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THE BEAUTY AND PAIN OF AUTISM

PHOton

Member
Being in ur head( which is supposed to be humor: how d hell can you be in ur head?) can be wonderful,making effort to break every material(matter) to its most basic particles ( electrons, protons etc) and how they are arranged in space gives me a better view of the world. When I'm with people I feel extremely anxious(even a small child), holding a constant or various forms a question in my mind "is this person thinking I'm crazy?" which I lose focus to process things my way. To make it worst, i discovered just two days ago that I live with autism, then everything made sense on why i behave the way i do. Anybody with similar experience?
 
Similar, but a little different. For me it's usually fears of embarrassment, or appearing weak, dumb, subhuman or whatever horrors my mind can concoct (usually adapting to the situation). Apparently this form of social anxiety is fairly common in people with ASD, so you're definitely not alone.

Also, welcome!
 
Welcome to the club. ;)

You can "be in your head" if you have to "think" your way through life and basic things like "appropriate" communication and social skills do not come naturally to you,...you tend to observe and mimic,...or read and watch videos on communication skills,...it's not intuitive like it is for neurotypicals. Yes,...that processing delay,...is enough for neurotypicals to sense that "something is off" with you.

You speak like I do with regards to breaking things down to "first principles", mentally "reverse engineering", and looking at things at least at the simplest pathways,...sometimes down to the atomic level and understanding the strengths of various types of bonds, how they interact, which lends itself to understanding the nature of Newtonian physics. It's how I process and understand my world,...it's not enough to have a "basic understanding" of anything,...and I tend to take very "deep dives" into any topic that stimulates my interest.

I like your screen name PHOton,...one of my screen names on another site is "photon user",...light particles,...I have solar panels, battery storage, and two electric cars. Pretty much that fusion reactor in the sky gives me nearly all my energy needs for the house and two cars,...my bills are mostly either $0, or less than $50/month.

Controlling your emotions and anxiety levels are part of the autism experience,...and it is important because as these two increase, your ability to think clearly and communicate effectively diminishes,...an inverse relationship.
 
Welcome to the club. ;)

You can "be in your head" if you have to "think" your way through life and basic things like "appropriate" communication and social skills do not come naturally to you,...you tend to observe and mimic,...or read and watch videos on communication skills,...it's not intuitive like it is for neurotypicals. Yes,...that processing delay,...is enough for neurotypicals to sense that "something is off" with you.

You speak like I do with regards to breaking things down to "first principles", mentally "reverse engineering", and looking at things at least at the simplest pathways,...sometimes down to the atomic level and understanding the strengths of various types of bonds, how they interact, which lends itself to understanding the nature of Newtonian physics. It's how I process and understand my world,...it's not enough to have a "basic understanding" of anything,...and I tend to take very "deep dives" into any topic that stimulates my interest.

I like your screen name PHOton,...one of my screen names on another site is "photon user",...light particles,...I have solar panels, battery storage, and two electric cars. Pretty much that fusion reactor in the sky gives me nearly all my energy needs for the house and two cars,...my bills are mostly either $0, or less than $50/month.

Controlling your emotions and anxiety levels are part of the autism experience,...and it is important because as these two increase, your ability to think clearly and communicate effectively diminishes,...an inverse relationship.
At least now I have sense of belonging: it's nice to know that after all, I'm not an alien. Brother
 
Similar but different here, too. Definitely relate to this…
At least now I have sense of belonging

The running script in my head is maddening. Sometimes it is helpful, but it is distracting to have my thoughts rambling away when I am trying to focus on interacting with someone… typically they tell me all the things that I am doing wrong and they are pointing out all the theoretical dangers that are all around. It feels difficult to keep all of that in your brain at once sometimes, and I always walk away from other people feeling exhausted and worn out.
 
To make it worst, i discovered just two days ago that I live with autism, then everything made sense on why i behave the way i do.
Maybe this will ultimately make it better. The sense of understanding and acceptance and even finding this community will probably be really beneficial, no?
 
Beauty: Being 2nd in national competition in biology because it became my special interest
Pain: Social interactions, motor skills, anxiety
 
I think we have enough brain activity to run one and a half average humans.

8ddf8acb09e58942fdc8722cf48a3a9d.gif


The thing is we are not set up to run extra people.

Perhaps one day will learn to harness this energy to a sort of symbiotic drone.

1368283157robot-animated-gif-image-18.gif


Or even better morph into something new entirely

1661003662040.png


With lazer eyes!

;)
 
At least now I have sense of belonging: it's nice to know that after all, I'm not an alien. Brother
Well you, me, and others like us probably share some "alien" DNA. Whether it be literally or figuratively, I have spent many a waking hour wondering if I was born to be an "alien observer", as I really struggle with humans. Interesting creatures,...and although I live amongst them and look like them, I know I am something "different", and will always be on the outside looking in.
 
Well you, me, and others like us probably share some "alien" DNA. Whether it be literally or figuratively, I have spent many a waking hour wondering if I was born to be an "alien observer", as I really struggle with humans. Interesting creatures,...and although I live amongst them and look like them, I know I am something "different", and will always be on the outside looking in.
Well you, me, and others like us probably share some "alien" DNA. Whether it be literally or figuratively, I have spent many a waking hour wondering if I was born to be an "alien observer", as I really struggle with humans. Interesting creatures,...and although I live amongst them and look like them, I know I am something "different", and will always be on the outside looking in.
I don't want to be an alien anymore.
 
I was not diagnosed until I was 60. Growing up at a time when autism was not diagnosed unless severe, people just thought I must be normal because of my intelligence. I did not know why I did not fit in or understand what was happening socially. I missed out on a lot and felt extremely isolated, creating later problems for me.
 
Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive. Also, to respond to @Gerald Wilgus, we are normal too. We have a normal neurological difference. Or, neurotypical people have a normal, neurological difference. This just isn't widely understood. You are fine how you are. And have made a great success of your life, through your efforts, in a harsh environment.
 
Hello and Welcome.

Know others can understand what you are feeling and talking about.
I certainly do.
The constant inner self that never shuts up.
And I've always felt I was an alien observer as @Neonatal RRT puts it.
It's been that way since birth.
I guess I've grown used to these feelings even though I know it's different.
It never bothered me that much. Born that way.

The only beauty I see in it is always believing I can "think" my way out of anything.
When something can't be solved, surely my mind can find the way.
Oh, I break things down to the deepest level also.
One of my special interests is physics. :rolleyes:
 
Hello and welcome to the forums!!
Beauty of Autism: When you find the right people, you can be as honest as you want around them and unmask, and they won't care.
Pain of Autism: Masking around neurotypicals who don't get it.
 
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Similar, but a little different. For me it's usually fears of embarrassment, or appearing weak, dumb, subhuman or whatever horrors my mind can concoct (usually adapting to the situation). Apparently this form of social anxiety is fairly common in people with ASD, so you're definitely not alone.

Also, welcome!
Interesting. My fears too are of embarrassment, as well as appearing like I have no idea what I'm doing. My performance nerves have hindered me greatly in life. I loathe deeply this part of myself. Why is it that when I know I'm being observed, I make so many mistakes?
 

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