Suffering from another depression attack

[Markness]

I’ve been suffering from another depression attack. I feel anhedonia in regards to things I normally find enjoyment in. I have stacks of books I’ve either bought or rented from the library I have yet to read and I don’t even touch any of my video game consoles. I barely listen to music anymore and don’t even try playing my guitar.

I struggle to just get up, take a shower, dress myself, and eat breakfast. I tend to just lie in bed or on the loft couch for hours until my head feels bad, especially from the lack of nutrients and fresh air. Even if I take a walk, I still feel low in my mood and it’s like my surroundings don’t exist. Am I losing touch with reality?

I also still have racing thoughts even when my friend and I train in martial arts. It’s supposed to help one take their mind off things but my mind resists that. I’ll meditate and try to clear my mind but something keeps me from letting go. I sometimes worry something is wrong with my brain physiologically and will require neurosurgery to fix which scares me.

I want to write more stories and I am suffering from writer’s block. I wish it was easier to channel creative energy.

 

[Aspychata]

Do you have a therapist to talk to? I was at that low point once in my life about 20 years back. I did take antidepressants for about a half year then l swung out of it. All the time l was holding jobs too.

It's good you are aware of this. l don't think one way or another about meds. l just know that sometimes that helps the chemical inbalance in our bodies. Sunshine is great at helping me me stay cheery.

Do you get sun on a regular basis?

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Big love for you markness. Happy thoughts for you to ponder. Rem it comes in waves, it will pass. Imo there is a 48 hour delay in diet affecting mood, learn some nutrition plz. There is an actual nurse who posts here, i can help too, with meal planning and grocery lists, not hard to do totally ok to talk about it alot, what you buy

, when you eat , dishes etc. Everyone really likes you here, so they all want you to be well.

Calorie deficit is????? For me its under
2850, 3200?? Somewhere in there. Below a certain point it starts a get fat hybernate cycle. The energy it takes to digest a too large meal, makes you sleepy no?
What i like to eat to feel better. Trail mix, bulk nuts, cereal with juice instead of milk, army porridge(super ez) choc milk, and always some fast frzn stuff around think of it like tinder for a fire.....
3 litres of water every freakin day
Seriously?
Yes.
Get up and pace the floor, wear supportive shoes, it matters.

If you are underfed and dehydrated your brain goes primal. Like 40 percent of the energy you use is in your brain? Crazy right? So if your diet is way low or stupid stuff too, then you cant think straight. It seriously takes a few days to get caught up.....
No worries on old interests getting blah, its not important. All will be well, how about a snack?
Army porrige aka dr friendlys kick axx bfast is super ez. One pan 8inch needs lid. Some kinda meat(optional) cook that then add veggies, add water cook like soup.(boil) add oats last turn down to low, add 2 shots apple juice, cover wait ten

 

[Thinx]

This sounds very challenging, sorry you are going through this. Don't put pressure on yourself to write, you can write when you feel better. Hope you can get out for some walks or strolls, and have an appointment with your therapist.

 

[Sabrina]

I'm not in my best emotional place either. But in order to not fall into desperation, I imagine that my life is a video game and that if I can survive another day, I am winning. Just that. If I am alive at the end of the day, it means that I had accomplished my mission.

Oh well, and maybe you can force yourself to read just one sentence per day, then another day two sentences, then a paragraph, and so on.

There was a time in my life that I was so depressed that I just couldn't process what was written in almost any book or document for months, and I got myself out of it doing that.

 

[Aspychata]

I'm not in my best emotional place either. But in order to not fall into desperation, I imagine that my life is a video game and that if I can survive another day, I am winning. Just that. If I am alive at the end of the day, it means that I had accomplished my mission.

Oh well, and maybe you can force yourself to read just one sentence per day, then another day two sentences, then a paragraph, and so on.

There was a time in my life that I was so depressed that I just couldn't process what was written in almost any book or document for months, and I got myself out of it doing that.

Great idea, gaming thru life. If you get thru your day, you get life points. This week l think l died - or my tamaguchi powered out. I need a new one.

 

[_eri_bellehumeur]

Sorry you are feeling this way. I have been feeling pretty down myself lately. This may not be of help to you, but for me I've been noticing that a cluttered environment is the biggest detriment to my ability to focus. My value of self is very attached to the things I produce (which is maybe not a great thing but it's the truth nonetheless), like art and writing and other skills so when I don't have the focus or motivation to do those things I feel crappy about myself a lot. I have been weeding through my things, finding the things that are just taking up space and removing them from my home/life. This way, my energy isn't being diverted to a bunch of things that are just passively existing in my physical/mental/emotional space without actually adding to my life through actively entertaining, teaching or serving me.

