versions.....the unedited without music ( Austistic Friendly Version) and the NT version?
 
Autistamatic said:
How would subtitles suit you, so you could turn the sound down?
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It would not help me because the point of You Tube is not to have to read, but watch and listen. But your videos are so professional and beautiful, and no one else seems to mind. I am a very, super sensitive Aspie, so if you get no complaints other than super-sensitive OKRAD, just keep doing what you're doing. In a year, you'll have quit a fan base and I will be a fan, too, even if I can only watch in chunks :) In fact, I will take down this comment once you see it.
 
I understand @OkRad .
I'm working right this minute on putting subtitles on the latest video anyway. It's something I had always intended to do, but it's a bit time consuming. I shall do the previous ones soon and make it a feature in future if people should wish to use it.
 
Blimey! Subtitles/captions are even more work than I expected, but they are up now on the video linked above for anyone that wants to use them (or doesn't understand my accent :p )
I shall do the previous videos over the next few days.
 
Tanyax said:
I wish there was a better understanding of who we are and an acceptance of that but whenever I try and explain it, it comes across as an excuse.
Click to expand...

Hi Tanya

That's the motivation behind the work myself and other writers, YouTubers and campaigners are doing. Acceptance won't just come to us, and in many situations, like yours, you can be disbelieved when you try to explain. The work we do is not just to demonstrate to Autistic people that they are not alone, nor only to help people understand their ASD, but to reach out to anyone else out there who is willing to listen.
If someone is having difficulty explaining their difference to someone, they may find that 10 or 15 minutes in front of one of these videos, or a quick read of someone's blog or article, might get something across that their NT friend/relative wouldn't listen to from them. It shows the NT person in question immediately that it's not just the AS person who showed it to them, there are plenty of other people out there with similar minds.
I'm not saying that will work for you, or that any of the individual efforts I and others make are going to change everyone's minds overnight, but there are plenty of us out there trying to get the message across. We are starting to be heard, but it will take a long time before we get to where we should be in society. For the moment, small victories, improvements in understanding, person by person will edge us ever closer.
 
Again, well done. So important to have set the record straight over the myths versus the realities of empathy on the part of autistic people. And in an orderly, non-confrontational way.

Excellent. Looking forward to your next presentation.
 
Very well done!

I appreciate the visuals and I like how you focus on things like processing speed and diversity in empathizing styles....reminds me of discussions of cognitive styles...which I suppose it is, just in a very specific area of cognition that intersects with emotion.
 
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The problem is no one will give me the time of day, no one will listen nor watch this. No one thinks this is ‘a thing’ enough to believe it, I just don’t have a voice. I don’t. I’ve said it before but people just think I’m making excuses. They so. I know I’m not. It’s horrible and it’s heartbreaking because I’m talking about my own children but they are children and they just don’t understand. I’m really not sure what I’m supposed to do. I’m meant to be the adult and know what I’m doing. I don’t. I need them to understand me and they don’t. Bearing in mind I only figured this out at 41. It’s hard. It’s really really hard. How can i expect them to understand? I can’t.
 
Im really sorry, I feel like I’ve hijacked this thread. I didn’t mean to. I hope I didn’t upset anyone. I seem to spend my life saying the wrong thing so I sincerely hope I haven’t done it here. You guys have been such an amazing source of support, you cannot even imagine. I have no one who knows what I am going through or how I feel and the love and support and understanding and empathy I feel from you is just amazing.
 
Hi Tanya
I'm off to the doctor in a few minutes so I can't reply properly now but I just had to say this straight away. Please don't feel you have to apologise for "hijacking" this thread. We're Aspies, it's what we do ;) Going off on tangents is something we do often including on this forum.
What matters most is that you're clearly in immense distress and you're crying out for help and support. Many of us know how that feels and where we can we'll help. Doesn't matter where you tell us that, only that you tell us.
I'll write more when I get back, but don't think you're alone.
 
