The Aspie Teachers' Thread

[DC1346]

I'm a little uncomfortable with having inadvertently hijacked someone else's thread to create an Aspie Teachers' thread ... so I thought I'd start afresh by posting this here.

My name is David (wave wave at the monitor) and I am an Aspie teacher.

One thing I like about teaching is that it can be very structured. School law, district and school policy, and teacher rules have allowed me to create an environment in which I have a lot of control.

As a teacher I am responsible for teaching the state instructional standards ... but how I teach them is up to me. How I sequence lessons ... how I assess student learning ... whether these lessons should be hands-on or taught using power point presentations and/or textbooks is up to me.

If a student chooses not to learn, there will be consequences. Students who refuse to participate will get failing grades. Students who mouth off to me about why they're not participating or who otherwise try to disrupt my class get a one way trip to the Dean's office where they have the choice of adjusting their attitude, having a parent conference, going into in-school suspension, or with enough referrals - being suspended.

Most students like being in my class because as a Culinary Arts teacher, I have access to a kitchen. Since at least 50% of what I do involves hands-on instruction in cooking, baking, or garde manger (cold food production), the students generally like my class because they get to eat.

Pictured above is a luncheon we prepared for new staff: lemon chicken, Pasta Florentine Roulade (stuffed with cheese, Marinara Sauce, spinach, and caramelized onion), and steamed vegetables.

The only problem I've had this year is that the school's office manager seems to hate me. I don't understand why.

When I moved out here in June, my shipment included 21 boxes that I brought to my new school. The office manager initially tried to tell me that I couldn't put these boxes in my classroom because teachers weren't supposed to be on campus until August 19th. I am fortunate that the principal was there because she overruled the office manager and allowed me to put all of my work related belongings in my classroom.

Since the school was closed throughout the month of July, I returned to campus on Monday, August 3rd, to unpack my boxes, to conduct an inventory of the kitchen's tools and equipment, and to go through my predecessor's files to see what I needed to keep and what I needed to throw away.

The office manager initially would not let me into my room because teachers weren't supposed to be on campus until August 19th ... never mind the fact that several teachers were already working in their rooms on the 3rd ... I was told to go away and to not come back until the 19th.

I stood my ground, told the office manager that I had permission from the principal to be on campus, and further told her that my instructions to inventory the room had come from the district office.

Mary (not her real name) finally gave in and gave me one time access to my room. I completed my inventory but did not have time to unpack my boxes or to go through the file cabinets ... and now that the school year has begun, my priority has shifted from going through the files to figuring out what I'm going to be teaching from week to week.

If this was the only problem with Mary, I wouldn't have minded ... but Mary has a temper and on two separate occasions, she's cornered me in her office or blocked my passage in a hallway to berate me about inadvertent violations of school policy.

Earlier this week, I nearly went into meltdown when she yelled at me for having used the wrong account to purchase my first groceries. At my last school, such purchases always went through the school's financial officer ... but at this school, two of my accounts are controlled by the office manager.

How was I supposed to have known this? I am still working for the same district. Shouldn't the policies be the same?

"WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!" growled Mary, "AND IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW, YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED!"

When I tried to leave, Mary blocked the doorway. As she continued berating me, I could feel myself losing the capacity to understand her. Although I could see her lips moving, to me her voice had become a droning monotone similar to the adult voice that's used in Charlie Brown films ... "Wah-wah-blah-blah-blah-wah."

When another teacher popped into the office manager's office with a concerned look on her face, I used this as an opportunity to escape. I fled to my room, locked the door behind me, and sat on a floor in the corner of the kitchen hugging myself tightly because I was shivering in reaction to Mary's hostility.

I think I went into a brain freeze because I lost all sense of time. An hour and a half must have passed and suddenly there were people in the adjacent classroom and voices intruding upon my privacy. It was fortunate that I had already planned out my lessons and had everything ready to go.