I get writers block often- what helps me is reading or watching youtube videos on mythology and archetypes. It always sparks some kind of interest, and a creative idea is never far behind inspiration. Hope things pick up soon!

 

[Fino]

If you have any interest in using drugs to solve your problem, I could refer you to a number of powerful, legal drugs you can buy online. But if you tend to become addicted to things then perhaps not. With self-control, I consider them powerful aids.

 

[GadAbout]

These are some nice ideas that people have suggested above. Be sure to let your therapist know you are struggling. Also remember that we have a mental health crisis right now, due to pandemic, loss of usual sources of enjoyment such as going out and friends, economic insecurity, terrible things in the news every day, social justice crises (Black Lives Matter stuff), and increasing crime rate. The unkindest thing anybody with depression can do, is feel like it's their own fault they feel that way!

 

[Markness]

I just can’t let go of how lonely I feel without a girlfriend in my life. I thought things would change when I started talking about other things and meeting someone who I thought was going to be a friend gave me a glimmer of hope. Instead, people still check out on me in conversations and the universe played yet another trick on me. Others say suicide isn’t the answer for my struggles but if things don’t get better, how I can I even have hope for a better future?

 

[Metalhead]

I don’t have a boyfriend, and COVID is making finding one a lot tougher than it probably needs to be.

But potential mates don’t go for those who thirst.

You are good enough on your own merits, and anybody who tells you otherwise is feeding you a line of BS. Remember that, start taking care of yourself, and then people will see that you are able to take care of another after you prove to the world you can take care of yourself first.

 

[Fino]

You can probably just read your previous posts for wonderful answers to basically this question.

 

[Markness]

You can probably just read your previous posts for wonderful answers to basically this question.

EDIT: Change of heart and I want to apologize to @Fino for my irritability.

 

[Metalhead]

I honestly feel like you want to make jabs at me these days.

I think people here just want to see you build yourself up to eventually become a more attractive mate. If you want a quality partner and not a co-dependent train wreck relationship, building yourself up is essential. Both healthy women and men are more likely to go for somebody with confidence, who can keep his own side of the street clean, who can happily be independent as well as in a relationship.

I know, strange, right? You will have better luck with the ladies once you learn to be comfortable by yourself first.

And I am admitting I need to tell myself all of this, as well.

 

[Kalinychta]

I honestly feel like you want to make jabs at me these days.

How in the world is what Fino said a jab?

 

[Thinx]

How in the world is what Fino said a jab?

I guess that @Markness read @Fino's comment as barbed or sarcastic, and it's probably useful for @Markness to see how he can do that sometimes, where basically the comment holds a useful point, although it is indeed a little barbed.

This is the type of slightly frustrated comment some people do start to use when they see someone asking the same question again and again but not seeming to learn from or study previous answers from others who mean well and want to help @Markness.

And it does tend to alienate others a little bit, when their comments are largely ignored, apparently. Maybe what's crucial here is that @Markness learn to see that as an adult, we can frustrate others with pointing out what's wrong with the ways we try to help, but hopefully he will notice that people do keep trying even though it seems he is prickly about how exactly we speak to him.

Sometimes we speak a bit shortly, @Markness , because we really wish you would accept we care about you and your situation and we want you to really see that you have much to offer as a person, and to keep on persevering towards your goals, and looking for new ways to progress, which are frequently suggested.

@KagamineLen has made some great points here too, which are a gift to @Markness.

It's hard to see the wood for the trees when depressed, though, and I think that's part of what makes @Markness so sensitive to the tones of others when they are a bit short with him, though well-meaning.

 

[Flown]

I just can’t let go of how lonely I feel without a girlfriend in my life. I thought things would change when I started talking about other things and meeting someone who I thought was going to be a friend gave me a glimmer of hope. Instead, people still check out on me in conversations and the universe played yet another trick on me. Others say suicide isn’t the answer for my struggles but if things don’t get better, how I can I even have hope for a better future?

*hugs* I don't have all of the right words to say to make this better for you. I wish that I could show my friends and acquaintances (including you) how valuable and special they are--and also convince them that having a partner/lover is not necessary for happiness (it can often detract from happiness from what I've seen). Society/media/etc have brainwashed many of us to believe that we cannot be happy unless we "acquire" a mate, and it just isn't true.

This all being said, I understand how you feel. If you ever need to chat, my inbox is open.

 

[Markness]

Thank you for the replies, everyone! I will respond more in-depth hopefully after work.

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Fino]

EDIT: Change of heart and I want to apologize to @Fino for my irritability.

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't see your original post! If we had emojis I liked, I would constantly be using them to improve the tone of my posts. I only like this one: and that doesn't help with conveying friendliness, unfortunately.