Well done Quinn! Wonderful video, empathy is certainly a very important topic that I actually haven't seen being discussed much on other AS videos/channels in such an accessible manner. You covered the range of our abilities very well and to be honest, made our community seem much more 'normal'. I am very aware that we're very much like NTs in most ways, but there does seem to be too much stigma of being autistic and with that 'different' or 'impaired'.
Thank you as always for doing these! :D
 
Thanks for the feedback guys. It's highly appreciated.

@Tanyax

Sorry for the brief reply earlier but I'm back now :)

The first thing I want to ask you is whether or not you have been formally diagnosed as yet? We have no problem with it if you are self-identified, there's plenty on here who have done so, it's just in relation to getting you taken seriously by the people around you. If you haven't then I think it's vital that you speak to your GP ASAP and ask to be referred. I asked my GP earlier what referral times were like in my area and they said 8-12 weeks for a first appointment. If you have not yet gone through that process then I would hope that having your AS formally recognised - in black & white so to speak - would make it much harder for it to be dismissed.
If you are formally diagnosed then it makes the situation a bit more distressing. They are not only disbelieving you, they are disbelieving the qualified professionals who identified your AS and ignoring the plethora of information available that would enable them to understand you and enjoy a better relationship with you.
The second thing is to ask you to please get in touch with the National Autistic Society. They have a helpline and an online form you can use to approach them. I have had some dealings with them myself recently and I've found them very useful. A significant number of their staff are on the spectrum themselves and they have the backing of the people who were the first to recognise there was such a thing as a spectrum of autism. They will still help you if you are self-identified and they may be able to speed up the process of diagnosis if you need it. It may also help you to talk on the phone with someone trained in what AS can be like and may be on the spectrum themselves. Either way they will understand much of what you are going through and may be able to offer both comfort and solid advice. I've put a link to their "help & Advice" page below and there is a link on there for the helpline number if you choose to use it.
You've seen already how willing people in this community are to help but there's little we can do over the internet beyond comfort and advice. The NAS should be able to do much more.

Helplines and advice - National Autistic Society
 
Thank you austistamatic. You and the people on this forum are genuinely the most kindest people I’ve ever encountered. This site is my safe place. I can say whatever I feel and not be judged. It is something I’ve never felt before. I mean that honestly. It’s a safe haven but more than that, a loving and accepting one. I’ve never known that so I thank you all. No, I’m not diagnosed and I’m not sure if I will try. I have the forms but I’m not sure if there’s any point. I know. Isn’t that all that matters? Even if I had a formal diagnosis I don’t feel that people would take it seriously anyway. It’s not like you have cancer. It’s just another label in a world where there’s so many labels and unless it’s killing you I don’t think people care. You guys offer me respite from a world I don’t fit into. I am truly grateful for that. For people to question that we don’t have empathy seems ridiculous to me because in the short time I’ve been on here, I’ve never felt more love and empathy from anyone. Thank you. All of you x
 
Oh, I sent an email to MIND and no one has got back to me. It’s so disheartening and the worst thing is I’m so used to it. It doesn’t surprise me. I have no faith whatsoever in the so called help in this country. None. It upsets me more trying to get help than if I hadn’t tried. It’s sounds stupid I know, but whenever I try and get help it never works out for me and can leave me worse off than before. There’s no wonder I am reluctant to try. I really need a miracle. They don’t exist in this country. I’m sorry. I know I sound like I’m on a complete downer. I feel like I sound so pathetic. I think I am. I just can’t catch a break. I’ve said it before but I am actually embarrassed of myself. I’ve ended up in a place I never thought I’d be. I was strong. I was proud and now I’m weak and ashamed. I don’t know where to turn for help. It’s ridiculous how life and circumstances can change so much. I need to get better so my girls can look up to me again. Without their love I have nothing to live for. I need to get their love back so I can get my life back. I know now I can’t do it alone but I need to get help. I am trying. It’s just not happening. Right now you guys are all I have. God, I sound so pathetic. I even hate myself. How can I expect anyone else to love me when I can’t even bear myself. Sorry. These are new lows even to me. I just need to get better. For my girls. I need to.
 
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