I picked myself up, dusted myself off, rearranged the emotionally battered chef's persona that I wear to teach my class ... and somehow made it through the next six periods.

Something must have been said because two colleagues came by to ask if I was okay. Unwilling to say anything about Mary in front of the students, I mumbled something to the effect that I would be okay and went on with teaching my classes.

After the day was over, I made a beeline for home where familiar surroundings and familiar routines helped to reduce a lot of my stress.

On the following morning ... which was yesterday ... I sent the building administrator an email in which I told her what had happened and respectfully requested a "reasonable accommodation" as provided under Federal law by the Americans with Disability's Act.

I asked that the office manager not be allowed to block me from leaving if she felt compelled to scold me. I further said that if no reasonable accommodation could be made, I was prepared to submit my immediate resignation.

The principal, who knows that I'm an Aspie, subsequently BANNED the office manager from initiating contact with me. The only problem with this is that Mary controls two of my culinary accounts ... one for some $1500 and another for $500.

One of the teachers who came by to check on me is a CTE (Career and Technical Education) colleague. He teaches business. He's also my department chair. He has kindly offered to be my "go between" ... a sort of living filter who will help me avoid direct contact with the office manager.

Although I appreciate his offer, using him to act as a messenger between myself and Mary seems cumbersome ... but by the same token I really don't want to have anything to do with Mary.

Talking to her feels like I'm playing with a hand grenade ... and as everyone knows ... when the arming pin has been pulled, Ms. Hand Grenade is no longer your friend. Sadly, not knowing when Mary is going to erupt makes me incredibly nervous. I don't like the unpredictability of her anger nor do I feel that I have done anything to merit such animosity given that my entire orientation of my new job at this school consisted of, "Here's your classroom."

Sorry to vent.

It's been a long week.

David

 

[Progster]

I'm sorry to hear about that extremely unpleasant experience. 'Mary' sounds like a classic case of a control freak. There's always one in every school, or office. When I was working in a school, there was one person I couldn't get on with, basically because she was a bully, a dangerous one at that, because she took a disliking to me and seemed to have the other staff on her side, and I think that she was the one responible for ensuring that my contract would not be renewed.

Yesterday, I had a situation where the mum of one of my students was telling me how to do my job, how to be a teacher. I have many years experience, and also a lot of experience as a learner of languages myself, so I know what works and what doesn't. I wonder how she would like it if I were to tell her how to be a journalist, her job? And also telling me that her son is devious and naughty and it's up to me to deal with it. The fact is, that if the student doesn't want to learn and is going to act up, and I don't have the support of the parent who is telling me to "just deal with it" then there's nothing I can do to stop it. I teach online and can't dole out detentions, deduct points, send to the Dean or send out the classroom. Now, I'm really on edge, this parent is unpredictable and I'm never going to feel comfortable in dealing with her. I just wish I didn't have to deal with such people.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I say again: one must applaud your determination to continue working in the public school system.

I've dealt with a few whackos like Mary. The first time is certainly jarring. After that, it's all mind games and politics. Build up your reputation with the sane people, such as your principal and the CTE, so there will be witnesses of your good character and those who can vouch for you for when she explodes again or just plain ol' nasty. Eventually volatile people either quit or get fired because they lack self control. (Excessively lazy seem to be employed forever.) If you can wait her out with good comrades, you might have it made. Seeing as how the principal seemed to immediately take your side and ban her from coming near you, I'd like to assume she doesn't have them in her pocket and you've got a fighting chance.
Although I don't know if tenure applies to staff like it does teachers, so that might throw a kink in things.

The only classes I've ever considered teaching were the unregulated types. Like those little seminar or workshop types at Hobby Lobby or at an independent building. A lot less pressure and hopefully a lot more personal responsibility from the students.

