The annoyance of repeating due to distracted listeners

[Etzelaire]

Let me set the scenario: I say something to someone really slowly but then they reply 'what did you say?' And I know if they do the slightest effort to recall it they will. So I can't help but saying: you've lost your opportunity. I don't know if it's right or wrong, they say it's wrong but at home over the years they have learned to pay attention and I barely have to repeat myself.

 

[King_Oni]

Oh, this sounds familiar.

Granted, I sometimes mumble a bit, but I try my best to articulate and make myself be heard, I hate it when people tell me they didn't hear me, just because they clearly aren't paying enough attention. Often to me that's visible enough.

Something I kinda adapted from a teacher back in high school was to speak pretty softly, but articulate well. That way people actually have to make an active effort to listen. Though considering a teacher in high school is in a slight position of power, attention seems to be more focused on someone like him. That by itself sometimes makes me wonder if people are even interested to hear what some others are trying to say at all.

 

[umbrellabeach]

This is my biggest social problem. A lot of NTs are very easily distracted. It's as if I can't talk to anyone if there are other people in the room besides us, because they almost always get distracted by the other person/people, even if I'm in the middle of a sentence. Sometimes all it takes for my conversation partner to get distracted is another person simply walking by. And if I get interrupted, everyone listens to the person who interrupted me.
Maybe it would be a good idea to refuse to repeat myself. Then maybe they would learn to listen the first time.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I do this with my kids all the time...if they didn't hear me the first time, especially if they've been doing that a lot lately, I tell them to think back in their heads to what they just heard and try to make sense of it. It's a good skill to have! (Ever get distracted during a conversation with the boss and miss the question he just asked you? Time to hit "replay" in your head!)

OTOH, I've found that as I get older, I have a harder time understanding what other people are saying. I don't know if it's some hearing loss, or if the ringing in my ears is getting that much worse, or if I'm so distracted by other noises in the environment or just the thoughts in my own head...so I try to give a little grace for other adults, knowing they could be facing who-knows-what issues. Just because someone is "NT" doesn't mean they can't have other problems that make it difficult for them to hear me, like ADD, hearing loss, emotional issues, or even just exhaustion. Just because their problem isn't obvious to me (or to them) doesn't mean it's not a legitimate problem.

That said, people who obviously don't have high enough value for the things I have to say, don't deserve access to my thoughts. So I tend to seek out the people who actually try to listen. They're more likely to be more interesting to me as well, since they're more likely to be the kind of person who actively listens to other people talking, and thereby learn more and know more and understand more.

ETA: One thing I've found is that it's often the people doing the least amount of talking who are the most interesting! So someone like me, who just sits back and listens to people...if you were to interact with me in conversation, it might sound like I'm not listening because I don't process my social interactional thoughts that quickly. But there are times I get comfortable enough with someone to be open about my real thoughts on things, and people are shocked at how much I have to say on stuff. And it's not just me. I occasionally come across other people like this...they're not very social, not the kind of person you walk away from feeling like they're awesome and love you so much, but they notice things, and really do care on a level that many people never know exist.

 

[Judge]

Imagine living with a family member who is hard of hearing....

 

[Ylva]

I do. I find that it was often just the first few words she missed because she might not have been prepared for me to speak.

 

[Rocco]

Please be patient folks. I'm that Aspie that asks people to repeat. I do have a lot of hearing loss and sensory processing disorder. I don't understand my native language sometimes. When I meet new people I struggle to learn the cadence of their speech and read their lips, so I know what they say. I'm not deaf and don't need a hearing aid. It is hurtful, humiliating, and stressfuI in class to deal with a pissed off teacher and irritated classmates when I ask teachers to repeat. Some times twice. Or rephrase.




Edit for disclaimer:
To be on topic, I get annoyed having to repeat myself a lot too. Like when my kids just don't listen, or NTs... But I try to be patient just in case they are like me.

 

[Lukas]

I usually have to repeat myself as well.... and find it quite difficult to realize when I am actually understood... pushing the feeling to repeat myself.

I too have issues understanding people often.

I have found that most people tend to listen to reply rather than to listen to understand.

 

[square_peg]

I get annoyed at this too but I've learnt that if someone asks me to repeat myself, I pause for about 5 seconds before I start again. A lot of the time they actually end up realising they did hear me and respond before I start repeating myself.

 

[May Black]

My boyfriend does that and it drives me crazy at times. I am paying attention, sometimes I genuinely don't understand the word and need him to rephrase it, sometimes I just didn't hear what he said because he speaks pretty fast and in a quiet voice. He hates repeating himself.

 

[Zjezdzaj]

If it's my friend I usually reply with a curt humorous "You heard me."

I mumble a lot, have a quiet voice and speak rather fast because talking makes me nervous so when I have something to say I tend to spit the words out just to get it over with, so people often ask me to repeat myself and half the time I'm convinced they actually heard me they're just being obstinate. I hate repeating myself because I find it awkward enough to speak to begin with and repeating makes me feel as if I said something wrong and they’re after calling me out on something… (trust issues?)

 

[Ylva]

I hate repeating myself because I find it awkward enough to speak to begin with and repeating makes me feel as if I said something wrong and they’re after calling me out on something… (trust issues?)

Or conditioning. I have it the same way with getting nervous when asked to repeat myself, even while telling myself it's likely just because I spoke too softly. Still not sure if I actually want to be the carefree sort who doesn't think about stuff like whether people are out to get me. If they are still out to get me, I mean. I think I'd want to know.