When I first suspected I was on the autism spectrum, I began my journey by doing research followed by online testing, consulting with special education teachers, and telling my doctor my suspicion. Among the various autism symptoms is taking what people say literally. I had to give that symptom some thought as to whether I was guilty or not.
Don't people mean what they say and say what they mean?
I remember someone once tried to tell me that people don't always. It was with my boss, John, who hailed from New York state. During my annual evaluation some 25 years ago, he brought up something rather strange. He said that most folks from the "north" tend to not take what people say literally. Whereas, most folks from the "south" (he knew I was from Texas) tend to take what people say literally. He didn't elaborate on just where exactly the dividing line was separating the north and south.
An example he cited was if it was announced that inflation was not going up, most of the south would think it is NOT going up. But most of the north would think it is going up a little bit.
An example closer to home, which looking back I think was the whole bloody point of the conversation, was if I asked him to help me with something. If he responded with, "I will help you but later", I would probably take it to mean he will help me later. He told me that someone from the "north" would interpret it as "I don't want to help you at all."
I was totally puzzled but too naive to take it personally. I was taking him literally at his word that my southern roots was what caused me to take John literally. Looking back, I guess this whole production was John's way of telling me "later" meant "no".
With 25 more years of life experience since that candid conversation, I am not sold on John's "north vs. south" theory on literal communication. I suspect there are folks from John's home state of New York, and other northern states, who take what people say literally and those in the south who don't always take what folks say literally. I don't think region of the country, or whart part of the planet one comes from, has anything to do with whether one takes people word for word or reads their minds.
Weeks after my diagnosis, an acquaintance I've known for decades was telling me she had been wanting to clean the very top of her bookshelf. It had not been cleaned in she didn't know how many years. I offered to do it for her since I'm years younger than she. She said, "Oh, no, I don't want to think of you having to do that. I'll get around to it sometime." Hm? Did she really NOT want me to do it? Was this her way of asking me to do it? Was this a textbook case of taking someone literally vs. reading their mind?
A few days later, I went over and commenced to climbing a chair and dusting. She didn't offer any objection whatsoever! She seemed relieved that the dust would have some place else to settle instead of on the top of her book shelf. I've figured out (now mind ya it took me decades) that when this person says "I don't want you to have to do that" means "I'd be mighty pleased if you did."
Oh, goodness gracious, what is one living on the spectrum supposed to do? Maybe I should have bought myself a shirt for Christmas that read: "I don't read minds!"
If I could talk to John, I would tell him that I liked having him for a boss. And, for him to interpret that literally or however he'd wish to.
Don't people mean what they say and say what they mean?
I remember someone once tried to tell me that people don't always. It was with my boss, John, who hailed from New York state. During my annual evaluation some 25 years ago, he brought up something rather strange. He said that most folks from the "north" tend to not take what people say literally. Whereas, most folks from the "south" (he knew I was from Texas) tend to take what people say literally. He didn't elaborate on just where exactly the dividing line was separating the north and south.
An example he cited was if it was announced that inflation was not going up, most of the south would think it is NOT going up. But most of the north would think it is going up a little bit.
An example closer to home, which looking back I think was the whole bloody point of the conversation, was if I asked him to help me with something. If he responded with, "I will help you but later", I would probably take it to mean he will help me later. He told me that someone from the "north" would interpret it as "I don't want to help you at all."
I was totally puzzled but too naive to take it personally. I was taking him literally at his word that my southern roots was what caused me to take John literally. Looking back, I guess this whole production was John's way of telling me "later" meant "no".
With 25 more years of life experience since that candid conversation, I am not sold on John's "north vs. south" theory on literal communication. I suspect there are folks from John's home state of New York, and other northern states, who take what people say literally and those in the south who don't always take what folks say literally. I don't think region of the country, or whart part of the planet one comes from, has anything to do with whether one takes people word for word or reads their minds.
Weeks after my diagnosis, an acquaintance I've known for decades was telling me she had been wanting to clean the very top of her bookshelf. It had not been cleaned in she didn't know how many years. I offered to do it for her since I'm years younger than she. She said, "Oh, no, I don't want to think of you having to do that. I'll get around to it sometime." Hm? Did she really NOT want me to do it? Was this her way of asking me to do it? Was this a textbook case of taking someone literally vs. reading their mind?
A few days later, I went over and commenced to climbing a chair and dusting. She didn't offer any objection whatsoever! She seemed relieved that the dust would have some place else to settle instead of on the top of her book shelf. I've figured out (now mind ya it took me decades) that when this person says "I don't want you to have to do that" means "I'd be mighty pleased if you did."
Oh, goodness gracious, what is one living on the spectrum supposed to do? Maybe I should have bought myself a shirt for Christmas that read: "I don't read minds!"
If I could talk to John, I would tell him that I liked having him for a boss. And, for him to interpret that literally or however he'd wish to.