 

[Etzelaire]

Sometimes workmates are everything but allies. I teach tennis in a private club and all the other coaches tell lies to people who want to take classes with me. Like that that hour I already have class or that I don't do that kind of level.
Grrrrr. I thought the most difficult about the job would be communicating and all that stuff but since I know well what I am talking about in my classes I don't feel nervous. When I feel fear is when I have to deal with my 'workmates', if they can be called that way.
Bad thing to note is no one knows I am aspie, well sometimes my kids tell me I am different but they say they like me.

 

[DC1346]

Yesterday, I had a situation where the mum of one of my students was telling me how to do my job, how to be a teacher. I have many years experience, and also a lot of experience as a learner of languages myself, so I know what works and what doesn't.

Oh yes ... I had this problem with the mother of a student in Saudi Arabia. She was from Australia and was a certified teacher but our school only hired Americans, so she was annoyed with me before we ever met.

The woman would come by my room 2-3 times PER WEEK to vent and complain and threaten and it got so bad that I finally quit. In exchange for promising to remain until the end of the school year, my supervising administrator told the parent to butt off. The sad thing is that if had done this earlier, I wouldn't have resigned in the first place. (Eye roll)

Regarding your situation ... the only thing you can do is to reflect the student's progress (or lack thereof) in your grades. You do presumably issue grades, right? If the kid won't do the work for whatever reason, document his non-compliance just as you would do in a school setting. You should also document all contact with the parent. Assuming you have an immediate supervisor, you should give this person a brief heads up regarding your situation. I have yet to meet the administrator who enjoys being blindsided by an angry parent - so get yourself IN FRONT of the problem by reporting the problem now ... and document everything so that if push comes to shove, it won't be your word against the child and his clueless mother because you'll have lesson plans, grades, and documentation to back up everything you said.

 

[DC1346]

Seeing as how the principal seemed to immediately take your side and ban her from coming near you, I'd like to assume she doesn't have them in her pocket and you've got a fighting chance.
Although I don't know if tenure applies to staff like it does teachers, so that might throw a kink in things.

I teach in a small rural school which is part of a much larger district. The district actually spans the entire southern part of the state and is one of the biggest public school districts in the country.

Since I am in a rural setting, it would be much harder for the principal to find a replacement for me if I were to walk off the job than it would be if this school were in a larger metropolitan area. I also have a few things going for me.

1) I am a trained chef and have the support of the principal in transforming what used to be a home economics program into an actual Culinary Arts program.

2) I belong to a union and have union support with a rep and an attorney should I need one.

3) As an aspie with an actual diagnosis, I have the right to reasonable accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act and since I have already had several negative encounters with the office manager, I could (if this were to continue) have the basis for a hostile work environment lawsuit as well. I could also file suit for violations of my rights under ADA legislation.

Since I like the principal and the school and most of the kids, I would probably not opt for union representation or a lawsuit. If push came to shove, I'd just submit my resignation and leave ... but admin presumably doesn't know this and I'm not showing them my cards. To this end, I also replaced my avatar since you never know who reads these posts and I don't want anything I've said being traced back to me just because someone recognized my picture online.

The principal is new to her position effective this year. The office manager has been here for several years and has an unfortunate reputation for having a temper. It will be interesting to see what transpires as the school year progresses.

All I really want is the opportunity to do my job without unnecessary drama and distractions from someone who is supposed to be part of our support staff but has not been supportive at all.

I don't know what was said to this woman behind closed doors but she sent me an email today in which she gushed about what a wonderful teacher I was. She had come into my classroom with the registrar doing an attendance audit for the district and since my instructions were to continue teaching, that's just what I did.

To me, the email seemed overly nice. I realize that this may be Mary's way of extending an olive branch but I'm not buying it because there was simply too much praise for me to believe that this woman was being sincere.

Then again, I really don't trust this woman particularly since she barred me from being on campus prior to August 19th even though I TOLD HER that I had the principal's permission to be there. She has also cornered and screamed at me twice ... so I'd be foolish to believe that one flowery email means that everything will be rainbows and sparkling sunshine for the rest of the year. As I said in my original post, when Ms. Hand Grenade's arming pulled is pulled, Ms. Hand Grenade is no longer your friend.

