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Talking about friend

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Mars26, May 12, 2021.

  1. Mars26

    Mars26 21 years old aspie

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    Tell me is it wrong to confide in a friend about problems with another friend? Of course, I'm talking about real things that he did, not fictional ones. Because my friend broke our relationship because friend I confide in told him that I was badmouthing him. She didn't tell him this when I first confided in her but a few years later when she was done with me and wanted people to be on her side. He told me that I'm playing manipulative games and that I'm two-faced. He didn't even want to talk about it. When, after 2 weeks without talking to him, I wrote what was going on, he wrote a lot of not nice things, not wanting to hear my side of the story at all. Because of what my ex-friend says about me to our friends, I got depression and It's not good.

    Please tell me if I deserve this
     
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  2. PinkPenguin29

    PinkPenguin29 Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like not good friends to me
     
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  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I worked in a really two-face employment place. The regulars talk stink about anybody new. Then they just sit back and wait to see if you would say anything. So l never said much except a few things about some customers, but nothing really bad. These employees would use anything you said against you. Pure manipulation. l guess ask yourself would l be okay if what l am saying was about me? Would l be upset? If he was a true friend , he would ask for your side.
     
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't think this is the real reason for him breaking with you, although he may object to it. I think both these people are behaving unkindly towards you. You probably only confided in her because your autism made it hard for you to understand him, and equally you probably didn't understand her fully either. It's how we are, and neurotypical people are different.

    They have become dismissive of you because they are judging you by their ways of thinking, where in their way of seeing it, you would have had other unspoken reasons for what you were doing. They don't believe you when you explain your reasons, as these seem too simple to them.

    I think you do have to see and accept these profound differences between neurotypical and autistic communication norms, and then you can stop ruminating about this and move on.
     
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  5. SimonSays

    SimonSays Time is an illusion I seem to have a lot of V.I.P Member

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    Remember, what are real things you say he did, from your perspective, may seem quite different from his.

    This is what happens in our world. We feel close, they are our friend, then something happens, not always obvious or understood, and no matter what we do or say, it's as if we are no longer living in the same reality we once were.
    We are no longer a 'vibrational match'.

    We can resist it, for a while, try to 'get it back', feel the loss, grieve for it, then we must let it go. It may not be gone for good; you can let go without giving up. But you must let go. Find peace within yourself. Let life move you to who, and where, you will go next.
     
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  6. Taira

    Taira Cat Person

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    Neurotypical people have a strong tendency to interpret people's words and body language when talking to them, to figure out the intention behind what is said. Many of them have a hard time understanding how one can talk about a bad thing very matter-of-factly or being distressed about a side of the matter that doesn' t make sense to them.

    It's pretty funny when I observe how those neurotypicals work, but this also means that I can't confide in just anyone. I know that most people will misinterpret me, and place some weird intentions onto what they think they hear.

    I'm lucky to be a person who likes tobstudy people and language. I was able to understand early on that different friends can be trusted with different things. And I also learned that most people should only be treated as acquaintances, because neurotypical friendship are based on some kind of (rather brittle) emotional connection that I'm unable to take part in creating.

    Your friend and other friend are both acting neurotypically, as far as I can tell. It's unfair to you, but likely just normal behavior to them.

    The only kind of person I truly confide in is the internet anon. It's incredible how much insight that has given me. And if I just want to complain about how someone I'm not friendly with has treated me badly, I choose very carefully which friends I'll talk to. It will usually be someone I know has a similar experience.
     
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  7. Mars26

    Mars26 21 years old aspie

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    Guys I know that I'm thinking diffrent then them. I know that even If have right to talk about my expieriences with him, he also had a right to be angry but he also believed others more than me. Friend I confide in told him 2 years later when she was done with me but he didn't even think about her motivation. Besides my friend isn't neurotypical because he acts in very strange way. He cannot communicate well, has little empathy, and always assumes that the motivation of people who hurt him was bad. He is egocentric and narcissistic. Even when he told me that our friendship is over he told me this " After what you've done, don't count for to much" like he was some award. XD
     
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  8. SimonSays

    SimonSays Time is an illusion I seem to have a lot of V.I.P Member

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    Sounds like you might be better off without him.
     
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  9. Rainbowcat

    Rainbowcat Well-Known Member

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    If he believed others more than you,then he trusted them more. That shows that he didn't have the same feelings you had for him and also can't think clearly as you state,he couldn't see her motivation. It's very upsetting what happened,but people happen to be not smart enough and trust the wrong people. You can't do much about it. That is of course upsetting.

    You can find better friends, I am sure :) .

    Finding people you can trust is not easy,but as you grow older you can understand better who is trustworthy and who is not. It takes time. Of course people can always surprise us positively or negatively,people can change.

    Try not to think a lot about what happened. Find some things you like to do and try to distract yourself!
     
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