I've always loved having the family together for Thanksgiving. My house is usually the place. But my brother is a total dumpster fire. In ways you could not fathom. So I just want to hide away. Because it gets so intense in my life this time of year. I'm very afraid, right now, to be honest. My poor little heart is just beating so fast. And I'm so lonesome and sad too. I have my own problems that I'm very effective at dealing with. But my brother. I don't know if I want to ever see him again. And that's a very very scary thought. Because what if I don't?
Anyhoo, I have a turkey in the freezer. Hoping for a gathering of the clan. But if it doesn't happen, that's okay too.
I actually have to make the dreaded call to Mom: "I will not go to your house for Thanksgiving if my brother will be there. And I don't want him coming to my house."
It sounds so narcissistic and abusive. I hate it. It makes me feel awful. But I swear I have good intentions. My brother is an abusive individual. And I don't want anyone hurt.
And all I want, more than anything is to be surrounded by those I love.