So although Mary may want to be "friends" now ... what's going to happen when she gets stressed out or has had a bad day? When is she going to yell at me again? I simply don't trust her. Trust needs to be earned and one over the top email just doesn't work for me. If she really wants to make amends, she will get her temper under control and she won't yell at me (or any of her colleagues) ever again. Only time will tell if she's actually changed.

On the more amusing side, two groups of high school students totally screwed up in the kitchen. The high school students were baking cookies and the recipe called for 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda. Two different groups put in 1/2 CUP ... and the end result was that the cookies were horribly bitter. They looked great and smelled great but were disgusting as all get up.

I doubt if these students will ever make THAT mistake again. (Eye roll)

 

[Progster]

Oh yes ... I had this problem with the mother of a student in Saudi Arabia. She was from Australia and was a certified teacher but our school only hired Americans, so she was annoyed with me before we ever met.

The woman would come by my room 2-3 times PER WEEK to vent and complain and threaten and it got so bad that I finally quit. In exchange for promising to remain until the end of the school year, my supervising administrator told the parent to butt off. The sad thing is that if had done this earlier, I wouldn't have resigned in the first place. (Eye roll)

Regarding your situation ... the only thing you can do is to reflect the student's progress (or lack thereof) in your grades. You do presumably issue grades, right? If the kid won't do the work for whatever reason, document his non-compliance just as you would do in a school setting. You should also document all contact with the parent. Assuming you have an immediate supervisor, you should give this person a brief heads up regarding your situation. I have yet to meet the administrator who enjoys being blindsided by an angry parent - so get yourself IN FRONT of the problem by reporting the problem now ... and document everything so that if push comes to shove, it won't be your word against the child and his clueless mother because you'll have lesson plans, grades, and documentation to back up everything you said.

Thanks for your advice, but I'm in a different situation to yours in Saudi Arabia. I'm a private one-to-one tutor and do online tutoring. I'm self-employed, so I don't have a supervisor or anyone to back me up when things go pear-shaped. Quite simply, the parent will find another tutor and I'll lose the student, and I can't afford for that to happen. What happened is that she asked me to change how I was teaching. I'm used to doing things a certain way, using methods that I know work. I know that I need to be flexible, but I find it hard to accept people asking me to change how I'm doing things and to do things a different way to what I'm used to. But she is paying me for what I do, and if I don't do as she asks, she'll find another and I'll lose the student.

 

[DC1346]

But she is paying me for what I do, and if I don't do as she asks, she'll find another and I'll lose the student.

That makes things a bit different. There's an adage in business that goes, "The customer is always right." Anyone who has ever worked in the service industry knows that this is a big steaming pile of you-know-what BUT if you want that person's business, you've got to schmooze and make that person happy.

The alternative is to lose the client.

Another alternative is to give up self employment and go to work for an online company teaching languages.

As an educator I would also say in the mother's support that everyone learns differently. If you have had any training in multiple intelligences or learning styles you must surely know that just as there is more than one way to learn, there is also more than one way to teach.

The kid could be a lazy twerp ... but in your situation as a private tutor, you have a choice ... you may stand your ground and lose the client or accommodate your employer's request and keep the job for at least a little while longer.

 

[AsheSkyler]

So although Mary may want to be "friends" now ... what's going to happen when she gets stressed out or has had a bad day? When is she going to yell at me again? I simply don't trust her. Trust needs to be earned and one over the top email just doesn't work for me. If she really wants to make amends, she will get her temper under control and she won't yell at me (or any of her colleagues) ever again. Only time will tell if she's actually changed.

You just described SO MANY of my past social acquaintances and relationships!

You two may some day have some semblance of being friends. A rather fickle and loose canon kind of friend, but it's possible. I had one dude have a change of heart, but it took somebody else being firm with him. Real insulting buttwipe he was. After he started being nice to me, I kept him at quite the distance and kept things very shallow and professional. If a guy like that saw me as an ally instead of an enemy, he might start blowing up at people on my behalf, and that would have been just so annoying and embarrassing. Not to mention the constant potential of him going off his rocker on me again.

On the more amusing side, two groups of high school students totally screwed up in the kitchen. The high school students were baking cookies and the recipe called for 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda. Two different groups put in 1/2 CUP ... and the end result was that the cookies were horribly bitter. They looked great and smelled great but were disgusting as all get up

How in the world do you mistake cup for tsp!? I'm not even going to try to imagine the texture or flavor.

 

[DC1346]

How in the world do you mistake cup for tsp!? I'm not even going to try to imagine the texture or flavor.

Some kids just don't think. It's also really sad how so many kids don't have any understanding of basic math. There's a reason why the U.S. is ranked so low when compared to other countries.

There are currently twenty-nine countries whose students average higher math scores than the U.S. This includes China, Singpore, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Iceland and a whole slew of European countries.

In any event, I think our kids have done so many teach to the test worksheets that math has become abstract and doesn't really have any actual meaning for many of them. They see the 1/2 ... but don't register the difference between a half CUP and a half TEASPOON. It probably didn't help that they were in a hurry. I only have 54 minutes per period and the kids knew that if they didn't have their product in the oven by time X, they wouldn't be baking their cookies at all ... so they were rushing, not thinking, and perhaps not even clearly reading the instructions.

They were very good at issuing recriminations to each other ...

"I TOLD YOU to use a half teaspoon!"

"You SAID HALF A CUP!"

"No I didn't"

"YES YOU DID!"

(sigh)

This is ONE good thing about my baking unit. Baking is very precise ... so if your measurements are off, the products will be off as well.

Math in my class is at least relevant.

You two may some day have some semblance of being friends.

HAH! I don't think so. Friends? Probably not. We have nothing in common. Could we be on more cordial terms? All things are possible.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Some kids just don't think. It's also really sad how so many kids don't have any understanding of basic math. There's a reason why the U.S. is ranked so low when compared to other countries.

There are currently twenty-nine countries whose students average higher math scores than the U.S. This includes China, Singpore, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Iceland and a whole slew of European countries.

In any event, I think our kids have done so many teach to the test worksheets that math has become abstract and doesn't really have any actual meaning for many of them. They see the 1/2 ... but don't register the difference between a half CUP and a half TEASPOON. It probably didn't help that they were in a hurry. I only have 54 minutes per period and the kids knew that if they didn't have their product in the oven by time X, they wouldn't be baking their cookies at all ... so they were rushing, not thinking, and perhaps not even clearly reading the instructions.

They were very good at issuing recriminations to each other ...

"I TOLD YOU to use a half teaspoon!"

"You SAID HALF A CUP!"

"No I didn't"

"YES YOU DID!"

(sigh)

This is ONE good thing about my baking unit. Baking is very precise ... so if your measurements are off, the products will be off as well.

Math in my class is at least relevant.

Baking is not my strong suit by any means but even I knew the size difference between a cup and teaspoon when I was just 7. I worry about this next generation. Do grandmas not bake cookies with kids anymore?

I'll admit only basic math makes it into my life and my job, excluding the basic principals of logic and problem solving. The fanciest it gets in my life is estimating compound interest, which would be so much easier if I could just remember to write down which ways the numbers are aligned around Sigma.

 

[Progster]

That makes things a bit different. There's an adage in business that goes, "The customer is always right." Anyone who has ever worked in the service industry knows that this is a big steaming pile of you-know-what BUT if you want that person's business, you've got to schmooze and make that person happy.

The alternative is to lose the client.

Another alternative is to give up self employment and go to work for an online company teaching languages.

As an educator I would also say in the mother's support that everyone learns differently. If you have had any training in multiple intelligences or learning styles you must surely know that just as there is more than one way to learn, there is also more than one way to teach.

The kid could be a lazy twerp ... but in your situation as a private tutor, you have a choice ... you may stand your ground and lose the client or accommodate your employer's request and keep the job for at least a little while longer.

Yeah, I'm aware of the "the customer is always right" adage, what my 'choices' or 'alternatives' are, and they don't help or solve the problem or make me feel any better about it. I have these so-called 'choices', but I don't have a choice.

Yes, I'm aware of multiple intelligences, and can adjust to the specific needs of each individual student. This is one advantage of individual teaching over group teaching. What happened was that the student, at elementary level, is very creative and loves writing stories. He knows that I speak his language, and was asking me for vocabulary and how to say things in his native tongue in English in order to express what he wanted to say, so I was telling him. His mum heard this part of the lesson. Most mothers are pleased when their children show such enthusiasm, but not this one. She told me that I was not to use his mother tongue at all, and to play dumb and pretend not to understand when he asks me how to say something in English. This is not helping the student to learn, but suppressing his creativity and desire to express himself. She has the idea that if I speak in her son's language, even just one word, that he won't learn English. The student wants to reach beyond the scope of the materials give and create his own stuff, and I see nothing wrong with what he was doing or the way I was responding to it. If my knowledge of the student's native tongue can be used to enhance the knowledge of the student, then I don't see why I shouldn't use it; if used correctly, it doesn't detract from the student's learning and it is an extremely valuable tool at beginner level. I can also check if a student has understood something by asking them how they would say it in their native tongue, and it gives the beginner security if they know they that they can ask what something is in their native tongue when they don't understand or aren't sure about something. For these reasons, I have the policy of allowing the younger less advanced students to ask for vocabulary or grammar explanations if they need them in their native tongue, and this is phased out as the student's confidence and ability increases, so by the time they reach intermediate level, they no longer need this and the mother tongue is not used at all. My students are making progress, they enjoy their lessons, their grades improve, they pass their exams, the parents then recommend me to others, so I don't think that they way I teach can be bad or wrong. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

 

[DC1346]

One of the teachers who has been looking out for me at work is the art teacher. Having heard through the faculty grape vine about my problems with the office manager, she came by my room last week to console me and to voice her support. She's an older woman who appears to have some experience in dealing with autistic people. She doesn't press me for eye contact. Her voice is low and soothing. She's very calm and somewhat motherly.

Since I am not good at expressing my feelings, I tend to talk though my food. Last week I made her some Chinese cashew chicken for lunch. I paired this entree with sticky rice balls that I sprinkled with black sesame seeds for added texture as well as contrasting colors. Instead of eating this for lunch, she took this meal home and shared it with her adult son.

I felt a bit bad because she didn't get a full portion ... so last night I made dinner for her AND her son.

I made a twice baked potato - baked potato which is scooped out ... the scooped out portion is mixed with heavy cream, butter, sour cream, and cheese and is then stuffed back into the potato skin. The potato is often topped with additional cheese and is then baked ... but since I was refrigerating this meal, I didn't bake the potato - though I did later top it with shredded cheese.

The grilled tenderloin steak was served with a French inspired mushroom cream sauce to which I added mustard, butter, truffle oil, parsley, and thyme. The broccoli was deep fried ... which gave it a nice sauteed taste while taking less than a minute to cook.

I handed over the meals this morning with a nice thank you note and after reading the card and seeing the contents of the to-go containers, she gave me a big hug. I don't like being touched but tolerated this because I understood that she meant well.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Man, that looks good! If she's familiar with either artsy types or autistic types, she probably does realize the compliment/appreciation you gave her.

 

[Warmheart]

I really want the foods in these pictures!

"Truffle oil?" Wow. I burned a salad once.

David, I am honestly in awe of your talents. May your job accommodations be exactly what you need to feel supported and let your remarkable gifts flow smoothly.